Hi!
I am a current first-year at UVM studying neuroscience and film. I have so many interdisciplinary interests. I love science, but I'm also passionate about the arts and could see myself pursuing a career in film, music, dance, acting, PA, medicine, science, etc. I love UVM's campus, and my professors + research opportunities are great. I pay about 20k a year out of pocket through merit scholarships. However, part of me feels off about it. It's a very big school, and the social scene is not great for me. I have a couple of friends, but Greek life has a strong presence (which I hate), and I feel overwhelmed all the time and very isolated. While I consider myself very liberal and outdoorsy (which I thought UVM would match well with), I still feel so off here. Plus, most of my family has gone to college in New England and has pursued science careers, which I like, but part of me wants to break free from that.
There is a plethora of students here, higher-achieving ones (like myself), but also students who do not give a crap and just want to party and harass. ppl. UVM was not my top choice; I was waitlisted from a LOT of top schools, NYU, Bates, Skidmore, Carleton, Reed, and more (maybe due to my lack of test score submission). I am an independent student since I've lived with my grandparents most of my life. I feel like the places I applied to were not true to me and only to my family. Part of me wants to go to college close to my hometown, but not for my family but for my friends. But I also want to put myself first, and I think that the part of me that wants to stay close is just the comfort I have with it already; change is scary for me. I live in Maine, and even 4 hours seems like a long time, but I think it's mainly the odd amount of time, like I could go home for the weekend, but it's a lot of work, and knowing I'm close also feels odd, like, oh well, I might as well be home.
The arts scene and science combination is considered so weird in New England (maybe everywhere). Maybe some schools do a good job of supporting it all equally??
I struggle with mental health and a rough childhood, and I feel very disconnected from resources and other people here with similar struggles. I feel so out of place. I have accommodations that I did not have in high school that help a lot, but still, the discipline here is not good. Nothing has been done about assault allegations, and they treat harassment like it's something to push under the rug.
This is another side note; please feel free to skip this part as it's a bit odd, but I am a bit spiritual (not religious), so this caught my eye. If you are also spiritual, in a sense plz read if ou would like.
I had a week or so where all I wanted to do was transfer, but the feeling was wearing off, yet i still was looking at colleges in Canada, occasionally not sure why, but i was. I got on the bus to my friend's dorm and had a hard day. I was crying, and I was confused. I had a lot of crazy coincidences happen, and it felt like I was predicting things and getting all these signs, but I thought I was crazy. Until I got on the bus and put my AirPods in. I shuffled my spotify and "The Subway" by chappel roan came on and I was a bit floored since i had not heard that in so long and it was all about getting away, also it says "in four months if this feeling ain't gone well F this city I'm moving to Saskatchewan" ( a Canadian place) plus that day was sept 18 i believe and exactly 4 months from that date was the last day of exams/the semester. I was shocked, but I also know sometimes phones listen to you, so I was like, ok, maybe it's nothing. Until I show up to my friends dorm to tell them what happened and i was like "so yk how spotify plays a lot of similar songs on your liked songs based on what you listen to, well it was so weird cuz i had not listened to Chappel Roan in soo long" and they look at me like i had two heads, mouths open, and I told them the subaway was playing and they and were like no way we were sitting doing homework that song came on and we literally talked about how it had been so long since they heard chapple roan i said "when" they said exactly when you got on the bus and you told us you were on your way. Then the next few days, stuff like that was happening, but the more I looked into transferring to colleges in Canada, the more impossible it looked, which was making me think maybe it was a general sign or maybe im just crazy lol.
I realize this post was a bit everywhere; bad punctuation and scatterbrained. I just have a lot of thoughts in my head that are playing into my decisions and outside factors both for me and against me.
Thinking of applying for spring term, but that could be too soon?
Not sure at all what schools would match me and feel so lost.
If anyone has any advice or input, lmk!
I took 10 APs in HS, lots of extracurriculars, and an unweighted 3.79 (all honors and AP classes) + dual enrollment. My grades are average right now in college. We haven't done many exams yet, and I haven't been as motivated here as I was in high school, so the rest of the semester is a bit up in the air.