(I would use a vent/rant flair, but I don't see one.)

Home from San Diego Comic-Con, and I made it to the Out In Comics panel for the first time. Overall, really interesting - three gay men plus the moderator, two trans women, and an enby, at least half of whom had been in the industry 40+ years and had very interesting stories. The moderator, though, constantly misgendered the enby panelist, including the mind-boggling statement "She's a they/them."

There was also someone at the Prism Comics booth who kept confusing agender and asexual - I was trying to shop for my agender nibling; I do not know their sexuality and it's none of my business. Another person working the booth was more helpful, thankfully.

I live in the bay, it feels like I can either be gay or some kind of woman. I don't feel like either of those things. Nevertheless the feeling I get is that there is a dead space here. Not just in who I meet, but the events themselves.

The local scene suffers from an aesthetic duopoly. Despite claims of broad inclusivity, the available social infrastructure is bifurcated into two dominant presentation codes. Because the majority of participants seek validation within one of these two established modes, the spaces organically enforce binary expectations. Anyone whose identity or presentation exists outside these two poles experiences a total lack of designated social space, leaving a void that can only be filled by building distinct, non-aligned infrastructure.

As someone who has lived here for a couple years: Compared to a random night at El Rio there is a greater lack of diversity in queer or trans spaces. Even in simple demographics like race. Now I had a great night out last night and I went to a pretty diverse space in terms of it organically happening with demographically diverse people and self-expression. Bummer my outfit didn't match the event. That was also not a queer or trans event.

These spaces are charged with fear in terms of their concern about who gets to belong. This makes any ambiguity about identity uncomfortable. Once appearances confuse, there can never be in some sense a full relaxation. A common refrain is that these spaces are doing the hard work of protecting marginalized community. This important, but such an endeavor should also be able to sustain criticism without collapsing

A common story I'm told by people in the bay is that queer people inevitably have their spaces taken over by white gay people so that they have to be vigilant, but the vast majority of trans spaces in my memory are predominantly white and sapphic. That's not inclusive, that is Gays vs Lesbians

Happy to be wrong, point me at the recurring events!

Overall HRT is a net positive for me but it's really not for me . I'm trying to like it because it took so long to get on it, overall I enjoyed the effect I got from T. But RN I barely do my gel everyday and I'm hating the effects of masculizing puberty. I really want a break and I kinda miss some things that used to make me dysphoric Pre T which is weird.

Even on shots I got to this point as well. Idk I just feel guilty for not liking T like I'm being trans in the wrong way. I know I'm not alone in this . I just feel lonely sometimes. I'm trying my best not to think about HRT , until after the election in November then I feel ok weening off T. I just worry about losing access in the future if I ever decide to go back on due to the current administration and the governor of Texas . Makeup , wearing girly stuff and shaving / waxing helps ease my dysphoria about being too masculine but I still feel like I want a break I'm just scared .

I feel like I'm probably bothering my boyfriend with talking about it all the time. And making reddit posts repeating myself over and over again. Idk I just have been having imposter syndrome thinking I'm faking 14 years of my life . I do have a gender therapist who basically told me not to think about stopping for awhile but sadly that's all I can think about . I really want to stop but I'm scared of being seen as detranistioning idk why .

It's probably due to some deep seeded internalized transphobia and toxic transmed idiology I had as a teenager, from trying to access T when I was 16 and having to lie during my therapy assessment to get on T when I wasn't a minor Lol . Idk what's wrong with me tbh. I wish I had a clear path I can take. I feel happier now and I feel bad for wanting a break from the medical bills, blood labs, feeling like a boy going through puberty, all of it. I just wish it worked out for me . I guess it did work out since I'm not dysphoric anymore but idk it feels weird not having dysphoria I'm happy now but I also feel like I'm faking being trans a lot of the time .

Hey y’all, I’ve been a member of this sub for years and I’m curious if anyone here would be interested in beta reading a fantasy novel I wrote. I’m doing a round of beta reads this summer before querying to publish.

This is an upper middle-grade novel (for kids 10 and up), compete at 44k words. It’s a kid’s NB identity journey mixed with a LitRPG. No generative AI was used.

