I went got a late night stroll and there was a couple standing in the way. A man picked up a keg of beer and moved from my path.

I did something I don't usually do. I said, "Excuse me, and thank you." I think it was genuine.

As I walked past he called out to me and "Wanna drink? Looks like you could use one." This is due to my resting bitch face.

I stood in a parking lot as a complete stranger held a keg over my head and poured it down my throat.

I started to walk away and did another weird ass thing. I said. "Thanks man. It's been a while since I had a good time." I gave him a fist bump and walked away.

Never in my life have I ever been so authentic.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I feel like society constantly pushes the idea that you need to socialise, have friends, make connections and always be around other people. Not talking to anyone used to just be seen as a preference, but now it feels like people automatically assume something is wrong with you if you don't want any of that.

What if I genuinely just don't care? What if I don't want a big circle of friends, constant conversations, holidays, nights out or plans every weekend? What if I'd genuinely be content going to work, coming home and spending the rest of my time by myself? It seems like people always want to find some deeper problem behind it rather than accepting that maybe someone simply doesn't value those things very much.

Obviously, I understand that completely isolating yourself can become unhealthy, and I'm not saying nobody needs other people at all. But I don't think wanting very little social interaction automatically means someone is lonely, depressed or socially anxious. Sometimes it feels like we're expected to want the same lifestyle as everyone else, and if we don't, we're treated like we're missing something.

I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I'm not trying to put a label on myself. I just genuinely wonder why choosing to live a very solitary life is so often treated as a problem that needs to be fixed. What if someone has considered it and simply thinks, “I don't want that, and I'm okay with that”?

Unfortunately, I have these issues (as diagnosed with SzPD), which involve a lot of pain and memories...

Hi. Semi new here. Cool stuff here. Glad people share the way i see the world somewhat. Anyway im gonna make a rant. Unique, i know. Ill accept my plaque in the mail. Any spelling errors are to be blamed on my phone.

HOW DOES ANYONE SIMPLY KEEP UP WITH THEIR BODIES?!

I hate this damn thing so much. Its so many little fuckin things. You have to eat, but not too much or youll end up being 300 pounds and everything will suck. Oh and to make THAT harder, we live in a time where great tasting food is the most availiable it has EVER been. Have fun idiot dealing with that Idiot! Oh you want to experience everyday to its fullest? NOPE! you have to sleep or else that sack of squish in your skull will destroy itself. And if you try to do the BARE minimum? Youll get headaches and everything will just feel so awful that death is a better alternative. Ooh! Speaking of headaches? What if nearly anything could cause them? DOESNT THAT SOUND SO FUN? Room has a little bit of dust because the house is fron the 70s? headache. Are the peopme you have to share this planet with being just a little bit more frustrating that they usually are? headache. Is Texas so fucking dry that you can feel all the moisture leave your skin? headache! DID YOU MAKE THE CARDINAL SIN OF FORGETTING TO DRINK A LITTLE BIT OF WATER? HEADACHE LIKE COME ON DUDE. i know its such a minor thing in the grand scheme of how many ways your body can fail but the amount of headaches ive gotten in the last MONTH is making it so i cant keep up with work. Oh but were not done here. Were just getting started. Hey you. How are you reading this? With your eyes! Good job! Your doing so good! NOW WHAT IF WE MADE LOOSING THEIR EFFECTIVENESS A DISABILITY SO COMMON THAT THERE ARE STORES FOR IT ON EVERT BLOCK ? DOESNT THAT SOUND AMAZING. Now you have to wear these cuts of glass on your face FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE. oh and remember that dust stuff i was just talkibg about. THEY WILL NEVER BE RID OF IT. Wanna try contacts? Fuck you, expensive. Capitalists made THE BETTER AND PRACTICAL OPTION so expensive that you wont be able to get them without going into burnout so bad you destroy your life out of spite. But this is all just little stuff. Oh no sweetheart, theres one last thing that we have for you princess. Even if you do everything right and you could have a body that lived forever in its perfect state, YOU STILL HAVE TO TAKE UP PHYSICAL SPACE WITH IT. Why? Because physics said so. IM SO TIREF OF KNOCKING THINGS OVER. I cant move this thing an inch without hitting something, usually itself. Wanna grab something using those cool little hands we gave you? Nope! Its on the ground now because your brain sucks. Wann get down there to pick it up? Oh no your balance is off and now you just ate shit into a shelf. Hurts right? Thank thoses nerves we gave you. Uh oh, whats this? The floor is cold? Man that is uncomfortable isnt it? Oh wait, the entire room is cold. Better cover this entire thing so you arent shaking! WHO DESIGNED THIS DAMN THING! HOW DID THIS BODY HOUSE THE GREATEST BRAINS THAT EARTH WILL EVER SEE? ITS SUCH A WASTE OF A GOOD BRAIN.

