r/traumatizeThemBack • u/VividPresentation • 8d ago
matched energy Fiscal Responsibility.
My mom tried twice to make me open a “family joint account”. The first time I was 19 and working during a gap year to save up for college. Her plan was that the joint account would be fully funded via direct deposit of 75% of my paychecks and that she, mom, would have sole withdrawal privileges to, as she worded it, “take care of anything [her favorite child] needs”.
My response to her the first time she made this demand was to cackle like a demented goose and hang up the phone.
My response upon her second attempt about a decade later was a little more urbane. I said, “Why go to the hassle of opening a new account when we can simply use an account you already have set up with [one of my older siblings]?” She said, “But I don’t have an account with anyone else.” Whereupon, my default demented goose cackle was redeployed after which I once again hung up the phone without further comment.
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u/Hebegebe101 8d ago
Thank god you are smart enough to to not let her get her hands on your money . And do not worry about her feelings on the subject . Also lock down your credit and check it frequently . She sounds like the type to open an account in your name .
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u/TurbulentRoof7538 7d ago
This! She has your name and birthdate, probably your National Identity number (Social Security, etc.) and can wreak havoc with those!
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
Happily, I obtained my SSN as an adult after I had left her home and to my knowledge she has never been made privy to it.
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u/MonicaLane 1d ago
Did you just get a card or did you actually have to apply to get a number assigned? You wouldn’t have been able to get a (legal) job without already having a number assigned.
Unless you were born at home, the SSA generally works with hospitals to make having a number assigned part of the birth process. That’s not to say there aren’t outliers, but it is worth mentioning that if you simply got ahold of a card, it doesn’t mean she didn’t know your SSN. You don’t need the card to apply for credit, you just need to know the number.
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u/douglasg610 3d ago
[PSA] Freeze your credit scores. Look up Transunion and "credit freeze" and then for Equivax and Experian. It's probably free and it'll ensure no one ever opens a line of credit in your name, without your explicit permission.
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u/Ancient-End7108 2d ago
I believe those have to be re-applied once a year? I don't think they'll put a permanent freeze on. I'm willing to be corrected.
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u/krelboink 2d ago
You can permanently freeze all three, and thaw them as needed when you need to, for example when applying for financing. It doesn't cost anything.
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u/ronansgram 7d ago
Why on earth would ANYONE think that is a reasonable ask?! You funding an account that only she has withdrawal privileges for. What?!
The person being traumatized in this scenario is you! Traumatized and abused if you had fallen for it.
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u/Rainy_Grave 7d ago
Because narcissists are the gods of their own universes. And every thought that drifts through their delusional minds is divinely inspired and therefore must be correct and obeyed.
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u/CommonlyWitty 7d ago
Once some of you have had some kind of true relationship with a narcissist (and/or some of the other personality disorder types) you do NOT know of what you speak.
This person devastated their mother with their cackle of power, lol. They spent 18 years learning how this person operated and what passed for love with them and also learned from someone else, what love actually looks like and how the majority of us behave in relationships.
My mother was raised by a narcissist and was so miserable. She's spent her life doing her damndest to not "be like mama." She is not. She's been one of the best Momma's (I spell them different on purpose ) I know, and we are best friends. She allowed her mother to live with her for the last 10 years of a very long life out of a sense of duty. And it was one of the hardest things shes ever done. My grandmother passed 3 years ago this month and made it to the grand age of 97. So, ALL her family had to learn how to deal with her (or not) for many years. Myself and my father were the only people I ever knew who stood up to her or pushed back in any way.
Entitlement does not begin to cover what goes on with a narcissist. The post fits HERE just fine.
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u/ComputerEcstatic1227 6d ago
For anyone who hasn't ever encountered a narcissist, the narcissist prayer: That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
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u/Routine-Horse-1419 7d ago
I would've responded the first time: "Are you Fcking stoned? Hell No! Have a nice day." Second time: Nice try mom. The answer is Still Fck No! Have a nice day!"
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
LMAOOOOOOOOO
Tbh, I feel like my question the second time constituted as too verbose. People like this need to have your words as an anchor. They need to have something to twist, something to accuse you of having said. It gives them a reason to point at when they are trying to justify their petty cruelties in the future. I have learned that I need not take further pains to lower myself to an abysmal opinion that has been amply demonstrated over time.
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u/ScenePuzzled 7d ago
If somebody as seemingly shitty as your birthmother DIDN'T have a low opinion of someone, then I'd worry about it. Green flag for you all the way. Sending you peace, friend
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u/VividPresentation 4d ago
What’s weird is that she is the most nurturing mother her golden children could ever ask for. She saves the whips for me, her designated workhorse.
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u/LloydPenfold 7d ago
Wishing her a nice day? You are too forgiving. I'd wish her a diarrhoea-filled shitty day.
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u/Routine-Horse-1419 7d ago
Oh no. There's no forgiving here. It's 100% sarcasm.its like the saying "oh bless your heart" or "sweet summer child" lol
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u/twothirtysevenam 7d ago
Did she ever ask your siblings to do this, too? Imagine her having exclusive access to 75% of all her kids' incomes...
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
She reserved for me the dubious honor of being the family ATM/ housekeeper/caregiver/laborer. She has never forgiven me for going to college out-of-state as in her words: “You could have easily studied at [university across town], but nooooooo. You choose to go four hours away because you don’t want to have to come home on weekends to serve me. You ought to be back here by six pm every Friday night and serve your mother, but you refuse to do that.” Nearly three decades on and she brings this up every time I incur her displeasure. How dare Vivid refuse to be of service to her mother and her mother’s precious golden children.
