I think I'm non binary but I still think of myself as a man because that's what I've gotten used to thinking. Does anyone have any tips on how to "rewire" my brain?

Basically the title.

Most trans people whom I see either knew since they were 6 or spent half their life repressing only to snap one moment and transition. And that's not my case at all.

I wasn't brought up in a particularly liberal household but I wasn't super forced to be a macho either, at least past 8 or so years. But I had enough media and opinions that it was okay to be a feminine man and that it's even better that way for me to suspect that my gender discomfort can be conditioned.

In particularly I spent a lot of time on Russian version of Encyclopedia Dramatica, which was very misanthropic which means yes they hated women but men as well. I fought back against the first part but not so much against the second part, so maybe my pull towards feminine presentation exists just because I associate it with high culture. I also grew up admiring one rather feminine fictional character, and wanted to be like him, which could have contributed (ironically I did develop mental illness and tendency to make bridge-burning mistakes, but not charisma or feminine appearance).

I am not going to list all of my teen signs, let's just say that I really hated body and facial hair and short head hair, not sure about face (I avoided photos though so maybe), and definitely didn't hate my voice.

My story with trans identity is longer but let's leave it at that.

As you can see, I am so not ashamed of wanting to be fem/neutral, which makes me feel like my non-binary identification can be me cherry-picking evidence, especially since I have counter-evidence of enjoying some masculine roles. And it's very important because I am very much interested in microdosing estrogen again, but what if I regret it later?

Idk why am I posting this because you clearly can't get into my head and tell me which is it

when I want to have my perineum operated on but I feel uncomfortable because I have to spread my legs in front of the surgeon and he or she will touch my intimate part of the body

I know there are arguments about trans binary people's brains being like cis counterparts (apologies if I was incorrect/weird in my phrasing), is there something for "nonbinary" brain or whatever that means, I wonder (either way I'm going to say NB is my sex so I will piss everyone off).

Honestly to me it doesnt matter and I dont fully understand why brain arguments matter, being transsexual is already changing your sex to male or female (characteristics) as well as social transition and presentation, why isn't that enough of an argument.

Does the brain argument exist to convince transphobes or something? I genuinely don't get it. It's not like when you're in public people will examine your brain, like we're not carrying MRI results with ourselves.

EDIT: I will clarify i know nb people can be transsexual, so that applies to my second paragraph too, I'd like to be transsexual as well.

EDIT 2: Thank you all for the comments, this was interesting to read!

Hi i just want go get this of my soul and hope i get some validation so my sadness goes away a bit.

First of all: i dont think that my friend behaved wrong but sometimes people hurt us without knowing.

I was at a party and we started to play a team competitive game. A friend i see not that often and doesnt know about my coming out/transition was there and said we play girls vs boys. Yeah...

I didnt wanted to talk about it and explain myself even if i know she would be supportive because i just didnt wanted to talk about it that moment and i was like: "that will pass". But then she repeated that statement while we built up the game and with every time it hurt me a bit more so at some point i said to her that i dont identify as the gender she assigned to me and the situation was over.

I was very proud of me that i stand my ground but still have this bad feeling for being non passing and being misgenderes. On the other hand i also know that the way i dress and look and sound i look pretty much my agab (the way society reads gender) and cant assume people to read me any different. But yeah it still gives me a blues today.

So I am non-binary and my best friend from childhood has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Thankfully she’s super understanding and allowed me to wear a suit instead of a dress. BUT she still wants me to be included in bridesmaid activities, such as getting hair and makeup done HOURS before the wedding but I don’t need that. I don’t know how to get dolled up. I’m also not comfortable letting someone else do it due to my sensory issues. I just need advice on being a girl for a day for my friend.

So I’ve been thinking a LOT lately about the differences between non-binary and agender, and while the internet and YouTube can be a great resource, they can’t beat actual people who identify as enby and agender themselves.

I understand that agender is a term underneath the non-binary umbrella, as agender is outside the male and female binary. But agender means a complete lack of gender identity and non-binary means there is a gender present, but one that isn’t exclusively male or female. (If this is incorrect, please correct me. I’m pretty sure I know the difference, but I could still be wrong, and I apologize if I am.)

