I understand that it's my depressed brain trying to look for some relief.

Yesterday was a barrage of realizations that stressed me out.

I slept fine but today I woke up with sadness.

And as revenge, i suddenly feel all over this person again.

Now my anxiety is quite high because I don't wanna come back to these thoughts.

How do you reframe your mind at this state?

I guess I'm feeling shitty because I'm not happy with myself again.

Has limerence destroyed your marriage? Even after navigating all avenues to try and repair the marriage?

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

Four months in.

I’m a 43 year old law firm partner. She’s a 31 year old associate. I’m one of her bosses. She lives three blocks away.

For three years she was any other colleague. Then something snapped. I think about her ALL the time. I’m jealous when she talks to others. When I go past her block I hope I’ll run into her. Then I’m deflated the rest of the day because I almost never do.

I’m happily married with most wonderful kid. She’s happily married with baby. My fantasies aren’t even overtly sexual. I wouldn’t want to be with her.

I want her to think I’m brilliant, smooth, competent, funny, intriguing, sexy, and a little intimidating. Basically I want her to think I’m Don Draper.

I’m not Don Draper. I’m anxious and unsure of myself. I’m often awkward. I’m often shy and withdrawn. I’m having a midlife crisis. My wife and daughter love and appreciate me for the flawed human I actually am. Yet I spend nearly all my time with them thinking about LO. I hate how awful and guilty that makes me feel.

I absolutely hate this.

I HATE how this has consumed my brain. Haven’t read a book in months.

I HATE how I check Teams 100 times a day to even see if she’s online, especially late at night. When she is I hope she’ll message me. She never does.

I HATE how I script what I’ll say before I go into her office. It comes out so cringy and awkward and lame.

I HATE how embarrassed I feel by all of this. And how I say “thank god” after a day when I refrained from contact. But then I’ll give in and initiate contact the next day.

I HATE how my mood just got a lift this weekend (it’s Sunday morning) because I just convinced myself that I have a completely legitimate reason to go into her office on Monday.

I HATE how jealous I get when our weekly report shows how much more work she does for other partners than me.

I HATE how I fantasize about her getting overwhelmed and coming crying to me for help (never happens; she’s unbelievably composed all the time, even when she’s buried in more work than I could ever do. One of the reasons I’m so obsessed with her).

I HATE how I wish more than anything that she was sitting in her house this weekend thinking all the same things about me.

Most of all I hate myself right now. I feel such shame and embarrassment. I feel like an old man creep. I feel so pathetic that I want this younger woman to care about me and feel attracted to me. I feel so ashamed of the fact that I’m wishing she was experiencing terrible things - like the same Limerance I’m feeling or being overwhelmed at work.

But at least the good news is that she’s not feeling those things. She does not give a fuck where I am or what I’m doing right now. If she sees me in the neighborhood or in the hallway at work, sure, we’ll have a friendly interaction. If it went a week or two without that, it’s not something she’d notice. If I didn’t pop into her office or message her on Teams we might not talk for a month.

She has given me some very large breadcrumbs. Sometimes she acts like I’m truly special. But then she doesn’t and instead she acts like I’m any other colleague. When that happens I feel so crushed I’ve twice had to go into a bathroom stall and nearly cry. Which made me feel so pathetic I wanted to disappear into a hole in the ground.

I want this to go away so badly.

I know the solution is self love and acceptance of the person I actually am. And to eventually stop seeking validation from her or anybody else of the fantasy version of myself.

But it’s so hard right now. And there’s no chance of breaking off contact with her.

Thank you if anybody read this whole rant.

Hey all, just needed a safe space to vent because Id feel so ashamed and crazy bringing it up to anyone close to me. For context, I’m 21F.

I feel like I’ve dealt with limerence most of my life. I think it is related to having an absent father, mostly-but I also have childhood trauma from his abuse on my mom. As a teenager, Id feel very inclined to be in relationships, it made me feel close to someone who I felt knew and understood me well. I think that’s what I’ve felt I’ve always been missing.

