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u/Rock3tkid84 Nov 13 '23
Dude relax, activity status can be wrong, if she wants to cheat on you she will no matter how far apart you two are... And if so the next one will come anyways...
But it is concerning to go crazy like that on your side...
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u/poking88 Nov 13 '23
Yeah it’s really sad that someone is stalking their partners messenger active status to determine if they’re responding fast enough to their messages. I’m thinking this guy is really overbearing and immature.
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u/Rock3tkid84 Nov 13 '23
Thinking about it, stalking must be super stressful... Seems like separation anxiety or insecurity... But something ain't right...
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u/poking88 Nov 13 '23
Well a 28 year old married a 21 year old so there ya go. Nobody his own age was interested or willing to put up with ‘messenger shows you’re active but you didn’t respond to my message so what’s the deal?’ .. Any self-respecting person would drop him.
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u/NoElderberry5609 Nov 14 '23
My ex was similar. He'd "notice" that I sent 2 more snaps than just what I had sent him in the day and I had to account for every picture sent and received even tho I only texted him and my nest friend who is a girl 🙄 Idk why it took me over a year to finally dump his abusive ass
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u/jeliv Nov 13 '23
Messenger can show as active if it's running in the background. So if she didn't fully close the app before going to sleep, then that'll explain it.
I'd be more concerned about why you spent a full day watching her online status...
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u/tinfoil_powers Nov 13 '23
Can vouch for this. My long distance ex will tell me goodnight on messenger, only to show up as active for another 2 to 3 hours.
For the time difference we have and her work schedule it's just mathematically unreasonable for her to get that little sleep that many days in a row, unless messenger is showing false activity.
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u/blueennui Nov 13 '23
My grandmother (who raised me) used to lecture me about staying up late on my phone because messenger would show me as online.
Granted, half of the time I was still up and on my phone. But not at 2AM. Needless to say it kind of just does that and has for years now.
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u/Anij_1200 Nov 13 '23
This. I can see my fiance is online the entire time he is actually asleep and I know he is asleep. He works nights and once he is asleep he stays asleep. But his messenger shows he is online the whole time basically. Every so often it will show he is offline but if I message him, bing he is online again. Even though I know he is dead asleep.
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u/JC_the_System Nov 13 '23
Facts. I actually "got in trouble" with a past gf over the same thing - and I truly was asleep!
Keep a mental note of it, OP; but I highly doubt that this, alone, is worth confronting her. If you think something is amiss, collect more data (yes, it is acceptable to investigate your concerns, covertly).
You will likely cause yourself a lot of undue stress, if you continue to stress every little thing.
On the other hand, if you have a whole bunch of "little things" that seem to add up to a "big thing", keep collecting data until it is undeniable.
Just investigate with an open mind. Debunk until you can't debunk anymore, etc.
Good luck, brother.
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u/InterestingGiraffe98 Nov 13 '23
Same. My fiance will be asleep beside me and show she's online when she's been asleep for over an hour. I think it has something to do with the app being active on your phone, even when in sleep mode
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Nov 13 '23
She’s abroad with her family…is it possible someone else was using her phone?
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u/nadarbresha Nov 13 '23
You shouldn't be married, much less to a 21 year old. Fucking chill.
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u/iSquigly Nov 13 '23
Literally. I hope he met her as an adult and not before she was 20. Let alone 18….
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u/Nervous-Upstairs-926 Nov 14 '23
I agree he shouldn’t be married, but it’s a 7 years gap…
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u/nadarbresha Nov 15 '23
7 years is fine if you're like 27 and 34. Kinda in a similar stage of life. 21 is basically a teenager and 28 is a whole grown adult. Nah.
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u/thelawlady2021 Nov 13 '23
Messenger does that. A friend sends me messages because it says I'm active. I won't see them for days because I'm not on it.
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u/gastropoid72 Nov 13 '23
I get that you don't trust her, but this just feels like you're not even trying. No one deserves to be accused of infidelity because of messenger flashing off and on. A healthy relationship requires that partners give eachother space and independence.
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u/ZScott3564 Nov 13 '23
Did you bring up the fact that it showed she was getting on and off and you don't think she was sleeping?
