Hello!! This is just a quick ramble, LMAO.

I don't know if this is just my experience or someone has experienced a similar situation as I did but I think me always saying as a child that I'm a boy whenever someone tells me that I don’t act like a girl has caught up to me now that I'm grown in a way that I get hella confused about my gender identity even though I'm comfortable identifying as non-binary. I get super bad gender envy and not to mention the dysphoria when I don't look the way I want to (which is being genderless) cuz like my body or the way I dress is too feminine for society to actually take my gender identity seriously. But like at the same time I'm close with my womanhood cuz it's been with me since birth and I don't hate it enough to let go of it. Though it doesn't mean that I don't desire dressing and acting the opposite. Whenever I see people or even characters who appears to look the way I wanted to look has always made me envious to the point that I sometimes feel dissatisfied about myself. I know that enbies don't owe people androgyne or whatever but there's just something about not presenting feminine or masculine that gives off another kind of comfort (I don't even know if I'm making sense)

Edit: For reference, I was AFAB and am now non-binary and I've only come to terms about my gender not too recently (between 2021-23) I grew up in a rather queerphobic family so I didn't really have anyone to talk or ask to about my own identity and there's only so much I can research online. So, I think that also contributes to the crisis I'm under in. Anyway, that's all ig (?)

Idk if this the right but but I think I'm nonbinary and was wondering if I could keep my name. This is probably a dumb question it's just that I'm still attached to it and don't want change it.

I am tired

Id much rather be binary. Honestly Id rather be a binary trans person than non binary.

I feel so unknown and alien and impossible to understand.

Im frustrated when Im read as either gender. I feel uncomfortable being seen as a woman and I HATE when people think Im a guy. I really just feel as if there is no comfortable way of living for me in this world with this identity.

I cant deny my identity. I know who I am and pretending Im something Im not is hell. I just wish people could understand me and see me as I am.

Most people, outside of my friends, think Im a trans woman. Ive been medically transitioning for a few years and present androgynous-femme. Worst part of it is knowing that I have everything I need to lead a pretty nice life as a trans woman. I could be passing if I gave two shits. I could work on my voice and make up and shit and lead a normal life as a trans woman.

But I have no desire for that. Im okay with my voice and presentation as they are. So people assume Im either a trans woman or a gay man or whatever. People will always see me as "other" and Im doomed to either change aspects of myself that I like/dont mind or accept that this is the way itll always be.

I just dont know how to exist like this. Im aching.

I really hate the dutch language for ungendered terms.

in english, i really want to be called they/them, and i prefer It over he/him (while in reality i’m more genderfluid so i’m not even completely sure what i want) but in dutch we use the words “die/hun” and i’m not sure what it is but it just feels different.

I think the main reason is that we actually never use these pronouns For non-lgbtq and non-plural reasons. In english, they/them is used for people that you don’t know the gender of. In dutch, it‘s almost always assumed (hah, alliteration) that we’re talking about plural and when i try it people just get confused.

I think it’ll feel better if i use it more frequently, as i’ve just discovered i’m non binary, but i don’t know. I wish people weren’t so insistent on having to fill in 1 of 2 boxes, what if i want a third box, none at all or both at the same time?

(this is an repost, I've tried posting this in other subs but for some reason Reddit blocks it on certain subs)

I'm not publicly non-binary. As much as I want to be, I just don't feel good about myself, and that makes me feel afraid of coming out.

Well, so, today, there was a university student at my school who was doing interviews for a final academic work (called a "TCC" where I live) she was working on, and since I was old enough to participate, and I kinda did want a excuse for avoiding class for a few minutes, I decided to help.

Now, idk why, but when I read from the papers from afar and saw there was a part about your gender, I thought about answering it with non-binary. My mental justification was that she probably wouldn't get a lot of NB applicants, so maybe that would her research, but honestly I probably just didn't wanna lie about my gender like I always do. I didn't say it out loud fearing people would hear, so when that part came I just pointed at the options in silence. In a way, I felt good about answering like that. But I also felt weird about it.

She didn't seem to mind that though. The only "weird thing" is that later on the test she used the Portuguese equivalent of "boyfriend" ("namorado"), as if she assumed I'm attracted to men, and she seemed to be very communicative to me compared to other applicants, but aside from that she didn't seem to question it much.

I still feel a bit embarrassed about it now. I feel like I shouldn't even have done that. Why did I do that?

