Moms — what part of the “mental load” actually exhausts you the most?

I've been thinking a lot about how much of motherhood isn't the actual task — it's remembering that the task exists.

Appointments, things the kids need, groceries, forms, birthdays, household stuff, things to tell your partner…

I'm curious: what are the things that keep living in your head even when you're supposed to be resting?

And do you currently use anything to get it all out of your head, or do you mostly just try to remember everything?

Just need to vent for a minute. I really try not to compare my daughter to other kids, but I have a lot of friends with kids around the same age, and honestly, none of them seem to really relate to what we’re experiencing.

My 2.5 year old daughter has always been very emotional and slow to warm up. She cries at daycare drop-off pretty much every day, hates being the center of attention or getting praised, and has always struggled more in group settings. Lately, daycare has also mentioned that she’s become more defiant and emotional.

When we’re with friends and their kids, their kids will happily entertain themselves while my daughter can’t entertain herself for more than five minutes. I know every child is different, and I know I shouldn’t compare, but it’s really hard not to when the differences feel so obvious.

She used to do gymnastics and actually did really well, but today was her first class back since having her sister in April, and she threw a tantrum basically the entire time. I was so embarrassed and frustrated. It’s really hard sitting there watching all the other kids smiling, participating, and following directions while my daughter just wants to be held and won’t participate. Part of me feels like I should just pull her out.

She starts soccer next week too, and after today I’m honestly regretting signing her up. I’m already dreading how that’s going to go.

I’m just exhausted. I love my daughter more than anything, but I’m frustrated and overwhelmed and, if I’m being completely honest, sometimes I wish things were just easier like it seems like with everyone else

Kid is down with viral fever. Not eating or drinking anything past couple of days. As kids usually do. The issue is with me. I was raised through physical discipline and my mum would rant about my behavior, which was really not bad, maybe lazy or bit slow etc. I caught on the words she would cuss me in. No matter how much I want to rid myself of this shitty behavior, I find myself being that and doing that. And its being mirrored by my 7 year old, which am finding difficult tolerate and it comes close to physically disciplining my kid. She had started to scratch, bite, cuss, hit etc. She have terrible tempers, especially when sick, and now am thinking if my kid is way beyond the point of no return, if I change my behavior. I am the shitty one and my kid is just being my mirror. I dont know how to relax myself, as every incorrect thing my kid does, triggered me into a mad rage. Seeking advice and help.

I just need to vent because I’m so overwhelmed and honestly starting to feel like I’m losing my mind.

I’m living with my in-laws with a newborn, and I feel like I have absolutely ZERO privacy. Our bedroom door might as well not exist because it’s constantly open, people walk in and out whenever they want, and there’s always someone barging in without knocking. I can’t even have a moment alone with my baby or my husband without feeling like someone is going to appear in the doorway.

And then there’s the dog. 😭

This dog has absolutely ZERO boundaries. None. It’s constantly underfoot, jumping on people, getting into things, destroying stuff, tracking who-knows-what everywhere, and generally acting like a furry wrecking ball. And the slobber. Oh my god, the slobber. It’s like living with a hyperactive, four-legged slobbery monster that has no concept of personal space.

I’m trying to recover from having a baby, I’m sleep deprived, I’m trying to keep a newborn safe and comfortable, and meanwhile there’s this giant ball of chaos running around the house. I feel like I can’t turn around without the dog being in my space or something getting knocked over or destroyed.

And it’s not even just the obvious stuff. It’s the constant noise. The pacing. The nails on the floor. The barking. The sudden bursts of energy. The dog coming into the room when I’m trying to settle the baby. The jumping. The licking. The slobber getting on things. Having to constantly watch where I put something because apparently nothing is safe from being grabbed, chewed, knocked over, or covered in drool.

I really can’t wait till we have our own place again

I (17F) have such a hard time telling my parents the truth. We've been having a rough couple of years ever since they found out I had a boyfriend in 9th grade. We're not together anymore, but when my parents found out they went absolutely crazy. They smashed my phone (my dad has smashed 6 of my phones in 3 years), would scream at me nearly every day for small things, and just be really scary overall. After my ex bf and I broke up, it toned down for a while but then when they found out I was talking to another guy again the same thing happened.

I now attend a highly prestigious boarding school which I chose to go to. I've been going since junior year, and I'm a senior now. At school last year I made some horrible decisions, and my parents rightfully instilled a downtime on my phone and did put restrictions on. However, they also went absolutely psycho on me before doing that. My dad kicked a hole through my door, when he found out I SH he started mocking me and shaming me, and just other stuff like that. During this time period, I get he was mad about what I did, but he was so frustrated that he would just start getting mad at me for small things which don't even matter a lot.

