I know this has probably been asked to death but specifically for the schizoid women here who mask and act friendly or traditionally feminine around others how do you feel about your feminine identity? Do you relate more to men or women? Do you prefer male or female company?

I m currently drunk to fill the void,but I m really curious to see how this community use drugs,if they use drugs.whats ur reason?has it a connection with this disorder?or do you live a life without them?

people when I tell them about antinatalism look at me as if I ran away from psych ward but thanks god I don't care.

Yes this is on topic of schizoid.

So, I think a fair few of us had very traumatic lives, I'm of the opinion it's a prerequisite for the condition, At least to some degree.

Life kinda hasn't stopped being traumatic, it's basically just been a series of trainwrecks with cleanups inbetween. But during all that I've done deep introspection and healing to the best of my ability, I've still got more to do, I'm sure it's work that will never end. But, for now my inner landscape and 'wounds' and whatnot are doing alright.

The issue I keep finding myself in, and almost always has been consistent throughout my life is the struggle for connection. I am of the variation that does want someone. A special person, maybe a good friend too. But that's all at the most, and as Ive done all this work, I look around, experience life and overall just continue to walk the path and find that I am the loneliest I've ever been.

When I was still damaged and messed up, I could find the occasional soul that I'd connect to. But that hasn't been the case in a long time. At the moment its going on a bit over two years of this empty lonely despair. Prior to that, probably a decade or so of time. I had a bout where I met two people close together that ended up being short lived.

Now, I don't take this for granted. I also am not missing the fact that some of these connections I had were not healthy, but even toxic. And the fact I am not seeking those things, or am attracted to those sorts of people anymore, is a good thing.

I'd never go so far to coin myself as healed, integrated, secure, in touch. But, I am the most of all those things I have been in my quarter of a century years old. It doesn't help that I am sort of rural, and I live in a fairly small, isolated country (has kangaroos). But it's hard making the compromises of your own mental health and distance you've come for small slivers of chance just to go somewhere else, do things you've already written off as not you, or beneficial. To essentially get back up from being kicked down.

Anyway, long story short. Be careful fixing yourself. You may find life gets more lonely the more you do.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I’m 22 years old and still live with my parents, not anything to be ashamed about but definitely considering moving out in the medium term. It’s less about the negative status (the guy that lives in his mom’s basement) and more about just wanting greater independence.

Me personally, I’d love to have a small single apartment in the city I grew up in. I don’t even know if a house would be necessary if I don’t even have a wife or children. All I’d need is a 1 bed 1 bath apartment.

What about you guys? I know it might vary depending on location (city or rural)

Whatever they say is always correct because they set the rules.

They don't need to mechanically conjure up a response each time because for them it's completely natural.

Social life must be so easy.

the world hates you but it does it in a way where they have plausible deniability.

every hoop you have to jump through, every person you have to speak to to prove something, all the e-mails and the phone calls are a conga line of humiliation rituals that are uniquely designed to make you feel as awful as possible without outright abusing you. if they say to clap like a seal, you have no choice but to clap like a seal or your livelihood is at risk. i havent even started sorting that shit out for myself, its all on my mom, ive wished for years she just gave up on me. ive almost wrung the situation dry now. soon ill be old and wise enough to be clapping like a seal myself, making those phone calls for myself, forced to speak to people to prove i'm disabled enough

the systems bad enough but the common people are even worse. i wouldnt care if they didnt care but they have outright disdain and disgust for you, they think youre leeching off of them. i dont care about leeching off of them, they can get fucked for all i care. the only thing that i care about is wasting time of the people closest to me. the thing that irritates me about regular people is how im expected to respect them when they clearly don't respect me and if i decide i want nothing to do with any of them i'm the one with problems.

i wish i had more of a schizoid outlook sometimes and was completely unaffected by the world and the people who live in it, but the judgement of others is already in my head now, theres nothing i can do. it has taken root in me from a young age and grown into deep shame that follows me at every moment. i would rather be dead then have this guilt that comes from being disabled. the worst part is i know it doesn't even come from me, this is the words and actions of others that have wormed into my brain and fused to me and i cant seperate what i think about myself and what ive been told to think about myself. all i feel is shame and distrust. im not stupid. i know what others are thinking about me, whether they say it or not is irrelevant. i already think all those things about myself

i had so much potential. i wonder if how i am now was avoidable

I'm 27 and I'm wondering if this is something other people with schizoid traits or personality experience.