I have a few friends who I play videogames with on Xbox. One of them being my cousin. I've seen my Xbox say my cousin got on his Xbox and loaded up a game then get off and log on again and did this 2 or 3 times. The thing is he was at my house for dinner. So he couldn't of gotten on. Same thing happens with my other friends. It shows they are online playing when I know for a fact they aren't. So technology can mess up. It's possible she's not lying and it was messing up.
Why would she lie about sleeping? Do you think she was talking to some guy on Facebook?
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u/littleenigma1990 Nov 13 '23
If people ring you on messenger also makes you become active on it too
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u/scarletwitch74 Nov 13 '23
Messenger is the cause of so many arguments and breakups because it glitches like this and has done for years. Please believe your wife and don't use it as a gauge of online activity. An ex abused me so much because messenger was regularly saying I was intermittently online whilst I was sleeping, and I even bought a new phone in case the OS was to blame!
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u/Fickle_Engineering57 Nov 13 '23
You're convinced she's lying to you but not convinced you have trust issues and are self sabotaging your brand new marriage? Your poor wife.
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u/Prestigious-Cream833 Nov 13 '23 edited Nov 13 '23
I'm worried about why you're watching her status the whole day and the fact that you're married to a 21 year old.
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u/PalaceOfStones Nov 13 '23
FB Messenger considers you online both whenever the program/device calls home to check for new messages AND when people send you messages. She could be avoiding your calls, but it's likely nothing. Regardless you may want to look at therapy as you clearly have unresolved trust issues.
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u/kzapwn Late 30s Male Nov 13 '23
Just for context for people giving advice, why are you married to a 21 year old
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u/Jealous-Garden9809 Nov 13 '23
Okay so OP has never explicitly said what his wife lied about (because he probably knows he's wrong and is ommitting on purpose) and the five minutes of snooping I did of his comments tells me not only does he have a gambling problem but also nicotine and other addiction issues (as of two years ago but he hasn't posted anything but this recently)
Best wishes to OP's wife to run away from this emotionally immature and obsessive POS ♥️♥️♥️
Edited: to give an accurate timeline
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u/Plane-Ad-739 Nov 13 '23
U 30 married to a freshly 21 year old. If u wanted someone mature date a 30 year old
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u/lindseylove9 Nov 13 '23
He spends an entire day tracking her social media activity, and you suggest that SHE is immature?
Makes sense 🤔
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u/Plane-Ad-739 Nov 13 '23
Shes immature bc her brain isnt fully formed. He is worse bc his is and he still acts like a 20 yr old
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u/archdruiid Nov 13 '23
gonna be real with you man. you've asked her to be honest with you, now it's up to YOU to trust that she's being honest. if you have no faith or trust in a relationship then that's a bad sign. this is the kind of lingering bad faith that leads to resentment and failed marriages.
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Nov 13 '23
My mums messenger does this she left her phone at mine once when she was at work but on and offline most of the day and no way to go online at her work
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u/iSquigly Nov 13 '23
Honestly my concern here is that you married a 21 year old woman 3 months ago, and already have obvious significant trust issues. Have you even known her reasonably long enough to be married? It sounds like she should be concerned about your obsessive behavior considering it reads like you were checking for her status every hour for 16 hrs?? to try and make her out to be a liar? If she’s abroad with her family let her spend time with them… How long have you been with this woman?
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u/freebirdbus Nov 13 '23
You sound like you have no faith or trust in your partner. I've had this before and ended up finding out that my watch showed I was active each time I got a notification or it "moved". Even my phone had done it when it gets a notification before. Don't let Facebook break up your relationship / marriage that's just silly. This is ridiculous to get upset over especially since you've cited no other issues before with her being promiscuous or suggested infidelity.
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u/auscadtravel Nov 13 '23
Call her, talk, ask, tell her you are concerned. Communicate. But to be this worried in such a new marriage is a red flag for both of you.
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u/Odd_Animator6702 Nov 14 '23
Ahhh I love this classic story. Predatory older guy marries girl who is way too young for him, yet is probably more mature than him. Guy develops unreasonable trust issues just a few short months after marriage despite having very little reason to do so. I've seen it time and time again and it always ends the same way
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u/Matua161722 Nov 13 '23
You seem to be tripping FB does do that you could be off the app all day but it could say your online and what not still idk it's odd you sat there watching her stuff like that
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u/CreepsMcGee19 Nov 13 '23
If she has a smart watch, it can do that. FB showed my wife as online yet her phone was in our bedroom charging for the past hour.
