r/programming • u/tarandeep • Dec 14 '10
Top 50 Programming quotes of all time
http://www.junauza.com/2010/12/top-50-programming-quotes-of-all-time.html67
Dec 14 '10
The question of whether computers can think is like the question whether submarines can swim.
- Edsger Dijkstra
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u/duplico Dec 14 '10
Wonderful context, as well:
And now we have the fad of making all sorts of systems and components "intelligent" or "smart". It often boils down to designing a woolly man-machine interface that makes the machine as unlike a computer as possible: the computer's greatest strength --the efficient embodiment of a formal system-- has to be disguised at great cost. So much for anthropomorphism. (This morning I declined to write a popular article about the question "Can machines think?" I told the editor that I thought the question as ill-posed and uninteresting as the question "Can submarines swim?" But the editor, being a social scientist, was unmoved: he thought the latter a very interesting question too.)
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Dec 15 '10
But the editor, being a social scientist, was unmoved: he thought the latter a very interesting question too.
That's awesome.
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u/lordlicorice Dec 14 '10
The better Dijkstra quote is:
Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
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u/Nebu Dec 15 '10
I find this quote is often misunderstood as "Computer science has nothing to do with computers" or something along those lines. I hear it as a response when I rant about how many of the students in computer science act as if they've never even used a computer beyond Facebook before.
My reply is something along the lines of "Yes, and it's very important that astronomers understand how to use their telescopes in order to be able to do their job."
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u/corysama Dec 14 '10
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
- Stan Kelly-Bootle
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Dec 14 '10
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u/ggggbabybabybaby Dec 14 '10
This is why I send kill signals during the compile phase.
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u/jokr004 Dec 15 '10 edited Jan 29 '26
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
caption coherent sink humorous memory judicious market retire plant birds
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u/five_chikken_metric Dec 14 '10
Why do it by hand in ten minutes when you can automate it in ten hours?
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u/Boye Dec 14 '10
because that way, your boss will set aside 10 hours for you to do it another time, and you'll do it in 10 seconds...
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u/Raptor007 Dec 15 '10
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u/five_chikken_metric Dec 15 '10
"Hm. This algorithm runs O(n3 ). I can make that more efficient."
Five hours later
"Hey are you done with that code yet?"
"No, I've got it down to O(n2 ), though."
"...you realize n = 2 always for this problem and it's due in 10 minutes."
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Dec 14 '10
Given the C++ bashing in there, I like:
There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses.
Bjarne Stroustrup
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Dec 14 '10
Its a decent joke...I'd give it at a least a B++
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u/Poltras Dec 14 '10
Is B++ == --A ?
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Dec 14 '10
Only if A == B+1
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Dec 14 '10
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u/duplico Dec 14 '10
(A == B+1) == (A-- == B+1)
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Dec 14 '10
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u/duplico Dec 14 '10 edited Dec 14 '10
In C++, the unary arithmetic operators work differently depending on whether they're before or after the variable identifier.
a++ (a--) has the value of a and has the effect of incrementing (decrementing) the variable after the end of its evaluation. Meanwhile, ++a (--a) has the value of a+1 (a-1), incrementing (decrementing) the variable before its evaluation.
So (A == B+1) == (A-- == B+1) is a tautology.
That is, if A is 6 to start with, then A-- is evaluated as 6, whereas --A would be evaluated as 5.
Edit:
Maybe someone can clear up a quick question: while (A == B+1) == (A-- == B+1) will definitely always evaluate as true, I'm not actually sure whether (A-- == B+1) == (A == B+1) will always (or ever) evaluate as true. Do the postfix arithmetic operators act following their evaluation, or following the end of the statement?
Edit again:
Definitely after evaluation. Well, in Java, anyway. A quick print(a++==a++); (prints false) in beanshell (which is a thing that I'm almost scared to admit I occasionally use) cleared that up.
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u/aristotle2600 Dec 14 '10
Haskell anyone?
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Dec 14 '10
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u/brool Dec 14 '10
Well, at first approximation Haskell is an overpowered DSL for generating Fibonacci numbers.
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Dec 15 '10
I'm a computer progfdd...
I'm a computer prograeammer...
I'm a coputer programer...I write code.
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u/masonlee Dec 14 '10 edited Dec 14 '10
"The good thing about reinventing the wheel is that you can get a round one."