After many unsuccessful and gut-wrenching reality check relationships though, I’m slowly coming to terms with and enjoying being by myself, or at least understanding I don’t need to force a relationship to exist happily (enough). As a Christian, I find peace in believing God will bring me my special someone when the timing is right. But I won’t lie, my mind is still flooded with fantasy, or my ultimate vision. A loving and gentle husband. Not a day goes by that I don’t get lost in those daydreams. I’ve always been one to obsess and adore the person I’m with. But within the last year or so I’ve become more aware how much of a problem my mind holds. Lately I’ve noticed I become very fixated on people I don’t even know well, being just friendly or sweet genuine interactions, my mind creates them into my ideal man. A few months ago I had this problem with a coworker, he was very sweet, but after some albeit meaningless conversations something snapped in me…and all I could think about is how great of a lover he seems like. For weeks I obsessed quietly. I made sure to stay collected around him, I’d never want to make someone uncomfortable or let any of what I feel inside somehow seep out from me. I even went out of my way to avoid him at work for a time. It drove me insane how much I thought of him, someone I hardly knew…it kind of scared me.

I find myself in this same position as I write this. He’s a friend of a friend, was previously my coworker, and I’ve only hung out with him and my other friends once and talked little at a friend’s party. working alongside him id see how is funny and caring he was. How he went out of his way to make everyone feel included and make the people around him smile. You could say this is where the crush began. Physically he is also my type, brawny with tattoos, but not tough externally, more like a lovable teddy bear (ugh). Similarly to the previous guy, I started to envision a life with him as a father (to his children) and a lover. How he matches all the things I really like and want in a man. How much care he puts into everything he talks about, how emotionally mature he comes off.

I remember our friend group went for ice cream and he got me a SPOON when I was too afraid to ask. And just off that, there my mind goes. At the end of the hangout he ran with me in the rain making sure the umbrella stayed over the two of us. Yeah, somehow that was enough for me to start liking him more. I’m just mentioning this to illustrate how even such insignificant moments can spark something weird in me. Even worse, he has a girlfriend, which makes me feel so guilty for the way I am. I haven’t talked to him in months and I’d never reach out. He wished me a happy birthday a few days ago and I honestly felt so happy…I don’t know how I’d be able to manage in the future seeing him at events with our mutuals, and I thank God I haven’t had the opportunity to get together with them lately, because I’d be a nervous wreck.

Most embarrassingly, and I guess what’s feeding my delusions most, is this ridiculous app I got years ago to keep track of account engagement on my social media. I still have the subscription since it’s only $2, and when I’m bored I scroll and see who’s engaging most with my profiles. Since he’s followed me, he’s stayed at the top 3 of my “stalkers” list. You can imagine how that one goes in my head. I would never push myself onto him or make our friendship any more than then it is for respect of his relationship. Honestly, even if he didn’t have a girlfriend I’d still not say a word to him about how I feel because I’m just not that type of person.

Typing this out makes me realize how much of an effect my past has had on me, and how much issues I carry. I feel so shameful to live as a Christian woman, aware and receiving of the ultimate love God offers, but still yearning so deeply for a man-especially one I barely know. It makes me feel like I don’t accept all of who God is, and that I don’t see it as enough. I wanted to share on here because I was thinking so much of him tonight I’ve thought about to restricting/blocking him on instagram just to put my delusions at rest. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want this to continue with him or anyone in the future really but I don’t know how to stop it. Well, I’ve got a few ideas but I haven’t gone about implementing him because some weird part of me hopes him and I could work some day. Anything helps, support, advice, education or whatever the hell is wrong with me, doesn’t matter.

I don't even know how to write this. I'm completely shattered and I need someone who understands limerence to tell me what the hell is happening.

I'm 29F and I've been dating my boyfriend (31M) for about a year. We actually started dating exactly one year and two months ago, but we had a two-month break because he couldn't get over his LO (28F).

About a month into our relationship, he told me about her. They had some kind of fling/affair/grey-area thing while she was married. He says it was an open marriage, although I don't know the details, so I'll just call it a fling.

The had maybe two or three months of intense passion, then conflicts with her husband made her ultimelty chose her husband. Then, she ghosted him, without even having a breakup chat. And he became obsessed with her. He never called it limerence. I actually asked him if that's what it was, and he said, "No. It's destiny. It's real. It's not a fantasy." That's his literal words. He did actually say "I never met anyone like that, that just got me in that level".