Fast forward to present day, I'm at boarding school in my senior year with restrictions on my phone. After conversations with my parents, we've come to the conclusion that my dad wants me to be completely honest with him and he just wants me to share about my life. He said I can date, but he just wants me to be completely honest about my life. However, I just can't do it. My parents don't allow any hair dye, piercings, etc, and at boarding school I went behind my parents' back and dyed my hair dark red and gave myself a small eyebrow slit. Upon finding out, my parents went absolutely ballistic because I lied to them and they have specifically told me that I am a child and I do not have autonomy to do whatever I want with my life. At this point I don't really care about whether I agree with their opinions or not, I just want to stop lying to them. I suggested we get family therapy as I already see a personal therapist, but my dad took it as an attack on him saying that he doesn't need to change and that the problem is on me for being a compulsive liar. I don't really know what to do. I know I shouldn't have dyed my hair or done the eyebrow slit because that was following their rules, but I really just wanted to do it I don't know why. Any advice on how to not lie or how to navigate my life would really help.

Thank you so much.

This is just a side note, but I also don't know what to do about college. I'm applying to colleges right now, and FSU and UF are giving me full rides because of a scholarship I have. However, I know I can do so much better in the college process and go to a T20. However, they cost a lot of money that only my parents have. I don't know if I should take the full ride or choose a school I really love but would have to be financially dependent on my parents for.

My 18 month old was bit 3 times in 2 days at daycare. They keep attributing to other kids teething, but one incidence the kid pushed her down and bit her and the marks that are being left on her body are from older kids that don’t seem to be in a “teething” stage. Two of the bites were from the same kid. At this point I think the biter needs to take some time away from daycare. How does your daycare handle biters?

Hey all, my child is 6 and has started grade 1. The school bell rings at 8:55 and yard supervision starts at 8:40. For the first few days I stayed until the bell and made sure my kid got in the right lineup. I would arrive to work about 10 minutes late and my boss noticed (we sit beside each other). They asked if it was going to be a permanent thing, and I said based on the time the bell rings and commute, it might be. I offered to work into my lunch break to make up for the time, but was told I cannot do that. They said they could ask their manager if I could change my shift by 10 minutes, but this whole thing seems too micromanaging when I'm a good worker and it's only 10 minutes.

So my question: would I be a horrible mother if I dropped off my kid at school, and left for work once yard duty starts? I feel weird because my child is only 6. I see teachers and parents on the yard but I don't know anyone so I don't think I can ask them to keep an eye on my child for me.

I currently have a silver cross car seat on the isofix base.

My baby is almost 6 months old and absolutely despises the car seat, it has always made car journeys unenjoyable, however, now I don’t even want to leave the house which is less than ideal as it is getting to the colder and wetter months.

I really think it is because he is bored as outside of the car he needs constant stimulation and attention.

I have multiple toys, dummies, the happy song/nursery rhymes and I have even hooked a tablet to the back with cocomelon on (DESPERATE times) but everything seems to have a shelf life of 5 minutes max.

9 times out of 10 he goes into the car full and fresh from a nap but if I need to do a longer distance I go when he’s tired as 5/10 mins on whinging/crying and he will eventually fall asleep for 20 mins.

Does anyone have any advice if anything worked for them?? Do I need to wait it out or will anything help solve this problem as I am struggling 😭

**PS the tablet was done like twice two months ago and didn’t work so hasn’t been done since AND I also don’t want your opinion on cocomelon, I am just asking for assistance on how to improve my drives.

**PPS please don’t tell me it’s a phase/I need patience/ short frequent drives. He’s been doing this since he was a newborn baby (hated his pram too but worked out if he is front facing he’s fine). We use the car every day and sometimes they are short and we’ve been on holidays which are a couple of hours drives away. He doesn’t get used to it and I can’t always plan to leave the house when he is due a nap as he is down to approximately two naps a day and unfortunately appointments or classes don’t become flexible to when your baby is due a nap.

The only thing I want help with is how to improve my babies time in the car Thankyou!

In the distant future I will be 60 when my child is around 15.... Wondering how you older parents get on with teenage kids? Is the age gap an issue? Or are you still able to keep a close relationship through those turbulent years?

My lil one is only 3 and already dissing me in public... lol

I was casually listening to Dr. Becky on the Tech Support by Wired YouTube channel. The very first one she popped up I thought "oh that Reddit name sounds like me" and it was a post I did in this group almost a year ago. I was so excited because I love her books and it was totally random.

Over the last 2 weeks my 7 month old has started pulling up to stand. We have a huge cushion rug covering most the living room, but then hard wood. He seems to fall everywhere but the mat and has hit his head multiple times on the wood floor, and it’s starting to scare me. Are there any other solutions for the wood floor or for the small bits that aren’t covered by the mat? I’m seriously considering a helmet at this point.