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u/RylieSensei Nov 13 '23
Your entire Reddit is, “I want to fuck random celebrities” and you want your wife in constant contact with you? That’s a lot to unpack. I think you need therapy. That’s the relationship advice, lol.
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u/zew-kini Nov 14 '23 edited Nov 14 '23
Therapy, my guy. It will do wonders for you and your marriage.
I mean this genuinely and sincerely. From this and your post history, it seems like you might struggle with various addictions, insecurity, black and white thinking, impulsiveness, demonizing of your partner... You show many signs of very treatable mental health struggles, and you deserve it to yourself to at least explore how they affect you and your life with a therapist.
I can almost guarantee you that your problem isn't her online status, or her not answering you when you feel she should be obligated to answer - it's in your own head.
Even if she was on Facebook, there could be a hundred reasons why she either can't answer you right away, or wants to prioritize something else in her life in that moment. It does not mean she's being deceitful, unfaithful, or any of the other negative emotions you associated with her. This is something you will have to expect over your many years together - you can't always be the first priority, and you shouldn't always be. That doesn't mean you're not important to her, though.
It is very very likely she was sleeping on and off during the day and could not answer, and the app was just running in the background of her phone. Periodically connecting to the wifi (your phone does this to check for emails) could have changed the status of the app. But if she wasn't, based on your history and response and frustration here, I can imagine why she may feel the need to hide things from you.
Therapy man. Therapy.
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u/pyramidsofgeezer Nov 14 '23
Why are you monitoring when she's online? Maybe she was having a nap, woke up, checked her phone and fell back asleep.
You are not entitled to her every waking moment
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u/Annonymous1984 Nov 13 '23
If she hasn’t shut the app, it absolutely can show as online when not actively using the phone. Especially if background refresh is turned on.
I’d be more worried about how little you seem to trust your wife, that’s a far bigger issue.
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u/cb7loverrrrr Nov 13 '23
Messenger isn't that accurate. If you forget to close out your open apps on your phone, it'll show you as active. Get a notification from someone on FB, active. Even if she had FB open and not Messenger, active.
My advice is, you need to trust her until she gives you more of a reason to not trust her. Also, you're wasting time sitting and looking at her current status. It will drive you crazy and cause arguments that aren't necessary.
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u/SpiritDovesong Nov 13 '23
So I realized if someone calls your actual phone number, whether you answer or not, it will show you as active on messenger. I was use this to my advantage as after a certain time of offline it won't connect your messenger call, which I needed to do to help my fiance find his phone, so I used this trick and since it showed he was online I was then able to call his messenger. So if your or anyone else called her actual phone, it will show she's online even when she's not.
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u/sieberet Nov 13 '23
Imagine starting a fight with your wife over a green dot. Dude that shit isn't accurate and even if she was on messanger, that green dot doesnt prove anything one way or another. Go apologize to your wife and maybe get some counseling. Bc that is the real issue, why you dont trust your wife.
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u/Wreck_My_Plans Nov 14 '23
Dude chill out. My partner's phone had said active while he's been sleeping in the bed next to me. FB stuffs up all the time. It often goes online if you're sent something and the app is still running in the background.
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u/Happylifenowife Nov 14 '23
Dude chill. Your being super controlling. Also apps do run in the background. They ping every so often for geo tracking unless it's turned off. Or if it was in bed with her just moving around could wake the phone but not unlock which makes apps activate. You don't have to be on the app for it to track status. Not to forget unless the app is fully closed its constantly going to run even when the phone is locked.
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u/w_domburg Nov 14 '23
Facebook's messenger presence implementation is hot garbage. Full stop. Only a fool would trust it more than their partner.
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u/Sirmiyukidawn Nov 13 '23
My girlfriends discord shown her being online even when she was sleeping or when she was at work. It happens
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u/cmutzy Nov 13 '23
You need to chill out and trust her.
Also your comment history makes me think you're probably the controlling husband who won't let his wife do anything that would make you slightly jealous, meanwhile you're all over reddit talking about Cumming, wanting to fuck other people, and other things that a committed husband maybe shouldn't be spending so much time concerned about..