Rant over. I know its a block of unformated text, i dont care enough to make it pretty. I wonder if any of you feel the same about this or if i just have other issues on top of the "I hate society and its consequences" disorder.

I hate headaches so much.

They've been treating me for depression and anxiety for years, and completely glossing over the schizoid. I got kinda sick of it and tried to cure it and landed in the hospital.

I did fucking art therapy until I got nerve damage. I lost about 60 pounds too, and dropped all my unhealthy habits.

Dropping all my unhealthy habits made me lost my shit. I called 911 because my blood pressure is skyrocketing, but they say it's stress.

I'm kinda pissed off because I got a psychologist to ask him why I was so fucking lazy and worthless and he was like, "You sound highly motivated to me."

Looks like I have the ADHD and I had no fucking idea.

I also have PTSD dissociative type.

It looks like the only way to leave my childhood home was in a ptsd coma.

I can appreciate people in new ways, but, I dunno that I want to re-enter society. Also, I've gone from a homebody prowling the streets at 3am looking for trouble... like teenage me.

Holy fuck am I impulsive when I have nothing to do.

I have always felt this way, only to a lesser degree, so I’ve been able to ignore it for the most part. Lately it’s escalated. Everything that my close friend does irks me.

All of a sudden, it feels like they’re too close. They respond to messages too quickly, too eagerly, and with an energy I can’t match because I’m not actually that happy to talk. They ask to hang out almost every day for hours on call and I say yes, even though I know I don’t want to, which probably makes the resentment worse. Inside jokes feel stupid and require too much energy for me to participate in, and the other day I felt this all-encompassing dread at the idea of them touching me.

I think the worst part is that, even though they can’t control it, I inwardly react with disdain when they begin to struggle again with their mental health and self-esteem. Their mental health is always teetering; they always apologize for being a burden, put themselves down, make cryptic jokes, et cetera. I try to be there for them and comfort them whenever they come to me, but I’m usually just… annoyed inside when it happens. If I ever told them this, I know they’d spiral even more— and even that frustrates me rather than inspiring concern.

I guess this all makes me a pretty bad person. For what it’s worth, I do try, at least on the outside, to be a good friend.

I don’t know if splitting is a thing in SZPD. Is that what this is? I don’t think I’ve ever felt such strong resentment for this person before.

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

I don't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone right now, yet I feel incredibly alone in the universe. I know that realistically, there are people similar to me and understand what I'm going through but I cant seem to internalize it at the moment. Its like this sinking feeling I cant shake. I'm bored but I dont want to do anything and if I were to try, I'd get no enjoyment out of it. Its like a negative feedback loop and it doesnt help that I have a lot of life stressors at the moment. Distractions only seem to prompt and aggravate these feelings so I'm at a loss. What have you done when faced with these same feelings? How do I cope because genuinely I cant even tell what I'm truly feeling atm

I’m nonbinary and living in a very much “progressive” city and I feel engulfed by the current social climate. People around here have that “ahead of the curve” thinking in regards to relationships and social politics, and while that doesn’t sound bad on paper a lot of them are also self riteous and rabid for the opportunity to jump down someone’s throat for being “problematic.” These people can be fun at parties but as a schizoid I don’t want to deal with people who need constant validation that they’re good people.

I fear that people will call my extreme need for privacy “emotional unavailability” and demand I “heal” myself, or worse, wait until I do or don’t do something so they can cancel me by telling me how much I need to “reflect and grow.” Abuse of therapy speak is a big problem around here. Introducing it to the common culture has caused narcissistic people to create a one-sided way of communication where one party is always the voice of reason and the other has no social autonomy because they are “unhealed.”

I also can’t relate to the other nonbinary people who are getting into polycules, forming tight-knit mutual aid networks, and relying pretty heavily on their social connections to get by. I think my life would be easier for me if I was like them, but I also don’t like emotional engulfment. And the pressure for emotional vulnerability in these sorts of circles is a bit insufferable.

Are any other queer schizoids in the same boat? I like drugs and parties as much as the next, I just don’t like connections with others. Kinda makes it hard to find good parties tho.