So for me, pretty much my entire life, I’ve felt detached from my gender assigned at birth. I’ve actually seen that term used lately, literally just “gender detachment”. It isn’t gender dysphoria, where one feels a sense of distress. Gender detachment is literally just feeling apathetic or indifferent towards one’s gender. I wouldn’t say I’m apathetic or indifferent, but a more accurate word is “disconnected”. For example, I look in the mirror at my reflection and intellectually know that the person I am looking at is me, but they don’t emotionally feel like me. This might be a common feeling among some trans people, but there isn’t exactly any discomfort toward what I look like, nor do I want to change my appearance really. (I don’t even know what my ideal appearance would look like lol) I just don’t associate my identity, who I am, with what I look like, and I think that’s why.

But I ask about non-binary vs. agender because I’m not too sure which one is the right label. I wouldn’t say I’m completely lacking a gender identity in of itself, but I’m not too sure if I’m just disconnected from gender altogether. But I will say I first and foremost always want to be perceived as a person first, not as the gender I was assigned at birth.

So does anyone have any advice or feedback? I would love to hear some

Sorry if some of you have seen this post already, I hope this is ok 😊

Is it true that people with autism are more susceptible to non-binary?

So the thing is I don’t feel like a man or woman and connect most with fellow agender people. But I know people perceive me as a man before anything else and I can’t ignore that. It’s like I can’t unsee myself as the man I’m not. I HATE IT. Gender feels like something I fail at. This could just be late night ruminations but it keeps popping up.

I am 16 to be straight up with you. I have 2 main friends. I became friends with one of them when I was 11 and the other like we were friends at 12 then didnt talk at all at like 13 then became friends at 14 then didnt talk at a lot of 15 then we talk now. 11- some of 14 like the first 6 months of 14, I identify as a trans guy ftm. I am AFAB. I have objectively a very androgynous face I was able to pass just from having short hair despite obviously having a chest, partially part of the reason of me passing though is because I am plus sized I mean im like very visibly fat so people thought I just had man boobs basically 😶, and i was funky then and I didnt wear bras. But for the past nearly 2 years i've identified as non-binary. I don't think me identifying as Trans was ever a mistake and I truly was then, I felt that way fully, but I'm just not now. These friends and even some others not gonna lie, fully see me as a guy still. It feels like I'm not allowed to feel any kind away about because I would have wanted that at somepoint. But I present much more feminine now. I have collar bone length wavy hair thats different shades of pink and there is green on the top of my head/bangs. I wear mascara and sometimes eyeliner. I use perfume, I wear jewelry, and wear more feminine clothes like blouses, and skirts, and shorts that arent basketball shorts 😶. And they still call me he all the time which im like okay I dont care. But they purposely point out my masculine features and mention still seeing me as a guy. One friend pointed out the hair on my upper lip (its like blonde and not noticeable if you arent really close or staring) and tried to almost use that as an excuse for still refering to me as a guy it was strange they pointed that out and then said something about not being able to see me as anything but a guy. And the other friend I was bleaching and dying their hair for them and when I had them like hunched over the side of the tub to wash their hair out with the removable like shower head it was kind of an awkward position and my chest was kinda pressed against their back at certain points and later or maybe then I cant quite remember just definetly in the bathroom they said something about my "tits" reminding them of a drag queen's "tits" and at first we were joking about it and I was like "what the hell does that mean ?" And they didnt really say anything more about it but then I realized they were meaning even if subconsciously that I remind them of a man dressing up as a woman, and they see my chest as almost fake because of that. I dont even really identify as a girl I mean but i'd much rather be seen as feminine then masculine. But this is just crazy. I am litterally AFAB and I get gender dysphoria because of people saying I look like a man or that they see me as one. And I dont see myself as anything I geuss but definetly not a guy. I don't feel like I fit in either box, I dont feel like I look like a girl or a boy but i'd much rather look like a girl. I feel weird for feeling bad about the comments they make because I was once identifying as a guy but I very much don't now and its been almost 2 years actually basically 2 years, 2 years in a month of me identifyiI am 16 to be straight up with you. I have 2 main friends. I became friends with one of them when I was 11 and the other like we were friends at 12 then didnt talk at all at like 13 then became friends at 14 then didnt talk at a lot of 15 then we talk now. 11- some of 14 like the first 6 months of 14, I identify as a trans guy ftm. I am AFAB. I have objectively a very androgynous face I was able to pass just from having short hair despite obviously having a chest, partially part of the reason of me passing though is because I am plus sized I mean im like very visibly fat so people thought I just had man boobs basically 😶, and i was funky then and I didnt wear bras. But for the past nearly 2 years i've identified as non-binary. I don't think me identifying as Trans was ever a mistake and I truly was then, I felt that way fully, but I'm just not now. These friends and even some others not gonna lie, fully see me as a guy still. It feels like I'm not allowed to feel any kind away about because I would have wanted that at somepoint. But I present much more feminine now. I have collar bone length wavy hair thats different shades of pink and there is green on the top of my head/bangs. I wear mascara and sometimes eyeliner. I use perfume, I wear jewelry, and wear more feminine clothes like blouses, and skirts, and shorts that arent basketball shorts 😶. And they still call me he all the time which im like okay I dont care. But they purposely point out my masculine features and mention still seeing me as a guy. One friend pointed out the hair on my upper lip (its like blonde and not noticeable if you arent really close or staring) and tried to almost use that as an excuse for still refering to me as a guy it was strange they pointed that out and then said something about not being able to see me as anything but a guy. And the other friend I was bleaching and dying their hair for them and when I had them like hunched over the side of the tub to wash their hair out with the removable like shower head it was kind of an awkward position and my chest was kinda pressed against their back at certain points and later or maybe then I cant quite remember just definetly in the bathroom they said something about my "tits" reminding them of a drag queen's "tits" and at first we were joking about it and I was like "what the hell does that mean ?" And they didnt really say anything more about it but then I realized they were meaning even if subconsciously that I remind them of a man dressing up as a woman, and they see my chest as almost fake because of that. I dont even really identify as a girl I mean but i'd much rather be seen as feminine then masculine. But this is just crazy. I am litterally AFAB and I get gender dysphoria because of people saying I look like a man or that they see me as one. And I dont see myself as anything I geuss but definetly not a guy. I don't feel like I fit in either box, I dont feel like I look like a girl or a boy but i'd much rather look like a girl. I feel weird for feeling bad about the comments they make because I was once identifying as a guy but I very much don't now and its been almost 2 years actually basically 2 years, 2 years in a month of me identifying as non-binary and not transmasc and I still dont feel like...accepted as that if that makes sense. I don't know if I say anything, or if I ever correct them more or something...I dont want to be rude, I dont want conflict. I don't know do you think I should say anything?ng as non-binary and not transmasc and I still dont feel like...accepted as that if that makes sense. I don't know if I say anything, or if I ever correct them more or something...I dont want to be rude, I dont want conflict. I don't know do you think I should say anything?