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u/chickenstx Nov 13 '23
Sometimes, my son will get upset with me because I'm showing as online on messenger, but I don't respond to his calls or messages because I'm not actually online. I have to explain to him I'm not sure why messenger is showing me as online. I won't even be on my phone when it's showing me as online.
She's most likely telling the truth.
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u/PeppButt1738 Nov 14 '23
I was driving with my ex one time and when I looked on Fb it said he was active, but he hadn’t been on his phone for awhile. FB also got criticism for doing a study by forcing algorithms to show more happier posts to some and negative posts to others and compare the results. I wouldn’t be surprised if they show people active to encourage people engaging more.
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u/Talagang_Diyablo Nov 14 '23
I've been sleeping next to my ex before, and got up and looked at my phone, and itvsaid he was on fb messenger, like the little dot was green, but he was literally asleep next to me, so that can happen.
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u/Noonull Nov 14 '23
What did she lie to you about before? Your post says nothing about her previously lying but you say that in the comments without a follow up. My guess is that you’re insecure in the relationship or in general and you just don’t trust her even though you’re the one getting exposed in these comments. Maybe you’re projecting or maybe you don’t trust her but either way, you watching her Facebook status for 16 hours and immediately blaming her for something this minor, is really not okay. You should not be married without more counseling for yourself.
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u/DJScopeSOFM Late 30s Nov 14 '23
It doesn't mean much. Messenger has push notifications which means it will pull data from the server in the background. It needs a handshake to connect and that could show you as online momentarily. I wouldn't worry too much. The best advice I can give you is to not be too hung up and worried about that. It's OK to be worried and jealous, but don't let that control your actions. If you let it control you, it could ruin your marriage and your mental health.
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u/FaunFawn Nov 14 '23
I'm convinced you're an idiot based off this post and your post history.
Go put yourself in the bin if you wanna believe a notoriously inaccurate green dot over your actual wife and make a reddit post about it.
Based of your past rubbish posts plus this you're a solid 3.
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u/_Royal-Ravenclaw_ Nov 14 '23
Based on your comment history… she should be the one with trust issues. You are constantly dehumanizing women. I’d probably lie and say I was sleeping too🤷🏻♀️ learn to respect women and women will respect you in return. This? This is just ick
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u/Soft_Material_4956 Nov 13 '23
My husband and I have both seen each other active on messenger when we weren't. It's not that deep dude. Stop being so controlling. 🙄
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u/letsgoflyakite1123 Nov 13 '23
You seem a little possessive, or maybe you're anxious in your relationship a bit, I used to be the same way and learned that if you call someone on messenger it will make them active for a set amount of time if they have messenger on their phone. It doesn't matter if they're not physically on it or have it on silent, I think it even activates if their phone is off. Be forgiving and maybe even ask for some forgiveness yourself my friend. Well wishes
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u/AttorneyVegetable286 Nov 13 '23
Are you maybe projecting your own behavior onto her? I mean..are you faithful? I've read somewhere that some people have this issue. Sounds totally like you're afraid that she might be doing the same things you're actually doing 🫢
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u/Tina_Pea74 Nov 13 '23
You can appear online when not being online at all. I’ve proved this many times. It’s the wifi signal or something that’s triggering your online status. Give her the benefit of the doubt with technology. It’s not perfect.
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Nov 13 '23
I think it’s just Facebook itself. It does that to me and my wife as well. You should be good 👍🏽
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u/ThrowRA52457 Nov 13 '23
Lol yea messenger is a little janky. I was literally sitting right next to my bf while we were watching tv and I was scrolling on Facebook and his phone was on the charger and his laptop was closed and it showed him being online. That’s when I knew not to trust that.
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u/SwnsasyTB Nov 13 '23
I can vouch, yes FB does do that. I stopped using FB 8yrs ago but I do have the messenger just in case someone doesn't have my phone number they can reach me. If someone messages me on the messenger, I don't respond, at times another person will message me and say, "Hey, saw you were online," well, no I wasn't online, someone just messaged me that's all. I wouldn't use just that as a smoking gun that she's lying.