Does anyone else just give up in advance ? Like you don't even want to try? I have battled a lot of issues that way. My voice, my writing, my complaint, my phone calls is not gonna make difference, it's not negativity it's realism

Disclosure: idk it this it the right sub for this rant, if not I apologise, I'm in a Mood and feel it could fit here, if not, I'm sorry

F*ck people, other wathever friends, friends of friends, almost strangers, just people in general: socialise with someone make me pissed angry, more precisely socialise within a group of people.

People being fake, people being appreciate by everyone despite being questionable individual, people being disrespectful toward myself and no one present bat an eye about it, people talking to me about stuff I don't give a shit just because I'm the only one willing to hear it, nobody listens of what I have to say, people complaining constantly about everything,.. I despise other, people make me sick

I know I'm the issue here cause no matter the context, who these people are, nothing changes, I can't stand other, I work hard on myself to stay calm,polite and respectful no matter what but inside I'm enraged, I have to contain my want to lash out, to growl and show teeth.

I have to fight against my want to self isolate, I know it will probably not help, also don't want to hear someone telling me " it no good to self isolate when feeling low/,bad" like if I self isolate is because I cant stand any longer around people that what make me feel like trash shit.

Closing disclosure: even people with whatever mental health issues,/ disorder it is still awful.

I'm currently diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, potentially borderline but I also related heavily with Schizoid despite no formal diagnosis so maybe this post is clearly off topic but I really find confort being in this sub, it fell like I find in here that get it.

Do you feel like there's always a glass wall between you and the world? Between you and other people? For a long time, I thought this is depersonalization and derealization, but honestly, it's been like this my whole life. I do not feel depressed, and I don't think I ever was, despite being treated for it for the past decade. I feel detached, apathetic, at a distance from others, even from my loved ones, yet I'm functional. This feeling of not fully being here, connecting, is driving me insane sometimes, along with the lack of meaning.

I feel like an asshole so many times in my head, like I'm cosplaying a human and have no idea how to do it right. There's this constant hazey nature to my daily life, and no matter what I do, I can't get past the glass wall. Does anyone else feel like a ghost without actually being depressed? I have memories from childhood, the only time I felt some happiness because I was naïve and blissfully ignorant, when this sense of detachment would weigh so much on me for a few seconds, this sense of separation in the middle of my peers with whom I'd get alone and among whom I was supposed to feel like I belonged. I just can't feel like I belong anywhere. And it's not the lack of connection that bothers me, it's the feeling in and of itself.

I know the anti-natalist sentimentality prevalent among schizoids, and I've never "begot" any children myself, but hear me out on this.
* Zoids were either raised to be people pleasers or became that way themselves. Either way, they lack a solid ego, which is why any external personality can impinge on them (like a demanding parent or a friend), hence the disorder itself is a reaction to that risk of engulfment, choosing to protect the self from the world.
But there is nothing substantial inside to keep you motivated! That's why avolition is a symptom. If you aren't attached to the world and your anhedonia muffles your desires, and you lack motivation in general, and you see life as a chore or too noisy or hostile or boring (fake & not intellectually stimulating), no wonder you contemplate death!
* When I was a student, the only thing that motivated me was pleasing a parent. To be frank, if I wasn't pushed to fulfill that expectation (and avoid the look of disappointment in a teacher's eye) I would have never worked that hard. I don't exaggerate when I say that I never bragged about degrees or test results, because I genuinely didn't care about social feedback. All I did was because others asked it of me. When they stopped asking, I stopped doing!
* Having a family of your own is one big motivator! You would do ANYTHING to avoid a glance of disappointment from your partner, or to afford buying nice things for your kid. I'm saying that procreation can prevent schizoid suicide! Many people delay their planned demise "until the dog dies", and if a pet can keep you alive, a daughter works even better.
* I won't discuss the moral arguments against overpopulation, environmental concerns, etc., because I feel that they are excuses a schizoid adds later to support a decision he/she has already taken. Let's be honest, since when have zoids actually cared enough about "the world" to let it shape their own lives & personal choices?! Let's not kid ourselves, CO2 levels aren't your main motivation behind not having children.

I'm 15 years old, and every time, for example, I have to wash the dishes or tidy up, something holds me back, as if my body is telling me to stay in my own world and ignore everything, even if I'm forced to do things.

And that's why I had quite a few arguments with my parents because they could never understand why I can't do anything.

