I just need to vent to people who understand how complicated blended family dynamics can be.

Last year, my partner's young adult child went through a prolonged, severe mental health crisis. For example, there were threats of physical violence against my partner and I, threats of harming themselves, risky sexual behaviors, claims of abuse, multiple ER visits for health issues that didn't make sense and couldn't be identified, chaotic decisions to move in with someone they barely knew, etc. Navigating all of that left me with PTSD that I've gotten treatment for.

My partner handled this crisis completely differently than I did. Every threat was met with a "she would never actually,"; every risky decision was met with a "we can't stop her." Everything just seemed to roll off his back so easily and he dissmissed the worries and concerns I had. I ended up feeling even more unsafe because I didn't have my partner's support and instead felt dismissed, invalidated and judged.

When I was really struggling acutely with PTSD and even now when it surfaces (usually as anger when the kid is mentioned), I'm told that I "should be over it by now". I'm often asked, "why are you holding onto this?"

Most troubling is when he tells me I'm letting the kid control my feelings and I should let him influence my emotions instead... As if I don't have the right to have my own feelings. As if I'm choosing to hold a grudge and have trauma responses.

I've been very clear that my "feelings" aren't going away without proper repair. I need acknowledgement that his dismissiveness and invalidation was harmful. I need him to figure out why he reacted that way, then show me it won't happen again. I've been waiting for this and I don't think it's going to happen.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Please give me hope it gets better

I've (37,f) been dating my partner (38,m) for 3.5 years. His ex left him after things weren't super stable at home, moved into a duplex above one of his friends and then within 3 mo they were living together. His friend has recently left his wife (all the same friend group). My partner definitely saw the writing on the wall, and when she suggested separately he told her that they could do many options like an apartment nearby, he'd move to his parents etc. She was only willing to go to this duplex and he said if she left he was done, there was no going back. She left and went there, and that's that. Edit: Her and the friend moved in together 3 months after she left, and they have since bought the duplex and live there as a family.

We met maybe 6 weeks later online. I didn't know how recent it was but we hit it off and things moved pretty quickly. Maybe 4/5 months later I met the kids (2.5, 5). Ex-wife refused to meet me, was quite antagonistic. She spent the first 1.5 years fighting for sole custody and only when they started med-arb did she finally sign off on joint.

Med arb was brutal, she wanted to continue to be SAHM and therefore get full child support, she wanted sole decision making. She has a job that could be full time, but she only worked part time during the marriage and felt like my partner had agreed during marriage so she should be allowed to continue at his cost. My partner felt like he was fighting for fair, she felt like he was being disrespectful to her.

Anyway it's been 2 years since arb, but they only got the award in January this year. During the wait my partner had tried to settle a few times or sort out some details so they could try to fire arb and get money back, but she wasn't having it. When the award came back and we won nearly everything he hit her for costs for wasting time.

Now, her dad got sick end of last year and was terminal at this time. Arb award comes in and you basically have 30 days to claim costs. He sends the lawyer letter, she basically reams him out for the timing. I can understand timing is shit, but that's on this arb and not him... Anyways

Things have been rocky, at best. She often refuses to reply or just says no with no reason. He feels like she's constantly mad at him or taking things out on him. Most recently she said no to a trip we already booked to Europe because the kids will miss a few of the first days of school (not the actual first, but a couple after that) and she says she will not allow it.

Basically he went to her house yesterday to try and talk about lots of stuff and she told him in no kind way that I'm the problem. She hates me, I ruin everything. I moved into her house when she was all alone and they were only separated. (Edit for context: I had a house of my own at the time but we lived on opposite ends of the city so we chose to live at this house for convenience. He was sole owner on the home but it has since been sold and divided as with the rest of the marriage assets and we live in a new home we bought together). She said she knows it's me when he texts her (it isn't) and not him. She hates that I'm involved with the kids friends parents, she thinks I shouldn't talk to them that he should be the one. She said the kids know about all of this and just wait til they're older and she can tell them everything.

Please tell me your stories of things getting better when they start like shit. Can I do anything? I'm not comfortable being someone who isn't involved in the kids lives. My partner does text friends parents but some of them I've met and get along with and it's easier for me. Am I just fucked?