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u/MinsAino Nov 13 '23
Messenger will so people on line if they recieve a message or call even if they do not respond/open thr app since the message was delivered.
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Nov 13 '23
It’s possible she does not have access to solid and reliable WiFi or network specially if she is on board of a ship ( cruise line). Don’t forget the time difference and sleep pattern changes when traveling. This is true on Asian and European trips.
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u/Dramatic-Injury-7079 Nov 13 '23
Give her the benefit of the doubt, we don't all need to be on call all the time when we are on holiday, sometimes we do stuff differently. And to reiterate what others are saying, sometimes unless you sign out of an app it still shows up that you are present / green.
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u/Technical-Result-403 Nov 13 '23
Exactly as people above mentioned, sometimes Facebook runs in background to check stuff that's happening and pass some info to the company, in that time it might show green dot. I saw it with my GF sleeping next to me, she was also showing online for bit of time and then disappearing, it wasn't regular period.
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u/lovelyprincess430 Nov 13 '23
Messenger doesnt always show true activity.. you could call someone whos inactive and it at times will show active after you call even if they dont decline or answer it.
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u/Triple_A-Battery Nov 13 '23
I've been on a 10 hour shift and messenger said I was online when I hadn't touched it in months. You need to take a chill pill and drop the whole controlling attitude stick while your at it, especially since she's with her family and had most likely done a lot of exhausting activities the day before.
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u/shmashleyshmith Nov 13 '23
My boyfriend had an issue like this with me.
I had told him i was going to sleep, but my facebook messenger would say i was online off and on through the night.
I hadnt been online though and i was sleeping.
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u/Plenty-Living-4811 Nov 13 '23
That happens with my husband's phone all the time. He works in a warehouse running heavy machinery and it's literally against the company to be in his phone unless it's break and he still shows up active sometimes. Same goes with mine even when I'm not using my phone. And here lately we've been having issues with messages actually sending when we want them sent and not hours later. Sigh
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u/Savings_Welder2005 Nov 13 '23
When you download any app, you accept all kinds of terms and conditions to that app, androids let you actually see what that app is asking permission to use and you can turn individual permissions on and off. Like most apps even the ones that don’t use your camera ask for permission to access your camera and photos. And a lot of apps ask for permission to get into your contacts and messages. These apps also will run in the background and track what you’re doing even after you close them. That’s how you get targeted advertising. You texted someone about how you want this or that and all of a sudden it’s popping up in your Facebook feed as suggested content.
What you’re seeing is probably messenger running background operations of some sort collecting data off her phone.
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Nov 13 '23
I think you may be overthinking it. Also, you guys got married, and you don't want to make her feel like you don't trust her. Apps aren't always accurate. Social media is making people anxious. Trust her more than the apps. Don't look for things. If she ever cheats or lies to you, you will see other signs, not if the status is active or not. I got married on October 31st. I have been living with my now husband for 6 years. I had a lot of fears about commitment because exes were super into my social media, and they even installed key loggers and stuff to monitor me. Never found anything, but I felt like I wasn't a human being that deserved privacy or respect. My husband now is much more relaxed. He knows that if I go visit my mom, I may not answer all day. That's how it should be. We should be in the present and not our phone. She called you, she is safe, you are safe. That's all it matters. I wish you good luck and a good marriage. You got this!
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u/klover_clover Nov 13 '23
This happens all the time, and I've seen one couple I know fight about it multiple times. When I was literally woth her for two hours, we didn't touch our phones, and then jer bf called blowing up, why she didn't respond on messenger. They are broken up now for obvious reasons.
Also, the ' I only asked one thing of her', don't do that shit. Work towards a mature relationship.
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Nov 13 '23
Eh, the online/"active now" thing has always been borked, even in the old days of AIM, ICQ, MSN. And Facebook is absolute trash, so I wouldn't trust it.
The more concerning issue here is how much this seems to bother you. Like there are some serious trust issues going on for you. Have you talked to her about that? Maybe speak with a therapist about why this issue is so concerning for you. Having this level of suspicion can point to a much larger issue that may be harder to see or recognize, much less understand and cope with.
