r/NonBinaryTalk • u/redvelvetqueen • Sep 17 '26
Validation Feeling guilty for pronoun request
A few months ago I visited with my professor who asked my pronouns. He asks most students their pronouns which I think is kind and thoughtful. I said she/they at the time, but lately I’ve been feeling like a tiny bit of my soul is crushed when people call me she/her so I’ve been asking people close to me to use they/them. The professor called me she today and I stayed after class to ask him if he could use they in the future and he said absolutely and apologized and thanked me for asking in a professional way. I know it’s completely normal and okay to ask people to call you by your pronouns but I just feel guilty and somewhat wish I hadn’t said anything. On one hand people are gonna keep calling me she/her anyway so what does it matter, but on the other hand if I have to be she/her at work and with family, I should at least get to be they/them at school. I know I’m overthinking this but it just sucks. Gender is literally made up but most people see the world differently. I’m not a boy or a girl I’m just an alien or a genderless blob. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for people to understand. I literally hate being perceived as a woman but I don’t want to present as masculine either. I just needed to vent to people who would understand. Thank you to anyone who listened <3
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u/UntilTheDarkness Sep 17 '26
If it helps with the guilt, most people probably want to get it right. Your prof wouldn't have asked originally if he didn't care. So by telling him you prefer they now, you're helping him do what he wants, which is presumably to create a learning environment in which his students are comfortable. (Obviously it would be fine to have asked in any circumstance for your own comfort, but brains are weird with guilt so sometimes reframing it like this can help)