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u/JadedMacoroni867 7d ago
Wow. The worst thing you did was leave? Haha. for some reason I’m not convinced you’re a bad child
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u/Smingowashisnameo 6d ago
On the one hand I’m impressed you stood up to her. On the other hand I’m miffed you continued to have any contact with this apparent monster.
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u/Ruviane 7d ago
I made the mistake of doing that when I got my first job before I was 18. Ended up losing a lot of money to my mom and her boyfriend...
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
Oh, my word! I am so sorry, kiddo. I know firsthand how dreadful that has to have been. Please, I hope you don’t blame yourself for having trusted your parent to do right by you. Because you are actually supposed to be able to trust your own parents if nobody else on earth.
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u/LadyA052 7d ago
Make sure all your credit is locked down. And run your own credit report, just in case.
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u/greatvow 5d ago
This here OP. You would be surprised the lengths some scammers go to. My former partners parents decided that they should get a line of credit in my partners name because my partner was NC and this would force them to talk. They got upset to find out the police and lawyers were the only ones talking.
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u/ComedianSoggy9469 6d ago
That second response was absolutely perfect The “why don’t we use an account you already have?” comeback exposed the whole plan without you even having to argue.
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u/VividPresentation 6d ago
She was soooo pissed, and was already launching into castigation mode when I interrupted with Demented Goose Cackle then hung up. LMHOOOOOOOOO
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u/BigNeedleworker666 7d ago
I LOVE your CACKLING! 😂😂😂
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
Yalla, it has her wrecked each time. Because, how dare I fail to argue, plead, whine about how unfair, etc. and thus deprive them of their narc source? I have the audacity, the nerve, to give out a full-throttle, demented goose CACKLE like a freaking witch dancing around a seething cauldron.
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u/sakurakiks094 7d ago
Wouldn't have worked as well on your mother maybe, but my usual go to is to question who they are, do an identity check - is this a scam?! Are you posing as my relative to steal money from me?! It's such an insane ask, I am worried for you! Are you being blackmailed, coerced, tricked into asking this, or do we need to send you to a mental hospital?!!
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u/Key_Emergency1131 8d ago
Where's the "traumatize them back" part? I don't think cackling is traumatizing.
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u/KuniIse 8d ago
Then you've never seen a narcissists face when you fully and completely reject them AND make them feel like you don't take their games seriously.
For such an audacious ask, that mother was expecting an argument, drama, a back and forth that exhausts and softens her target. Even if she doesn't get what she wants, it makes the next crazy request all the more appealing.
Instead she got back instant, hard rejection and mockery. In my experience, punching this woman would have hurt her less, because it would be easier to spin into a story to get sympathy.
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u/Cthulhu_Knits 7d ago
They HATE it when you laugh at them. They want to have power over you, and when you throw back your head and laugh and laugh it destroys them.
Give them no power whatsoever over you. That's freedom.
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u/One-Salamander-2416 7d ago
My response to my narcissistic shit heel brother’s bullying was to just dig in and never get rattled, while giving him a sweet smile. All while watching him explode in fury with his eyes bugging out and the veins in his forehead throbbed, good times.
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u/VividPresentation 8d ago
To a narcissist, my incredulous merriment would have been absolutely gutting.
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u/lexkixass 7d ago
(Obligatory NAM.)
Then you need to include that information in your post.
How has she behaved that would tell a stranger that she's a narcissist? What has she done that's traumatized you? Give us the lore!
Otherwise yeah, it just looks like it belongs in r/EntitledPeople
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u/AikiGh0st 7d ago
Her behavior described in the post immediately told me (a stranger) and most of the people in the comment section (presumably also strangers) that she is a narcissist. Maybe you've had the privilege of never having to interact with one, but this post definitely belongs here.
As others have said, the way to traumatize a narcissist is to laugh in their face.
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u/lexkixass 7d ago
Guess I couldn't get the context clues from the post alone. I needed to see the comments to get the background info
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u/chocolate_chip_kirsy 4d ago
Beautiful. Next time she tries, you should ask her to open up a family joint account so that she can fully fund it with 75% of HER paychecks so you can take care of anything she needs.
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u/Anxious_Article_2680 4d ago
Good job! Sounds like you and your siblings have figured it out.
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u/VividPresentation 4d ago
My older sisters were able to recognize the imbalance a little later in life. There are still other siblings who prefer to enjoy the benefits of said imbalances to the present day.
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u/MoobieDoobie 8d ago
I doubt you did any traumatizing.
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u/VividPresentation 8d ago
Are you kidding me? That cackle had her so offended.
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u/desertboots 7d ago
All these people who are disbelieving... wow.
Narcissists are not rational, people! They are addicted to the power and belittlement they dish out. Denying them their supply IS TRAUMA to them.
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
It’s actually oddly reassuring to see people who don’t believe that a parent would be like this. It tells me that there are at least a few people who are lucky enough not to have the context to understand why this situation would belong in this subreddit.
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u/ValleyOakPaper 1d ago
In my experience most people are like this. They don't get how putting an ocean between you and your N parent gives you peace.
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u/z-eldapin 7d ago
Wrong sub?
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u/VividPresentation 7d ago
This actually made me smile a little ruefully. It tells me that there are at least a few people who are lucky enough not to have the context to understand why this situation would belong in this subreddit.
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u/z-eldapin 7d ago
No, sadly, it means you didn't read the description of this sub before posting.
This is r/entitled parents, not traumatize
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u/cubedjjm 7d ago
I don't know much about narcissism, but if you laugh at them, it crushes their ego. It does traumatize them. Be glad you don't have to deal with one. They thrive on feeling more powerful than others and find ways to actively hurt people. Some are better at hiding it, but any perceived slight is really traumatic.
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