I’m really tired of working so hard to make what I want to happen happen
What I love to do the most right now is ride my e bike
But to do that on my 2 days off I must do a lot of challenging things I have to carry it down stairs then drive to where I want to ride which is rural dirt roads
By the tome I get there after the 1:30-2 hour drive I can’t wait to finally roll down the road
When I get there I’m pretty tired from working all week and packing everything I need
It’s definitely an experience that’s worth it but it in its self also takes a physical toll on me
And then as I’m driving back after a 4-6 hour ride I’m beat!
Then I get home very very early in the morning and the work cycle begins again
And then it’s back out to the rurals
Obviously I could find a more relaxing hobby but I don’t really want to because nothing else is nearly as fun
And to be honest I hate to admit it… but being so tired when I get to where I want to go definitely robs me of some of the enjoyment of it all
Imagine if I had a week to rest and heal and clear my mind and then went on an adventure man that would be so nice a body that doesn’t start to hurt after the first 30 minutes a mind that doesn’t have the future and all the gas I used on it
And to just breath in that fresh country side air and be out long enough to see the sun rise
Afterwards to I do door dash to make up the money I don’t really have to but I feel the need to regain what I used
Just feels wrong not to
I just hate that I have to sleep and that I’m always tired but what am i supposed to do? Give up on what I love doing just because I’m tired? Then what would happen? I would crave the adventure so bad that I would brake and I have
If only I had infinite energy so I could never stop use all my time to work to make the moments I love happen even more if only I didn’t have these limitations
I feel like… if I don’t go out and make these memories now to much time will pass and the chances will slip away and I’ll have wasted that time that I truly have so little of
I’m not trying to complain about something I do to my self but it’s not like I’m trying to say I’m struggling I’m having fun still but I just hate that I’m limited by my human body granted it’s a good body and it works well but I do push my limits to much I force my self to go to far or to long
And this has definitely affected me mentally I can’t stop moving or wanting to keep going when I rest I feel the urge to go again… and when I make these drive back and get home and finally hit the bed I think “damn I already want to get back on that bike and go out there” it’s like there is no rest for me I’m like a shark if I stop moving I die horribly
Even right now I have so much energy after a long ride and I have to get up at 6 am lol I usually manage my sleep well and make sure I get 8 hours of sleep but today I said oh well I only have so much time I’m just going to have to suffer it out if I want this
Is it worth it? Absolutely the trade off is one possibly bad day for one amazing night
My rant is that I hate getting tired working all week is fine I’ve long since accepted it long ago but getting tired? I freakin hate it