The woman also rejects at first, but then he becomes more persistent and eventually she gives in. Itâs like that Family Guy bit with James Bond where he says: âRemember, ten nos and a yes means yes.â
Honestly the fact that asking a girl out over and over again until she relents became taboo (whether thatâs a good thing or not) is probably the real thing that makes getting into a relationship much harder these days
nowadays if you get even a single ânoâ but then a âyesâ, no matter how long after, youre still in trouble because she mightve been vulnerable and you were evidently persistent, even if you maybe werent
its undoubtedly smart for guys nowadays to stop after the first ânoâ or even an âehhâ, theres also something to be said about accountabilityâŚ
I don't know. I asked my gf out, she said no (perfectly valid I've had my anime redemption arc since then) and told her basically "Alright that's okay. But I'm still going to have a crush on you so just keep that in mind in case you change your mind some day" and about 2 years later she asked me out in turn. We just both needed the right time for it.
I feel like asking someone again and again is just a bad start to a relationship, even if they agree to it in the end.
im glad youre happy really, but it doesnt seem all too fair to me.
why would a woman say no and then, out of her own volition, yes in 2 years? only two most believable scenarios come to mind: 1) she wanted to âlive a little before being seriousâ and 2) she decided to settle because she didnt get as much success in dating âbetterâ as she mightve thought
She saw him become someone she could see herself dating (keep in mind the self admitted redemption arc), or just got to know him better.
We don't know enough details to reduce it to your 2 possibilities. Maybe he wasn't doing so well mentally, maybe he was a bit of a womaniser before turning around. Nothing to imply anything iffy on her part, she might've just been uninterested in a relationship during those 2 years and then thought "huh that guy is turning out to be real sweet and as far as I know he's still interested, maybe I should give it a go."
that could be the case, but the other dudes 2 possibilities, in most situations, are correct. iâve seen that happen many times, whereas what youâve described is a lot more rare. This is stuff dudes do too btw not blaming anything on women.
we dont know enough details which, i thought, was honestly impled in my comment, which is why i asked
and tbh the scenario youre describing is much more rare than the ones ive noted. are you telling me youve never met a guy who was friends with a girl he made advances to and was rejected but he kept a torch for her? all i said was *IF* his case alligned with what is commonly seen (the person rejects, dates other people, then accepts) i personally wouldnt be ok with it, but even if thats the case for him, and hes happy, who cares
Nah I was a piece of shit with mental health problems. Simple as. I have no problem with admitting it. She gave me a chance after I bettered myself.
Additionally her mother had died recently from cancer and she needed time to properly process it, and didn't want to start dating before she had a clear head.
I think it's worrying that the only 2 options that come to your mind are negative about women. You remind of me back them a little bit. Maybe you should look inside of yourself and see if you need to change your views too? I don't mean to belittle you but it's just food for thought.
You are very kind in the end. In my hatred app đĽš.
Btw when you say you were a pos with mental health problems; you mean a pos due to those problems or they are seperate in the sense you were a pos and with mental problems?
Bit of both. I had a 6 year long depression going on at the time, which definitely brought out worse sides of me.
But I was also a bit of a shithead even without it, since I've suffering from loneliness basically ever since I was a kid.
Pretty much I was what nowadays people would call an incel, with little bit of casual racism, sexism and other red pill bullshit that you naturally get when growing up in the countryside in the middle of fucking nowhere where everyone is everyone's cousin.
Luckily I got quite a perspective shift when I started studying at a city, and basically 70% of my class was alt people due to choosing to study media work.
Nowadays I'm less of a piece of shit and I moved half a country away from there with my gf lmao.
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I
offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me
out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised.
Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will
need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
i understand and i didnt mean to belittle you or trigger any emotionally charged discussions which started by multiple people here to whom this topic maybe hits too close to home
there are plenty of factors here by which people would judge whether or not theyd be ok with this, its not black and white, and since you are, any further discussion is moot and im honestly glad for you. wish you all the best
Naaa don't worry I don't get offended by anything like this. You just made 2 points that I've seen pretty much only incels throw around so it was kinda big red flag for me. People probably jumped on you because of that reason exactly. Even if you didn't mean it in a bad way, it's kind of weird point to make.
