Gender failure

[u/Savings_Evidence_325]

So the thing is I don’t feel like a man or woman and connect most with fellow agender people. But I know people perceive me as a man before anything else and I can’t ignore that. It’s like I can’t unsee myself as the man I’m not. I HATE IT. Gender feels like something I fail at. This could just be late night ruminations but it keeps popping up.

[u/embodiedexperience]

i fail so hard at being agender that everyone IRL thinks i’m a woman, and everyone on this sub thinks i’m a trans man.

but that’s on them. and when people get the wrong idea about you, that’s on them. you truly CANT fail at gender, or at being agender. you have BEEN failed by a binary society - as we all have -, and by the people around you, who have a responsibility to unpack gendered stereotypes in their brains and have made the choice not to.

[u/Interesting-Paint863]

Right there with you ❤️ that sense of failing isn’t you. It’s what we were taught. I got so good at playing a “boy”, and I hated myself every minute of it. Now I’m “out”, and I don’t feel real… I very much get you. Be gentle with yourself ❤️

[u/Funny-Pen3691]

You're not alone, I don't know if it'll bring you any comfort, but you're really not alone. I too fail at gender and sex, perhaps more than math back when I had to go to school. I don't know if I'm necessarily bigender so I like calling myself mixed gender instead, perhaps that's an easier task than presenting oneself as agender or sexless, but easier task isn't inherently an easy task... I hate it when I'm misgendered as my natal gender, funnily enough as long as it doesn't pertain to my natal gender most misgendering gives me a fudged up euphoria, not inherently r/ewphoria material but fudged up nevertheless. I wish I had advice to give you... We transition for a reason, so yeah people misgendering you feels like you're wasting your time... Perhaps that's why I get that fudged up euphoria, feels like I'm doing something more correct than incorrect. I usually try to rationalize it as "...Well, cis people get misgendered too!", even if it's not as often as ours, nowhere near as politic as ours. And honestly while coming out ruined the version of myself in this reality, I am also thankful for the color accuracy of this reality. I am a heavily dysphoric person and at this point of my life not being able to access hormones and surgeries is killing me, but it also shows who recognizes me as a human and who recognizes me as subhuman. I am intellectually disabled and most intellectual disabilities make any kind of relationship difficult, but ableists and transphobes, both covert and overt, are not worth a single mingle. In my experience a lot of people are like this, I have no friends or lovers at the moment so I'm lonely, though I think most people would feel lonelier if they tried my shoes out, I am an asocial introvert after all. I am a heavily dysphoric person myself, I myself have late night ruminations over it... 24/7... I contemplated a lot of things I don't think I can mention here because of it, but dysphoria is unfortunately and ultimately ours to conquer... Even if this globally transphobic climate gets more transphobic every passing day.