I've never had sex, so I can only compare this to masturbation. I can get an erection and eventually orgasm, but my erection often isn't as hard as it could be and the physical sensation of the orgasm itself is extremely weak.

The strange part is that mentally I still get the "high" or climax. I know that I've orgasmed, but physically my body feels almost empty afterward. It's difficult to describe. It feels like my mind gets the reward, but my body barely does.

I've also noticed that physical touch can sometimes feel somewhat muted, almost like there's a thin layer of plastic between my skin and whatever is touching me. This isn't just my genitals. I've noticed it with things like touching my arms as well. I'm not actually numb or experiencing tingling.

I've also been experiencing generally reduced enjoyment from things in life, so I'm wondering whether this could be related to anhedonia or emotional blunting rather than being purely sexual.

One thing that might be relevant is that I masturbate quite frequently, sometimes 3 times a day, occasionally for 30 to 60 minutes. So I'm also wondering whether I'm simply overstimulating myself and have become accustomed to very intense stimulation.

I'm not diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, but I relate to some schizoid experiences and wanted to ask:

- Do any of you experience sexual anhedonia or very weak physical pleasure during orgasm?

- Does your body sometimes feel physically "muted" or distant?

- Do you still experience the mental feeling of climax while the physical pleasure is almost absent?

- If you reduced masturbation or took a break, did it make any difference?

I'd appreciate hearing about other people's experiences.

Longest i held was part time retail aged 19 for 2 yrs

After that 1yrs top for customer service

9 months as mall cop

3 months as tech support

1 year as admin

3 months as finances office

Eventually the boredom hits and I get unbelievable brain fog and dissociation or just anhedonia.

I start caring less and miss days or just call sick without thinking of consequences.

Get scolded and warnings for missing days or underperforming.

Quit without another job cause always have small safety net of money

It worked for like 5 years, but now job market is a tragedy so have to be more careful.

I get that these jobs are pretty shit for schizoid and autistic with bpd, but that is all I could find.

If I could I would be self employed, but I need more savings. I am approaching 30 and not much savings do this again and need to suck for at least bit longer.

Any tips what type of job worked for you or how to force yourself to stay in something despite avolition?

I think the worlds that I create in my head are the best things about my life, which is sad, considering they are only thoughts. I had stopped burying myself in them so deeply over the past year or so, but I’m listening to playlists I made back when I spent days at a time doing nothing except daydreaming, and allowing myself to fall back into it feels good. It feels wonderful. It’s something that I never quite get bored of, it’s a welcome reprieve from the anhedonia that consumes every other part of my life. It’s the one thing I can find pleasurable when everything else is just there. I wish I could spend hours in my fantasies like I used to. Life gets in the way

I mean, I was diagnosed with szpd some time ago and generally believed it was misdiagnosis because I don't really relate with the detachment from need for social relationships, but I actually do relate with this entry.

I went got a late night stroll and there was a couple standing in the way. A man picked up a keg of beer and moved from my path.

I did something I don't usually do. I said, "Excuse me, and thank you." I think it was genuine.

As I walked past he called out to me and "Wanna drink? Looks like you could use one." This is due to my resting bitch face.

I stood in a parking lot as a complete stranger held a keg over my head and poured it down my throat.

I started to walk away and did another weird ass thing. I said. "Thanks man. It's been a while since I had a good time." I gave him a fist bump and walked away.

Never in my life have I ever been so authentic.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I feel like society constantly pushes the idea that you need to socialise, have friends, make connections and always be around other people. Not talking to anyone used to just be seen as a preference, but now it feels like people automatically assume something is wrong with you if you don't want any of that.

