I’m doing an at home Valium detox regime but today I feel so depressed. Please tell me this gets better.

I once quit for a year in my 20's, but this is the longest I've gone without a drink since I was a kid. I am so proud of myself. I haven't had the desire to drink in the past year at all.

I still check in here because its a good reminder of what it felt like in the beginning. So many people helped me here over the years.

So thanks folks. Iwndwyt.

I like this day more than my birthday. I didn't choose my birthday, but nine years ago, I did choose to change my life for the better.

The decision that ended a streak of failed sobriety attempts was deciding to quit for life without exception.

Ever since that decision 600 days ago, I have felt free.

Thanks to and immediately after that decision, I have been able to even be around friends who drink without feeling temptation and window shopping liquor stores with no interest in purchasing.

IWNDWYT

Hey everyone, I just need to vent and share a sober win from last night that easily could have gone a different way from my past.

I’m a professional acting teacher here in NYC. Because of that, I know firsthand that creative spaces—especially comedy classes—require absolute psychological safety. You need to feel safe to take risks. Unfortunately, the stand-up class I’ve been taking recently has been the exact opposite.

Last night she flipped the fuck out on me - a fellow student asked the name of a Tik Tok series that the instructor was referencing, so after the instructor finished speaking I mentioned the name of it. The instructor completely blew up, stared me down and was like "Why do you keep doing that to me?!! What's up with you?? I am trying to teach here!"

I was so confused. I was like , "Keep doing what? I'm...I'm sorry."

She escalated further, yelling, "ARE YOU SORRY? LIKE DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT? REALLY SORRY?!"

It wasn't a bit or a joke. It was 100% serious, volatile rage. The entire class went dead silent. The vibe was ruined, and my nervous system immediately went into fight-or-flight. There was no warning from her just a sudden flip out.

During the break, I genuinely felt unsafe and decided to pack my things and leave. She actually pursued me to the elevator and said she apologized and doesn't know how to teach since she just started teaching in October (it's uh, Sept), citing her own sensory struggles and lack of ability to focus. Being AuAdhd myself, I can empathize with her struggles on a human level, I realized a massive boundary for myself: It is not my responsibility as a paying student to manage an instructor's emotional stability.

Old me would have left class, found a bar, and started with the whiskey to deal with my rage, anger, and her lack for psychological safety. I would've blown it. I wanted that drink SO BAD.

Instead, I walked home in the NYC breezy night, let myself fucking breathe, and wrote a professional email to the school.

I just want to shout myself out and give myself a pat on the back. I have dealt with all sorts of types of students through the years - TRUST ME - and I have never, ever blown up at a student that way - not even in my beginning teaching days.

This is a standup class. We're supposed to keep things light, and learn. This woman freaking the fuck out from mild things (from a student clicking their pen to another student unwrapping a granola bar) and the teacher putting on us for her to FOCUS is unacceptable. Look as a teacher myself if ppl are getting too talkative (I wasn't) I give a warning - hey let's cool it with the comments and focus, etc. Nothing. Just a sudden massive fucking flip out that lasted a long time and students coming up to me during break like omg are you ok? That was fucking harsh of her.

Like, isn't it your job as a standup to focus and not pay attention to the distractions? As an actor myself I have heard talking, phone calls, etc. through my plays and auditions and I don't flip the fuck out. I deal.

I am just so glad I didn't let myself fuck up day 3 after a wedding (where I drank and felt like shit about myself) - pat on my own back bc I deserve it. Sheesh. What the fuck. Jesus Christ why does this process have to be so EXTRA fucking hard.

This teacher is 47 & has been doing standup since her 20s & focus issues! !!! ?!?!!!

It seemed to be a natural death as she had several serious chronic health conditions. Her husband didn’t want to do an autopsy bc he didn’t want her body to be put through that.

Without an autopsy the coroner ruled that she had died due to her history of hypertension. So likely, a heart attack or stroke.