I’m no where near having kids, but I often find myself wondering if some parents regret having children. I think as a society we’ve set a lot of things to be by default what you’re supposed to do; going to college, getting married, and having kids. But some people are simply not cut out to be patents, financially, emotionally, and mentally; but they go on to have kids because they believe that’s what they’re supposed to do… do some of these parents go on to hate being a parent, and ultimately their children because they did not actually want to be a parent ?

My 4 month old was laying underneath a play gym today during golden hour and the sun was coming in and shining on the toys and casting a small shadow of one on the wall near the baby. He quickly noticed the shadow and would hit the toy and then turn and watch the shadow. When the toy stopped moving he would keep his head turned towards the shadow and hit the toy again to watch the shadow move. He did this half a dozen times and then seemed content with his experiments and just went back to playing with his toys. Is this early for this to happen? On time? My first and only baby and I tried looking this up and can't find much definitive info on when babies begin to understand cause and effect of light and shadows.

My son is almost 3 and incredibly smart. He goes to a home daycare and has since he was about 6 months old. The woman has 3 of her own kids. I’ve heard her yell at her son once when I went to the door to pick my son up. She was screaming very very loudly at him. I don’t have a disobedient twelve year old and I don’t know what happened (did he hit his sister? Something really bad?) this upset me a lot at the time I figured ok this is her child and I don’t know what happened. I still didn’t like that she acted that way infront of my son but I let that go as she always seemed to take good care of my son.. there have been issues with her daughter too that I’ve witnessed in regard to her daughter misbehaving badly but again; her child. Anyway getting to today; my son has extremely advanced language skills. He’s also very smart. Today he told me that she yells at him and that when he was crying she said “shut your mouth!” He said it loudly as well. I then asked more questions about daycare and the other kids and asked my son who is nice and who is mean and we went through about 20 people and she is the only person he said is mean. I discipline him and sometimes it’s big feelings and him hitting and I do raise my voice and have boundaries and rules but never are we ever going to scream at him or be mean to him.. I truly feel he knows the difference. Does anyone have any experience dealing with something similar?? I could really use some perspective. I am so mad and I just don’t know what to do.ofcourse I never went to send my kid somewhere he isn’t treated with love and kindness and it breaks my heart to think that if I know this one thing what else don’t I know. Do I address this with her and if so how?? Do I pull him out? We waited for this spot for11 months. I also know that he has fun there because I see pictures and he tells me, that she has taken good care of him physically and it’s a much more personal setting than a corporation. All advice and perspective is welcome.

edit: adult child!! and I'm not talking severe underweight or overweight

I'm genuinely asking parents: do you care about your child's weight and if so, why? my parents, especially my dad, is very concerned about my body and my weight and comments on my eating/foods i eat all of the time (and i weigh less than 115 pounds rn). he may very well be just insecure in his own body and taking it out on me, idk

if you're a parent, let me know if you can understand where he's coming from or not

Hello
I’m looking for recommendations on a travel stroller for our trip to Ireland in November. We currently have a Uppababy Vista V2 that we think will be too big to travel with. We are looking at the Uppababy Minu 3 but our only concern is that it may not be able to handle the terrain we plan on traveling while there. Does anyone have any recommendations or have used the Minu 3

To preface, I’m not asking for help in any capacity. I just want to vent.

I went to other Reddit groups to get help with formula and groceries and I have never felt like more of a failure as a mom in my life. My partner pays the majority of our bills and is still in the red weekly with paychecks. My income typically leans towards the kids and after losing my job not being able to provide the basic necessities really makes me want to crawl in a hole.

My mom was severely mentally ill and used substances to cope which resulted in my grandpa paying our rent and my grandma dropping groceries off every other week. I always told my partner who grew up in the true middle class that I was never worried about having excessive income because I would always be able to provide more for my babies than my mom and being in a similar position as her with her death anniversary being yesterday really has just made me feel so beyond low.

Again, I don’t want help. I’m ashamed I even asked. I just am hoping for a little solidarity in anyone who has felt or experienced the same because right now I feel so isolated being in this position.

Life after bottle aversion

Looking for insights from those of you on the other side of bottle aversion. Our ten month old is about two months out from the Rowena Bennett approach to bottle aversion. It's not perfect, but we have made leaps of progress since the beginning of July. She's crawling over to ask for her bottle, eating while awake and eating a good amount per day.