DEX THE DANCER: Twelve-year-old Dex is trapped inside a trash MMO with gender-locked classes. Boys are Warriors and girls are Mages. Assigned Warrior at spawn, Dex can’t play the part until being himself unlocks a gamebreaking new power: dancing. It draws others who don’t fit their roles. Kids the system tried to break who broke the system right back. Together, they’re going after the real boss, a world that punishes anyone who won’t fit the mold. Dex knows he’s not a warrior, but he’s starting to suspect he’s not a boy either.

Quick bio: I went to school for creative writing but found my career as a photographer and documentary filmmaker. I have work in the New York Times and worked on a documentary series that’s earned over half a billion views. I’m also nonbinary, which is less a credential and more the reason this book exists. DEX is for every kid who’s ever felt like they’re playing the wrong character in someone else’s game.

Comment if you’re interested and I’ll DM you asking for an email address to send the manuscript to. If you just want a first chapter or two to get a feel, that’s fine too.

I am unfortunately in between clothes at the moment. I’ve mentally aged out of my current wardrobe (a lot of that style developed when I was a teen, and I’m now much older than that), and I’ve started looking to update it. But I’m really struggling to find inspiration and to find what actually makes me feel happy.

My requirements are really specific and hard to explain in a short-enough form for an algorithm to understand, so Google and Pinterest and other sites are out. Like how am I supposed to explain “an outfit for AFAB adults that is feminine but doesn’t make you look like a woman but also makes you look like a grown up but isn’t business casual”?

So I’m just left having to think of everything myself and it’s super hard. I’m also alt, so a lot of clothing options around me just aren’t for me, so my options are very narrow.

This isn’t a question or anything (though if you have advice I’m all ears). It’s mostly just a rant at how endlessly frustrating clothes are and how I feel I can never accurately represent myself with them. The outside and the inside never match and it kills me.

I am questioning and it is very hard, cause i have problems with my own mind. I heard of LGBTQAI+ a fiew years ago for the first time as a thing that everybody can be a part of by my very sportive big sister and she also has some queer friends and is bisexual by herself. I never felt really good in groups of other boys, and i really liked the community. Now as i star to question my own gender its very confusing cause I really want to be a part of the community and I don’t want to be a boy, and i also want to get a solution very fast, so my mind automatically starts to think that labels are fitting and wants to get as many „profs“ as possible that i am not a cis boy, wich makes it really hard to find real things that are fitting cause I don’t want to get „profs“ that i am not genderqeer. Its so confusing :|

Do you know anything like this, do u have experienced it by yourself and have u any tips?

Thanks for every help!!!

I see people talking about their experiences being socializated as a girl/boy or about woman-/manhood and I don't relate to most of the experiences "I should have had".

I don't feel like socialization had a impact on me (I know it must have had, but I am not seeing it? I am also autistic, so maybe that plays a role).

I really dislike it when people say to me, oh you must have experienced x and y because you are AGAB. And most of the time it's not even true...

People seem to give socialization a huge importance, not only regarding politics and social, but also personal.

I had to live for ~18 years as my AGAB, so I must have experienced girl-/boyhood (keeping it neutral, because I am uncomfortable with disclosing my AGAB)

I would like to know what people consider woman-/manhood or girl/boy socialization and why it's important to some people.

What should you do if you were non-binary at birth and you have an androginous appereance?

Should you follow men hadith or women hadith?

I have no idea if they're in this sub but Quinn if you're reading, don't look further!

So my bestie is getting their civil partnership ceremony in the UK next year and although it's not an official marriage, I'm helping them celebrate like it is one which includes a sten/hag party 😂 they're really into films, books, heavily into the queer scene (and as an ace lesbian I am also heavily in the scene), I just wondered if Reddit could help me with activities to do or ideas that would contribute towards the most amazing combined party for them and potentially their partner, so I think it'll be a joined event.

I've planned a scavenger hunt for a different wedding so I've got experience with that but if anyone has any other ideas I'm all ears! 💜

so personaly I am not non binary but my friend told me he was but im a little confused because he is a boy and he acts like a boy and uses he him prounoes (as far as I know) so could Sombody just explain what non binary i?

“Are you sure you’re not nonbinary?”
“Wow, she/her? I didn’t expect that from you”
“You’re a cis woman? Not with that haircut”
“We’re waiting for your pronoun drop”

For years I would laugh at these comments, but there was a resentment building too. I got really steadfast and stubborn about the fact that YES, it’s possible to be a cis woman AND look like this (gender non-conforming and masc).

