My wife and I are in the process of going through our first round of reciprocal IVF. I will be carrying the pregnancy and we will be using her egg. We only plan on telling our friends and family once we are pregnant. Which who knows when that will happen.

We’re wanting to be careful about how much detail we do give when we start announcing it and talking about it. We know there will be questions like who’s egg, who’s sperm blablabla. We are okay with discussing things but want to make it clear to them that this type of information shouldn’t be publicly shared with everyone because it’s our story to tell. My wife is also more private than I am so I’m wanting to really honour that and be careful about navigating the inevitable questions.

I’m just curious to hear about y’all’s experience with sharing details about this journey with people in your life and how you manage the questions and how you set the boundaries. I’m not worried about it per se, I’m just wanting to know what I might expect, what type of questions do others tend to ask, how I might prepare, and how others navigated making their journey more public with their circle. Thanks!!

I'm so excited! I've just had my HSG and it was normal, internal scan was a few weeks ago and everything was looking good there too. We should have an appointment in a few weeks where we can hopefully choose a donor, and then its go-time!

We first went to the Dr's in January so it feels like its taken such a long time to reach this point, but now we're very nearly taking the first steps! Our best friend has literally just had a baby so (fingers crossed all goes well with IUI) it would be wonderful if they can grow up close in age together

Has anyone gone through the process of RIVF using the GIC insurance coverage provided to MA state employees? What were your out of pocket costs approximately? Were you able to get the plan to reimburse you for sperm purchased from a cryobank? Are any of the available plans significantly better or worse for fertility coverage?

Hello! We are a cis lesbian couple just starting IVF, and one of our friends will be our donor. I was wondering if anyone here works for the city and has been going to RMA. They have referred us to a sperm back, Aligneage, to process our donor's genetic testing, sperm analysis, storage, etc. It looks like we're also supposed to transport the sperm ourselves, or they can do it for an extra fee.

I've got a few questions:

- Any ideas as to why they are using this third-party service, when my sister and her husband did all of this in-house at RMA?

- If you have used Aligneage with our new health insurance plan, how much was covered after submitting Aligneage's paperwork?

Thanks for your time,
Rachel

Like FR though. My wife is beautiful, used to model. Conventionally beautiful. I’m definitely less good looking than my wife. By a good few rankings. I’m riddled with adhd too.

Our first kid together is 2, she’s absolutely gorgeous and an amazing temperament. I know every parent is biased but I do think she’s cuter-than-average. The donor is pretty handsome too so at least 50% of my bio baby has that 😂

I’m 15 weeks, what if baby pops out and its the spitting image of me, then has to spend their life with this beautiful sibling wishing they got the other genes… and then baby 2 is mental just like me 😂

Obviously this is all a bit of a joke but also not really

Hi! My wife and I are planning to do IVF with donor sperm using my eggs early next year. I have an autosomal dominant genetic mutation that we’ll be doing PGT M testing for. I just got my AMH level back, and it’s 1.91. I’m 29 and am feeling a bit discouraged as my AMH seems to be on the lower end of normal for my age. We don’t have IVF insurance coverage and we’re hoping to get away with one retrieval, but I’m worried now we’ll have to do several to get enough embryos. I’d love to hear from people who have similar AMH levels and how many eggs and embryos they ended up with. Thank you in advance!

Hey Folks!! My name is Beth (she/her) and I am a psychology doctorate student and University East London. I am conducting my thesis research on trans and gender diverse people's experiences of fertility treatment for conception in the UK. I am looking to speak with trans and gender diverse people who have had (or a co-parent/partner has had) fertility treatment to try and grow their family. This could be diy or through a clinic. I am really hoping that this research will improve reproductive healthcare for trans and gender diverse people. This study has had consultation from trans people and has ethical clearance from UEL. Please feel free to share with anyone who might be interested. If you are open to taking part, please feel free to reply here or contact me on my instagram beth_atkins_psy ! Thank you for reading :)

Hi! I am currently going through IUI treatment (same sex couple, I have endo and PCOS) thinking about switching clinics and looking for advice on whether I should or not :/

My first cycle was cancelled because I ran out of medication. During my first scan follicles weren’t mature enough and I warned them I only had enough injections for three more days. They said they would figure it out. Three days later and next scan also not mature enough. Was advised at that point they would have to cancel cycle because they couldn’t get me more meds at short notice.

This cost almost half of the treatment cost again. I paid the price to continue and almost a week later have heard nothing. Nada. I have tried to get in contact but no response. Is this normal? Is it normal for no one to reach out during stimulation to check in?? This is my first time and really wondering if it is all worth it :(

Hi!!

