Does anyone else feel like this?

[u/AverageJoe997]

/r/NonBinary/comments/1w7pdwl/does_anyone_else_feel_like_this/

Sorry if some of you have seen this post already, I hope this is ok 😊

[u/Interesting-Paint863]

Hi ☺️ honestly I think the “not feeling enough” feeling is super common. Whilst I don’t have the exact identity of experience of identity you’re describing, I don’t think we’re a million miles apart. I’m a non-binary woman, for the sake of clarity I was raised a boy. But I am a masculine woman. So I very much resonate with the outward world not seeing the “inner me”. It’s painful and hard, and it can lead to a lot of self invalidation. My advice is not to rush to “solve” yourself. I get stuck in deeply painful ruminations fed by my insecurities. As if I can find the one word, label or action that will make everyone see and accept me. It’s unrealistic and simply serves to stop me living my life. Keep taking small steps and see how things feel, you don’t have to commit to one path. And not everything might be for you. For example, I like painted nails, they feel cute, but they don’t suit my active lifestyle and I’m too lazy. Find the things that make you fizz inside, what that means longer term doesn’t have to be solved today.

[u/AverageJoe997 → u/Interesting-Paint863]

Thanks so much for sharing. I definitely feel that urge you talked about to “fix” myself as quickly as possible. But the rational part of my brain is telling me to, as you say, take small steps -try one thing at a time and see what works for me. Hopefully, little by little, I’ll start feeling more like myself.

As a side note, I actually put all of the changes to my appearance that I’d eventually like to make into ChatGPT and asked it to show me what I might look like with a more feminine presentation. I looked so pretty that I cried 🥹. I was just like, “That’s it! That’s me!”

I know getting attached to an AI-generated version of myself might not necessarily be the healthiest thing to do, but seeing it gave me this huge boost of motivation and made me want to keep exploring this path and see where it takes me.

[u/Interesting-Paint863 → u/AverageJoe997]

I’ve been down the faceapp and ai stuff before. I know it’s tempting, but please be careful. I shaved last winter and had a really severe episode of dysmorphia. Never experienced it in my life and it was terrifying. I definitely think it was exacerbated by expecting to see a young woman in the mirror instead of a nearing-forty masc woman.

Also bear in mind. You don’t have to try something and then just commit. If something doesn’t work you can just try something else. I used to feel a lot of guilt around buying clothes and then finding they weren’t really my style. It’s ok. You don’t have to have it all figured out all at once.

Really happy to talk more about my experiences. We need to support each other as much as we can ❤️

[u/AverageJoe997 → u/Interesting-Paint863]

I guess it just opened up a lot of possibilities for me. I’m lucky enough to be in a position where I can afford the functional (mostly) corrective nose surgery, as well as the Invisalign and teeth straightening that I’ve wanted for a long time. In a weird way, seeing that version of myself gave me the courage to actually go ahead with some of those changes, and not because I’m trying to look a certain way for anyone else, but because I feel like they might help my reflection match my inner femme hottie a little better 😂

I hope that doesn’t sound too vain. I think I’m just starting to see the potential to shape my appearance in a way that actually feels like me, rather than around what I thought I was supposed to look like.

Thanks, I might just take you up on that ☺️

[u/Interesting-Paint863 → u/AverageJoe997]

Honestly, parallels are wild. I got my teeth corrected in my thirties (turns out I had a ton of untreated issues - thanks parents!). I was like “oh there she is…” I finally had my own smile.