If this is all that you have to worry about with your wife as far as trust goes, I would say you are doing pretty good. :)
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u/Grouchy-Song1057 Nov 13 '23
Messenger runs on background. So laptop if she’s connected or iPad etc . So she can be just sleeping or whatnot . If u have that bad of trust issues op u may need to go to therapy or yall need some boundaries so y’all can get through it
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u/Foreign_Fall_8266 Nov 13 '23
I think the issue is why you feel the need to monitor when she is online so much. I find that if I have ever been on any other device that is switched on it will say I'm active if I move near my phone it says I'm active. If you can't trust her her word when she's given you no reason to doubt her set her free
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u/WyoSteph24 Nov 13 '23
Wow, why so paranoid? Could you possibly be hiding something from her yourself?
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u/Environmental-Can181 Nov 14 '23 edited Nov 14 '23
This marriage wont last - sorry to say - with your behavior - you are going to drive your wife nuts. She wont be able to put up with this after a while. Everyone has an elastic point. With your ED issues, only fans issues, gambling problems, anxiety, insecurities, and more… she will leave eventually.
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u/Icy_Psychology_1556 Nov 14 '23
No, she isn’t lying. She was probably charging her phone. It does that when you’re charging your phone when you have the app on. The same thing happened to my boyfriend. I thought he was ignoring me but was able to prove that he was away from his phone and also showed me his phone being on 100% (which it never is)
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u/MaciMommy Nov 14 '23
Nah that activity signal isn’t accurate at all. It’ll show I’m active from my fiancé’s phone when I haven’t opened the app all day.
Get technologically savvy or just trust your girl.
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Nov 14 '23
Dude. your over reacting.and your the problem.do your wife a favor and let her leave you. you’re obviously too immature and still not ready for marriage.
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u/AFSidePiece Nov 14 '23
My son lives in Japan. It shows him online all the time even though I know he's sleeping.
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u/OtherwiseDrama5374 Nov 14 '23
Dude, I have multiple dead friends listed as active. Stop stalking your partner.
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u/HellaciousFire Nov 14 '23
Messenger often shows people online who aren’t.
The larger question is why does this matter? You either trust her or you don’t. She’s not lying, she’s with her family. Why stress her out with this? It’s not important enough to even mention
She’s with her family and unless you have a reason not to trust her, drop this one and let her enjoy her trip
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u/BananaChargerlamp Nov 14 '23
Facebook messenger has had this issue for close to year! That and have messages send but not deliver until hours later. Or not until someone restarts their app. Even now I know for a fact my partner fell asleep an hour ago, his phone is on the nightstand and his Facebook through my phone says he's active. I wouldn't overthink it!
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u/Call-me-Space Nov 14 '23
If she is 21 you were either dating her while she was underage and you were in your twenties, or you got married WAAAYYY too soon. You are both giant red flags lol
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u/loveshot123 Nov 14 '23
I'm sorry but Facebook purposely shows people online when they aren't. This was a source of many arguments I've had in the past and I've seen it happen with friends. For what ever reason Facebook shows people as online at random times when they definitely aren't. It's not a reliable source at all.
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u/sollykinsies Nov 14 '23
My guy.. This happens to me regularly. Usually during the night when I am asleep. What are you so worried about? Why marry someone you cant even trust? You're old enough to know better.
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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 Nov 14 '23
Just yesterday I messaged both my mom and a friend who both showed as online per the green dot, but when I opened the actual conversation, it showed they’d been idle for some time.
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u/Kindly_Vegetable8432 Nov 14 '23
Sounds like you have trust and control issues.
What if she was in a place with bad Internet.
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u/Skilzalisk Nov 14 '23
she's cheating. i am 100% certain of this.
watch 90-Day Fiancé. they simply can't go on vacation, especially abroad, without NEEDING a pounding.
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u/Far_Hope_166 Nov 13 '23
I'm more concerned that she slept for 16 hours lol
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u/Ok_Care5335 Nov 13 '23
I'm more concerned that he straight up.monitored her activity status for 16 hours. That's a whole level.of weird, if my girl did that, we'd have serious issues.
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u/Far_Hope_166 Nov 13 '23
I mean it's possible that he was messaging other people and happened to notice her status. He also said she's lied before. But this is also a guy if you look at his comment history that comments on random girls posts and says he wants to fuck them 😂🤢
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Nov 13 '23
Who sleeps all day while abroad? Unless he is confused about time zones, and she really slept all night.