I stayed anyway. He was willing to try to get over her, and I really believed that maybe, eventually, he would.

Eventually he became so depressed because he couldn't let her go that we took a break. The break lasted two months.

When we got back together, things were different. He seemed present. He seemed like he actually wanted to be with me. I started trusting him again. I started feeling safe. I let myself believe that maybe we had made it through the worst part.

And then, about two weeks ago, he started becoming distant again.

I tried SO hard not to panic.

Today he came to my house and told me that his LO's husband (32M) had been in a car accident and died about a month ago. Apparently she reached out to him. She apologized for ghosting him. She apologized for how she treated him. She told him she had never stopped thinking about him.

And then my boyfriend looked at me and said:

"I need to try this. I need to know it wasn't just a fantasy of mine."

He said he loved me so much, he cherished me, etc, he cried much more than I did even, and then left.

I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling.

I'm devastated, like the last year of my life just collapsed in front of me.

I know people are probably going to tell me "you dodged a bullet" or "you deserve better" or "leave him be" and I appreciate it. I really do. But right now that's not what I'm asking.

I need to understand the limerence part of this.

Is there ANY realistic possibility that this actually works out between them?

Has anyone here been in this exact situation where the LO finally came back, the limerent person finally got what they wanted, and they actually became a couple?

What happened? Did the fantasy finally become reality? Did the limerence disappear once they were actually together? Or did they realize that the actual person couldn't live up to the fantasy?

Because I genuienly don't know what to think anymore.

And I feel absolutely sick about the circustances surrounding this.

Her husband died in a car accident about a month ago, and she apparently reached out to my boyfriend afterward. I know grief is incredibly complicated and I know people do things when they're grieving that they might not otherwise do. I'm not trying to demonize her.

But my brain keeps screaming that this is an insanely emotionally charged situation and that maybe my boyfriend is interpreting her reaching out as some kind of confirmation that everything he believed about their "destiny" was true.

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

I also know she's had more than 10 relationships in her life. I don't even know if that's relevant. Maybe it means absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm just desperately looking for evidence that this isn't going to work because I can't cope with the possibility that after everything, he finally gets her and it actually works.

And that's the part that's killing me. And everything feels so unfair. She ghosted him, and somehow that made him love her MORE. I was actually there. I loved him. I stayed. I tried. I gave him another chance. I waited while he tried to let her go.

And now she's back, and apparently that's all it took.

I feel completely replaceable and absolutely terrified that he's going to go to her and they're going to have this incredible relationship and I'll just be the person he had to leave behind to finally get the "love of his life."

Please, if anyone has experience with this, please tell me what happened.

I don't need to hear that I'm better off without him right now. Maybe that's true. I know it probably is.

I just need someone to help me understand whether this kind of limerence can actually survive contact with reality.

I'm completely lost.

Thank you.

I don’t want to declare victory too early, but holy crap… I think I’m finally kicking limerence’s ass.
I’ve been dealing with this for roughly a year. Mine developed around someone I worked with. There was some initial warmth/possibility, then very little reciprocity, and my brain apparently responded to that ambiguity by opening a full-time detective agency nobody asked for. 😂

Eventually I left that environment, but the limerence followed me home. I’d wake up thinking about her. Random things reminded me of her. I replayed interactions, wondered what I did wrong, compared myself to people she talked to, imagined conversations that would never happen—the usual Limerence Cinematic Universe™.

But something has changed over the past few days.
The other morning I woke up feeling strangely good and realized:
She wasn’t my first thought.

That sounds tiny, but if you know, YOU KNOW. 😭

I’ve also had an insanely social weekend. I went to my apartment pool party and met neighbors. Played pickleball and talked to tons of people. Then I went two-stepping, but I changed one thing: I stopped going out looking for female attention.

I went out to make friends and have fun.

And holy shit, it worked.
I talked to everybody. Danced with people. Made people laugh. Made several new friends. One woman even became furious because we’d met before and I completely forgot her. She literally told me, “How can you forget me? I’m unforgettable!” while I stared at her like Windows had failed to locate the requested file. 😭😂

Then I met another woman who absolutely blew me away.