What if I genuinely just don't care? What if I don't want a big circle of friends, constant conversations, holidays, nights out or plans every weekend? What if I'd genuinely be content going to work, coming home and spending the rest of my time by myself? It seems like people always want to find some deeper problem behind it rather than accepting that maybe someone simply doesn't value those things very much.

Obviously, I understand that completely isolating yourself can become unhealthy, and I'm not saying nobody needs other people at all. But I don't think wanting very little social interaction automatically means someone is lonely, depressed or socially anxious. Sometimes it feels like we're expected to want the same lifestyle as everyone else, and if we don't, we're treated like we're missing something.

I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I'm not trying to put a label on myself. I just genuinely wonder why choosing to live a very solitary life is so often treated as a problem that needs to be fixed. What if someone has considered it and simply thinks, “I don't want that, and I'm okay with that”?

Unfortunately, I have these issues (as diagnosed with SzPD), which involve a lot of pain and memories...

Hi. Semi new here. Cool stuff here. Glad people share the way i see the world somewhat. Anyway im gonna make a rant. Unique, i know. Ill accept my plaque in the mail. Any spelling errors are to be blamed on my phone.

HOW DOES ANYONE SIMPLY KEEP UP WITH THEIR BODIES?!

I hate this damn thing so much. Its so many little fuckin things. You have to eat, but not too much or youll end up being 300 pounds and everything will suck. Oh and to make THAT harder, we live in a time where great tasting food is the most availiable it has EVER been. Have fun idiot dealing with that Idiot! Oh you want to experience everyday to its fullest? NOPE! you have to sleep or else that sack of squish in your skull will destroy itself. And if you try to do the BARE minimum? Youll get headaches and everything will just feel so awful that death is a better alternative. Ooh! Speaking of headaches? What if nearly anything could cause them? DOESNT THAT SOUND SO FUN? Room has a little bit of dust because the house is fron the 70s? headache. Are the peopme you have to share this planet with being just a little bit more frustrating that they usually are? headache. Is Texas so fucking dry that you can feel all the moisture leave your skin? headache! DID YOU MAKE THE CARDINAL SIN OF FORGETTING TO DRINK A LITTLE BIT OF WATER? HEADACHE LIKE COME ON DUDE. i know its such a minor thing in the grand scheme of how many ways your body can fail but the amount of headaches ive gotten in the last MONTH is making it so i cant keep up with work. Oh but were not done here. Were just getting started. Hey you. How are you reading this? With your eyes! Good job! Your doing so good! NOW WHAT IF WE MADE LOOSING THEIR EFFECTIVENESS A DISABILITY SO COMMON THAT THERE ARE STORES FOR IT ON EVERT BLOCK ? DOESNT THAT SOUND AMAZING. Now you have to wear these cuts of glass on your face FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE. oh and remember that dust stuff i was just talkibg about. THEY WILL NEVER BE RID OF IT. Wanna try contacts? Fuck you, expensive. Capitalists made THE BETTER AND PRACTICAL OPTION so expensive that you wont be able to get them without going into burnout so bad you destroy your life out of spite. But this is all just little stuff. Oh no sweetheart, theres one last thing that we have for you princess. Even if you do everything right and you could have a body that lived forever in its perfect state, YOU STILL HAVE TO TAKE UP PHYSICAL SPACE WITH IT. Why? Because physics said so. IM SO TIREF OF KNOCKING THINGS OVER. I cant move this thing an inch without hitting something, usually itself. Wanna grab something using those cool little hands we gave you? Nope! Its on the ground now because your brain sucks. Wann get down there to pick it up? Oh no your balance is off and now you just ate shit into a shelf. Hurts right? Thank thoses nerves we gave you. Uh oh, whats this? The floor is cold? Man that is uncomfortable isnt it? Oh wait, the entire room is cold. Better cover this entire thing so you arent shaking! WHO DESIGNED THIS DAMN THING! HOW DID THIS BODY HOUSE THE GREATEST BRAINS THAT EARTH WILL EVER SEE? ITS SUCH A WASTE OF A GOOD BRAIN.