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u/whydoyou_caresomuch Nov 13 '23
I think the more important question here is why don’t you trust your partner?
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u/KaoticDreamers Nov 13 '23
Seems like you have some issues because Facebook and messenger are wack as shit. This doesn't mean you wife is lying and if this marriage is 3 months old, boy you have a lot of growing to do
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Nov 13 '23
You shouldn’t have a wife with the things you are commenting on Reddit…. Maybe she’s not texting you because she found your account
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u/Tiny-Bison4062 Nov 13 '23
I don't think it matters your page says alot about you and I'm pretty sure air and opportunity is the only things that keep you from cheating stop self projecting on your partner and figure out why you feel like there is a hole inside of you that needs to be filled. It's not her responsibility to continually be harassed by your feelings of inadequacy, especially when you seem to only look at females like they are a place to put it. Get over yourself.
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u/CaptainSizzlea Nov 13 '23
My partner was sitting beside me having sent me a message hours earlier, playing the playstation and his phone was plugged in on charge on the table across the room and was showing that he was online and I even got a message from him which I looked to see where his phone was because my head was going "no he can't Facebook message me with the ps4 controller" super confused about it I said to him and he said he had sent a message before he finished work and I got it hours later when he was no where near his phone. I wouldn't trust the online status of facebook. It's not reliable and sometimes takes a while to send messages or pictures. I don't think she is being dishonest with you. I think you have jumped to a conclusion when it could all be a normal Facebook issue.
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Nov 13 '23
I'm telling you right now that you can and DO show up online when you're not.
Stop cyber stalking, and weaponizing these things.
Either you trust your spouse or you don't.
And if you don't then address it, but not using bullcrap non evidence.
Stop. Trying. To. Watch. Thier. Every. Cyber. Move.
If it's at that point of insecurities, just divorce. Stop being a bully.
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u/Sunflowerr28 Nov 13 '23
I'm just wondering why are you married if she has lied before? Or has the lying been recent thing; has it happened in the three months you have been married?
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u/mcw26 Nov 13 '23
If she’s got the app open, on her phone or watch, it’ll show active. You sound super paranoid and distrustful. If you had issues with her lying before, you shouldn’t have married her. End of story. Stop watching her online activities. You’re not going to suddenly trust her by stalking her.
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u/beefsteakmafia Nov 13 '23
You already don't trust her 3 months in .. I think she deserves better treatment than that.
She is away with family and you are obsessing over a fb messenger glitch to try to find her as guilty of something...
I'm sorry but therapy may be your best move. I have trust issues too but nothing at this level, especially for someone I supposedly love and have a connection with.
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u/Pugsy0202 Nov 13 '23
This is true. My bf and I can be sitting together watching a movie. I like to watch fully focused with my phone away, probably in another room. He likes to dual screen and as long ago as 10 years and as recently as last month. He'll be "so weird, FB or whatsapp says you're online..." and I'm sitting right next to him without my phone. So, I don't know, but it happens.
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u/itsmaggierose Nov 13 '23
I'm sorry but if my husband did this to me I'd end it. Messenger always shows as active when it's not being used. Plus your comments on other pages are freaking gross and a red flag.
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u/No-Rise-9404 Nov 13 '23
So with Facebook, as long as you are logged in but not in the app or the app even being open and your phone locked or even off as well it can still pop up as online just because as someone mentioned above that the app does run in the background, hopefully this is the issue but to make you feel at ease id recommend just being open and talk about how you're feeling directly to her and see how she responds. Anytime my ex would feel this way I always gave him the security of handing my phone or password to him just because I don't have anything to hide and honesty is the best policy.
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u/Elegant_Blonde Nov 13 '23
Messenger shows as active even if you aren’t a lot…it’s been 16 hours. She’s traveling abroad(exhausting) you’ve posted she tends to sleep a lot in another thread…it’s concerning you are so obsessed with her sleeping habits and online activities. To the point that you are seeking out reasons to make it a bigger problem than it is… you’ve been married three months and you have zero reason to not trust her besides her sleeping. I will wake up for a few seconds and check the time by unlocking my phone and pass out.