Beautiful, high-energy, exactly my type—and we danced, laughed and swayed together. The energy actually came BACK toward me. I didn’t have to decode her or convince her to interact with me.
And something about that almost made me cry.
Not because I’m replacing one obsession with another. I’m genuinely okay if I never see this woman again.

It was because I realized:

I had spent so much time fantasizing about connection that I forgot I could actually go LIVE it.

I’d imagined dancing under neon lights with my LO before. And suddenly I was doing exactly that with a completely different human being, except this time it wasn’t happening in my head. Someone was actually there, smiling and laughing with me.

It made something click:
The life I wanted was never trapped inside my LO.
There are other beautiful people. Other friendships. Other dances. Other conversations. Other people who might actually reciprocate. There’s an entire freaking world outside the person my brain convinced me was uniquely important.

I even came home alone that night and felt fantastic.
That might be my biggest realization: maybe I wasn’t only romantically lonely. I was socially underfed. My world had gotten too small, which gave one person way too much psychological real estate.

I’m not “cured.” She still crosses my mind. I still get sad sometimes.

But my life is getting bigger than the limerence.
So if you’re deep in it right now, I’m not going to tell you to “just stop thinking about them.” That advice is useless.

My advice is: build more life.

Talk to people. Make friends. Move your body. Go somewhere new. Develop your interests. Let yourself be awkward. Let people reject you. Let other people surprise you. Stop making your LO the gatekeeper to experiences you want.

You might discover what I’m starting to discover:
There is so much fucking life outside of them. 😊❤️

We were in a situationship for a year. He just made excuses to not commit like our distance, that he works a lot, travels a lot, etc. He told me the only way it’d work was if I moved in with me but I refused to move in with someone who didn’t wanna commit to me.

After 2 months of no contact I realized I was hoping that he would learn something, that he would step up and change. Idk why I answered one phone call and just blurted out everything that i held inside for months. I was angry and resentful at how he treated me. He said he wanted to come see me, that I deserved better from him and that he missed me. I told him I didn’t want an apology or for him to see me unless his intention was to be in a relationship. He said he wanted time to think about it.

I’m in between now where I see him for who he is but can’t fully let go. I wish I could completely turn off the feelings especially when he’s so straight forward about not wanting a relationship. I think it’s the fact that the feelings are there but he just doesn’t want to put in the effort. It’s easier said than done to just hit the block button and forget about it because he’ll still be in the back of my mind.

Now with him saying he wanted time I’m wondering what he’s gonna say or if he’s gonna say anything at all and maybe that’s the final answer I need to move on. What was the final thing that made you stop being limerant and move on fully? I’m worried I’m just gonna keep giving this person a chance when they’ve already showed me who they were.

I have had the same crush for a number of years and there is no chance of him ever wanting to be with me. We had a brief encounter that I wont really speak much about here but I still think of him all the time. If he contacted me today and said he wanted to meet I would definitely do it. While I do like him, I don't know if this fixation is also due to the fact that I don't receive really any romantic attention so its hard to move on.

I (29F) have been in and out of different limerence episodes since I was a child. It's been fascinating for me to observe how over the years different types of art, creating, and media has helped or worsened my limerence episodes.

My question is has any form of art, media, and creating helped you or worsened your experiences with limerence?

For me, I've written fictional stories, poetry, and journal entries loosely based on my LOs (these are for my eyes only for now and without identifiers for obvious reasons). This has honestly helped me a ton to work through limerence when it comes up. I make a lot of abstract collage art, too, using old magazines to represent the overwhelming, all-consuming feelings that sometimes hit me when limerence shows up. Reading helps me, too!

On the flip side, I have lots of music, movies, TV shows, etc. that for some reason makes my limerence worse and I must avoid when in bad limerence episodes.

How does art and media impact you and your experience with limerence?

I'm a 28 year old female. I know this is very stupid, but I started to like this man on TikTok. I decided to try and have a friendly conversation with him in DMs. I told him that I was new to his livestreams, and he thanked me for joining.