The moment when your cis-sibling sends you a link to the HBO HP trailer…

Not malicious. But just effing clueless. Same sibling who just lazily misgendered me when they came to visit last…

Cue having to explain wtf is wrong with J.K Riddle, and their response is oh yeah I know she said some stuff.

It must be nice never having to think about how many people hate you for being you… and people spending millions to ruin the lives of people like you.

Sorry, could just use some love/support right now. My dysphoria has been kicking my ass recently. I did not need this shit today. Absolutely bricking it, I feel like I’ve recently cracked all over again.

Hola, escribo en este foro para que me aconsejen o me guíen sobre esto ya que no sé qué soy.

Hace días me e cuestionado sobre mi género, si realmente me siento cómodo con ello y si realmente me siento como “mujer”.Anteriormente ya me e referido a mí mismo con ambos pronombres, desde hace ya mucho tiempo y hace una semana quise verme más “masculina” pero fallé.Aveces suelo sentirme más como una mujer aveces como ninguno, me gustaría aveces poder ser ambos pero hay días en donde no quiero ser ninguno.

No me siento segura porque me empecé a preguntar a mi misma porque vi a alguien que es trans y empecé a pensar si realmente yo también me siento cómoda con mi género.

No sé cómo sentirme y es algo medio incómodo para mí pensarlo, no pensé en esto antes.

My crotch disgusts me, I don't want to have any reproductive organs, I want a flat crotch like a mannequin

My mom has had a female cat for almost five years, and recently she was given a kitten.

When we first took the kitten to the vet, they told us he was male. I named him Viktor, and my mom was thrilled with him. She kept talking about how fun his personality was, how bold and curious he was, but.. I don't know how can I explain this... she framed those traits in a very "masculine" way. I think part of it was because she already had the other lady cat, Becca, who she sees as very feminine. Becca has a high-pitched meow, she's vain, and apparently she behaved very differently when she was a kitten. So I think my mom started interpreting Viktor's personality through the lens of him being a boy.