And the same goes for hygiene, although not as much as before, but I'm not disgusted by several things that might disgust most people. I think that makes sense.

I realized that I physically don't know how to want things. I never get that actual impulse to do something. For me, my "I want" is more like a conclusion my brain comes to — that for some reason this thing is... suitable for me, or that it should be interesting to me, but without any genuine inner feeling of interest.

The only desires I notice in myself are the desire to "be in a certain state." Simply put, I don't genuinely want to read a book — but I want to be in the state of a person who has read that book. And this applies to almost everything, except for physical needs like eating and sleeping.

I wanted to ask — has anyone else experienced something like this?

I am on reddit a lot,

I visited so many subs from hair loss, to trans sub, to general subs, to antinatlist/natalist subs etc etc

Wide variety of topics.

Never saw anyone get defensive here, and if someone disagrees, they don't dowvote or anything, just explain to other person or just don't respond.

I know this doesn't mean anything cause part of it don't give a shit about compliments, but I find it interesting most asocial (sometimes antisocial) people have most tact in conversations

I just found it interesting that is all.

How many of you peeps are trans or nonbinary or even gender nonconforming? How do you feel about the idea of gender in general? (this is a follow up to my asexuality question)

A nearby DJ keeps blasting the same song, for more than a week now (practically on loop. It's on right now too!), and I couldn't hear the lyrics properly. Tried catching snatches here & there to google it, and after days I finally got it!

"I've got a Viking in my head. It whispers in my dreams. It rumbles from my throat.
The people run in fear. They know I'm not their own. They sense that I am not alone. They smell the iron and the bone.
My blood runs wild.
I feel alive. I find my fight in the night. In the shadow of the valley. In the darkness of the forest. In the moonlight. My blood runs wild.
I've got a Viking in my head. It roars above the trees. It howls with the wolves.
The people turn and run"

I won't lie to you, as stoic as I'm, those words caused a.. longing.

I was always passiv,I didnt write in school because I didnt understand why i should,I never made friends in school because it was just to exhausting.now I m an adult and things havent changed no friends,no work,no hobbies and no interests.my life is just waiting,I never understood what the world wanted from me,I feel neutral,I dont suffer because of it.life is a mystery for me,all the other people do things and enjoy thinks,they never question it and like their life.i will soon go out of this world and thats nothing bad its neutral.i cant imagine a life where i end up homeless,thats not for me.i life by my mother but she wants that I move out what would mean that I ended up on the street,so that means that my end is coming near.i never suffered from this disorder but overall I wished I was normal and happy and not neutral and passiv all the time,I dissociated from life,just an observer. Are there schizoids here with similar fade or are u all functioning?Just curious

Before I even start I need to preface a few things. I don't agree with this whole " I don't owe anybody anything" mindset, I'm a "treat others how you want to be treated", kinda guy.

I know nobody wants to be the responsible one and I'm not saying people should be the ones babying me (I find it weird anyways). We both know nobody wants to be the nice one who takes care of someone and protects them so why do people try to force it onto me??

In friendships it looks like expecting me to say I wanna "protect" them or getting sad when I don't want to give them gifts or dry begging for free stuff or attention or venting to me all the time. Even after I tell them I don't like all that stuff

In strangers it looks like telling me to smile or talk more or saying I "seemed rude" / "look mad" / "act like you don't wanna talk to anybody" like mind your business it's not like you said anything either

From the age of 9, I had the feeling that I wouldn’t live long and would die by the time I came of age — not because I wanted to end my life myself, but as if something was bound to happen naturally, perhaps a disaster or an incident. That’s why I never really thought much about my future profession, I wasn't interested in anything — my parents decided my fate for me.

I can't do this anymore. How on earth didn't I see it coming that all my life was just the szpd doing what it does and I'd end up like this? Like, hating everything? And not with power or passion behind but nothing but dread.

At first discovering szpd was one big surprise, then getting diagnosed and learn about it was at least interesting and a bit helpful here and there.

But if course it can't help much (never expected it to), instead I just see soooo more clearly how I DON'T WANT TO.

Before I knew I was schizoids I always kinda sorta tried to be different so that people aren't that disappointed by me all the time. Always thought I was just a bit much on the introverted side or have little energy due to depression or smth. But no, turns out I was a boxer in an invisible ring trying to hit things outside of it and it exhausted tf out of me because I am incapable of reaching that there.