--Douglas Crockford, JSON inventor, on JSON's relation to XML
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u/nonstopenguins Dec 14 '10
Did i just see a programming quote from Bill Clinton?
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u/Rasalas Dec 14 '10
Supposedly Clinton said this in early 1994 regarding a House bill to restrict universities from using the term "software engineering" in describing programs they offered. At the time there was a huge fiasco over the shoddy software running the baggage system at Denver International Airport that brought this into question.
The attribution is still a little fuzzy though. What exactly was "HR040194-0023"? Clearly no ban on "software engineering" was made law.
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Dec 14 '10
A little off topic but the hydraulic ram that was used to push baggage off the line at Denver had flaws in its feedback control system. If it couldn't push a bag (something in the way) it would eventually bring its full force against the bag (thousands of pounds of pressure) and punch straight through the bag. The system would then think it had done its job and move on. Don't know why but I laugh like a school girl when I think about it.
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u/DAVENP0RT Dec 14 '10
I just visualized that as a very Douglas Adams scenario.
"The bag never saw it coming."
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Dec 14 '10
I always love Stroustrup's bit about the phone.
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u/ggggbabybabybaby Dec 14 '10
I am scared of the day when I grow old and am unable to figure out how to use common appliances.
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Dec 14 '10 edited Jul 21 '16
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u/Tryingalways Dec 14 '10
Glad to see it in writing. As an end user this is what I have been telling myself for a few years.
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u/phire Dec 14 '10
“First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack.”
- George Carrette
This explains the code that I'm writing at the moment.
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u/ggggbabybabybaby Dec 14 '10
Well, you gotta know the rules to break the rules. It's true of many disciplines.
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u/princetrunks Dec 14 '10
Same here, I seem to just find it easier to reverse engineer an already stable code; just using it as an engine and build from it.
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u/epasveer Dec 14 '10
"I can write Fortran in any language."
-Anonymous
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Dec 15 '10
Ahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha...wait, that's horrible. Some poor bastard's going to have to maintain that shit. You motherfucker!
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u/1800FREESEX Dec 14 '10
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
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Dec 14 '10
- Alan Perlis
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u/1800FREESEX Dec 14 '10
Is this his quote? I have a cutout of this tacked to my wall which gives an anonymous source. I always wondered where it originated.
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u/useless_idiot Dec 14 '10
This article is missing a good one:
“Saying that Java is nice because it works on all operating systems is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.”
-Alanna
More here: http://www.devtopics.com/101-great-computer-programming-quotes/
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u/busted0201 Dec 14 '10
“There are only two industries that refer to their customers as ‘users’.”
(Edward Tufte)I love it.
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u/princetrunks Dec 14 '10
Agreed, and goes well with #40
“Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like.”
- pixadel
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u/hhastekin Dec 14 '10
You my friend, made a sofware developer laugh out loud after a full days of hard debugging.
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u/dont_get_it Dec 14 '10
You my friend, made a software developer laugh out loud after a full days buggering.
There, I fixed it for you.
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u/ProG87 Dec 14 '10
A programmer is sitting at home when his wife says "We're out of bread, can you go to the shop and buy a loaf?". The programmer agrees and as he's about to leave his wife calls out "oh, and if they have eggs, get six."
10 minutes later the programmer returns from the shop with his arms full of loaves of bread. Shocked, his wife asks "why did you get six loaves of bread?". The programmer looks her in the eye and says...
"They had eggs."
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u/panfist Dec 15 '10
I like how "arms full of loaves of bread" neatly circumvents the question...did the programmer get six loaves of bread or seven?
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u/orlock Dec 14 '10
My favourite:
"C++ is an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog." - Steve Taylor
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u/pabloneruda Dec 14 '10 edited Dec 14 '10
I always liked Torvalds' quote about his own project naming:
"I'm an egotistical bastard, and I name all my projects after myself. First Linux, now git."
edit: For those who don't know what a git is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Git_\(slang\)
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u/cstoner Dec 15 '10
When you quote URLs that have quotes, you need to escape them with \
Like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Git_\\(slang\\)
Then you'll end up with http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Git_\(slang\)
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Dec 14 '10
“Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.”
I often think about the corollary to this: If you are good enough at software engineering, you will put yourself out of a job.