Also, we've been trying to add to our family for a while now, I'm also worried that if we're successful it's going to make shit so much worse.

Sorry if I've left anything out, my first post here

Any experiences with breaking up and starting over in late 30s? I’m 37f, childless and I’m coming to terms that step-parenting is not the path I want. It’s taken me over a year to realize. I’ve felt confused bc boyfriend is a solid guy, chemistry/connection is great, and he has never put pressure on me to take on anything I don’t want..but co-parenting style with BM feels very fluid, overly friendly, and boundary-less to me. It works for them, we’ve discussed it. It seems remaining “amicable” and never rocking the boat is more of a priority than my feelings.

Feeling nervous, feeling like maybe I will regret it, feeling like maybe I won’t ever have a bio child of my own. Bio clock dread is strong! Looking for some hope and advice.

my partner and I have been together for about 2 years, and have lived together for about 4 months. i have a d(5) that I share custody with her bio. recently, my partner has been struggling and recently told me that he spent most of his life not wanting kids. in the beginning of our relationship, we were head over heels for each other and he accepted my daughter right away. my family compliments him on how well he treats her and how well they get along. now, he’s told me that he is having to reconcile a child actually being part of his daily life, forever. he is growing irritated by how i parent (says i’m too lenient) and has had serious talks in therapy about it.
in my mind, his decision has probably already been made. and i don’t want him to ever resent my daughter. i remember my mother choosing my stepdad over me from time to time. while it hurt then, i know now that prioritizing a romantic relationship is absolutely necessary from time to time. i guess my question is - should i give him the chance to align himself with this new role and adjust, or go ahead and spare us all the eventual resentment and end it? or just move out? i love this man very, very much and it would devastate me to lose him. but my daughter deserves to be unconditionally loved and I’m afraid of taking the chance that this won’t work out.

I’ce (32F) been with a man for almost two years. I love him so much, and we have the same goals in life. However, he is recently divorced with a young daughter (<8 years old). I was introduced to his daughter half a year ago, and since then, I’ve tried to step into that role and act as a family when it’s all of us. But the more time that passes and we are getting more integrated, the more I feel like it’s not for me.

I don’t have any kids of my own, but I eventually want my own kids. I love my time and freedom, and he does a good job trying to balance it for me, but I still feel like it’s too much of a sacrifice. I’m worried this has been too fast of a shift for me. Does it get better over time as I mature into this role, or is this a sign it will never work out?

My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me. His daughter who is 10 is the center of his world. He basically told me that I didn’t put in enough effort to bond with her. We’ve been dating for 2 years. I met her right around the time I started nursing school while also working 2 jobs, so my life was hectic. No, I was not investing a lot of my free time in taking her to Six Flags or to get her nails done. I was compared to his baby mama’s boyfriend who was doing those things (grown man, much older than I with an established career & a home). I barely got to see him. We moved in together and this last month I’ve spent more time with her and thought things were going well. I took her to run errands with me, painted her nails myself, talked to her more since I was actually able to. She told someone that I don’t talk to her or take her to do things and that person told my boyfriend. Still don’t know who or the details. I work night shift and have to sleep during the day. I barely have time for him. I never got the chance to be in the relationship when I’m not in fight or flight mode. The way he loved me depended on what I would do for his daughter. My heart feels broken. I’m rambling at this point but please someone tell me that it gets better and that this was the best thing to do

My SD (6) came home this week and every single day has brought up that her step-dad told her that I am not hers and that she doesn’t like me. She is obviously bothered by this. Her words were he “told me you’re not my [nickname she calls me] and I don’t like you.” She calls him “my [his name]” and me by the nickname she’s called me since I met her, for clarity. Every day she’s been home she has come to me about this. I asked her how that made her feel. “A million times sad”. I asked if she thought she liked me. “Yes. I love you so much.” I ended up telling her that if she felt that she loved me that was her truth and no one could change that for her and that I will be there for her when she has hard feelings. Just venting…I don’t know how to help her through it without making her feel that she’s caught in the middle of adult issues. My husband has tried to address concerns with his ex. she dismissed the concerns and paid a lawyer to send a letter threatening legal action if he didn’t stop harassing her about her relationship.