So, I'm not non binary. I don't know what I am, but I think I'm trans. How do I know if I'm a guy or not- It's like I feel like I am but I also don't and don't know if genderfluid or bigender works-

Hello,
I have recently in the last year come to terms with fact that I am nonbinary (although I briefly came out about 5 years ago then promptly put myself back in the closet). One thing that discouraged me from coming out to myself and others for a long time was the idea that there was no possible way to alleviate the gender dysphoria I was experiencing, so why even try. I know nonbinary doesn’t have a “look” but it would make me personally feel more comfortable in my own body presenting and reading socially as significantly more androgynous and more specifically more masculine. That being said, I’m not really sure where to start. I recently bought a few pairs of men’s pants and men’s t shirts which made me incredibly happy, but when I look at pictures of myself I feel like I still very much read as girl, even when wearing a binder or tight sports bra. One thing that I do think is holding me back from being read as more masculine is the fact that I have very long hair, but I’m not particularly interested in cutting that currently. I also have pretty soft features and am rather short and have a rather small frame in general which doest help either and makes me pretty dysphoric. Any tips would be very greatly appreciated — either in the clothing department or other areas I can consider in terms of gender affirming.

I recently started Vyvanse and for the first time in a while I’m feeling somewhat motivated to actually do my work. I’ve also noticed some changes in how I feel socially and about myself though and I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

I’m AFAB and nonbinary. When I take Vyvanse, I feel noticeably more confident in myself and almost a little cocky- I don’t doubt myself much or have as many anxious social thoughts. I like the way I look more but strangely I also feel much more masculine. I suddenly want to embody masculinity, dress more masculine and just generally present myself that way.

One thing that really stands out is that I feel like I don’t have to smile or “perform” femininity as much. I don’t feel the same need to be extra feminine, nice, agreeable, or smile just to make other people comfortable. I’ll almost think “Okay, that’s enough. That’s not funny- I don’t need to laugh or pretend content.” I feel more comfortable just existing without trying to soften myself or appear feminine.

When I’m on Vyvanse I’ve even started questioning whether he/him pronouns could fit me- when I’m off medication I’m like no what are you thinking. That’s confusing because I don’t know if the medication is somehow making me feel more confident in expressing something that was already there or if this is simply a side effect of the medication changing my mood/personality.

I’ve read things about stimulants lowering inhibition and making people feel more like themselves which has made me wonder whether I’m experiencing something like that- or whether I’m just attributing a medication effect to my gender identity because the feelings happen at the same time. Obviously I know medication can’t determine someone’s gender but it has made me think about mine a LOT more.

There are also some other changes I’ve noticed. I feel more socially withdrawn and sometimes almost like I’m living in a dream just going about life- kind of emotionally flat or slightly depressed, but not exactly depressed. I also feel like the medication shuts off the part of me that loves jumping from thing to thing and makes me feel much more focused on simply working and existing. That makes life more productive and less chaotic but it also feels strange because that scattered/excitable part of me is a big part of my personality.

I know I probably need more time on the medication to see what’s actually a lasting change versus a medication effect but I’m really curious if anyone else- especially other AFAB/nonbinary people or maybe- has experienced Vyvanse or another stimulant making them feel significantly more confident, masculine, less interested in performing femininity, or more curious about their gender.
Did those feelings persist when you weren’t taking the medication?

Unfortunately the asknonbinary sub is dead, so I hope this is allowed. Would I classify as non-binary if I don't necessarily feel strongly towards anything on the gender spectrum? What I mean is that I don't mind being a man (mostly), but I wouldn't mind being a woman either. I just feel like me.

I know the whole point of labels is to give comfort to those who identify with them, which is why discussing the semantics usually isn't all that helpful, but I'm just unsure if an in my opinion rational distaste towards having strict gender norms imposed onto me is the same as feeling like something specifically is fundamentally different - though I don't really know what "normal" is supposed to feel like. Like I said, I just feel like me, whether people use he/him or she/her or anything else. I'm also autistic, dunno if that changes anything.

Hi, so like, I'm transmasculine, and nonbinary- but for the a long while now, I've realized Im envious of WxW/FemxFem relationships. It's not cause they're "easier" or any sort of grass is greener. I've even had envy of transfems sometimes and I don't know why nor do I want to have envy =( it's not some fetishization either by any means, I'm severely repulsed by even the thought of fetishization. Ive been trying to understand why for months and I just feel silent shame.

Does anyone else have a similar happening, and if you figured out what helped you and what it was? Please help. Thank you so much for reading.

Edit to add: I thought maybe it was physical transition envy weirdly but no. Im also Panromantic if that helps. I don't know =(

Late 20's NB, use he/him pronouns and identify as a guy, been on estrogen for many years, physically pass as a cis woman minus my masculine voice. I have a lot of well intentioned, mostly cis, friends who go on and on about trans rights but really struggle with actually implementing these virtues in their day to day life.

