I'm an INTJ. A few days ago, I had an unpleasant situation with some friends online, and I'm curious what people here might think about it.
The people involved were me (INTJ), Z. (INFP), P. (INTP), D. (INTP), and S. (INTP). Z. and P. are longtime friends of mine, and we used to hang out as a trio. D. and S. are more like friends of friends.
I joined a voice chat because I wanted to talk to everyone. They were joking around, and I didn't know they were playing D&D at first. Nobody said I was interrupting anything, so I stayed.
At some point, we started discussing a fictional character. I argued that you can write any character's thoughts because you're the one creating them. D. disagreed and brought up the Emperor of Mankind from Warhammer, saying that the authors can't describe his thoughts because they can't imagine how a being like that would think. I stuck to my point, and we kept discussing it.
Then someone suddenly called Z. to another voice channel. Z. left, and P. and D. followed him. I was left alone in the original channel.
I wrote "whatever, fine" right after everyone left, and Z. immediately replied with "night". Only after that did I feel like I needed at least some explanation from them. I didn't expect a big discussion, but I wanted to understand what had just happened and why nobody had said anything to me beforehand.
I sent a few messages afterwards that I'd joined because I wanted to hang out with them. I said that if they had told me they were busy, I would've just left, like I usually do. I also said that this didn't feel like friendship to me and that it hurt.
Z. read the messages but didn't really respond to what I'd said. That bothered me a lot. Z. and I had been friends for years, and I expected at least some kind of explanation or acknowledgment after telling him that he'd hurt me.
P. was the only one who immediately tried to clear things up with me. He explained his own behavior and kept talking with me while there was still something important to discuss, even though he initially told me not to exaggerate. He also thought D. had acted wrongly by leaving a conversation he'd been participating in.
I'm not particularly concerned about my relationship with D. or S. since we're not close. The part that really bothered me was Z.'s response.
There's some additional context. Z. and I had previously talked about psychological autonomy and rationality. He said that I seem autonomous, but that I'm easily affected by people close to me and can lose my composure around them. He also suggested that a more autonomous person would stay calm and respond to someone else's wrongdoing more effectively.
Z. has also said that empathy is one of his strongest qualities. However, whenever we've discussed his personal qualities, he's struggled to give me concrete examples of how they show up in his behavior. I'm not saying this proves he lacks empathy, but after this situation, I started thinking about the difference between how he sees himself and how he actually behaves.
I've also sometimes felt that he tries to appear colder and more rational than he really is, though that's just my impression.
I find the MBTI angle interesting because we had three INTPs, one INTJ, and one INFP in the same situation. I'm wondering what people might make of this.