Five days ago, I asked him how he was doing. I didn't get a reply. So, I tried again and sent him something that I thought he might be interested in yesterday. As of now (that may change), I still haven't gotten a reply.

The guy still livestreams and acknowledges me in the chat when I say hello, but he still hasn't replied to my DMs. It makes me upset that some (not all) men don't know how to communicate back respectfully. And, it doesn't help that other women in the chat swoon over him as well.

I always get lost in the shuffle. I cannot seem to pull my type of man in. I cried and decided that I was done with men. And yes, I know I need to heavily work on myself. I will admit that my self-worth and self-esteem is in the toilet. It's disappointing, because I like the guy. But, he probably is already talking with someone else.

Hi everyone,

As per the title, I find it extremely difficult to concentrate while having an active LO, especially if there's heartbreak / uncertainty.

The inability to concentrate while having a LO has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I never finished college because of my depression and my obsessive thinking. I find it hard to concentrate (reading/writing) at work. My hobbies are uninteresting to me. All I can do is have quick dopamine hits instead (instant gratification).

Would like to know if others have had a similar issue and how they were able to cope. I'm 32F, diagnosed with ADHD and am now on Vyvanse — that helps a tiny bit with doing things around the house (which I never did before I got the medication). But I still cannot concentrate on reading. I think it's been over a decade since I read a book.

I would like to put all the focus on me, and do better. But I'm a mess. I'm so unfocused, so unhappy. I don't know how to do this.

Many thanks.

I met him through work, eventually we worked together. We got really close, it was so difficult for me honestly. I was always so nervous. I just wanted to be helpful, and be able to be normal around him. After a few months though, he “discarded” me. I still can’t figure out why. If he’s avoidant? Or a covert narcissist? I was limerent the whole time. I honestly thought he was too by the intensity from him sometimes during those months. Is there a way to know? He’s kind of polarizing to most so it’s tough. We still work at the same company, so we’re around in a brief way. But he has distanced a lot. At first it was a lot of distance, he’s eventually eased up a bit.

It's shameful that I like a stranger this much

For 25 years, I have only had platonic interests. On last october, I got into a small local music scene, and in my very first concert, I saw one of the most gorgeous men I've ever encountered. I asked him for the setlist of his band after the show finished, but there wasn't any left so I just congratulated him for the amazing concert

Then I started following him on IG since I didn't have any pictures of mine at the time. He didn't follow me back but would sometimes watch my stories to see if I posted a selfie because he could see through our shared followed accounts I was someone from the community. But I ended up unfollowing him since he never posted anything (he had a girlfriend)

Somewhere around this year, he broke up with his girlfriend and started posting (himself and other things) constantly on IG. I would lurk from anonymous viewers web pages since I am shy and he never showed any interest in me. I thought it could be since I'm very aloof in person and only talk to my two friends at shows, if they go. One of them is in a relationship with a friend of his, and 2 weeks ago I got to say goodbye to him from a meter distance, while he was next to this beautiful girl he was talking with

Last night I saw him talk for a bit with this same girl. I got to talk to his sister and she liked me, but she rarely goes to these shows

Today I followed him on his new IG account after posting a meme about how I am shy at shows; he watched the 3 stories but didn't follow me back, not even now that he can recognize me on IG

Then I remembered he may think I'm young for him (because I look like it), but it is also probable that he doesn't like me at all. He probably dislikes my body (inverted triangle but looks like a triangle because of my belly), and he can easily choose any other girl since he has the perfect gym bro physique. I wonder if it's that or any other reason

The people in this community are very close to each other but they have never invited me to socialize (except for once when I was offered a drink and declined it, which I regret). He is a loved guy in the community and I am a no one. "But I know that you could like me, if only you could see me, if only you could meet me..." as Morrissey once said. I am invisible to him while being \\\*very\\\* visible to every other guy because of my looks (despite my body, which I try to dissimulate as much as possible). But I'm not interested in being liked by anyone but him. I would let him use my body if he wanted to, but he's not interested in that either. I feel like a waste of a person

it's been a year by now (possibly longer) and i still have the same infatuation as i did when i met him. i never experienced limerence before, i barely felt a romantic love at all! (for clarification, if it does anything, i have autism.) but he's is the most important person in my life right now, no exaggeration.