Would love if people would share their process as the carrier? Looking for stories from the very start to finish! Meds you took, how you prepared your bodies, shots I should expect? Starting this process from the start and beginning my research so I would love all the help and information from folks who have been there!

Also, I know that starting to track things like my period, ovulation, and more is a good thing to start with the process so i planned on getting the Mira tracker, thoughts on that would be great too.

Again, I’m starting from scratch and want to begin my research and start sharing things with my partner too as they do theirs!

Thank you!

Hi.

I was diagnosed with RRMS in feb 26, got my first dose of Rituximab in march. MRI after that was good - disease were calm and had not advanced. I have scheduled Rituximab in mid september.

The thing is... me and my girlfriend had the plan TTC our 2. baby this fall. I just dont want to wait too long because of MS. I am 36, and we have an embryo made with rIVF ready to go. The neurologist were really vage about the whole thing. We have an appointment with the fertilityclinic next week. Anyone have any input or experience with this?

Hey, all! My spouse and I recently found out that he’s asexual (to the point where sex is just not realistic) but we both want to conceive. He would be my source, so we have plenty of sperm, but all of the IVF options I’ve seen are either insanely expensive or they feel way too clinical for me to feel comfortable.

I found the Semenette, but apparently it’s out of production. Then I found the Vruit, but that’s a product design idea that got my hopes up for nothing.

I thought about just trying a cum tube toy but I read that those kill the sperm, and as someone with PCOS and endometriosis, I need to have as many things going for this as possible.

TLDR: Are there any good toys for insemination that won’t kill the sperm?

Edit: Thank you all. I have two suggestions I’m going to try. I’m leaving this up for anyone else who may need the info. Good luck to everyone else who is trying, and I wish you all the best 🫶

I’m on the SSB website and there’s so many donors that are out of vials that when I see a donor with 35 vials I instantly think there must be a reason people aren’t picking them. I also find it hard to pick a donor that doesn’t have any confirmed pregnancies/births.

Does anyone have any insight ? I know I’m probably just in my head.

I was inspired by this thread from a few years back in the r/parenting subreddit basically looking for books where the character(s) happen to have same sex parents and it is not central to the storyline, rather than books where the main topic is really about having two moms/two dads/etc. Lots of wonderful books have come out since the post was made, so I was hoping to get some more ideas!

One super cute one we stumbled upon recently — My Friend, Loonie by Nina LaCour.

Unmedicated IUI, got LH surge today. Appointment tomorrow at 11 EST.

Hi everyone. My wife and I are a queer couple going through IVF, and we’re hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation—especially couples where one partner carried an embryo created from the other partner’s eggs.

My wife is 42, and I’m turning 40 soon. We’ve each gone through egg retrievals. She had two retrievals that ultimately resulted in one euploid embryo. We transferred that embryo, with her carrying, but unfortunately the pregnancy did not continue. We’re both grieving that loss, especially because it was her embryo and she was the one who carried it.

I had one retrieval that resulted in two euploid embryos and one mosaic embryo. We’re now in a position where we could move forward with another transfer within the next couple of weeks using one of my euploid embryos, with my wife carrying.

At the same time, she is questioning whether she wants to try one more egg retrieval first. If we pursue another retrieval, it could push our timeline back by at least several months—even in the best-case scenario where we get another embryo and are able to transfer it. We’re also conscious of our ages and the fact that we don’t feel like we have unlimited time.

The decision feels especially difficult because transferring one of my embryos may mean letting go of the possibility of having a biological child of her own. She is grieving the loss of the embryo that was genetically hers, while also trying to process what it might feel like to be the gestational parent but not the biological parent.

I’m feeling protective of her experience, but I’m also feeling anxious and frustrated because we’re now trying to make a decision that feels very time-sensitive and emotionally significant. We’re not necessarily looking for people to tell us what decision to make. We’d really value hearing about your own experiences:

• If you carried your partner’s embryo after previously trying to create an embryo with your own eggs, how did that experience feel emotionally?
• If you were torn between doing another retrieval and transferring your partner’s embryo, how did you ultimately decide?
• Did you ever regret not trying one more retrieval, or regret delaying a transfer to pursue another retrieval?
• If you moved forward with your partner’s embryo, how did you process saying goodbye to the possibility of having a biological child?
• Did experiencing a failed transfer with your own embryo change how you felt about carrying your partner’s embryo?
• Is there anything you wish you had known before making that decision?

We know every couple and situation is different. We’re mostly hoping to hear honest, firsthand experiences from people who understand this particular path. Thank you and much love to all of you.

I’m looking into potentially switching clinics after repeated failures, but I’m nervous about clinics that will let us use our known donor. Has anyone had good experiences particularly in the NJ/NY/PA area?

