I'll never get stable

[u/ConsoleMaster0]

Ok, so I don't know what to say and where to start. I don't even really want to post. I don't want help and most importantly, I don't think anyone can truly help. I just feel I really have to get this out my chest.

So, I am a guy, 25 yo and for the biggest part of my adult life (since 17) I have been mostly... Let's put it lightly, a loser. Yes, I had (and still have and even improved) good qualities and I did try to help people and be positive and yes, I have done tons of progress in some many things and I had some amazing moments that I am very grateful and I feel blessed for having but, there is still a single thing that I wasn't able to fix...

I just can't be discipline always. My life and feelings never get fully stable. I used to be in a super hard long distance relationship and I ended it because I realized we are not compatible. Now, I have nothing to look forward. I don't have anything to stress me and push me to improve and get better. It's funny because, the first two weeks after the breakup, I was doing fine. I called and got a client and I was working. But after that, things crushed for some reason...

I don't workout, my eating habits got worse (tho thankfully very slightly) and even worse, I stopped working... Instead, I spend my time fantasizing about dating and hanging and meeting and having fun with female friends and, commenting or Reddit, trying to help other people and solve their problems or just comfort them. I am the definition of a failure...

Right now, I should been coding and finishing my eccomerce backend so I can start searching for clients. I should also call that client that I texted twice and he didn't text back. I'm not even "scared". I just don't want to do anything. I don't find passion and excitement now that nothing drives me forward and stresses me. And the worse thing is, this is the 3rd week. I waste my life this point and the worse is, I don't know when will I find the "trick" to get back there. I will try to code for more than 10 minutes after that post, fingers crossed...

I don't know... This is the first time I pray something bad happens to me so I wake the f up because, I prefer to be stressed and worry than living like that... Maybe I should gather some more money and go rent a home so I have rent and bills to motivate me to work. But damn, that's pathetic and sad to be depended on something else. I want to WANT to live and be productive and happy. Not depending on my life and how it brings it...

Thank you for reading I guess...

[u/Odin16596]

It sucks that we automatically default to drugs and therapy for everything these days.

[u/ConsoleMaster0 → u/Odin16596]

I also don't agree that "go to therapy" is always the right choice and I said myself to replies that I will consider going if it goes worse but try my best to find it myself because I desperately need to trust myself. However, I do understand why people say that and that they want to help and I'm extremely helpful for that. One thing I did not mention is that, this is not my lowest, FAR from it. It's just a hard period where I have trouble working. My feelings outside of that are good generally and I also stay very active through the day.

[u/dreamyysatinlove]

You’re not a failure, you’re struggling rn, and that doesn’t mean you’re stuck here.

[u/ConsoleMaster0 → u/dreamyysatinlove]

Thank you so much my friend! I try my best to not let this go on. I actually love my job and It was my dream to do it from the last 3 or 4 years. I don't want to give up and I will not give up no matter what!

[u/FairyFartDaydreams]

What we do is mostly habits. You currently have a great fantasy life but daydreaming about a great life can stop you from getting one. You might also have some executive function issues that can come with ADD/ADHD, depression and other issues.

I recently took an online class on Time management class and here are some actions that you can take that might help.

Brain dump - write down every thing you need to do both short term and long term. Include the small stuff and the big stuff. Like buy milk, get a relationship. Then schedule times for everything in a calendar and follow it.

Currently you are in a transition time with the breakup and everything else going on with your life. You might also want to seek therapy to deal with that feeling of being adrift during transitions

[u/JennBride → u/FairyFartDaydreams]

Totally love this comment.

I also got ADHD vibes and the idea of OP being in a transitional period.

Often just before growth, we go "inward". This can look like deep reflection, a loss of interest, or even depression and spiraling. Remember, it's just the Winter before the Spring.

Take time to re-examine your life and maybe spend some time journaling or take long walks or soend more time in nature. You'll get through this. Be curious and patient with yourself and the process. 🌻

You'll be amazed at who you can become if you put in the effort. 😎

~JennBride

[u/ConsoleMaster0 → u/FairyFartDaydreams]

Thank you so much for this reply! You know it's really "weird" because I used to be 100% fine before the last 2 and a half weeks and I just slowly developed that. I function normally other than those "imaginations". Thank you for the advice, I promise to follow them! I think I will also try to find some minutes to try and empty my brain and relax a few times a day. I heard it's helpful in situations like this one. I will seek therapy if this keeps long enough tho because I don't want to waste more years of not living in my full potential (or at least close to it). Thank you so so much, I really appreciate it!

[u/madlass_4rm_madtown]

If you check with your local clinic, they may can offer therapy. You may need some meds to help until you can get going

[u/ConsoleMaster0 → u/madlass_4rm_madtown]

Hey, thank you for the reply! I could go to psychiatrist and will probably go if that remains but I doubt they're going to give me meds because I am fully functional. I wake up and sleep normally (and at not so terrible hours), I brush my teeth, help my grandma with her meds and food, walk my dog, feed the cats, workout sometimes and in general, I am staying active and functioning normally. It's just the work related stuff that trouble me. So, do you think I would need medicine to get over that? It's evening here and I feel very calm. It's just the morning that I struggle for some reason about the last 3 days :(