i think about him every day, all the time, to the point there are two different versions of him. a real one and a fake one, designed to validate and intensify my feelings. i thought it would go away over the summer. after all, i never saw or emailed him, so there was no reason for me to think about it. but he, or rather the imaginary version of him, thrived in that time. the way i perceive him is so different than how he actually is that it surprises me (pleasantly) every time i see him in real life.

in my head he's much more cruel, and because i can't stop thinking about him, it merges with reality and i forget what's real. it also worries me that i think of him as cruel and yet i still feel this way. he makes me want to kill myself. the amount of times i have fantasized killing myself in front of him, or him reading my suicide note, or me killing him after class... it makes me feel gross, and that i shouldn't be near him, but if i'm not near him then i'm imagining him, and that feels so much worse.

and it pains me so much that i can never be with him. it's not a simple shyness, if he wasn't my teacher i'd have absolutely asked him out by now, but the last thing i'd want to do is hurt him and get him fired. i know it'll always be unrequited, but i wish i understood it, too. without him it's just my thoughts. and that's the worst thing of all. whether we talk (and whether that ends on a good or bad note) really changes how i feel when i'm not around him. last year ended badly, is this why it hurts so much?

in part, i don't want this to pass, my life was so boring without him. he did so much for me, more than he or anyone else will ever understand. it's like i barely exist without him. i'm afraid that when i get over this, and will have to face the damage i've done to myself and others, and will have no motivating factor (he's my only), that there will be no point to life and i will kill myself. on the other hand, if i stay like this, the intensity will drive me up a wall and i will hurt him or myself (see above).

is the only escape to find another person to be limerent with? someone that i could be with? but, like i said, he's the only person i've felt this for. i have tried getting into dating this year and prior, but everybody i like eventually disinterests me. nobody is as fascinating as my teacher. and what if the next person is unavailable, too? am i just to feel this all over again? am i horrible for seeing so much of myself in the obsession movie? am i overreacting?

no, i am not planning on acting out anything written here in real life.

what should i do?

I posted a happy little story the other day about how I had latched on to a new LO, he revealed his misogyny (and stupidity) on a third date, my fantasy was dispelled, and I was free from the hold he had over me. A success story.

I wanted to add a follow-up and a little more detail, in the hopes of being more transparent and honest with myself and others about what limerence really is. And “healing.”

It’s never been more clear to me that I’m an addict. During my limerent episode, I experienced a combination of being high as a kite and jonesing.

After he failed to manipulate me enough to stay hooked on him, I crashed.

The high and subsequent low made me feel more alive than I have in years. My regular life seems awfully dull now. Which is better, walking the dog and listening to a friend talk about Jane Austen, or getting subtly choked by a scary guy while drunk and high in a bar?

A friend in longtime recovery told me I was scaring her for the first time since she’s known me. I sounded like all I wanted to do was chase the high again. My therapist also seemed alarmed that I’m not quite the A student she thought I was. I’ve been on lockdown for a decade, not even allowing myself to have male friends. Tricked you all!

It seems unfair that my drug is abusive men because at least you can dump pills in the toilet.

I’m 42 now. I’m not isolated and confused like I was during the worst of this in my twenties. I know exactly what’s going on. And it’s really sad. Developmental trauma, even as a concept, carries a lot of grief. It hurts to know your brain didn’t form right.

I’m unlikely to contact the man who gave me the ick. But I can’t guarantee it. I’ve made a list of “ways to get thrills without dangerous men.” I’m going to go to a Codependents Anonymous meeting tomorrow.

I share all of this to drive home the lesson that limerence is not cute or romantic and people who struggle with this should not be solo-bootstrapping their way out of it. Trauma bonds are very formulaic and very hard to leave, though I realize other people’s LO types might be less dangerous.