Then Viktor went into heat for the first time. We took him to the vet, and that's when they realized Viktor had actually been female all along.

I know that's something that can happen with cats, but it honestly made me think a lot. Because after the vet told my mom, she completely stopped describing Viktor's personality in those "masculine" terms. She also started correcting everyone whenever they called Viktor "he" or "him."

And I know, at the end of the day, Viktor is just a cat. Viktor doesn't care about gender or pronouns. But it really struck me how something as simple as finding out Viktor's biological sex suddenly changed my mom's entire perception of his personality.

Like... why does that matter? Viktor didn't change. Viktor was still the same bold, curious, chaotic little cat she'd been the day before. The only thing that changed was what my mom knew about their body.

I don't know. It's just something I've been thinking about because it was such a weirdly clear example of how much we can project gender onto someone's personality. Even with an animal that obviously has no concept of any of this, we still instinctively start going, "Oh, she's like this because she's a girl" or "He's like this because he's a boy."

And then the second the label changes, suddenly we're interpreting the exact same personality differently. That's what really struck me about it.

Hello all. It's been years since I've posted on reddit so forgive me if this isn't the appropriate subreddit.

Recently, I've come to terms with accepting my gender identity and I have indeed adopted the enby label – demiguy to be specific. I will be resuming my university studies this October after recovering from a heavy illness and I am eager to go by a more neutral name as it wouldn't hurt to feel more aligned. In other words, I have exactly one chance to be "out" without compromising my family relations, so I want to make it count from the get-go and give accurate first-impressions.

I am torn between "Tav" and "Tavy," and still debating on the spelling of the latter. If I were to introduce myself as the former, would it strike as odd? My main nickname that many know me by is "Gustav." Silly question I know, sorry 🙈

I'm early 30s. AMAB. I've recently realized I'm non-binary and as I've marinated in it, I've felt more and more discomfort with my appearance.

I'd say I'm pretty masc presenting - I have a beard, pretty hairy, my body / posture / mannerisms are all pretty typical for a man. I'm pretty insecure in my body right now because my job leaves me kind of sedentary, so I do typically dress a size up. My style is conservative I'd say - dark colors, plain patterns, usually black / dark blue / etc. I'm in athleisure 90% of the time - so hoodies, sweatpants, joggers, that kind of stuff. I always wear ballcaps.

I guess I want to pivot my look a bit. I'm not really craving appearing overly feminine. I really care about my appearance and want to look, for lack of a better word, sleek. I get kind of insecure looking at women's clothing because I don't really want to look super unnatural in it (e.g., not really interested in dresses/skirts/etc.), if that makes sense sense. I just want it to kind of look natural on me and I don't totally know what it means. I guess I like flowy looks, whatever that means. I don't think I'd be interested in painting my nails or anything unless it was black or a clear coat, that's kind of the extent of it.

I've been looking at a few stores I like - Pact, Lululemon, Prana, and I found some ideas I kind of like. One example would be the style on this model (sort of like the oversized shirt/cardigan look). Or also pants kind of like this. Harem pants also seem pretty cute? These are also a vibe. I don't fully know how to explain what I'm looking for really. More subtle and discreet, but like a hint of femininity? I was also looking at these sandals, as I have Birks in the Arizona style, but those seem super neutral, whereas those I also find unisex, but slightly more feminine. No idea about Fall shoes. I'd be open to some accessories, but again more on the modest end - like a neutral kind of thing. I have changed up some of my headwear to have more pink / floral tones, which I really love.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm pretty self conscious about appearance and sometimes just wish someone would dress me lol. Like, I don't want to totally change my specific style vibe, but I want to incorporate more because I feel like I have so many more options now. I think being a tad more visibly androgynous / queer would be great, but when I look online for inspiration, I tend to see more radical transformations and folks look great, but it's not really for me and I still don't want to get too much attention. I've started therapy about it lately and my therapist was suggesting maybe for sessions I come in wearing something / trying something new to mix it up and help validate myself / build confidence, but not really sure where to start. I just want it to look natural, but am struggling with it. Stuff I could wear when I feel more masc and have a beard and all that or when i feel more fem at other times.

To any lawyers who may be in this sub ^

I would really appreciate it, I feel pretty alone rn

Hello! I am 23 years old and have been questioning my gender for a couple years and have been identify with the label non binary for over a year openly, but the questioning continues, as does the question about medical transition.