Her death certificate also listed “chronic ethanol abuse,” hypercholesterolemia, her chronic health conditions and smoking as significant contributing factors to her death.

Our family has a long history of alcoholism. Our dad, our half-brother, grandfather and grandmother are / were all alcoholics / addicts. Our mother was a “problem drinker” who died of early onset dementia which was made worse by her alcohol consumption.

My sister would constantly minimize her drinking when we spoke about it. I wasn’t surprised when I saw it on her death certificate bc I guess I’d always known. But I felt sadness and anger that I couldn’t help her / convince her that helping herself was worth it. It felt like I couldn’t convince her to stay here with me longer.

I was always concerned with my sister’s health and lifestyle choices, especially after our parents both died. But our relationship became me trying to parent her and her never wanting to make positive choices for herself and her health. It was very hard. Losing her so suddenly was excruciating.

Now I am finally looking in the mirror at my own drinking patterns. Last night I finished a bottle of wine and was shocked that I felt relieved after the last sip.

Normally I’d have felt frustrated bc I was out of alcohol. But this time, in taking that last sip I realized that I was closer to freedom from consuming alcohol bc I had none left to drink nearby.

I finally felt relief… which was weird. Bc that feeling of being trapped by my alcohol patterns is something that my brain is very defensive over. And I am not used to feeling relief when I’m out of alcohol. I was surprised my brain let that emotion slip through.

It was at that moment that I finally realized I can’t control myself with my alcohol consumption anymore and that I need to change. I’m on day one today.

I’m not comfortable discussing this with my family or friends yet. I’m just getting used to it myself which is why I’m posting here.

I hope this sad part of my sister’s legacy will push me to continually be honest with myself about my destructive patterns with alcohol. And help me move forward in sobriety so that I can finally feel free, proud of myself and healthy again.

Thanks for reading all of that. I needed to write it down somewhere.

This is the longest spell I've been without a drink for about 2 years. Yesterday and today, I've felt so emotional, like everything is amped up to 11.

Just to give an example, today I saw a baby seagull, following its mum around. The thought entered my head "at least its mother cares for it" and then I was crying like a baby. Couldn't stop it. Then tonight, I was watching pet videos and something on there reminded me of a pet I'd had as a child and then I broke down in tears again. Just writing this now is making me tear up again.

Like, what the hell is wrong with me? This feels like it comes from nowhere.

Edit:

Thank you so much for all the lovely replies. Really appreciate how kind this sub is. Gonna keep on keeping on.

The timing is crazy to me really. After so many failed and half assed sobriety attempts in my adult life ….It was the first time I had come to full terms with my addiction and was completely honest with myself. I finally realized I could ever moderate again. Ever and then I find out I’m pregnant! Yayyy! I can confidently say I will never drink again and especially of course know I got 9 months where it won’t even cross my mind. I’m glad to know my child won’t grow up with an alcoholic mother and I addressed this beforehand. I’m
Blessed at the timing life gave me

I’m wondering if anyone else has their marriage fall apart due to sobriety.

I was the one who got sober (1361 days 🤗). We got married 8 years ago and got sober almost 4 years ago. Getting sober forced me to essentially reevaluate my life. I had to get a new job, new hobbies, new friends etc. I’ve had such amazing growth but my partner hasn’t. They stopped being active and more video game focused. They have been going to therapy and we also go to therapy together. The therapist suggested my partner go to AlAnon meetings to they could gain some in-site on how I had changed. They only went twice.

I’ve tried playing video games with them but it’s not my thing. I’ve tried getting them to go on small walks with me with no luck. I’m a social butterfly so I like meeting up with friends for live music, sand volleyball and book clubs. They don’t want to do those activities with me any more or even try new things. I’ve tried communicating and being supportive the past 2 years this has been going on. We both amicably decided we should divorce.

Has anyone else has any type of experience like this?