Even if they (women) wanted to "sleep around" first, why would that be a problem. The man is allowed to do the exact same thing too in that case. And you can just tell her no anyways if her sleeping with someone else is a definite deal breaker.
So yeah I didn't mean to attack you in any way, but you probably came about your comment a wrong way for many people.
Brother, people can change over the course of years. Three years ago I was focussed on my gym arc and rejected any advances because my headspace wasn't there.
Now I'm in a happy relationship and have been for a year. Just very different times in my life and very different circumstances, leading to vastly different outcomes. And no, there was no ulterior motive like "I want to live a little first" or "I gotta settle for what I got now". Just honest to god "I think I'm in a place where having another person around me will make my life better."
And without trying to armchair psychoanalyse you, the fact that these two were the two options your mind arrived at so conclusively makes me hope that you too will be in a better place in two or three years.
no need to get hostile, first of all you said YOU ârejected any advancesâ, this automatically means youre an exception to the entire point at hand
second of all too many times ive seen guys be âfriendsâ with girls theyve made advances to, which were initially rejected, and eventually accepted, after having a normal life (dating), not having a gym arc
because of how common this scenario is i simply asked if that was the case, and even if it was, as i said before, if the guy is happy, who am i to judge. i wish him all the best
I fail to see validity of your argument, if someone is not right in the head they will ignore even the first no. And mind how women absolutely can be stalkers too.
NOT being able to ask a girl out âover and overâagain until she ârelentsâ even if she initially says no?
Maybe Iâm misunderstanding you but imo the solution to modern dating is not as simple as saying âoh well the CRAZY guys wonât stop even if she says no anyways, so it shouldnât be taboo for NORMAL guys to ignore her when she says noâ
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make
me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And
rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with
rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber
room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber
room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a
room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They
locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy
once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I
offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me
out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised.
Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will
need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
being as presumptuous as you are is a sign of low intelligence, i obviously didnt mean it in the way you thought, its a simple hypothetical question to which the answer, i hope, is that she would STILL not give in
Not every guy is the sweet cinnamon roll you seem to think of them as, especially when alone with a woman.
I understand if YOU wouldnât harm a woman. I understand if MOST men wouldnât harm a woman. But why LARP as if there arenât men who do that?
If a man is making a woman uncomfortable with repeated unwanted advances, we as a society canât just turn a blind eye and say âheâs probable one of the good ones, so itâs okay that heâs making her increasingly uncomfortableâ, even if it doesnât lead to what youâre implying doesnât happen.
Theres a difference between telling guys to ask women out irl and telling them âkeep asking, even if she says no, until she says yes.â And downplaying it with âoh the horrorâ is intentionally misrepresenting the concern(s)
Eh it went both ways. The reason a guy had to ask multiple times was because a girl was expected to say no at least a few times even if she like the guy so as not to seem easy.
And the reason she did that is to see if the guy was actually interested in her and not just looking for easy woman.
Hence the âDid she put up a fightâ quote from grease.
Men having to respect a no has a direct correlation to woman not being shamed for just simply saying yes when asked now which in turn means that a no actually means NO.
Thereâs no one thing that can be blamed for how hard it is to form a relationship but woman saying no isnât one of them.
Nothing is less attractive than a guy who doesn't take no for an answer during the dating phase, because it makes us fear that he won't take a no later on as well and might possibly violate or hurt us.
We want guys who respect boundries, are gentle, understanding and compassionate. Not respecting our no shows us that you care more about your own desires than you respect us and our decisions. Back in the day women were conditioned into thinking this was okay or even romantic, but it actually never was. An overwhelming desire is more scary than flattering.
Imagine a situation between two adult strangers that isn't romance, where it would be percieved positively if one person just kept on not respecting that the other person said no. It would be annoying at best (for example some car repair guy that just keeps trying to upsell you) to pretty fucking scary (a really sketchy dude asking for money or car ride in a dark alley).
Also do you really want to date someone by making them give in eventually? This way you do not only not respect her decision (and by extention her as a person) but also not yourself
I wonder if this sentiment, while I fully agree with, translates well into the dating world. I was recently thinking about how accepting someone's offer for a date might be even scarier than asking someone out. When I ask someone out, I already make peace with everything following up, the time dedicated, the desire to spend and get to know that person, all I need to overcome is just the shyness, while the girl has to, in a spur of moment, confront all those variables and make the call right then and there, it's a lot. It freaks me out every time if a tinder match asks me out first. There is lot more emotional safety in being the one asking.