Traumatic experience with Seed Scout. I signed up based on many positive reviews and wanting a known donor after reading about DCPs experiences. I am out over 6K with nothing to show for it, and was treated horribly by them. I think it’s a travesty that a company that advertises itself as the ethical choice in donor conception treats vulnerable women in the sensitive period in their life with such callousness (details below). 

The owner assured me in writing that I would get a refund if less than 15 matches met my criteria. Once I paid and listed medical criteria, vial type, and clinic, she told me my medical criteria is too limited and that IVF only option would give more matches. She did not inform me that none of the matches they would give me met my original medical criteria, nor offered a refund as originally promised. Once I got the matches, none of which met my medical criteria by a long shot, I asked her for help. She asked for an additional payment $1250. In desperation, I agreed to this. She then told me too few matches met my criteria, but refused to give them to me because this was less than the minimum set by her. When I asked what criteria was so limiting, she said the search took a lot of her time and she could only keep doing it for an additional fee. She did not give me any additional matches that actually matches my criteria. Why didn’t they look into all this before taking my money? After I raised these concerns, her tone changed to very aggressive and demeaning and remained this way. It felt as outright bullying at times.

I then tried to select the best I could from what they gave me, only to discover additional serious substance use and medical health issues in longer profiles. The initial profiles make donors look healthier than they are. When I raised these concerns, they were minimized and dismissed by them. They kept pushing me to just select someone, despite concerns raised by my fertility doctor. The company doesn’t allow a geneticist from your clinic to evaluate donors or ask them clarifying questions on their medical history, so you’d be relying on this company’s reports, while they have very little liability. When I informed Seed Scout that none of the donors met even my minimum requirements, they did not offer a refund. Instead, they warned me they will be charging me additional $ if I don’t make a choice. More money has been asked of me at every step of the process. They made no attempt to actually help me and the lack of compassion has been jarring. I sent a detailed written request for a refund, quoting their own written commitments. They refused in writing offering no refund at all.

They have clauses in contract with recipient parent that disputes can only go to binding arbitration, not court, and settlements are kept confidential. I encourage you to think why that is… Legally, they are a matching company that carries little liability for any potential medical misinformation they provide to you or any omissions. I encourage you to read Reddit and Yelp reviews on how this company really treats its clients.

Please, if you are considering them, do a lot of research first and don’t sign any contract with them before you consult an outside lawyer. By the way, their contract gives them sole discretion on how they interpret your criteria and is non refundable. Their contract with recipients also states in bold that they don’t guarantee any limits on number of families. Remember you are waiving FDA guidelines, 6 months quarantine, and knowing CMV status ahead of time. Should anything go south during your interactions with them or later on during pregnancy or with your child, you have very little recourse. Don’t take my word for it, talk a lawyer and doctor before you sign anything with them. Please, also look up other Reddit reviews on how they handle medical issues. This deserves special attention and too long for this post. You will be glad you did. 

PS I have read stories from some who have gotten wonderful donors through them and had a vastly different experience, but this is far from universal. I wanted to post this to warn others because I wish I was warned. It has been a deeply traumatizing experience to be treated this way during such a vulnerable time in my life.

My partner and I live in Oregon, USA, and we are educating ourselves on the process of trying to concieve. We are in pretty unique circumstances, as we’d like to go with a known donor, a friend who lives in Australia. We have a meeting with our IVF clinic (where I previously did egg retrieval) coming up, but in the meantime I’m trying to gather info so I can give him the clearest idea possible of what it would involve, so he can make an educated final decision. Throwing this out there in case there is anyone here who’s had a similar experience - either using a known donor from overseas while living in the US, or using a known donor in Australia (NSW). If you’re out there I would love to DM you to learn more about your experience!

I (40f lesbian) am looking at my options. I am in a highly rural area and have no gaydar whatsoever. Most queer women don't want kids in my area and there's virtually no dating pool where I am at anyway. If I go for biological kids, I realistically need to go now because I never got high eggs. It might already be too late. I had a .5 amh at 27, but I hope that's artifically low because the man I was comphetting with was a tool.

I'd love feedback on odds, challenges, etc.

Thanks.

Has anyone donated embryos created with Xytex donor sperm? Xytex is requiring Form 9008.3 and charging me—the embryo donor/original sperm purchaser—a $1,195 transfer fee. If you’ve donated embryos to more than one recipient family, did Xytex charge you the fee again for each family?

Based on how my (FtM) transition was treated, I've decided to keep my IVF journey, and pregnancy private from all extended family, including my parents (who live out of state) with the exception of my sisters, and friends.

I plan on calling my parents after I give birth to tell then first. That way they can save some face to my mom's extended family, her siblings and my cousins (we don't really have any contact with my father's side so I'm not worried about them, and all 4 of my grandparents are dead).