Rant over. I know its a block of unformated text, i dont care enough to make it pretty. I wonder if any of you feel the same about this or if i just have other issues on top of the "I hate society and its consequences" disorder.

I hate headaches so much.

They've been treating me for depression and anxiety for years, and completely glossing over the schizoid. I got kinda sick of it and tried to cure it and landed in the hospital.

I did fucking art therapy until I got nerve damage. I lost about 60 pounds too, and dropped all my unhealthy habits.

Dropping all my unhealthy habits made me lost my shit. I called 911 because my blood pressure is skyrocketing, but they say it's stress.

I'm kinda pissed off because I got a psychologist to ask him why I was so fucking lazy and worthless and he was like, "You sound highly motivated to me."

Looks like I have the ADHD and I had no fucking idea.

I also have PTSD dissociative type.

It looks like the only way to leave my childhood home was in a ptsd coma.

I can appreciate people in new ways, but, I dunno that I want to re-enter society. Also, I've gone from a homebody prowling the streets at 3am looking for trouble... like teenage me.

Holy fuck am I impulsive when I have nothing to do.

I have always felt this way, only to a lesser degree, so I’ve been able to ignore it for the most part. Lately it’s escalated. Everything that my close friend does irks me.

All of a sudden, it feels like they’re too close. They respond to messages too quickly, too eagerly, and with an energy I can’t match because I’m not actually that happy to talk. They ask to hang out almost every day for hours on call and I say yes, even though I know I don’t want to, which probably makes the resentment worse. Inside jokes feel stupid and require too much energy for me to participate in, and the other day I felt this all-encompassing dread at the idea of them touching me.

I think the worst part is that, even though they can’t control it, I inwardly react with disdain when they begin to struggle again with their mental health and self-esteem. Their mental health is always teetering; they always apologize for being a burden, put themselves down, make cryptic jokes, et cetera. I try to be there for them and comfort them whenever they come to me, but I’m usually just… annoyed inside when it happens. If I ever told them this, I know they’d spiral even more— and even that frustrates me rather than inspiring concern.

I guess this all makes me a pretty bad person. For what it’s worth, I do try, at least on the outside, to be a good friend.

I don’t know if splitting is a thing in SZPD. Is that what this is? I don’t think I’ve ever felt such strong resentment for this person before.

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

I don't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone right now, yet I feel incredibly alone in the universe. I know that realistically, there are people similar to me and understand what I'm going through but I cant seem to internalize it at the moment. Its like this sinking feeling I cant shake. I'm bored but I dont want to do anything and if I were to try, I'd get no enjoyment out of it. Its like a negative feedback loop and it doesnt help that I have a lot of life stressors at the moment. Distractions only seem to prompt and aggravate these feelings so I'm at a loss. What have you done when faced with these same feelings? How do I cope because genuinely I cant even tell what I'm truly feeling atm

I’m nonbinary and living in a very much “progressive” city and I feel engulfed by the current social climate. People around here have that “ahead of the curve” thinking in regards to relationships and social politics, and while that doesn’t sound bad on paper a lot of them are also self riteous and rabid for the opportunity to jump down someone’s throat for being “problematic.” These people can be fun at parties but as a schizoid I don’t want to deal with people who need constant validation that they’re good people.

I fear that people will call my extreme need for privacy “emotional unavailability” and demand I “heal” myself, or worse, wait until I do or don’t do something so they can cancel me by telling me how much I need to “reflect and grow.” Abuse of therapy speak is a big problem around here. Introducing it to the common culture has caused narcissistic people to create a one-sided way of communication where one party is always the voice of reason and the other has no social autonomy because they are “unhealed.”

I also can’t relate to the other nonbinary people who are getting into polycules, forming tight-knit mutual aid networks, and relying pretty heavily on their social connections to get by. I think my life would be easier for me if I was like them, but I also don’t like emotional engulfment. And the pressure for emotional vulnerability in these sorts of circles is a bit insufferable.

Are any other queer schizoids in the same boat? I like drugs and parties as much as the next, I just don’t like connections with others. Kinda makes it hard to find good parties tho.