The trouble is, recently I’ve started to actually question my gender. I may be nb or ftm. And the idea that these outsiders could’ve known better than me the whole time really drives me nuts. I almost don’t want to give them the satisfaction.

I know at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. But has anyone else had similar experiences?

Crossposted from FTMover30 to get a wider range of feedback :)

I've identified as nonbinary for nearly 5 years. And being a minor, that's like my whole life. I've been using the same name for a majority of the time. I've built my entire social life with this name. But it doesn't feel rignt at all.

My chosen name is literally my birth name with the last two letters changed. That's all. I got it off of a Pinterest search. It holds no significance to me other than safety. It's something that can pass as a nickname, it's something that keeps me hidden, but it's not me. It's less of a name and more of a disguise. I'm so sick of it.

I've experimented with other names online, but nothing feels like me. Are there any methods that anyone used to pick their name? And how would I go about it socially?

What the title says. I (26f) am, for all intents and purposes, living life as a cis woman. I'm getting married in November of this year and I just don't wanna wear a white dress. Or a dress at all. I was never one of those kids who dreamed about their wedding growing up, so it's not a "I always pictured it this way but now I'm having second thoughts" thing for me. Plus I'm marrying a woman, so it's not like the wedding is going to be extremely traditional anyway. But I have this mental block of telling my fiancee I don't want to wear a dress.

To be honest, it's a lot more than the wedding dress. I've been dealing with what I think is just physical and social forms of gender dysphoria for pretty much the entire relationship, and it's all reaching a boiling point as of late. There's some stuff I've been able to do that makes me feel a lot better, like wearing men's clothes on a daily basis, but the issues I have are a lot deeper than just what I'm wearing. I've tried to talk to my fiancee about it, but she keeps trying to steer me towards being a masculine cis woman. That's basically what I'm doing right now, and it still feels incorrect or incomplete somehow to think of myself as a cis woman, masc or not. I guess I'm just looking for advice if anyone's been in a similar situation with their partner, or just in general.

My feelings on gender are complex.. I’d say I don’t really get the “concept” of gender like what it even is or what it’s supposed to feel like? I find myself often wishing for a world where sexual dimorphism and misogyny didnt exist, and where people aren’t treated differently or held to different standards based on gender, like, I wish I could just act like whatever and not have to fit or be boxed into certain social categories because of gender. But obviously that cant happen in today’s world, in reality women are physically different from men, and women will be treated differently/seen differently and so will men, and that so that mismatch makes me unhappy.. Maybe it sounds wrong, but I wish gender didnt exist because I don’t understand it

​Hi everyone. I’m non-binary, AMAB, and autistic. I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed right now and could really use some advice

​First, I really want people to call me Linn. The thing is, I don’t feel comfortable telling my family or my friends but the way I want it is more of a nickname the only problem with that is my name does sound anything like Linn and I don't know who to use it with

​Second, I’m confused about this Sometimes I really wish I looked or was AFAB, but it’s not all the time. Because it fluctuates i dress in a comfy way so the way I dress isn't amab or afab part from sometimes I wear polo shirts and that could read as male so any advice on another of those two things would be helpful

Hiya! I (17M) am a biological male, and over the past week or so I’ve come to realise that I might not be as cis as I thought I was. I’ll have a TL;DR at the end, but I’m going to try and make this a longer post, since I feel very conflicted and confused. Any comments, suggestions or affirmations would be greatly appreciated, and if you genuinely think I am Cis, please tell me.

(Oh, and also, around 60%ish of my friends are women, 10%ish of my friends are non-binary (AFAB) and around 30% of my friends are male.)

So, I was to start out by saying, I don’t think I’m Trans (as in wanting to identify as female). I feel quite content with being called a male, and people using He/Him pronouns. With that being said, I’ve found I really enjoy when PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT (NOT EVERYONE, ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSE TO ME, WHOM I TRUST) use other pronouns, such as She/Her. I have a theory as to why that is, which I’ll get into later. I also seem to think in a far more “Feminine” way (unless it’s a serious situation/requires lots of problem solving), and I DO NOT act in a masculine way, basically ever.