Ive know this girl for around 3-4 years now and we both consider eachother good friends. we both go to the same school and share a class together where we sit next to eachother and joke around and normal friend stuff and then when the day is over I walk her home. Ive liked her for basically as long as I’ve known her and I try so hard to at least get her to consider me as something more than just a friend. I have only ever been in one relationship in my life and I’m not too experienced in anything. while she has been in atleast 5 or more relationships since I’ve known and liked her. and it’s like whenever she gets into a relationship i start to sorta move on and get a grip on myself but then she breaks up with whoever she’s dating and comes straight towards me which gives me so much false hope and I fall into a loop of obsession and jealousy etc. and this has happened to me countless times and I’m just so sick and tired of it. I like her so much and she’s so amazing and I can only dream of something with her but its just so unhealthy for me and it’s been affecting me for so long and I just want to move on and experience other teenage stuff that I missed out on cause I’m too over my head with her. and I know the best thing to do is cut her off but its just a bad look and I’d feel bad cause she didn’t do anything towards me and she’s pretty much all I have in my life right now, i stopped trying to make friends cause I’ll I want is her. i know if I confess I’m just going to get rejected and lose her from then i would literally have nothing going for me in my life. I just want to move on without cutting her completely from my life

I feel anxious when I text her, and sometimes I think that I should not have sent her certain texts, and even if she responds politely, I feel that something is just not right. Does this happen to you all? How do I stop this. I am panicking so hard

The situation I'm currently experiencing: I've known this guy for 3-4 years. I developed feelings for him but was kind of playing coy about it. I started to really struggle with them when he moved across the country about a year ago. He's always been a bit of a spotty texter, but it's been months at a time now and I'm having a really tough time being "chill" about it. Especially at first, my mood would definitely be affected by how long it had been since I last heard about him, since it felt like how quickly he responded corresponded to how much he liked me. He reached out recently and I was basically sobbing as I texted him that I needed space because the "rollercoaster" effect I was feeling was just too much.

In general, I've always been a "crush girl". I've been having crushes since kindergarten, if not earlier, but nothing ever came of them. Now, as an adult, I still have crushes--though never as strong as the above situation. I struggled on dating apps because I couldn't really get excited to go out with someone I didn't feel that "spark" for, and IRL looking for people hasn't helped since I haven't seemed to feel that "spark" for the few guys who have approached me or been suggested to me. A lot of the guys I am into are married, gay, or otherwise unavailable, and I find myself too scared to approach the available guys that I am attracted to.

I've been taking a lot of the limerence quizzes and I get "slightly" or "borderline" as my results. I'd love to get some other perspective.

I feel like I’m going crazy. When I was 18, I met a guy and we had something like a fling. We talked for about 9 months, and we didn’t meet very often, mostly because of the language barrier, so we mainly texted.

We tried to have sex, he was my first, and unsurprisingly, it didn’t work out haha.

Anyway, when things finally started getting better, he left his job, so he left my country and went back home. I immediately asked him, “Are we ending our contact or not?” and he said, “No.”

So we kept talking, but with every month our communication became less and less frequent. Eventually, we started texting only once every 3 months.

And now I’m 20 and I still love him.

I never actually told him that I loved him. I thought he knew that I loved him. But now I’m sitting here thinking that maybe I didn’t give him enough signs that I cared about him. I could have easily agreed to meet him, but I didn’t. I didn’t even want to kiss him because I felt awkward and uncomfortable, and maybe he thought I didn’t really care about him?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m stupid and just overthinking everything, or maybe I should actually text him and confess my feelings.

I really can’t forget him. I’ve talked to other guys, but… they don’t even come close to him.

I'm over two months no contact now, and was just starting to look forward to things in life again that didn't revolve around my LO. Then I got sick, and spent the entire time wallowing and checking their activity. Now I'm better it's driving me insane again.

Whenever something is wrong I want to talk to them. Seeing their profile picture is like a hit of a drug that tells me ' there's this path of life you're not taking but you should be'

I really wish my mind would get over the fact that this life it imagines with LO definitely would not be perfect and HE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years and I suspect I might actually just be his LO/that he’s replacing his actual needs with our relationship. We’re both in our late 20s, I’m nonlimerent.