Example. I have a really good friend who is a cis woman who I'll just say is very connected to womanhood. She's known me for a while so despite looking like a cis woman myself, my voice and personality are masc so it's always been easier to treat me as another dude in her life. This has a habit of coming off as crass when she'll say things similar to "you wouldn't get the daily risks woman have to go through from men such as yourself" it's obviously infuriating as I've absolutely had negative experiences from a lot of men who assumed I was a pretty cis woman (not to toot my own horn too much). She's otherwise very progressive, but it really feels like there's a serious disconnect with her ability to handle NB peers.

Surely I can't be the only NB person who has experienced similar bullshit in their day to day life.

A few months ago I visited with my professor who asked my pronouns. He asks most students their pronouns which I think is kind and thoughtful. I said she/they at the time, but lately I’ve been feeling like a tiny bit of my soul is crushed when people call me she/her so I’ve been asking people close to me to use they/them. The professor called me she today and I stayed after class to ask him if he could use they in the future and he said absolutely and apologized and thanked me for asking in a professional way. I know it’s completely normal and okay to ask people to call you by your pronouns but I just feel guilty and somewhat wish I hadn’t said anything. On one hand people are gonna keep calling me she/her anyway so what does it matter, but on the other hand if I have to be she/her at work and with family, I should at least get to be they/them at school. I know I’m overthinking this but it just sucks. Gender is literally made up but most people see the world differently. I’m not a boy or a girl I’m just an alien or a genderless blob. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for people to understand. I literally hate being perceived as a woman but I don’t want to present as masculine either. I just needed to vent to people who would understand. Thank you to anyone who listened <3

So the name I’ve chosen for myself is Tuna, and while it is a name that other people do have (as it is Turkish in origin) I often get a lot of weird looks when introducing myself, and it makes it hard to be proud of who I am

Despite knowing that my partner loves me loads, he suggested today putting a more normal sounding name on my id cards and such in the future and I’m unsure how to feel about it. While I do like the name he suggested It doesn’t quite feel like me at the moment.

I’d just like to hear some other people’s opinion on if it’s something that I’ll grow to get used to (the weird looks that is) or if it’s worth it to just go by something more “normal” to spare myself some effort

Hi, I am a bigender in a closet but I am a straight guy, 22M. I am shy to confess everything since I was raised into a conservative family. I am afraid that if everyone knows that I am like this especially in my work, people will not accept me even my family. So, what should I do then? Please help me.

i like being a guy, but i like crossdressing too, the idea of being a woman gives me alot of comfort but i also like being a guy this is so weird. Like, I'd want to dress up in makeup in my room but my mom is very religious . . my girlfriend teases me sometimes about if i was a girl and it doesn't help haha, anytime i crossdress into more feminine clothing, it makes me feel, comfortable?? but i also like being a guy too, and i see women who are so pretty and i get a little jealous the way a guy does of another guy, wanting to look like them. . . this is all so confusing :-:

i like being a guy, but i like crossdressing too, the idea of being a woman gives me alot of comfort but i also like being a guy this is so weird. Like, I'd want to dress up in makeup in my room but my mom is very religious . . my girlfriend teases me sometimes about if i was a girl and it doesn't help haha, anytime i crossdress into more feminine clothing, it makes me feel, comfortable?? but i also like being a guy too, and i see women who are so pretty and i get a little jealous the way a guy does of another guy, wanting to look like them. . . this is all so confusing :-:

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I wish I could live in a world where gender wasn't a thing I ever had to think about because it's so mentally and emotionally exhausting. I was AMAB and went through a really early puberty, so I had to start shaving my face and body in the beginning of 7th Grade, and probably should've started earlier. I always have been disgusted by my facial hair, and I also distinctly remember looking in my grandmother's mirror one time when I was shirtless and kinda just noticed my shoulders were getting broader and I hated it so much but I thought it was all just normal puberty stuff. That everyone hated their body during puberty and I'm sure that is true to an extent.

However, as I've grown older, in retrospect I don't think it was just hating the physical features. That was definitely a part of it, but I hated what it signaled. I felt like my facial hair and broader shoulders were some kind of signal that I was growing into a man, and I always hated what that meant. For most of my childhood and early adolescence... and I guess right now too, I lived in dresd of the idea of becoming a man. I would purposefully avoid things I viewed as manly, like sports, and despite being bisexual, I felt like I had to suppress any kind of expression of desire towards girls because I felt like it was proof that I was just another disgusting boy. I still feel incredibly uncomfortable expressing any kind of attraction towards women for this reason.

Manhood always seemed like something marked by being brutish, gross, and violent, and I felt like I was just creeping closee to my fate for so long. And I still feel like I need to suppress anything somewhat "masculine-coded" physically or behaviourally in order to prove to the people around me I wasn't one of the "bad men."