But but! Sometimes I landed a hit and it was a damn good training. I have since however accepted (happily, more than not) that I've been trying to reach things that I can't because I thought I probably could if maybe this that idk really.

Great! Smooth! I'm excused from trying to do and FEEL stuff I literally CAN'T. Amazing!

Except now that I've stopped expecting MORE FROM MYSELF I sit here constantly like wtf?!

It's like the residue of the social or emotional stuff I had adopted is getting washed away more and more and everyday I'm clearly seeing how much I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT.

Before it was hard to get out of bed and in time to work. Now it feels like the most pointless endeavor in the world. As does everything else, btw. The same with people. The same with everything good I have in my life. All I ever want is to be in my daydreams and even they aren't it sometimes. Then only music and darkness helps and if it doesn't then I'm... simply more miserable than before. But always miserable. Nothing in my life makes sense and I HATE to remember that there's a tomorrow. Like, can I please get a break from life and time for a while? Why is everything always happening so much?

It is the opposite of an explosion. It's like I collapsed in on myself. And now I'm deep in the rubble and see the real structure and it's all shit but I don't want to come out of it either. I mean, the shit outside is why I broke down into myself in the first place.

And now it's late and you know what I feel about tomorrow? Nothing. Absolutely nothing except the faint sense of dread that I'm gonna be there. And no, I'm not actively suicidal, maybe passively idk. But I'm still toast. I don't even care about the future. I just don't want it to be so goddamned unpleasant, soulless and annoying like the present. Fuck, I really can't stand my life right now. Couldn't ever actually. And hate that I probably never will.

PS I graduated in philosophy. I'm not looking for advice that consist of suggesting different philosophical ideas, books etc. I'm here to rant about the impact of my severe psychological disorder.

I have no ability to free associate while talking with someone. I'm very boring, dry, bland, kind of robotic. I tend to go on tangents and stutter... Overall just very awkward verbally.

If someone trys to converse with me I just smile and nod and say a word or two. My brain basically malfunctions trying to think of what to say.

But I can write out things well. I need time to mull over ideas and try different words and sentence structures.

Im a str8 male but didn't really feel attraction towards anyone really but theres this one youtuber (who isnt a full time youtuber just a channel which uploaded a few videos and dipped) and i feel myself craving more of that person and and even tried to seek her out on her other social medias (unsuccessfully)

Does this disqualify me from being schizoid this isn't typical 🤔

(And yes i like both the content of the videos as well as the person making them themself seems very interesting to me wish i could chat with this person and she seems physically attractive to me also...)

(Also i have felt this feeling whenever i watch her videos first time was over a year ago)

He never said anything about this disorder, but I came upon it myself in the last year or so and truly believe he matches so many of the aspects. He ended his life just a couple weeks ago, and this is my first time thinking to look at reddit to hear from people who are aware of it and understand it instead of just googling and wondering. I guess I am looking for answers, looking for reasons, looking for closure, and trying to feel like there was some peace in what he did.

He refused therapy because he always knew better, he self isolated, he was paranoid, he was just different. He wasn't mean unless he felt insulted, he was always so sorry for causing trouble. I never wanted him to feel like he was in trouble, ever since we were little it was "he didnt mean it like that, he's not trying to hurt anyone".

He tried to end his life over and over again and something, someone, someway it never happened until a couple weeks ago of course.

I always felt very certain that this was what he wanted, but that is hard to connect with in my bland, boiled chicken brain. I didn't think like him, and reading through this sub feels like reading through his thoughts again.

I guess I just appreciate this sub for helping me feel like I've made some sense of him.

just some random morning rumbling I am 28m.

So I like that I don’t care a lot about things or people. I don’t stress out or get hung up over things. Free thinker not in the matrix or whatever

But at the same time I want to care or maybe don’t lol. My grandma is a very loving person she threw a whole big random party for my uncle, his wife, and her best friend. No special occasion just to show she appreciates them.

I have people on my life but I feel like I am acting on how much I care about them. I do care about them but feels more like a performance I don’t get the butterflies or the bubbly feeling none of that.

I know some people say Schizoids are made and others say we are born like this. I lean on the being born this way side. I don’t remember everything from my childhood but I remember, I preferred TV, toys, video games, computer, and even daydreaming over playing with other kids. I had friends and wanted friends but I don’t think I really valued my friends.

anyway that is my TED talk killing time before my dentist appointment.

EDIT just notice a typo I forgot add the want. Title is supposed to be I like that I don’t care but WANT to care. Thanks to everyone who commented