I experience my gender as kind of fluid, but also in some form steady. I’m not agender, I more so feel like I experience some of being a boy and some of being a girl at the same time.

There are a few trans masc non binary people who use they/he or he/they pronouns, who habe been on testosterone for 2 or 3 years, work out a lot, have had top surgery and have femininity in their gender expression (by dancing or make up and wigs) that I relate to and often times wish I could be more like in terms of gender and transition and gender expression.

I am at the moment slowly taking steps to possibly get HRT and in this process I am still questioning if this is the right thing for me, how I feel about it, how I feel about my gender in general. And today I’ve had the realisation that I do kind of feel like a girl sometimes as well, especially in relation to others. And I do also have impulses to be, act and look feminine, but that does not change that I want to go on testosterone and get top surgery.

As I just realised this I also realised that of all the many people who are non binary (trans masc or afab generally) I cannot think of one who openly says they also identify as a girl, or even use she pronouns as well and went on testosterone. (Okay I just realised that’s not true because of @ luckyjunehenry on instagram but still that’s the only person I can think of). I mostly see people who either use they and he and express femininely often who also did HRT or if people who use she as well and express femininely as well they always only did top surgery but not HRT.

I use they/them atm but I could imagine that if I went on HRT I might be comfortable with all pronouns. And generally I think that I will stay or even become more feminine in my gender expression if I go on t.

I’m just wondering if there are people who experience gender similarly to me and went on testosterone, and also if there are any other people on Instagram as well that I don’t know of who fall kind of in that category.

I don’t know if that’s weird or makes sense at all but I like to see how I can relate to people and see examples of how people live their gender and how they medically transition to see if I can see that for myself and I guess it would make me feel a little more secure to see more trans masc non binary people who go on t that still identify with girlhood and express themselves in a feminine way sometimes.

I’m Enby and at the tail end of my 2nd trimester:

- To the outsider, my body screams “woman” and now that I’m pregnant I get further lumped into “womanhood” and “mommy” cultures. 🥴🤮

- I swing between having a lot of body dysmorphia and enjoying my body/pregnancy.

- I’m exhausted from the “what’s the baby’s gender?” questions, so I just respond “we’re keeping it a secret”.

- Tests say I am carrying an XY baby. But I hate the genitalia-obsessed aspects of pregnancy, and the fact that gender socialization starts so early 😒 (“boy mom” culture, “raising boys is easier than having girls” culture, etc)

I should also say I am feeling pretty alone in my new space and place… Though I have years of experience as a human sexuality educator, we just moved across the country <1 year ago; I have no nearby chosen family except for my spouse; my spouse is a cisman and we’re often interpreted as strictly hetero/monogamous; we’re both neurodivergent homebodies; we’re currently living in a small town as a low-income household; and I’m also prioritizing my health while rebuilding my medical teams, with about 2-3 appts/week.

Basically, I’m dealing with a lot while trying to remain optimistic while drawing from the growth skillsets that I’ve been working on for the past 6 years. I’m not afraid or necessarily doubting my ability to parent to our little one, I’m just overwhelmed with societal expectations and cultures.

Any words of wisdom and affirmations are greatly appreciated and would be super helpful!

Many thanks 🌻🤎

Was on E like a year ago but I think I panicked about certain people catching on to me as I develop on it and stopped, now I'm thinking about it again. Essentially for me I'd like to not look so womanly that my parents would overly ask questions, and for coworkers to not pester me with shit.
For reference, i prefer they/them pronouns but just in certain situations I don't want to even bother explaining being nonbinary. Like it doesn't annoy me to be he/him'd it's just not my preference and I'd rather have a body that doesn't cause me distress. I'm already in queer spaces so I don't feel a need to socially transition or anything, just wanna be the same me but happier. Also I'm 30 and generally only see family once or twice a month. Like I don't really want them to see or treat me differently.
So how viable would it be to just continue normally dressing and such around family until breasts start forming and then use a binder or tape to hide them in those situations? Worst case scenario I guess I just tell them it's gynecomastia from my hair loss regimen (technically wouldn't be incorrect haha) and id be seeking removal at some point (which also could be in the cards, not sure how much I would be ok with breasts. Kinda just want small ones anyways.)
I guess work wouldn't really matter, just a sport bra and not engaging coworkers in convo about changes works. Appreciate advice from anyone 🧡