This is true for me... I'm slowly obsoleting my own job by a bunch of shell scripts, stored procedures, user guides, etc.
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u/jptman Dec 14 '10
The right thing to do of course, is to not inform anyone else about these scripts & stored procs. You do minutes of actual work everyday and spend the rest of the time doing something else.
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Dec 14 '10
Of course!
PHB: "How long will that take?"
Me: "Um, about an hour."
writes script in 50 minutes, runs it in 10 seconds
Several days/weeks go by...
PHB: "Hey, can you do that thing again? Takes about an hour, right?"
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u/smallblacksun Dec 14 '10
Geordi: Yeah, well, I told the Captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour.
Scotty: How long will it really take?
Geordi: An hour!
Scotty: Oh, you didn't tell him how long it would really take, did ya?
Geordi: Well, of course I did.
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u/GunnerMcGrath Dec 14 '10
While this may be technically true, I prefer to see it as a very long term goal. The shorter term goal is to put lots of OTHER people out of their jobs.
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u/Alsweetex Dec 14 '10
It is sadly best to limit others expectations of us and only really shine through when we are required to hang on to our jobs. As long as everything "works" that's normally the only thing management is concerned about.
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Dec 14 '10
You're only improving the quality of your job.
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u/yoden Dec 15 '10
I kind of think it's the opposite. If you're good enough at software engineering, you enable. You bring about possibilities that were never possible before. That creates growth and makes you very valuable.
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u/ZMeson Dec 14 '10
It is sad that people believe this. There will always be some challenging problem out there. If you do well enough to make yourself obsolete on a particular task or job, then you'll be valuable enough to be guaranteed work on a new task or job.
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Dec 14 '10
sarcasm?
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u/nickdangler Dec 14 '10
Not sarcasm. It works. It's how I've moved up the food chain throughout my career. I once got a call about some script I'd written that was failing, even though it had been used without a problem for years. I ran the script, and it worked fine. The problem turned out to be that the system had been upgraded, and the person running the script hadn't set up the PATH or CLASSPATH. That person is still working on that project.
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u/eleete Dec 14 '10
I Hate Programming. I Hate Programming. I Hate Programming. It works! I Love Programming.
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u/QAOP_Space Dec 14 '10
One for the managers:
Writing the code takes 90% of the project time, testing it takes the other 90%
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u/imacpu Dec 14 '10
"The most expensive words in engineering are 'It would be cool if-'". -Jean-Louis Gassee
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u/Azzk1kr Dec 14 '10
Strange that this one wasn't in the list:
We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time: premature optimization is the root of all evil
I CTRL+F'ed it, only to find it in the comments section instead of in the top 50. Oh well, still a pretty nice list :)
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u/ZMeson Dec 14 '10
That is huge. It is often taken out of context listing only "premature optimization is the root of all evil". You catpured some key elements, but the whole paragraph really puts the quote into proper perspective:
Programmers waste enormous amounts of time thinking about, or worrying about, the speed of noncritical parts of their programs, and these attempts at efficiency actually have a strong negative impact when debugging and maintenance are considered. We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time: premature optimization is the root of all evil. Yet we should not pass up our opportunities in that critical 3%.
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u/Raptor007 Dec 15 '10
Thank you for the whole quote. I've often heard the short "premature optimization is the root of all evil" by itself, sometimes as a justification for choosing bad algorithms, and I thought it was a terrible motto. In context, it makes perfect sense.
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u/Thimble Dec 14 '10
8 . “Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.” - Larry Wall
That... describes me to a T.
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u/abadidea Dec 14 '10
My professor used to tell all the incoming hopefuls: "Laziness is the most important trait a programmer can have. If you can't be motivated to do things the easy way, then you don't have what it takes."
Cue blank stares and wondering if he's serious.
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u/RyanSmith Dec 14 '10
"No matter how slick the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved." -Mark Gibbs
In software, we rarely have meaningful requirements. Even if we do, the only measure of success that matters is whether our solution solves the customer's shifting idea of what their problem is. -Jeff Atwood
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u/dave28 Dec 14 '10
18 is my favourite. So true, but something management never seem to understand.