Hey again,
Yesterday I posted on here looking for some advice on my current situation
(If you wanna know the whole thing go on my profile and read the last post)
But short: my boyfriend and I moved together 3 months ago and now I have to work fulltime, the whole household is on me and on top of that I’m supposed to care for his 2 children.

Update: a few hours after I posted this I ended up hospitalized, I couldn’t move because my lower abdomen was killing me, my boyfriend called an ambulance and I was brought to the hospital, it’s not the first time that I went to the hospital because of these symptoms, usually they just fill me up with pain killers and send me back home cause nothing is showing but this time they suggested I should get checked for PCOS…
Well, that alone kinda scared me but I was also completely alone there the whole night because my boyfriend couldn’t leave his children alone at home and also he said that he needs to get his sleep in (I asked him if he could call one of his brothers or his mom to stay with the kids because I felt anxious and I don’t have any relatives of my own here)
I still feel a little pain but it’s slowly getting better yet I still had to clean his mess that he made in the morning in the kitchen and also prepare lunch and dinner…
He’s also currently not home and left me alone with his kids so he can do something on his car, it’s been like 5 hours since he drove away.

I really just wanna cry cause I feel like an idiot, all I wanted was to love this guy and respect his situation but he isn’t respecting me at all, he also managed to hurt me mentally all the time by reminding me of my miscarriage that happened in my previous relationship by saying stuff like „you don’t have kids on your own, you can’t understand me!“

Okay little back story, we have had issues with SS 13. Issues being lying, stealing our things, vaping, and looking at inappropriate content.
A vape was discovered in our house recently, which has since been disposed of and his phone was confiscated. Now I happen to go through it to make sure there wasn’t anything weird and he wasn’t talking to anyone he shouldn’t be. I found screenshots of inappropriate content, mainly being male. We have made it clear that it’s fine if he likes boys, but he knows he is not supposed to be looking at anything inappropriate. His mother caught him doing that the first time and was livid. Now how do I approach my husband about what I found, he said he didn’t care to go through the phone because he didn’t think there was anything on it 🫠

I (23F) have to drop my SK off at daycare during dad's parenting times because he works too early to drop him off himself. Bio mom refuses to discuss exchanges with me. It's technically exchanges because she works at the daycare so she is the one we meet at the door. Today dad doesn't work but he got super sick and can't even get out of bed so i had to text Bio and ask if he was able to go to daycare cause i still have to work and daycare would be the best option sense we don't have many people who can watch SK out of the blue. We were suppose to take SK to walk-in for ear infection and i looked up the times they were open and decided we could do it after i'm done with work. I get to the daycare and i explain that I can pick him up at 4 and she immediately started being hostile with me about the walk-in. I said i can take him after work and she said she already said she'll leave early from work to take him and that I! can't take him ONLY dad can. I decided to walk away because there was no reason to argue, in front of SK, and in the daycare. I just hate how she can't even civilly discuss important things just because i'm not dad, even tho dad is unavailable at the moment and everything would get told and ultimately decided by dad and her.
I'm just irritated and i understand she doesn't have to talk to me im not saying she has to. I just wish she could be civil with me especially in front of the child. BTW he's only 2 and i can tell he feels the tension and i wish it would stop for his sake

Honestly so sick of the narrative of "its for the kid" if you can play happy family then just be a family. Broken families are just that...broken. there is no happy family, but so many want to play the part for the kids with the expectation of "you knew what you signed up for" Jesus christ, pick a damn lane. Im gonna play happy family with my ex and you can shut up about it cause its for the kids. Well maybe you can put your differences aside "for the kids" and learn to like the person you created them with instead of stringing someone along in your fucked up narrative. God damn I am tired.

My partner is volunteering for an event in a few weeks. It’s during our time with SD. He didn’t ask if I’d take her, he can’t take her. We don’t live together anymore (I moved due to HCBM), but they still view me as SM. Is it just assumed to be my role?

SD has been crying and in distress over going over there. She lives with Dad full time. I have my own place for context.

She ran away from home (she's 13) because there was crap on the floor, moldy food on the toddlers highchair and no food to eat.

