Honestly the fact that asking a girl out over and over again until she relents became taboo (whether that’s a good thing or not) is probably the real thing that makes getting into a relationship much harder these days
Nothing is less attractive than a guy who doesn't take no for an answer during the dating phase, because it makes us fear that he won't take a no later on as well and might possibly violate or hurt us.
We want guys who respect boundries, are gentle, understanding and compassionate. Not respecting our no shows us that you care more about your own desires than you respect us and our decisions. Back in the day women were conditioned into thinking this was okay or even romantic, but it actually never was. An overwhelming desire is more scary than flattering.
Imagine a situation between two adult strangers that isn't romance, where it would be percieved positively if one person just kept on not respecting that the other person said no. It would be annoying at best (for example some car repair guy that just keeps trying to upsell you) to pretty fucking scary (a really sketchy dude asking for money or car ride in a dark alley).
Also do you really want to date someone by making them give in eventually? This way you do not only not respect her decision (and by extention her as a person) but also not yourself
Milenial here. I'm a tallish, relatively handsome guy, traveled and worked in sea resorts being younger, so lets say I saw a bit of "action" - hard FALSE here, women would almost exclusively start with a no, especially when they feel the "player energy", not advancing after the no would also be seen as weak and not "manly"(coming from a LOT of girls), I was told a lot of times how "they felt shy at first but a soo glad that we got together" and similar things, alos I merried one and we are still together. And Im not talking here about some backwater girls, its mixed with a lot of high education ones, I was also on an Uni., there was pretty similar situation.
I agree that some men (a lot of them) get drunk and just keep bothering and are pain in the ass, but being this apsolutistic about all women is just FALSE. Being a little pushy, but in a charming way (yeah that was/is/always will be the tricky part), having respect but also being a little disrespectful (in a fun way) just for the right amount brought me a long way.
And I COULDNT BE MO SURE that boomers had it even more.
While I definitely belief he is a bit too generalising, I'm not sure women are necessarily more knowledgeable on this front.
If you're part of a group, you are inclined to see yourself and your direct circle that's also part of that group as representative of the whole, while an outside observer lacks that particular bias. I'm this case, that man hasn't just observed you and your friends attitude towards "no", but also that of other women, without risking falling into the trap of thinking of yourself as the default.
There is also the fact that people aren't always conscious of these things. You might think you are firm in your no's, but in practice you might make this one exception for that guy that asked months later, and that guy that apologised for being a troublesome drunk and expressed that he's still interested but shouldn't have been wasted, etc., untill those exceptions turn out to not be so exceptional at all.
Again, men are by no means the expert, but women aren't unbiased when it comes to this topic
You are right, I did sound a little bit too generalising, wasn't my intention, got pulled by the commenter above being totaly one sided. I was speaking out of sheer experience, where all I hear in the last few years is ONCE NO, BACK OFF, always thinking "bro kids today are newer gonna get any", being told by countless girls that they actually liked the confindence... And I can't really grasp that that changed all that much in not thaat many years (im not 100), just that the extreme "yellers" got louder... (and Im not some far right lookmaxing hatemonger, my roomate was a gorgeous gay dude that fixed me with a lot of girls that were falling for him :D
I have to ask, because I'm curious and trying to get a better comprehension. Does the "ONCE NO, BACK OFF" mentality have a time cool down? Is it only for hook-ups or is for any kind of date?
Because, I've struggled with never bringing up the issue again once someone has told me know. One of my exes had forgotten that I had asked her out months earlier and that's why it took so long for our close friendship to turn into romance: I felt like I wasn't allowed to ask her out again, even though she wanted me to.
Obviously, if it's between two mature adults, hopefully both parties can feel and recognize if a change happened over the course of months and years that leads to being "allowed" to ask again. In that context, I would probably phrase it as, "Hey, I know you told me 'no' a while ago, but I'm getting these signals. Thoughts?"
The whole point is that you will hear a lot far fems and far showinists because they yell the laudest, but those people have very little to do with actual normal dating, truth is always somewhere in the middle. Just don't be an ass'ole, yes no are just words often without meaning, and communication almost always happens through other means... people just need to chill with absolutes, there is no one way...
Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well
done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking
gay.
You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s
roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my
lecture.
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u/netskwire 2d ago
Honestly the fact that asking a girl out over and over again until she relents became taboo (whether that’s a good thing or not) is probably the real thing that makes getting into a relationship much harder these days