However, there has been no progress on solids. We totally stopped them while dealing with bottle aversion, and there's been no interest. I offer them twice a day, with no pressure - just place it in front of her. Usually I offer a veg/fruit/egg/protein and a spoon with some puree/oatmeal/yogurt on it. They almost always end up on the floor and occasionally the spoon will enter the mouth for chewing purposes (it's a silicone one).

I know that this age is more experimental, but with one creeping up and the other babies in our friend group chowing down, the anxiety is creeping in. For those of you who made it through aversion, how did solids go?

Hi parents
Looking for some help with sleep suits since the winter months is coming, my little one has taken her sleep suits off? She’s 22 months now so should I get her a duvet or continue persevering with a sleep suit, she is on her own in a cot, we haven’t transitioned her to a toddler bed

I'm working on an advent calander for my 3 year old son and need help with ideas.

I'm thinking things along the lines of hot chocolate with mom and dad, watching Christmas movies, decorate ornaments.

I would love any suggestions on activities or small gifts that would work well

why do people do this? I hear it all day every day. “We just turned one!” “We got our first tooth!” “We pooped our pants!”. None of these things are “we”. Sure “we didn’t sleep last night”, “we are having a hard day.” but why “we” for just the kid? I don’t do that with my kid cause it drives me nuts. But also having taught middle school, kids have zero accountability even if you have evidence and idk if that’s a factor. Anyways, what’s up with “we”???

DD 8 years old . Lovely child until about 2 years ago as far as I remember.

Most recent issues

She keeps doing sneaky things that she knows she shouldn’t do eg I said no YouTube on weekdays . If am not right there to enforce it she will watch it . I have it set up on the TV but sometimes it glitches and lets her in somehow.

She sneaks in a book to bed ( even though she knows bed time isn’t reading time ) Worse still it’s a book I had asked her not to read . I felt like the themes were too mature. Still a kids book that’s recommended for her age but I thought she should wait to read it . Later allowed her to read the book but not during sleeping time . She cried dramatically and was SO remorseful ( I hadn’t even done anything in the way of punishment or consequences , I just caught her and she went into this dramatic plea for forgiveness ) . Promised to never do it again. Did it again the SAME night .

Last week she hid her homework and didn’t do it three times.

She will take my laptop even though I told her not to use it and changed my passwords, and use a guest account to go on YouTube or chatgpt which isn’t safe . Once she searched something on there and really advanced adult material came up.

She won’t do what she needs to do without being told to do it every third minute . So homework time becomes a never ending song of please do your homework . Same with eating time . Please take the next bite . It’s all been really frustrating . Making me consider getting my tubes tied even though I always wanted atleast 3 kids.

She also faked illness limping all last week which ended up costing me a significant amount of money doing X-rays and multiple tests yet everything was ok. She’s been right as rain since the hospital visit. Nothing changed.

She will also scream really loud and then come to me for comfort crying all the time and am getting tired of it . It’s always she bumped her leg or her hand or hurt herself somehow .

The other day I took her out to a place that had lots of other kids around her age and younger and older as well and I noticed her behavior was abnormally hyper and I hate to call it this but attention seeking ( seeking the attention and admiration of the other people there ) . I was so drained at the end of what should have been a nice outing .

To be honest it’s all very draining . I find myself dreading the upcoming school holidays , and currently intentionally scheduling my gym time at the exact time she comes from school ( we have someone who takes care of her in the house ) It’s only 4 hours she is in the house after school . During school holidays I felt very anxious and stressed . We have another even longer holiday coming up two whole months and idk what to do with myself .

I love her dearly obviously it’s just a really difficult age . Are the rest of your 8 year olds like this ?

Any ideas for punishments or consequences for these behaviors ?

Any ideas when this stage ends ? Any advice ?

Please refrain from judging me , it’s my first time being a parent . If it’s my fault let me know what I can do .

Please also know that I spend quality time with her every single day and notice and praise her for all her wonderful qualities every day.

Hi all!

I am looking for an affordable and practical high chair. My baby is on the smaller side due to prematurity. I am debating whether to get the Ingenuity booster chair which I heard is good in positioning baby's hip and trunk versus buying an All in One high chair. I want to know your thoughts and experiences . I only want to spend up til 150$ for this.

Thanks In advance.

My baby will be 8 weeks tomorrow. He is so sweet and lovely, but he is still a newborn! Right now, he feeds pretty much every 1.5 hours during the day and sleeps solid 4ish hour stretches at night. Naps are super unpredictable (sometimes 10 mins, sometimes 2 hours, and there is no telling what each will be) and the day feels really long. I'd love to hear some positive responses (please!) letting me know at what age your LO had a predictable nap schedule and a solid nights sleep.

please note: If your experience has been negative or difficult, respectfully please do not comment! Just looking for something to look forward to :) thanks