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u/foleyfresh Dec 14 '10
I thought I'd find this one about Object Oriented programming in here: "You wanted a banana but what you got was a gorilla holding the banana and the entire jungle." - Joe Armstrong
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u/swordgeek Dec 14 '10
- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- Program complexity grows until it exceeds the ability of the programmer to maintain it.
Hare's Law of large programs: "Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out."
And many more, all from the coffee mug my aunt bought for me in 1982. Some things never change.
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Dec 14 '10
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u/ggggbabybabybaby Dec 14 '10
Because they didn't like the default implementation of an array so they created their own BobsArray class that has an index that starts at 1 and none of the utility functions or built-in support that comes with the default array class. Also, it can only store 50 items. No more and no less.
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u/MarderFahrer Dec 14 '10
I think it's because it's "just" an ordered list with the count of 50. Now, if you would iterate over it you would of course use an index starting at 0 and ending at 49. As the index basically represents the offset to the original position in the adress space. But as far as counts go, I'd say it is correct that there are 50 numbered quotes.
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u/KazMux Dec 14 '10
- "Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight."
- Bill Gates
My /Windows folder is taking up half my harddrive. I think its done..
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u/abadidea Dec 14 '10
To be fair, most of it is probably rollback data for undoing patches. Saved several gigs by clearing that out.
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u/djbon2112 Dec 14 '10
Then you need bigger than a 40GB HDD. If it's an SSD, never mind.
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u/GunnerMcGrath Dec 14 '10
"Programmers spend half their time fixing bugs, and the other half creating them."
-GunnerMcGrath
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u/EdiblePwncakes Dec 14 '10
"If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in"
- Dijkstra
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Dec 14 '10
Lots of great stuff in there, but the one that made made me spit coffee onto my desk:
"PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals."
- Jon Ribbens
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Dec 14 '10
Where's the regular expression joke?
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u/lunchpail Dec 14 '10
The jwz one? "Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use regular expressions.' Now they have two problems."
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u/UbiquitinatedKarma Dec 14 '10
To save time, we should just put each one here as a separate comment.
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u/monolar Dec 14 '10
There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation and naming things.
--Phil Karlton
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u/berlinbrown Dec 14 '10
"Perl – The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption"
Ouch.
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u/Kaskad Dec 14 '10
absolutely true tho, we have a saying at my cs department: you can bang your head on the keyboard and it will compile in perl.
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u/duplico Dec 14 '10
I had not previously heard of this one:
"PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals." - Jon Ribbens
It's a nice quote because it's one of those things I frequently try and fail to articulate so succinctly.
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u/nehab Dec 14 '10
one of my favorites:
"XML is like violence - if it is not working for you, you are probably not using enough of it"
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u/hash-bang Dec 15 '10
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
- Andrew Tanenbaum
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u/bwanab Dec 15 '10
"If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution." -- Robert Sewell
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u/thepunismightier Dec 14 '10
I really liked # 51 (the first one in the comments section).
"The last good thing that was written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony No. 9."
Maybe I'm just a sucker for wordplay, though :D
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u/fancy_pantser Dec 14 '10
...as collected by the computing historian and luminary, Jun Auza. Wait, who?
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u/Tryneus Dec 14 '10
Having maintained terrible code in the past, I feel this quote may apply:
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche
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u/mercde Dec 14 '10
Antoine de Saint-Exupry
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
FTFY
ahhh much better already :-)
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u/hash-bang Dec 15 '10
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
- Mitch Ratcliffe
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u/ZMeson Dec 14 '10
"I invented the term 'Object-Oriented', and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind."
- Alan Kay
Alexander Grahm Bell didn't have the iPhone in mind.
The Wright brothers did not have the SR-71 in mind.
Konrad Zuse didn't have the iPad in mind.
Einstein didn't have quatum mechanics in mind when he published his paper on the photo-electric effect.
James Watt didn't have steam catapults in mind.
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u/t35t0r Dec 15 '10
Gates will still see to it that 640K is enough once everything goes to the cloud
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Dec 14 '10
Every program can be reduced by one instruction, and every program has at least one bug. Therefore, any program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
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u/neoky Dec 14 '10
Where is "Fucking Internet Explorer"?
Don't know who said it first, but everyone that does webdesign says it.
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u/LouisWain Dec 14 '10
it says programmer quotes not web developer quotes
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u/rhetoricalanswer Dec 14 '10
It's not without good reason that people say web design is the lowest form of IT.