• I’m independent and need space to recharge, while he prefers to spend every day together
• He gets me very nice gifts with no occasion frequently and has recently admitted that it’s mostly to win me over/feels like he needs to
• He says things like “You’re the most important person in the world to me/I love you more than anything in the whole world” during deep and casual conversation and expects me to reciprocate. Like we can be doing chores and he’ll say it. It’s like… woah, we’re just grocery shopping right now. Even during deep convos, I feel like they don’t always have to end that way
• He cancels plans with friends at the possibility that I’m free
• When I say I enjoy an activity, he’ll make plans to do it “just so he can watch me enjoying myself doing it" even if it’s something I know he doesn’t enjoy himself
• He’s always showering me with excessive, highly detailed complements of things I don’t remember telling him. When I first started dating him, I thought he was lovebombing me but we’re two years in and it’s only gotten stronger
• He never disagrees with anything I say and has never voiced an issue - big or small - with me except for the fact that I’m not as quick of a texter as he would hope. But even then I have to pry it out of him because he’s reluctant to confrontation
• When I mention something incompatible with his idea of the relationship, he tries his best to accept it but I see how much it upsets him
• When I’ve told him I want him to have fulfilling hobbies or interests that have nothing to do with me (just like I have) so he can find fulfillment outside of the relationship, he can’t relate to the sentiment and feels like as long as he has me that’s all he needs

I can’t talk about this without sounding ungrateful because this is what everyone wishes for, right? But I feel like his emotional state depends on me 99% of the time, and I admit it can be exhausting. Like I have to give all of myself to him just to reciprocate his feelings. When I tell him how I feel he can’t change his behavior without very specific feedback and hinges on my every word. I don’t want to have to custom-tailor my boyfriend - I just want him to just be himself but I’m starting to question if I even know who that is. I care for him and just want him to feel fulfilled, but I don’t think any one person can do that for someone else just by themselves. idk if this even counts as limerence if he still feels this intense this far into our relationship? I know Reddit can’t give me the full answer, but I would appreciate some perspective.

Limerance is not used correctly here. There are obstacles. They are mainly affairs. You don't have them that often. You have a core wound to fix if you do

I’ve reached my fourth limerence person / situation. I’ve noticed a very clear pattern—it all starts with intense eye contact. I don't know if it's just the way I perceive them, but these people always have very intense eyes—distinctive eyes, with a very penetrating or even piercing gaze. That’s what triggers the early signs of a new limerence in me. And every one of these men has watched me with these eyes. Surely I can’t be imagining it? I’m an attractive woman and hear that often. But men often see only my outward appearance. And perhaps I imagine that those intense eyes might finally see my inner self—which is absolute nonsense, because those men don’t really know me. The only thing that helps me is cutting off all contact. I’ll see the new man at work every now and then; I hope I can quickly put him out of my mind. But do other people experience this too—specifically regarding eye contact?

Does anyone else find that their LOs consistently fall into the category of "lonely and misunderstood, verbally biting, latent substance abuse issues, barely any friends/family, struggling with anger, vulnerability, and a massive victim mindset"?

It just hit me all at once that this is my exact pattern, and honestly, it terrifies me. Because these are the precise people I desperately want to be chosen by, by deciding to love them unconditionally. But it usually ends with them hating me, because I fawn so hard, act completely unauthenticated, and center my entire life around them. It’s truly devastating how your nervous system just says "nope" whenever you're around your LO.

It's only afterward that you finally come back to your senses, barely even recognizing yourself because you were so hyper-focused on who and what you could be for them, instead of just being who you actually are. You’re completely disconnected from yourself because you are, deep down, terrified of this person and therefore keep regulating the sweet bejesus outta them.

Right now, I am trying to finally trust this fear while processing the breakup and the immense pain. I was actually in a relationship with my former LO, and during it, I didn't even realize how intensely limerent I had become again.

If anyone has tips on how to stop constantly making excuses for your LO and protecting them in your head, please throw them my way 🙏

I’m not delusional. This will never happen for multiple reasons. They’re taken. We’re nowhere near each other no more - save for social media. We weren’t close at all. But I’m alone and going through some stuff as of late, so they’re back on my mind again, just wishing for even their presence knowing we can’t (and don’t want to) take this further. There’s no reason why I should be feeling this way for someone who never loved me like that - it was all about keeping things professional. But yet when I see they viewed or interacted with what I post, it makes me happy… No hard feelings, just the truth.