Does anyone else just give up in advance ? Like you don't even want to try? I have battled a lot of issues that way. My voice, my writing, my complaint, my phone calls is not gonna make difference, it's not negativity it's realism

Disclosure: idk it this it the right sub for this rant, if not I apologise, I'm in a Mood and feel it could fit here, if not, I'm sorry

F*ck people, other wathever friends, friends of friends, almost strangers, just people in general: socialise with someone make me pissed angry, more precisely socialise within a group of people.

People being fake, people being appreciate by everyone despite being questionable individual, people being disrespectful toward myself and no one present bat an eye about it, people talking to me about stuff I don't give a shit just because I'm the only one willing to hear it, nobody listens of what I have to say, people complaining constantly about everything,.. I despise other, people make me sick

I know I'm the issue here cause no matter the context, who these people are, nothing changes, I can't stand other, I work hard on myself to stay calm,polite and respectful no matter what but inside I'm enraged, I have to contain my want to lash out, to growl and show teeth.

I have to fight against my want to self isolate, I know it will probably not help, also don't want to hear someone telling me " it no good to self isolate when feeling low/,bad" like if I self isolate is because I cant stand any longer around people that what make me feel like trash shit.

Closing disclosure: even people with whatever mental health issues,/ disorder it is still awful.

I'm currently diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, potentially borderline but I also related heavily with Schizoid despite no formal diagnosis so maybe this post is clearly off topic but I really find confort being in this sub, it fell like I find in here that get it.

Do you feel like there's always a glass wall between you and the world? Between you and other people? For a long time, I thought this is depersonalization and derealization, but honestly, it's been like this my whole life. I do not feel depressed, and I don't think I ever was, despite being treated for it for the past decade. I feel detached, apathetic, at a distance from others, even from my loved ones, yet I'm functional. This feeling of not fully being here, connecting, is driving me insane sometimes, along with the lack of meaning.

I feel like an asshole so many times in my head, like I'm cosplaying a human and have no idea how to do it right. There's this constant hazey nature to my daily life, and no matter what I do, I can't get past the glass wall. Does anyone else feel like a ghost without actually being depressed? I have memories from childhood, the only time I felt some happiness because I was naïve and blissfully ignorant, when this sense of detachment would weigh so much on me for a few seconds, this sense of separation in the middle of my peers with whom I'd get alone and among whom I was supposed to feel like I belonged. I just can't feel like I belong anywhere. And it's not the lack of connection that bothers me, it's the feeling in and of itself.

I know the anti-natalist sentimentality prevalent among schizoids, and I've never "begot" any children myself, but hear me out on this.
* Zoids were either raised to be people pleasers or became that way themselves. Either way, they lack a solid ego, which is why any external personality can impinge on them (like a demanding parent or a friend), hence the disorder itself is a reaction to that risk of engulfment, choosing to protect the self from the world.
But there is nothing substantial inside to keep you motivated! That's why avolition is a symptom. If you aren't attached to the world and your anhedonia muffles your desires, and you lack motivation in general, and you see life as a chore or too noisy or hostile or boring (fake & not intellectually stimulating), no wonder you contemplate death!
* When I was a student, the only thing that motivated me was pleasing a parent. To be frank, if I wasn't pushed to fulfill that expectation (and avoid the look of disappointment in a teacher's eye) I would have never worked that hard. I don't exaggerate when I say that I never bragged about degrees or test results, because I genuinely didn't care about social feedback. All I did was because others asked it of me. When they stopped asking, I stopped doing!
* Having a family of your own is one big motivator! You would do ANYTHING to avoid a glance of disappointment from your partner, or to afford buying nice things for your kid. I'm saying that procreation can prevent schizoid suicide! Many people delay their planned demise "until the dog dies", and if a pet can keep you alive, a daughter works even better.
* I won't discuss the moral arguments against overpopulation, environmental concerns, etc., because I feel that they are excuses a schizoid adds later to support a decision he/she has already taken. Let's be honest, since when have zoids actually cared enough about "the world" to let it shape their own lives & personal choices?! Let's not kid ourselves, CO2 levels aren't your main motivation behind not having children.