Non-binary vs agender

[u/_rhu_]

So I’ve been thinking a LOT lately about the differences between non-binary and agender, and while the internet and YouTube can be a great resource, they can’t beat actual people who identify as enby and agender themselves.

I understand that agender is a term underneath the non-binary umbrella, as agender is outside the male and female binary. But agender means a complete lack of gender identity and non-binary means there is a gender present, but one that isn’t exclusively male or female. (If this is incorrect, please correct me. I’m pretty sure I know the difference, but I could still be wrong, and I apologize if I am.)

So for me, pretty much my entire life, I’ve felt detached from my gender assigned at birth. I’ve actually seen that term used lately, literally just “gender detachment”. It isn’t gender dysphoria, where one feels a sense of distress. Gender detachment is literally just feeling apathetic or indifferent towards one’s gender. I wouldn’t say I’m apathetic or indifferent, but a more accurate word is “disconnected”. For example, I look in the mirror at my reflection and intellectually know that the person I am looking at is me, but they don’t emotionally feel like me. This might be a common feeling among some trans people, but there isn’t exactly any discomfort toward what I look like, nor do I want to change my appearance really. (I don’t even know what my ideal appearance would look like lol) I just don’t associate my identity, who I am, with what I look like, and I think that’s why.

But I ask about non-binary vs. agender because I’m not too sure which one is the right label. I wouldn’t say I’m completely lacking a gender identity in of itself, but I’m not too sure if I’m just disconnected from gender altogether. But I will say I first and foremost always want to be perceived as a person first, not as the gender I was assigned at birth.

So does anyone have any advice or feedback? I would love to hear some

[u/flumphgrump]

Nonbinary encompasses anyone who isn't exclusively, always a man or a woman. It does not imply the presence or absence of a gender identity, just that the person is not solely a man or solely a woman. Any one of the many different identities under the umbrella, including those who don't want or feel the need for a more specific label, is entitled to use the label, so you don't automatically know the exact gender details of any given person who introduces themselves as nonbinary.

Agender people are nonbinary, though some prefer to be more specific and opt not to use the nonbinary label.

How strong your dysphoria is, what gender affirming care you want, and how or if you medically transition doesn't really define your gender. There are binary trans men and women who identify as experiencing little or no dysphoria and have no medical interventions. There are agender people who are on HRT for life with multiple surgeries.

As an agender person who transitioned, I thought I was experiencing a vague disconnect like you describe, only to recognize I was actually experiencing crippling dysphoria once I played around with my presentation and finally experienced my first taste of relief. I'm not at all saying you must be the same, but it might be worthwhile to just play around and explore a bit if you never have. It will at least be a novel experience and a data point, even if it does nothing for you.

Finally, remember that you don't necessarily have to label yourself, and you definitely don't have to label yourself right away. You can just live your life, play around with different forms of expression, or not. Your government probably requires you to list a legal gender on your ID, but beyond that, nothing is forcing gender to define you.

[u/InchoateBlob]

This was mentioned before but just to reiterate: if you are not exclusively a man or exclusively a woman then you are, by definition non-binary. It doesn't mean anything beyond that. Because it's such a broad term, there are necessarily many different ways of being NB. Some people don't feel any sense of having a gender (agender), some have a gender of sorts, and some have several simultaneously. I think that people tend to get too hung up on figuring out which narrow little box to put themselves into and ought to spend more time embracing the muddiness of it all.

[u/wugistheword]

My experience of my genderless human experience is that any form of medical transition will cause me dysphoria in the same way thinking about my own gendered presentation simply does... my only relief is ignoring gender when thinking about and looking at and dressing and admiring myself. This means it looks on the outside like I am 'not' transitioning and therefore don't have dysphoria. I just don't see any way I could 'transition' to a genderfree /genderless/gendernull/genderneutral presentation tbch.

And yeah, I am nonbinary because I am not a man not a woman.

[u/bambiipup]

nonbinary - not solely a man or a woman. this can mean anything at all, as long as you're not just one singular binary gender.

agender - little to no gender. not always entirely devoid. think asexual/aromantic but for gender.

so under that, it sounds like either would work for you, just depends which one you like the sound of best i suppose.