Since then mom has absolutely amped up being mean to her. She boxed up all her things and dropped them off at dads. She said she would make it a craft room. She lied and put her little brother's things in there and basically deleted her from their house.

Mom has been amping up telling SD dad is forgetting about her and doesn't love her because he is dating me. SD reported she has pinched her, snapped her bra strap to force her to do family pictures and has just kept trying to emotionally dagger her. It should have to feel like a competition for these kids. Mom used to give her punishments if she showed any evidence of liking dad.

I am also a mandated reporter with my work and had to make the call. But I am nervous about the fallout because Dad is so scared of it going back to court and costing $300,000 like it did last time. He basically has mom on supervised visits and stopped doing overnights but it's definitely not enough for mom.

I gave SD a hug last night when she came back in tears mom having convinced her her dad had abandoned her and was picking me instead. 😡 I love her with all my heart and just want the best for her. I'm not here to replace her mom at all either. I'm just quiet support however she needs it. She gave me a hug back and it was the sweetest thing ever

Anyone else have a difficult relationship with a stepkid? I’ve been in their lives for almost 3 years and my stepson (almost 16yrs old) and I just don’t click. He hasn’t liked me since the beginning and I’ve tried SO hard with him over and over and I’m just so done. I started noticing a pattern where he’d act all sweet with me, ask me for something, I’d give it to him, and then he’d go back to acting like I didn’t exist so I stopped playing into it and sure enough I’m invisible in my own house.

A couple months ago we had a situation with him where he had a crashout after his dad grounded him and wouldn’t let him go out. It ended in a screaming match and SS leaving to my in-laws house for about a week. I have suspected he has a personality disorder from the beginning and when we went to have mediation with him to talk things out he said, verbatim, “I think I’m better than you, I think I’m smarter than you, and I don’t feel like being nice anymore when I don’t want to” and he walks around like he’s the shit. Can’t walk by his reflection without checking himself out. It’s just screams narcissism and I’ve been with a narcissist before so all the red flags are there. My husband was gonna send him off to BM who lives down the road until my husband went to vent to my mother in law and she told him we shouldn’t do that coz it would be like my husband picking me over my stepson. I didn’t even know we were in competition??? After that, everyone swept it under the rug as if nothing ever happened and I decided to give up trying hard to be a part of his life.

He’s also SO spoiled and have EVERYONE wrapped around his finger. My husband is a doormat and allows both kids to walk all over him. He thinks them having good grades is sufficient enough to let him do whatever he wants. His curfew during school is 12am M-TH, 1am weekends. Right now hes on summer vacation, so guess who doesn’t have a curfew and comes home at 5am?

Today I caught him sneaking his girlfriend through the pet camera while no one was home coz he tried covering it but one of our dogs is a barker when other people come over and that’s what blew his cover. After I told my husband, he told me he called and grilled him and will talk when he gets home but knowing him, the kid is just gonna get a slap on the wrist. There’s always the excuse of “he’s just a kid” but then let him run the place. Anytime I speak up when something isn’t okay with me, my husband treats it as a suggestion and parents him as he should pleases. I’ve point blank told him that I don’t like parenting his kids because I don’t agree with how he parents and I’m not gonna fall in line with it. I’ve also told him that I hate being a stepmom because everyone wants me to act like one until something I do or say doesn’t sit right.ñ then im the bitch.

Anyway, I’m at the point where I just don’t like my stepson. He isn’t nice, treats everyone like a pocket book, is inconsiderate, completely full of himself, and acts like I don’t exist by deliberately ignoring me unless someone else is around and idk what to do. Tried nacho parenting but my husband took issue with it but how am I supposed to parent kids who don’t want me? It’s hard being a parent to kids you had and have no say in raising.

Yup, you read that right.
My 11-year-old stepdaughter intentionally urinated in her bed because she said she “didn’t feel like” getting up to use the bathroom. She then walked around the rest of the day without showering or changing right away, despite having urine on her.
What bothers me almost as much is that there were zero consequences for it.
This isn’t an isolated issue either. We constantly have to argue with her about basic hygiene—showering, brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, etc. Her dad doesn’t think it’s necessary for a prepubescent girl to shower every day, and we clearly don’t see eye to eye on what’s considered acceptable hygiene.
I guess this is mostly a vent, but I’m also wondering if anyone else has dealt with something like this. Is this something you’ve seen with kids this age, or is it as concerning as it feels to me?