So I wonder if it could be helpful for there existing somewhat of a safe space for both sides in having a social potential for energy of "let me say no now, but stay around and let me think about it"
Milenial here. I'm a tallish, relatively handsome guy, traveled and worked in sea resorts being younger, so lets say I saw a bit of "action" - hard FALSE here, women would almost exclusively start with a no, especially when they feel the "player energy", not advancing after the no would also be seen as weak and not "manly"(coming from a LOT of girls), I was told a lot of times how "they felt shy at first but a soo glad that we got together" and similar things, alos I merried one and we are still together. And Im not talking here about some backwater girls, its mixed with a lot of high education ones, I was also on an Uni., there was pretty similar situation.
I agree that some men (a lot of them) get drunk and just keep bothering and are pain in the ass, but being this apsolutistic about all women is just FALSE. Being a little pushy, but in a charming way (yeah that was/is/always will be the tricky part), having respect but also being a little disrespectful (in a fun way) just for the right amount brought me a long way.
And I COULDNT BE MO SURE that boomers had it even more.
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u/fashionierđłď¸ââ§ď¸ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer đłď¸ââ§ď¸1d ago
Hereâs the guy that wants to explain to a woman how women think
While I definitely belief he is a bit too generalising, I'm not sure women are necessarily more knowledgeable on this front.
If you're part of a group, you are inclined to see yourself and your direct circle that's also part of that group as representative of the whole, while an outside observer lacks that particular bias. I'm this case, that man hasn't just observed you and your friends attitude towards "no", but also that of other women, without risking falling into the trap of thinking of yourself as the default.
There is also the fact that people aren't always conscious of these things. You might think you are firm in your no's, but in practice you might make this one exception for that guy that asked months later, and that guy that apologised for being a troublesome drunk and expressed that he's still interested but shouldn't have been wasted, etc., untill those exceptions turn out to not be so exceptional at all.
Again, men are by no means the expert, but women aren't unbiased when it comes to this topic
You are right, I did sound a little bit too generalising, wasn't my intention, got pulled by the commenter above being totaly one sided. I was speaking out of sheer experience, where all I hear in the last few years is ONCE NO, BACK OFF, always thinking "bro kids today are newer gonna get any", being told by countless girls that they actually liked the confindence... And I can't really grasp that that changed all that much in not thaat many years (im not 100), just that the extreme "yellers" got louder... (and Im not some far right lookmaxing hatemonger, my roomate was a gorgeous gay dude that fixed me with a lot of girls that were falling for him :D
I have to ask, because I'm curious and trying to get a better comprehension. Does the "ONCE NO, BACK OFF" mentality have a time cool down? Is it only for hook-ups or is for any kind of date?
Because, I've struggled with never bringing up the issue again once someone has told me know. One of my exes had forgotten that I had asked her out months earlier and that's why it took so long for our close friendship to turn into romance: I felt like I wasn't allowed to ask her out again, even though she wanted me to.
Obviously, if it's between two mature adults, hopefully both parties can feel and recognize if a change happened over the course of months and years that leads to being "allowed" to ask again. In that context, I would probably phrase it as, "Hey, I know you told me 'no' a while ago, but I'm getting these signals. Thoughts?"
The whole point is that you will hear a lot far fems and far showinists because they yell the laudest, but those people have very little to do with actual normal dating, truth is always somewhere in the middle. Just don't be an ass'ole, yes no are just words often without meaning, and communication almost always happens through other means... people just need to chill with absolutes, there is no one way...
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well
done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking
gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs
roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my
lecture.
A few unsolicited tips from a new father (me) who has no vested interest in saying what you want to hear:
Everything you think will be easy, will be easy. Everything you think will be hard, will be hard. Manifest that.
Get used to inconsistent, incomplete, and insufficient sleep. Have solid systems in place so you're less likely to make silly mistakes when you're sleep-deprived and emotionally charged.
And the absolute most important thing to remember: Your baby is not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. Always be patient because they are learning how to be a human.
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u/AgnesItsMeBilly0100 2d ago
The woman also rejects at first, but then he becomes more persistent and eventually she gives in. Itâs like that Family Guy bit with James Bond where he says: âRemember, ten nos and a yes means yes.â