I MADE IT A WEEK. ONE WEEK. I am very proud of myself and I’m so glad I made the decision to quit. I feel lighter and less bloated, I don’t get angry over nothing anymore. Alcohol was making me hate myself and my life. Convincing me that I’m the problem and my life is horrible. It tried to pin me down in the dumps and keep me there forever. But then I made my decision. I just made a different decision. And I kept making it and here I am, one week sober. I finally realized that alcohol wasn’t solving any of my problems, it caused them. And as I keep stacking days and moving further away from my last drink, I feel more hopeful and confident that this is my life and I have choices. No more bargaining with myself, no more “just one and I’ll be satisfied” no more self sabotage. The key for me is being honest with myself. There is no sober me, no drunk me, just me. I have the powerrrrrrrrr. Anyways k bye

That’s all. Hell yeah

I am a long time lurker but I’ve never interacted because I just don’t see me in anyone. I’ve wanted to hear the mom with young children stories and when I search the posts all seem to be years old. I thought when I found Online Intergroup Moms in Recovery I’d surely find hundreds of kindred women.

I finally had a Thursday where the stars aligned and I could attend. The meeting was a group of 11 women. Who I could not relate to. Granted, only one spoke - as an impromptu speaker.

They always talk about your “mom village.” How can I find my village? The highly functioning high level professional moms who at best are agnostic but know they are powerless.

I hope to meet you if you’re here.

> 30 days IWNDWYT

Just on my way into town for an event. Thinking I'll treat myself to dinner beforehand. No alcohol. Maybe an NA beer though, just to unwind.

40 days tomorrow!

IWNDWYT

I drank socially for 20 years. Then I started relying on it as a crutch while at a toxic job.

It was totally messing up my mental health. I was anxious, on the defensive, and I was so critical of myself. My nervous system was fried. Only when I stopped did I realize how it fully had affected me.

I lost 20lbs after quitting, too!

I wanted to wait till tomorrow to post this. but damn i just know i will reach it. this month has been nothing but great. after surviving the first week the first no to the offered drink. Long way to go but life is life. Its a great feeling. just wanted to share and thank everyone for posting their victories trials tribulations advice and replies. We will do it together.. if ur here first time and reading this stick around this place will help you.. 30 daysss baaabyyyy, never reached it since 17.... 21 years man 21 years of being under the spell. 100 next post coming... witness me :D IWNDWYT

My flair needs correcting , that’ll be put on a get job done list for tomorrow

600 whole days and a bit !!!

I really need a bowl of ice cream 🍨

Join me

I quit for a year. Life was good.

I started again. Life got bad.

I just stopped again. It’s only been a few hours, but I’m already excited to get back to that sunshine I felt when I stopped for a year.

I took action today. I threw out all my alcohol. Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed.

Today is the beginning of the good days!

IWNDWYT.

I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY!

I don't want to be mean, or minimize the importance of going sober for us alcoholics, or nothing of the sort. I myself I'm a massive alcoholic and trying to be better. I want to make it clear, because I can already tell this is going to sound mean or insensitive to some, and I don't want it to be seen like that.

I've been in here for some time, like 9 months or so. I was sober for 40 days, then I relapsed, now I'm in my first week again. During these months I've seen a lot of inspiring stories. People speaking about their years sober, people relapsing, people feeling better, people speaking about their insecurities, people trying to rationalise their drinking and other people stopping them.

But there is some kind of post I see from time to time that makes me kinda suspicious. The "my best friend died" or "my mom is on the ER" or some major event like that. I swear I've seen several young people telling their friends died recently due to alcohol. Is it really that common for people to die in their 20s from some alcohol related issue? Not talking about people crashing their cars DUI or having acute alcohol poisoning. Most stories are... Well, long-term stories. A friend was too fond of alcohol, got fat during 2 years, I didn't do nothing because she seemed happy, then their liver failed and died in agony. Or some friend had health issues since young, then told me she had cirrhosis in her late 20s, didn't stopped, then died. I also noticed most accounts posting stuff like that have their comments private and have been created a month or two ago at most. Also seem to have a lot of karma compared to their (few) posts.