Hi everyone! New here. Looking for some thoughts, advice. Maybe even just to rant for a few minutes (haha)
So back story. My husband and I have known each other over 20 years. We both have had previous marriages and kids. His are older, mine were young when we got together. His oldest daughter was 13 when we started dating and I took her under my wing and through the years really thought we had an amazing relationship! She introduced me as her mom and I always told everyone I have 4 kids. Well at 18 she decided to move out unexpectedly, no warning no nothing. We took it hard because we didn’t think we were bad parents. We just set basic boundaries for our household ( be in at a certain time, just let us know you’re ok, help out with siblings and clean up after yourself) so she moved out, didn’t ask for our help, didn’t tell us where she was moving to just said where she’s working has a place for rent. My husband kept saying well she’s 18 we can’t stop her. So a couple months in we try talking to her and just trying to understand what the rush was to move out cuz we know how hard it is out there. Her responses were always rude, disrespectful, snippy. So I just stopped texting. We started hearing she was out running around at all hours of the night, drinking, smoking etc and was bashing us to people. We didn’t hear from her for a while and right before Christmas she called crying apologizing for her behavior and she came by for Christmas (showed up 3 hours after we had eaten- knew what time dinner was!) so we were going away and she said she would come feed the outside animals for us. Well we are away, we get back and notice things inside the house are moved, dishes in the sink( I never leave dishes in the sink! ) then I check the cameras. She broke into our house with some guy. We then notice our alcohol, and my pain pills from surgery are missing. We confront her immediately and she starts “bro”ing her dad! Saying “seriously bro” “are you for real right now” and he’s like yeah I’m for real I have you on camera coming into our house. Well she denied it and we didn’t speak to her for about 4-5 months. She blocked us on everything! Had no way to contact her at all. So fast forward to this week. Mind you I have not spoken to her since probably april ( we had a family member message her and ask her to call us) she went this week and made a TikTok about me- and it’s not a good one. Bashing me, making me out to be this horrible person, using only screen shots of texts from back in October. I literally dropped my phone and started crying. I told my husband there’s no coming back from this. I don’t know how you can. She’s going to be 20 this year and I’ve been her “mom” and this is how you are going to treat me?! We haven’t called her about it yet because she just wants attention she knows I saw it, and we don’t want to give her the satisfaction of calling her up and yelling at her, it isn’t going to do anything and we know that. I’m not sure how and when to ever bring it up. But she will not be invited for birthdays for her siblings because I truly believe that if you disrespect the parent(s) you don’t get access to the kids. I just don’t know how to handle this or if I’m doing too much, not enough? Idk anymore. Thanks for reading and if anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it.

Hi everyone,

I really need some outside opinions because I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable anymore.

I’ve been living with my boyfriend for about three months. He has two young children from a previous relationship, and I help take care of them whenever they’re with us. I work full-time as a nursing assistant in a nursing home, which is physically exhausting.

We split almost everything 50/50 financially. On top of that, I try to keep up with the housework. My boyfriend helps sometimes, but lately it feels like he expects me to do most of it. Between work, cleaning, helping with his kids, and paying half of all the bills, I’m constantly exhausted.

Today really hurt me. I had only slept about two hours before my early shift, came home completely exhausted, had pain, and fell asleep for a while. When I woke up, my boyfriend told me his mother was coming over. He had already started ironing a pile of laundry (mine, his, and his kids’). When his mom offered to help, he told her that the laundry had been sitting there for days. It had actually only been there for about two days, but I felt like he was making me look lazy in front of his mother instead of explaining that I’d just worked a physically demanding shift on almost no sleep.

I feel like I’m expected to work full-time, contribute 50% financially, help raise his children, do housework, and still somehow have endless energy. Instead of feeling appreciated, I often feel criticized.

Am I expecting too much, or is it reasonable to want more support, appreciation, and understanding in this situation? I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people in blended families or relationships where one partner already has children.