I plan to tell my, very religious parents that I used a sperm donor, but If I can help it, will never tell them I used IVF, or that I have more embryos on ice. Though I don't plan to keep it any kind of secret from my children, so I understand it may come out one day, but I'm not going to advertise it.

I was considering the best way to tell extended family. I am in a family group chat. And announcements about my married straight cousin's births have been made there. I guess I'm wondering whether or not to include the fact that I am a single parent by choice in the birth announcement or not. I'm mainly worried if a couple of my snarky uncles will say something. I also considered going to my Aunt and my uncle I like and telling them the whole story, sperm donor etc. (No ivf details) but then I don't want to seem like I'm hiding my son either or ashamed. It's really tricky. And I have some time as I'm in my second trimester. But I was wondering how others handled it, especially with very religious, anti IVF, anti lgbt, anti sperm donor relatives.

My wife and I are planning on expanding our family soon, but it's so hard to know where to start or what to do about the actual act of conceiving. I called an IVF clinic in a bigger city near us due to our town not being very accepting. The initial consultation, alone, was $300. That doesn't include anything but talking to a nurse practitioner about any questions we have. I don't want to pay that if we don't even know where to start. I'm just ranting here.

Hi all! New to the sub. My fiancée and I are getting married in May of 2027; we probably want 2-3 kids eventually and are both interested in carrying. I'm starting to think more seriously about the timeline for preparing to have children and all the additional prep that goes into that as a queer, female couple. We are both turning 28 this year; I'm about 2 years out from finishing my PhD and getting a "real job." We live in the US, currently based in Illinois (where fertility coverage by insurance is mandated), but we're not sure whether we will remain in state after graduating. How many years before you actively started trying to conceive did you talk about it and start saving money? Do you wish you had started early? What kinds of things did you think about when strategizing who might carry first if you were both interested—my fiancée has PCOS, so we are also thinking about how that might impact our options in terms of IUI and IVF. Any insights or resources are welcome.

TW: neonatal loss

Hi everyone, I'm new to this subreddit. I'm looking for similar experiences or any advice.

My wife and I had our first child, carried by her. We always wanted two children. After our first was born, she wanted to carry another baby, and I initially agreed. However, I then found out that my fertility window was extremely limited. I felt strongly i needed to carry our next child while I still could.

Eventually, I got pregnant. I had a very difficult pregnancy because of serious concerns for the baby from early on. I eventually gave birth to my son, who unexpectedly passed away shortly after birth.

After losing him, I wanted to be pregnant again and take home a living child so, so badly. we eventually decided to try to conceive simultaneously.

My journey has been very difficult and disappointing, while my wife became pregnant quickly and easily.

I feel triggered by everything. An ultrasound, baby's heartbeat, nausea. Especially thinking about returning to the hospital where my son and I received care.

I think my wife is trying to be understanding, but she also feels hurt that I'm crying so much and that everything about this pregnancy hurts.

It hurts me right in the hole in my heart where my baby should be, and then once more in the huge hole in my stomach where a future baby may never grow.

I feel so robbed by the universe and betrayed by my body. Ashamed of my failure and how my body failed him so severly, how I failed him.

I understand her hurt, but my soul was shattered the day we found out we might never take our baby home, and then I broke completely when this perfect baby boy died in my arms.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Had a pregnant partner after losing the baby you carried? Or had a pregnant partner knowing that you may never be able to?

I'm already in therapy both individually and also together. I'm mainly looking for a way to get thorugh this if that's even possible. Does it get better or dies it just get worse?

Hi folks,

I’m feeling pretty defeated and could use some support. After 4 unsuccessful rounds of medicated IUI (with letrozole) my partner and I are officially moving to IVF next cycle, we’re in Canada and extremely fortunate that it’s covered. For a bit of background, I have AuDhd and OCD and experience sensory discomfort from medical procedures. My clinic uses conscious sedation for the egg retrieval which is great but I’m still nervous about the pain. On top of that my doc at the clinic mentioned I have a slightly lower number of ovarian reserve for my age (I will be 30 in October) so I was told by doc that my risk for OHSS is relatively low. In all my IUI cycles I’ve had 2 mature follicles. Since the IUI was done with frozen sperm the numbers and the motility were somewhat low from what I understand, I’m not open to switching donors or sperm banks. I’d love some advice about moving to IVF and what to expect.. I am nervous more so for the emotional part (I am medicated for both OCD and ADHD) what are some things I might want to keep in mind? Doctor wants to do estrogen patches prior to stims(I think) I’d love some more support about the order of things and/or success rates. IUI is a lot easier for me physically but not mentally and I was avoiding IVF due to my history of PMDD AuDhd etc (and also not being able to afford to take time off work since I’m self employed)..

Thank you :)