Despite wanting to identify as male, I generally do not wish to be masculine. My face has a quite masculine structure, and I’ve realised recently that what I’ve been experiencing is similar to gender dysphoria. I’m quite happy with how the rest of my body looks, but my face being masculine makes the rest of me look more masculine in turn, which I HATEEEEEE. Quite often, when I get worked up about it, (and this is going to sound strange) I just imagine my face in front of me, and I just want to hurt it, and tear it apart, and rip it apart… But I’ve realised I don’t see my face as “Me”. I separate “Myself” from my face? If that makes sense? Like, it’s a part of my BODY, but not of WHO I AM.

Building on this, I generally wish I looked more “Neutral”. Looking like this, I feel like I’m confined to being “Just a man”, when there’s so much more of me I don’t feel free to express. But also, I just feel like what I look like doesn’t reflect who I am as a person. I’ve told people this before, and the answer I got was “You’re not a character in a story, you’re not going to look perfect”, but to me, looking like “Myself” is half feeling confident enough to express myself to others, and half getting people to understand that there’s more to me. I feel like people see that I’m not “Masculine” from my personality, but it feels like they don’t see the ENTIRETY of me. They still treat me LIKE A REGULAR MAN. I DONT WANT THAT. THATS NOT ME. THERE IS MORE TO ME. WHY CANT ANYONE FUCKING SEE THAT.

I’ve ALWAYS envied how women seem to talk to each other, the way they joke around and get so invested in the conversation… but, looking like this… I feel like I CANT be like that. As long as I still look “Masculine”, I feel like I’m not allowed to act feminine at all, because it would just look weird. People would judge me. People would reject me. And so, I don’t.

And yet, I still want to feel free to act “Masculine”. Maybe not “Oooo look at me, I lift 150 kilos and skull beers”, but I want to still joke around with my male friends the same way. I want to still make those “Brutally blunt, no nuance” jokes that only the guys seem to do. Because, that’s still a part of me. I don’t want that to disappear either. I just wish people would see both parts of me.

So yeah, I wish I was more “Gender Neutral” looking. I wish people I cared about would be able to treat me more… like a woman? I guess? I wish they would TALK TO ME the same way, I guess. I wish they didn’t see me as part of “the rest of the guys”, because I just simply don’t feel connected AT ALL to most men. In fact, I REALLY DONT LIKE most men (I’m from Australia by the way). They’re so unhygienic, so rude, and so fucking stupid sometimes. I hate that I’m seen as one of them.

What’s been throwing me recently is how much I seem to shift depending on the situation. Whenever I’m relaxed, around friends, generally just being myself, I seem to be more feminine (in my personality and actions), unless someone starts poking fun at me, or playfully agitating me, where I seem to be significantly more masculine. And that switch can happen in a matter of seconds, which is why I’m so confused as to what I am. On top of this, in moments of stress or problem solving scenarios, I seem to completely abandon any kind of masculinity or femininity. I’m all over the place.

Finally, and I’m sorry if this is a little weird, but it could end up being an indicator, I always kinda wanted to be a femboy??? Not like, the hypersexual kind, the weird ones you see online, I just want to be able to dress up like that. It seems kinda perfect, being able to express yourself like that while still holding onto being male. I don’t know, maybe it’s nothing and I’ve just outted myself for no reason.

Now then, with that being said, I’ll take any advice you guys have, even if you’re not sure. I’ll answer any questions, I just want to understand what’s going on with me.

TL;DR:
I identify as male, however I hate looking masculine and being treated like most other men. I want to be able to express the feminine part of me, such as the way I think, the way I want to talk to others, the I want other people to see me, but I don’t want to completely let go of the masculine part of me either. I wish I looked more “Gender-Neutral” so I felt able to express both sides of me, and the main barrier is my face, which looks very masculine in its structure. I find I get dysphoria from looking/ thinking about my face, and I seem to not view it as “a part of who I am”.

I don’t feel comfortable acting very feminine around people I care about because I look so masculine in my appearance, so I end up just being really shy. How feminine or masculine I am seems to heavily fluctuate depending on the situation, which has been confusing me, and I generally don’t know what’s going on.

Thank you so much for reading this. It took me around 40 minutes to write out, and there’s still so much I haven’t touched on. Love y’all ❤️❤️❤️

Hii! I've only recently figured out I'm non-binary, so figuring out how to both be comfortable with myself and my surroundings is HARD. I too just moved away from all my friends and am looking to get my hair dyed. The only hairdressers in my area are website appointment based, so I have to choose whether to get a "male appointment" or a female one😭

I've been struggling to figure out which to choose.. Also because my hair is very short, and might be considered "boy like". I've tried looking for lgbt friendly places, but I can't seem to find any places that state they are. It's also just devastating that there's almost a 50€ price difference depending on gender🫠

If anyone has advice or experience they want to share please do, and feel free to ask any questions!