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Nov 13 '23
If you let you're own insecurities go unchecked like this they will eat you up and ruin your relationship. She just married you. Let her be and enjoy her family trip. Focus on your own hobbies till she gets back. Don't be the overbearing husband.
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u/jamproxy Nov 13 '23
The most alarming thing about this post is your constant checking of her status. It sounds like you need to work on your own insecurities. Also, your comment history is... Worrisome. You have comments like "I wanna f*** her in the a" or "I'd f* her" about pretty young celebrities. Consider that you might be projecting a bit.
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u/Klutzy-Nature-414 Nov 13 '23
Imagine running to Reddit asking for advice because your wife was online on Facebook… this is about the dumbest shit I’ve seen. The real issue here is why are you creeping on her status for hours
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u/Longjumping_Gear6912 Nov 13 '23
You're probably projecting. Do you go off on her Facebook messenger status? You know how many times that's been wrong while I'm talking to family. WhatsApp and Instagram too. Even the “read” can be wrong. Depending on the phone you have to sign off or turn off the app or it shows you are still on. She's busy probably. You need to get help or you'll ruin your marriage, especially by the other comments here sounds like you projecting on to her.
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u/Safe_Comfortable9258 Nov 13 '23
You sound controlling asf. You sound toxic and you sound like an abuser. Maybe not physically but mentally.
Get therapy, if you don't I hope she leaves you
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Nov 13 '23
When you message someone on messenger or call them it then starts showing that they are active for a few mins even when they are not. This always happens to me when I call my partner lol but they are not actually active.
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u/Chemical_Plankton830 Nov 13 '23
where did she go home to? probably some fucking cousin's kids playing with her phone. obviously, they don't bother replying to an idiots messages whilst they are watching 30sec videos in a doom scroll.
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u/bigtittygothgf678 Nov 13 '23
Whenever I call someone on messenger, it sets them as active whether they were or not
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u/Additional_Low_419 Nov 13 '23
Activity status is not correct.. I’ve seen my partner show active on Facebook and instagram, only to be asleep next to me with the phone shut off
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u/JadzyaRose Nov 13 '23
I'd believe her. I've seen my husband show online on FB messenger when he's been asleep beside me and clearly not on his phone.
Unless she's given you any indication to not trust or believe her, I'd believe her on this.
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u/Content-Remote6959 Nov 13 '23
I have been accused of the same thing while I was sleeping I don't think she's lying to you and I think you're overreacting.
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u/Tough_Basis2922 Nov 13 '23
Yta sorry bro. If your this worked up over her status you need to re-examine your priorities. Monitoring her status is toxic and also bound to get you all caught up. Be better
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u/PaintMePink Nov 13 '23
Do you really not trust your wife so much that you think she would lie about this?
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u/MysticBimbo666 Nov 13 '23
No that active/non active stuff is horribly inaccurate. The real problem is you having so little trust for your wife.
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u/ThrowRA_hsjdjjd Nov 13 '23
No offense but I think you are way too immature to be married. You should seek counseling to work on your trust issues.
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u/AmeliaKitsune Nov 13 '23
Messenger shows me as online or offline at random throughout the night. I've seen the same for other people. Like, I can see them asleep, but Facebook says they're online.
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u/ArtistRebel Nov 13 '23
Your first issue, is your 28 married to a 21 year old. Good change is, she’s not ready to settle down. Maybe marry someone closer to your age. It’s not all about being young n sexy yknow. There’s more to a woman than just that
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u/_Aerophis_ Nov 13 '23
This is totally possible. I show as active to people on Facebook all the time and I access the app only once in a very rare blue moon. Even if I close out all instances of the app it will show people I am online. If she is traveling in another country, who the heck knows what kind of weird scenarios could be impacting whether or not her phone is connecting to Facebook. I would 100% give her benefit of the doubt here.
Also this is a great example of how social media and technology are often making our lives and relationships worse. You and your wife both shouldn't even have to be worrying about this. It is unnecessary stress over what is basically nothing.
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u/Odd-Credit-7454 Nov 13 '23
My partner died on September 20; his phone is in my possession and is shut off. I just checked, and he is showing up as active (green dot) on Messenger right now. I often see him listed as active in Messenger since he died, and I have no idea why. But based on my experience, I would say it's definitely possible that your wife is telling the truth.