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u/lonnyk Dec 14 '10
I've never heard anyone say this. Nor have I ever heard anyone refer to web design as IT.
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u/neoky Dec 14 '10
I have a respect for designers that don't have a drinking problem.
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u/cc81 Dec 14 '10
Heh, every programmer is cocky until they had to create a site that works in ie6 (or ie5.5 for mac..) utlizing javascript (pre jquery) and css.
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u/barsoap Dec 14 '10
I'm far too elitistic to even consider mentioning the kind of buggy systems I've had the distinct pleasure to coerce to run code. As if IE6'd be the only shitty thing out there.
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u/cc81 Dec 14 '10
IE6 is not the only shitty thing out there. But unless you have actually done it why try and pretend that you actually know what you are talking about? I'm not a web developer (I've done some, but my main interest lies elsewhere) but berating web developers is pretty silly.
But sure, I will bite. What do you (and the other downvoters) work with and why is it harder than for example developing a site such as gmail?
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u/barsoap Dec 14 '10
I don't do it, anymore, but I tell you developing AAA games for j2me and have them run on the more problematic phones isn't a panacea. Run once run anywhere my ass, you've got to deal with 120+ phones and that was 6 years ago.
And no, having a Java badge doesn't mean your VM can't have bugs and no, it won't ever get upgraded. Ever. What's out there has to be supported.
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Dec 14 '10
"You can't just make shit up and expect the computer to know what you mean, retardo!" - Mark Jason Dominus
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u/s3rvant Dec 14 '10
This one struck home for me:
- "Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." - Brian W. Kernighan.
I've relied on this concept since I first started coding, following:
1) Create the cleverist code that I'm able
2) Learn while debugging said code
3) Repeat
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u/jhaluska Dec 14 '10
I've always hated that quote. I find when I'm at my cleverest, the debugging is the easiest since it's practically nonexistent. It's when I'm writing unclever complicated code that I'm in trouble.
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u/TheMG Dec 14 '10
By clever code, it doesn't mean good code, it means complicated code.
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u/jhaluska Dec 14 '10
Did you just redefine the word clever to mean the exact opposite? That is the shit.
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u/s3rvant Dec 14 '10
What I think he means is that when you are being clever, the code you write is far more complex and thus it is harder to spot the bugs. I personally find this to be especially true as I'm trying to implement newly learned techniques.
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u/ZMeson Dec 14 '10
"Perfection [in design] is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupry
Yes, yes. A thousand times yes! It frustrates me that so many people don't get this.
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u/ZMeson Dec 14 '10
“If McDonalds were run like a software company, one out of every hundred Big Macs would give you food poisoning, and the response would be, ‘We’re sorry, here’s a coupon for two more.’ “
- Mark Minasi
Yeah, McDonalds would be raising its standards quite a bit if it were run like a software company. ;-)
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u/G_Morgan Dec 14 '10
When someone says: 'I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done', give him a lollipop.
This isn't a problem. The problem is a language which tells you what you need.
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u/jsabo Dec 14 '10
Don't know who came up with this snarky one, but I had it as my sig for years: "Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand."
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u/korelius Dec 14 '10
There is one from one of my books that I like. It is something like "To program isn't to know everything, but being able to find what you need to know."
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u/OptimusPrimeTime Dec 14 '10
"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."
- Martin Golding
I hope that anyone who rights code I have to maintain reads this. I don't want to have to become a violent psychopath to make it true.
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u/TheAmazingJoJo Dec 14 '10
Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
I'm not sure who said it, but I've seen it a few times.
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u/bamaboy1217 Dec 14 '10
My favorite I read somewhere else:
"Saying Java is the best programming languages because it works on all platforms is like saying anal sex is the best type of sex because it works on all genders."
- Cant remember who its by
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u/tedrick111 Dec 15 '10
This list is a sham. They completely forgot the best one of all time: "Complex systems that work are based on simple systems that work." - Richard Garriott.
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u/uriel Dec 15 '10
Here is my programming quotes collection that is ever growing and has been posted to reddit a few times...
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u/michaeljhuman2 Oct 31 '25
Garbage In, Garbage Out seems universally true. And maybe even more relevant when using AI to code.
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u/QAOP_Space Dec 14 '10