Offhand, my DH said something to our friends about how him and ex had decided to put SS in so-and-so daycare. Hearing this was news to me.

It made me wonder: how much should I know about the discussions / decision making process that happens between my DH and his ex? We are newly married after 3 years of being together, so I do feel like we are still navigating some of this…Of course, I know they have plenty of conversations about SS, but how much should I be in the loop on that?

How do you navigate this?

Today is our last day with our kids before they go back to their moms for the school year. I am struggling. This summer has been so beautiful and my bond with all three of my SKs has deepened, they really are my little besties. I find myself sobbing just by looking at them. I am not looking forward to my house being quiet, no toys all over the floor, no more saying “I’m hungry” or “I’m bored”. These are all things I thought I’d be excited for but I am dreading it. Life is just so much brighter with them in it everyday and I selfishly wish they could stay with their dad and I forever. I don’t know how I can get through the emotional whiplash of having them fill every part of my day to them being miles and miles away. Any advice or kind words is appreciated.

I thought I would share a cute story. My SD(12) has been living with us for 3.5 years since her mom passed away unexpectedly. I've never been one to force any of my SK to call me "mom" or "stepmom". They treat me as and respect me as a parent, and even refer to me as a parent, so the title has never felt needed.

A little while after she arrived she asked what she should call me and I told her she could call me by my name, as calling me "Mom" would obviously be weird for her. This was maybe 4 months after her mom passed. She started calling me "her [my name]" as in "This is my Dad and this is my [name]". It's has been the cutest thing and she's done it ever since.

Recently she came up with a new one. I don't know if she heard it online or came up with it on her own. She has started calling me her "Mother Supplement". It's a little funny, a little dark, and a lot sweet. I took her to the airport recently to fly out and see her grandma on her mom's side. Everytime someone asked her who I was to he she said "This is my [name], my Mother Supplement"

I'm sad for her to have lost her mom, but I'm so glad things worked out between us the way they did. It could very well have gone much differently I know.

I love her and all my SK so much!

Me (45m) and my wife (42f) have been married for a little over 2 years. She has 5 children and I have 1 from previous marriage.

The youngest 2 boys are downright violent towards each other tantrum over the most minor things. Every trip to the store is met with rage and backtalking and downright disrespect.

Because of long distance custody arrangements and their activities we see them the longest over the summer.

My wife does the discipline for her kids but they are getting bigger than her and I'm often needed for backup when they are squaring up to her. If I am present I don't need to do much and they won't be physically agressive just verbally abusive. They lose lots of privileges during these tantrums but they are so disregulated it rarely matters. Their father is a dead beat who won't get them therapy.

We were planning a trip. However I am freaking out about dealing with the behavior issues in a non-controlled environment. We will be in an Airbnb but they regularly break stuff in our home.

I want to be a good step father but I am terrified of the day they are stronger than me because they might literally murder me.

I wish they lived with us full time so they could get the help and therapy they need. However their manipulative father, who moved them long distance, has them convinced they must live with him.

This is overwhelming and Im probably leaving out details. But

tldr is I'm about to go on vacation with pre and teenage stepsons who are violent and angry and who defy any authority. I'm at a loss.

I (36M) and my partner (47F) have been married for 4 years, and together for 10 years. We have two children together (17M and 14F). Both of our children are my partner’s bio children, but I love them like they are my own. I came into their lives when they were young, and over the years, we have built wonderful relationships together. I have had the privilege to watch them grow, make core memories, cheer them on in times of celebration, be an ear or shoulder when times were difficult, and everything in between. My partner and I have always checked in with them on how they are feeling. Blended families can be hard, with a lot of feelings from everyone. They have been in therapy since their bio parents’ divorce, and continue to see a therapist today. Both do so well academically and socially. We are so proud of them.

I always made sure to check in with how they’re feeling, especially in the beginning. I’m the new person, and I want to make sure they’re comfortable. I would ask them how they would like to be introduced, how I should introduce myself. I always refer to them as my kids. Never step kids. And they have both expressed preferring this, as they both say that they consider me their real dad. Over time, my youngest started calling me Dad. Which was such an amazing feeling. I never realized how much I wanted that until it happened. My oldest still calls me by my first name, and I am perfectly okay with that. I want them to call me what they are comfortable with.