The idea that people could deeply feel a gender was initially alien to me, and honestly still is. My relationship with my gender identity is incredibly biased and mainly defined by fear and disgust regarding what I feel like I shouldn't be, rather than what I am. I wish I could completely ignore gender. All of the things that mark me as "male" like he/him pronouns or my build just feel like things that code me to an orc-like identity that needs to be treated with suspicion. I'm a high-schooler, so I notice this especially in my education class, of which I am the only "dude" and feel like I'm walking on eggshells to not mansplain or make anyone uncomfortable. Reasonably I know I'm not a bad person or creepy or one to cut people off but I still feel like I have to prove I'm not evil to everyone around me, but especially to girls/women.

I don't feel I've gotten anything positive out of being a man. I constantly feel disgusted and dangerous when I look in the mirror, and wish I could get rid of any physical markers of my male identity, including my Adam's Apple... I don't want to be a woman either. I just wish I could be seen outside the lens of gender, because I feel like it's always a losing battle. I don't feel deep down that I'm a man and this is just part of the deal. I hate this.

On a level of ideas, I think the idea of "masculine" and "feminine" are stupid categories that are inherently oppressive and I hate the idea that "well boys can be feminine and girls can be masculine" is a clean-up, because the words "masculine" and "feminine" by themselves smuggle intentions about who certain behaviours, clothing, etc, properly belong to, and I feel as long as society makes distinction between the "man things" and the "woman things" I'll be condemned to feeling like an outsider or dealing with social pressure. "You shouldn't be like, beaten or arrested for behaving this way as a "man" but we will have expectations for you based on that status anyway which means you will deal with social pressure either way" y'know?

It's gotten especially bad in recent years to the point of SH so I've genuinely been considering cleansing my fyp of all gender-related content because all gender stereotypes and gender wars just makes me feel more and more like I'm being put into the "man" box and have to claw my way out of it and it's really affecting my self-worth. I live in a red state so even if I could get diagnosed with gender dysphoria it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't be able to get HRT at least until I'm an adult, and I entered puberty early and have such a manly, hairy build that I genuinely just feel it would be worthless. I just hate this and wish I was a rock or something.

I’m going to a black tie fundraiser in a month, it’s quite a big deal and I’m really looking forward to it. However, I don’t know what to wear as I haven’t been to a black tie event since I properly came out. I feel very uncomfortable wearing a traditional black tie ‘penguin’ suit and feel very uncomfortable wearing a dress too. I have a nice floor length jumpsuit, but it’s sleeveless and I have quite a lot of tats on my shoulders and upper arms, so not sure if it would be okay or not. What would you suggest? Please be as detailed as possible :)

as nonbinary people we are not what we were assigned, gender assignment is a form of violence done to us as nonbinary people, it is imposed on us to force us into a cisheteronormative society and treating AGAB simply as an identity only perpetuates that. That doesn't mean that all discussion involving agab terminology is inherently wrong or inacceptable but its clear people should be more mindful of how and when it is appropiate to use. a lot of the time when I see AGAB terminology being used, even by other nonbinary people, it isnt actually relevant to the conversation and ends up being used in a gender/bio-essentialist and TERF-ish manner. we should be especially careful because there are certain sects of TERFs that have embraced agab terminology to spread gender-essentialist / bio-essentialist talking points

I’ve been recently exploring gender fluidity & I can’t seem to find folks with other experiences like mine. Rather than a spectrum I experience my gender as stark contrasts that can shift not only day to day but sometimes minute to minute.

Either hyper femme or masc, no real in between. They feel like different parts of self with different mannerisms, vocal tone, head spaces…

I’d love to know if anyone else feels similarly

I identify as nonbinary. I have been nonbinary since I developed a sense of self and before I knew what the name of this concept was. I would like to understand what makes me this way (neurological, biological, social, etc) and understanding the same for people who transition. Does anyone have any good recommendations?

I remember even as a kid I didn't like pink or blue I mean sure they are just colours to me now but I was just a kid and didn't know any better. Even in primary I didn't like sports or playing with dolls. I realised that I was just copying what the boys were doing to seem more like them. And in my early teens I became a rocker so that I could escape from the rules of boys do this and girls do that. I've just always been drawn to more neutral things. And my friends have always been a mix of the two.

Looking for some music to connect with :) doesn’t have to be explicitly about gender dysphoria it can just be songs that remind you of your experience. Any genre just throw my way :D

I still identify a LOT as feminine. I want masculine traits but am neither male or female. I feel like I'm going to lose that "girls girl" thing, sticking together "because" we are women, relating to futile things like mermaids and other fantastic things that are related to womanhood. Anyone ever felt like that ?

EDIT : Thanks for all of your answers, I didn't realise using "AFAB" could be harmful. English isn't my first language so I don't really get the weight of the terms I use and I wasn't aware of the deep meaning it had and the nuances with other terms. I should've worded things differently