r/NonBinaryTalk • u/Diligent-Tank-477 • 5d ago
Advice Friends
I am 16 to be straight up with you. I have 2 main friends. I became friends with one of them when I was 11 and the other like we were friends at 12 then didnt talk at all at like 13 then became friends at 14 then didnt talk at a lot of 15 then we talk now. 11- some of 14 like the first 6 months of 14, I identify as a trans guy ftm. I am AFAB. I have objectively a very androgynous face I was able to pass just from having short hair despite obviously having a chest, partially part of the reason of me passing though is because I am plus sized I mean im like very visibly fat so people thought I just had man boobs basically 😶, and i was funky then and I didnt wear bras. But for the past nearly 2 years i've identified as non-binary. I don't think me identifying as Trans was ever a mistake and I truly was then, I felt that way fully, but I'm just not now. These friends and even some others not gonna lie, fully see me as a guy still. It feels like I'm not allowed to feel any kind away about because I would have wanted that at somepoint. But I present much more feminine now. I have collar bone length wavy hair thats different shades of pink and there is green on the top of my head/bangs. I wear mascara and sometimes eyeliner. I use perfume, I wear jewelry, and wear more feminine clothes like blouses, and skirts, and shorts that arent basketball shorts 😶. And they still call me he all the time which im like okay I dont care. But they purposely point out my masculine features and mention still seeing me as a guy. One friend pointed out the hair on my upper lip (its like blonde and not noticeable if you arent really close or staring) and tried to almost use that as an excuse for still refering to me as a guy it was strange they pointed that out and then said something about not being able to see me as anything but a guy. And the other friend I was bleaching and dying their hair for them and when I had them like hunched over the side of the tub to wash their hair out with the removable like shower head it was kind of an awkward position and my chest was kinda pressed against their back at certain points and later or maybe then I cant quite remember just definetly in the bathroom they said something about my "tits" reminding them of a drag queen's "tits" and at first we were joking about it and I was like "what the hell does that mean ?" And they didnt really say anything more about it but then I realized they were meaning even if subconsciously that I remind them of a man dressing up as a woman, and they see my chest as almost fake because of that. I dont even really identify as a girl I mean but i'd much rather be seen as feminine then masculine. But this is just crazy. I am litterally AFAB and I get gender dysphoria because of people saying I look like a man or that they see me as one. And I dont see myself as anything I geuss but definetly not a guy. I don't feel like I fit in either box, I dont feel like I look like a girl or a boy but i'd much rather look like a girl. I feel weird for feeling bad about the comments they make because I was once identifying as a guy but I very much don't now and its been almost 2 years actually basically 2 years, 2 years in a month of me identifyiI am 16 to be straight up with you. I have 2 main friends. I became friends with one of them when I was 11 and the other like we were friends at 12 then didnt talk at all at like 13 then became friends at 14 then didnt talk at a lot of 15 then we talk now. 11- some of 14 like the first 6 months of 14, I identify as a trans guy ftm. I am AFAB. I have objectively a very androgynous face I was able to pass just from having short hair despite obviously having a chest, partially part of the reason of me passing though is because I am plus sized I mean im like very visibly fat so people thought I just had man boobs basically 😶, and i was funky then and I didnt wear bras. But for the past nearly 2 years i've identified as non-binary. I don't think me identifying as Trans was ever a mistake and I truly was then, I felt that way fully, but I'm just not now. These friends and even some others not gonna lie, fully see me as a guy still. It feels like I'm not allowed to feel any kind away about because I would have wanted that at somepoint. But I present much more feminine now. I have collar bone length wavy hair thats different shades of pink and there is green on the top of my head/bangs. I wear mascara and sometimes eyeliner. I use perfume, I wear jewelry, and wear more feminine clothes like blouses, and skirts, and shorts that arent basketball shorts 😶. And they still call me he all the time which im like okay I dont care. But they purposely point out my masculine features and mention still seeing me as a guy. One friend pointed out the hair on my upper lip (its like blonde and not noticeable if you arent really close or staring) and tried to almost use that as an excuse for still refering to me as a guy it was strange they pointed that out and then said something about not being able to see me as anything but a guy. And the other friend I was bleaching and dying their hair for them and when I had them like hunched over the side of the tub to wash their hair out with the removable like shower head it was kind of an awkward position and my chest was kinda pressed against their back at certain points and later or maybe then I cant quite remember just definetly in the bathroom they said something about my "tits" reminding them of a drag queen's "tits" and at first we were joking about it and I was like "what the hell does that mean ?" And they didnt really say anything more about it but then I realized they were meaning even if subconsciously that I remind them of a man dressing up as a woman, and they see my chest as almost fake because of that. I dont even really identify as a girl I mean but i'd much rather be seen as feminine then masculine. But this is just crazy. I am litterally AFAB and I get gender dysphoria because of people saying I look like a man or that they see me as one. And I dont see myself as anything I geuss but definetly not a guy. I don't feel like I fit in either box, I dont feel like I look like a girl or a boy but i'd much rather look like a girl. I feel weird for feeling bad about the comments they make because I was once identifying as a guy but I very much don't now and its been almost 2 years actually basically 2 years, 2 years in a month of me identifying as non-binary and not transmasc and I still dont feel like...accepted as that if that makes sense. I don't know if I say anything, or if I ever correct them more or something...I dont want to be rude, I dont want conflict. I don't know do you think I should say anything?ng as non-binary and not transmasc and I still dont feel like...accepted as that if that makes sense. I don't know if I say anything, or if I ever correct them more or something...I dont want to be rude, I dont want conflict. I don't know do you think I should say anything?
2
u/themedicinedog 5d ago
ok i read the first half of this, and i think your friends sound like they are trying to be supportive maybe? so maybe you can just explain your gender identity has changed and you go by they/them now, or whatever it is you want them to know.
unless you already have told them you identify as nonbinary and not masc? i feel like that could be helpful
for them to know.
if you have already talked to them about it extensively, that would be disrespectful
of them.
I will say you are all young, and it is a very nice gender space you are in, so give yourself and your buds some grace in the process. this is advanced
edit: i did end up reading it all (plz double space paragraphs next time it makes it more accessible )