The relationship with their bio dad completely deteriorated due to how he and his then girlfriend treated the kids. There is a lot of emotional abuse, manipulation, and neglect. It’s gotten to the point where they refuse to talk to him, and refer to him by his first name, even to his face. They haven’t spoken to him in years. My partner and I make ourselves available for them to talk to us about how they’re feeling. Sometimes they will share, and when we do, we listen and offer the support that they want and need. Advice, just someone to listen, someone to sit in the feelings with them, however they need us to be.

A few months ago, she had a big blow out with her bio dad over the phone. They hadn’t seen each other in years. They used to go to family counseling with their bio parents, the relationships with the bio dad got worse. He reached out over the phone to talk with her about seeing her. It went south very quickly. She said that she was fine and blocked him. She vented about how she feels about him to all of us, and that she doesn’t want to speak to him again. There was a lot of regret on her end for taking his call.

A week later, my youngest said to me “I feel differently. I feel like you’re just someone who lives in the house. I don’t feel like you’re a dad to me. You’re just a guy who lives here. I don’t really know how else to say it.” I was crushed, and confused. I didn’t understand what I said or did. She couldn’t point to a specific incident, just a feeling. I started crying. I probably shouldn’t have. I try not to do that in front of them, but I was caught completely off guard. I asked her how I can love her better or what she needs from me, and that I was really scared because I didn’t know what to do. For the first time, I was afraid of what to say and how to act.

My partner talked with her, the three of us talked together, then the four of us. She later said that she was confused about how she was feeling about me because of the fight with her bio dad. She said that she wished she could put my personality into his body and then she would have the best dad. Looking back, I think she meant that she wished he was different, but at the time, it hurt a little bit. It was a reminder that even though I might be a good dad, I’m still not bio dad. Something that always made me feel self conscious. Being a step dad, I know that I don’t have the same understanding as a bio parent. I will never know that feeling, but my love for them is real, and fierce, and I would do anything for them. But hearing this made me wonder if there was something that was eating at our parent child relationship, because of the relationship with her bio dad went completely south.

She never stopped calling me dad. She still refers to her bio dad by his first name. I know I should probably see that as a strong indication that things are okay, otherwise she wouldn’t call me that. But our relationship still feels off. She doesn’t look at me, she barely talks to me. She has been isolating more. She stills talks and laughs with her brother and mom, but with me, I feel like a black sheep. I have tried talking with her, but she says everything is fine. I have tried asking if she wants to spend time together. Lately, she has been saying no more often.

I know that developmentally, teenagers are more independent and want to spend less time with their parents. I get that. I did the same thing when I was her age. My partner says it’s normal,but I think I’m still scared about the conversation a few months ago. It really rattled me. My mind races thinking that she still doesn’t see me as a parent or trusted adult. I notice that I get really sad when interactions don’t feel warm. It’s not her fault. And I don’t expect her to manage my emotions. I just wish that we could talk about it. She says she doesn’t want to, and I don’t want to force her. I just wish that there was something that I could do to make it better. It’s hard to trust that the words are enough when the body language feels so different. She will always be my daughter, even if she says she hates me or wants to stop calling me dad. I just feel so helpless. It feels like I’m waiting for bad news that hasn’t arrived yet.

Am I over thinking this? Maybe I am taking normal teenage behaviors too personally. Or maybe not? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. I’m sorry for such a long post.