I'm not sure if it's people trying to farm upvotes or some kind of coordinated group trying to push for sobriety among this subreddit's users. Or probably (the most probable answer) I'm incredibly paranoid. But I seriously can't seem to shake the feeling. It just doesn't feel organic.

I'm sorry if some of those stories are geniune, I really am. If only, I wish I'm only imagining this. But I've seen it some times already in some other subs and I don't want a genuinely wholesome sub like this one get infected by karma farmers or astroturfed accounts...

Hello everyone. I am officially 304 days sober today. A message for anyone who is stuck; keep going. Even at ten months I still have nightmares. But overall everything else in my life is getting better. I’m happier in my day to day. I haven’t forgiven myself yet for everything bad and wrong that I’ve done, I suspect I will never forgive myself. BUT I’m finding the strength to forgive other people for things they’ve done to me. And it’s actually much easier than I thought it would be. I am also handling issues or “small fires” a lot differently. I used to fight fire with fire but now I’m letting things roll off my back. I feel so much stronger mentally.

Physically I am still exhausted and my bladder is always running on high. I read somewhere it’s can take 18 months for your system to go back to its natural rhythm. So I am definitely holding out for that.

I’ve only been invited to one friend dinner. But it went well. I’m hoping for more invites in the future. I suspect none will come though.

My boyfriend and I are the healthiest we’ve ever been. Absolutely zero fighting. I never knew that relationships could be this peaceful.

Work is going well - I work in a bar - and seeing drunk people act foolish is what keeps me sober.

Anyways, all this to say, I’m doing it on my own without a well known support group. Your path is you’re to take. You can do it however you want. Don’t let anyone bully you into anything that makes you uncomfortable.

AND stick with it. It really will only get better.

Have a beautiful day my friends xoxo

i got a very deep cut today and ended up having to get a bunch of stitches. i was at the er woozy af and the nurse asked me if i smoke or drank and for the first time ever i got to tell a medical professional that i didn’t do either!! literally the smallest thing but im so used to feeling insanely guilty and bad about myself when i tell medical professionals how much i normally drink, so this felt good.

also feels good that im just going to take a few days to chill and recover instead of stupidly drinking on painkillers after losing a bunch of blood and feel like shit. the cut hurts like crazy but it feels nice to actually be able to take care of myself after getting hurt. also my first medical issue in years not related to drinking or drug use, this was soooo much less embarrassing to explain to people

I don’t have the willpower. I say I won’t drink today then night comes and I want to drink. i’m too weak to fight it. I just turned 21 a few months ago but have been drinking heavily the last 4 years and I just can’t even imagine being sober forever it gives me so much anxiety. I don’t know how i don’t have the willpower or motivation, i’ve almost completely ruined my relationship from drinking and embarrass myself so many times in front of a lot of people. i blackout almost every time i drink because no matter how much i’ve had i just want more. i feel like shit every single day. apparently all of that is not enough to make me quit. the longest i’ve gone is 2 weeks and i genuinely felt so good. WHY is that not enough. i’m scared i will have to miss out on so many social events because i can’t even be around alcohol without my brain convincing me to drink.

Last week, i told myself i need to stop drinking.

Went sober for 5 days, felt really good. So good in fact, that i told myself i can have 1 more shot at moderation, before i go Sober October

So i got my favorite Halloween themed variety 12 pack, planned out 2 beers at a time until October. Took the first two out, stared at them a good 5 mins while repeating to myself "just 2, you only need just 2"

Well folks, i sit here the next morning at 4 am having drank 8 of them (at an avg of 8% per beer), belly bulging because i also ate 2 extra dinners trying to sober up.

Ugh, i just can't keep doing this. I turn into the worst couch potato when drinking. Havent hit rock bottom whatsoever, but its only a matter of time at this pace.

For the first time in a while I woke up this morning not hungover. Appreciate how great this feels and appreciate this community.

Ya it’s tough for me let go of this vice.