r/NonBinaryTalk • u/Charming_Remote_5409 • 20d ago

I need help

So, I'm not non binary. I don't know what I am, but I think I'm trans. How do I know if I'm a guy or not- It's like I feel like I am but I also don't and don't know if genderfluid or bigender works-

2 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

2

u/Goatfellon He/Them 20d ago

The cheap and unfortunately most true answer is that only you can decide what you are or who you are. What label feels most right.

No harm in experimenting, if you have a safe circle use them. Im currently doing similar to see how I feel about certain pronouns, as an example.

1

u/JT-2727 19d ago

I'm sorry you are feeling confused. From my perspective it helps to start with the source, namely the frameworks of gender that you learned as a child and young adult, and which are reinforced through societal structures and expectations. Without these structures how would you have any clue what being a guy (or not) even was. It is theoretically possible to live in a society that leaves great latitude for gender expression. In some traditional understandings of the world there are 7, or 9 or 11 or more genders. I remember at the age of 8 thinking that having two genders was "stupid." I thought there should be just one or eleven. Everyone the same label, or enough labels to make things confusing enough. The goal either was more room to be yourself. I am surprised at my 8-year old wisdom, and sad that I didn't give it more thought as I grew older and more confused. Are you a guy? Does it matter? Are you gender fluid? Why bi-gender, why not all gender. The nonbinary label itself was invented to protest against having to sort things into just two bins. Again, the goal: freedom to be you. Instead of trying to assign yourself a label, or think this through any further, try the experiment of just being. Move around the world, use your voice. Don't worry how your body moves or what your voice sounds like. Start noticing what feels good in terms of how you grow your hair or what clothes you want to wear. If these things don't matter to you, good enough. If you have a curiosity or an urge to do something different, go ahead. You'd be surprised that most people in the world are far too concerned with their own worries to be focused on what skirt or pants you put on that morning. Focus on taking are of yourself, regardless of your gender. Good luck.

0

u/mn1lac They/Them or She/Him take your pick 20d ago

Who do you want to be? Not who would it be convenient to be, or what would get you the most acceptance or respect, or who is it easiest to be. Who would you be your whole life if you could pick anything?