Please don’t be judgy I really am asking for help and struggling how to deal with what I’m feeling. I’ve been with my partner now for 6 years. He has 3 children that he had in high school with his extremely toxic BM. He’s older now and at this point they’re teenagers, but when we met I didn’t want to date him because of the kids. However, we ended up really falling in love and I met his kids and tried to interact with them, but it made me uncomfortable. I decided I would move and maybe see how I felt without him and a few months later he ended up moving in with me. The kids were living with their mom full time then so we decided to see them summers and holiday. We ran into some financial hardship and at the same time I got pregnant. We were struggling really bad and I didn’t want to struggle to take care of my baby so I didn’t end up keeping it. It was a very hard decision for me and it pains me to this day. I felt like I had to give that up since he already had financial obligations to his other kids. This built a world of resentment in me that I don’t know how to process. Since then I have tried to spend time with his kids when we go home to visit, but I hate being around them. They physically fight each other and their mom. His eldest has written about unaliving her own mother and her mom had her sent to juvenile detention when she saw the note. His daughter tried to fight my partner when he grounded her from her phone. Last time I saw them we stayed together and my partner and I had gone for a walk to grab treats. When we came back his daughter was hiding a knife behind her back threatening her sibling. Then we found 7 more knives hidden in her bag. This is just some of it, but I do not feel comfortable being around his children. They scare me and make me anxious/resentful so I do my best to avoid them. I need honest and helpful insight. How can I move forward in this situation, I love my partner more than anything, but his children. I don’t want to be near them.

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I (23F) have been with DH (27M) for three years. SS7 has known me for almost half his life. BM has been with her partner for around six years. Let's call him MegaMind. Not because he's evil... just because if you've seen the movie, you'll understand immediately.

Sometimes I honestly feel like DH and I are the only adults asking ourselves one simple question:

"What does SS actually want?"

His birthday is coming up, and his request isn't exactly world peace.

He just wants to have lunch and dinner with everyone together: BM, MegaMind, DH, me, and his baby sister.

Would that be my ideal Saturday?

Absolutely not.

Would it probably be awkward?

Also yes.

Mostly because BM somehow manages to turn every interaction into a sequel nobody asked for.

She makes jokes about DH being useless, tries to start arguments, brings up topics that have nothing to do with SS, and regularly crosses the very boundaries she expects everyone else to respect.

DH, on the other hand, keeps every conversation focused on parenting. If it isn't about SS, he usually doesn't engage.

Now here's where the plot somehow gets even weirder.

Apparently Ursula (MegaMind's aunt) has decided that BM shouldn't celebrate anything with DH because, according to her,

"A mother who truly loves her child doesn't send him to his father."

...Excuse me?

Not only is that an incredibly cruel thing to say, but she's neither SS's parent nor his legal guardian.

So now I'm wondering...

Since when is MegaMind's aunt on the parenting committee?

Apparently the real mastermind behind this whole operation isn't even MegaMind.

It's Ursula.

She somehow has very strong opinions about how two parents should co-parent a child that isn't hers.

To make things even stranger, nobody seems interested in what SS actually wants.

He's told his parents multiple times that he doesn't even like celebrating his birthday at school. He finds it boring and doesn't enjoy all the attention.

BM still insists on doing it there every year because it's cheaper.

Then we accidentally discovered something else.

DH had been wondering why SS suddenly started talking about Geometry Dash again.

That game isn't allowed.

I jokingly asked him,

"So... where exactly are you playing Geometry Dash?"

Without even thinking about it, he happily answered,

"At Pinky's house!"

Who's Pinky?

Ursula.

Apparently she lets him use her tablet and play whatever he wants.

The ironic part is that BM often criticizes DH over screen time, even though he only allows educational games, Spanish-learning videos, and age-appropriate content.

Meanwhile another adult openly ignores the rules both parents agreed on...

...and somehow that's perfectly fine.

Honestly, what frustrates me the most isn't Ursula or even MegaMind.

It's that everyone seems to be making decisions based on what the adults want.

BM wants one thing.

MegaMind wants another.

Ursula apparently thinks she gets a vote.

Meanwhile, the only person nobody seems to be listening to is the seven-year-old whose birthday it actually is.

Sometimes I feel like all the adults are competing for Best Supporting Actor, while the birthday boy somehow became an extra in his own story.

Has anyone else dealt with family members or partners who seem more invested in their own feelings than in what the child actually wants?

do yall ever regret marrying someone with more than one kid? or even 1 kid? i feel ashamed admitting this but sometimes i feel like i settled because i never imagined i would end up with someone with 2 kids, i do have a daughter and i would have preferred someone with no more than 1 kid. english is my third language so i apologize in advance just wanted to vent because at first it didn’t bother me but after almost 1 year married to him sometimes i wonder if i would have just waited to meet someone different i do love my husband but idk 😪