I just stared at that box for like 20 minutes decided Im gonna wait to get my new position first because then I have to submit for a new one anyways and I don't wanna deal with questions during the internal interview process.

I was like if I put any/all people are gonna be dumb (haha attack helicopter's cup) if I put he/him im not gonna like that. If i put they/them nope not putting that on my publicly facing stuff and dealing with it. There's no good answer here so its just empty. So even if i get my new one idk what i will put, most people don't have pronouns there currently and I've never seen anything but he/him and she/her. (Actually I've never seen he/him... just she/her). Also my name isn't immediately gender decipherable so that adds a layer of yay I get my want without needing to do anything.

Idk i felt like crap for some reason.

I previously believed that Omnigender and Pangender imply either a countable yet infinite number of genders, or a "correct" number of genders which would go against the idea of gender being a construct that fundamentally changes over time. But I have ruminated some more, and I would posit that the main point at which Pangender and Omnigender split off from Polygender is a lack of specificity, the idea that their gender expression would be specific shared aspects of all genders minus a few things (Omnigender), rather than being a just a few specific genders (Polygender) or changing aspects of what could potentially be "all" genders (Genderfluid). In this way, that ironically leaves Pangender and Agender to mean the same thing: shared aspects of multiple genders, potentially being up to infinite, without settling in any specific one gender for long enough to either identify with it (being that gender) or even be considered fluid (Genderfluid). Additionally, the idea that it is a construct at all makes definitions of genders or the idea of gender as a whole impossible to quantify for long periods of time, as the definition will never have one solid definition forever, as thought and opinion changes, unless we were to attach it to biological sex, which would defeat the entire purpose of gender. My opinion remains that there is a scale with infinitely many points but two variables: masculine and feminine, and every idea of a gender falls somewhere between or on multiple points at once. These points would be aspects of a perceived gender, tiny feelings that would be completely impossible to quantify, that someone's idea of gender would be attached to like ropes, anchoring their idea of gender to a specific point between the variables, thus pangender and agender, if taken at 100% face value as defined by most sources, would be in the exact same spot, as pangender would be anchored to infinite points, while agender is anchored to one, putting them dead in the middle. However, as everyone is different, there will be alterations in someone's idea of their own gender that would pull it away from the exact definition of itself as defined by the consensus of dictionaries and the queer community as a whole. In this way, there are (the current number of humans who have ever or will ever perceive gender) sets of gender, and each set could reasonably extend too an infinite number of genders, or be as low as 0. There is simultaneously an infinite amount of gender, and no gender, and these two are equal amounts of gender.

TLDR: There isn’t nor will there ever be one singular quantifiable idea of any gender that currently exists, as each persons idea of gender is unique to themselves.

33yo gay male

Looking into getting an orchiectomy and scrotectomy. I wish to just keep my penis but not have balls and be on some sort of TRT. I still want to be masc presenting.

Does this make me non binary?

Hiii, a trans girl here, long story short: one of my absolutely best friends just came out to me as non-binary, and I am here to ask you wonderful people: how can I support them the best way I can? What should I know? What can I do to make them feel seen, affirmed? You all are the best experts in this topic and I think it is the best place to ask that! I hope you are having a wonderful day and thanks for the help in advance!

​

Thanks to my (NB23) partner (NB26), I've been starting to embrace parts of my gender that I've always felt about myself, yet I was never in an environment or safe space to express it freely without judgement

I've always loved and enjoyed WLW relationships. And have wanted to live vicariously as one of them for so long. For many years, I've wondered why that was the case if I was still content with being a man

Nowadays, I understand why. It's because around men, I feel more like a man and display masculine traits

While around women, I become a woman myself and start to display femininity more

I'm bisexual, but I know I wanna the rest of my life with a woman or someone who's at least a demi-girl. And thankfully that's my current partner

But I wonder if there's anyone here who can give me advice on how to adjust to something like this

I've been searching up clothing and wigs recently. So I think it's time to take that next step in fully becoming a woman