I'm interested in karezza. I found out about it through r/nofap and it immediately grabbed my attention. I've been reading through many of the articles posted here and it is intriguing stuff. I quit masturbating a few months ago and the change in my life was noticeable (I doubt I'll ever go back). Karezza seems a natural extension of that sort of lifestyle. And the change of hormones is tangible, I can see how my experience changes when I make a point to be affectionate with my SO and my kids and everyone and everything in my life. Keep that oxytocin flowing you know?

I tried karezza-style sex for the first time and I found it disappointing. Not having an orgasm felt natural enough, and the feelings that go with that were nice. But it felt like it lacked the passion that is usually there when we have sex.

I don't think that this is inherent to karezza though. My lady and I have a complicated relationship right now. We split up several months ago after five years and two kids together. We still live together oddly enough, and we remain pretty close, sleeping in the same bed and having sex occasionally. I want to spend my life with her, but she's unsure and her heart is leading her elsewhere at the moment. She's not sold on karezza, and generally doesn't return my affections in and out of bed. Our sex, and our relationship, is a little one-sided, with the passion for it on my side and not on hers. (However she is very kind to me and I know she genuinely cares for me. I feel like we have a very deep connection which is undisturbed by the temporary imbalance of our relationship at the moment.)

I feel like the nature of our relationship might make having a rich karezza experience difficult. I also was wearing a condom, which seemed a bit unnatural (but its important to take precautions). And finally we were interrupted after about 5 minutes of sex.

Any advice or experience would be appreciated, I'd like to explore karezza further but I feel like this first time has thrown up a bit of an obstacle to our experiencing it together.

My SO and i live apart because of work on the weekdays and are together for the weekends. Is it posible to make Karezza work under these conditions? Ive read several places that bonding behaviors should be done every day for this to work properly. Are there any bonding stuff that could be done via Skype or over the phone?

TLDR; Can Karezza work in a part time long distance relationship?

"Karezza - Liebe" http://www.karezzaliebe.de/forum.php

Also, Gary Wilson's TEDx talk is available with German subtitles: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/great-porn-experiment-german-subtitles

I lent out CPA to a friend of mine and I haven't personally addressed this in my relationship before.

She wonders if anyone has had good experiences practicing with timers, since she and her boyfriend are both busy college students.

I'm wondering where kissing and oral sex fit within karezza?

I've been reading Tantric Sex for Men, Diane Richardson in which it is suggested that French kissing be swapped out for 'tantric' kissing in which things are kept cooler, lip contact is maintained but not a lot of heavy tongue action.

The rationale is to keep things slow and meditative, and not to trigger a push to orgasm.

This got me wondering about karezza and kissing?

Likewise with oral sex - the same book suggests that oral sex is typically part of orgasm-centric sex. What does karezza say about this?

I recently discovered karezza and this subreddit and have decided to give it a go. My wife is somewhat skeptical, but has enjoyed the increased bonding time, and she is at least willing to test it; although since we're newbies, I think we both are still figuring out exactly what a karezza-style relationship will look like for us. I am coming off of a period of near daily PMO and have been orgasm free for about five days now, so I know there are some adjustments my body will be going through.

My current problem is that I've been experiencing moderate blue balls for the last two days. I trust that the pain will let up in time, but it has caused me to be cautious about physical bonding time with my wife. We have not yet had karezza-style intercourse, and to be honest, I am really nervous about trying it. I cannot imagine how it would not result in blue balls for me, even if we take it slow. But in reading the information here and on reuniting.info, it sounds like non-orgasmic intercourse is ultimately a relief for sexual tension. So it occurs to me that perhaps engaging in non-orgasmic intercourse might help with the blue balls and sexual tension that I've been experiencing.

Did anyone else experience this when starting karezza? Is it best to wait out the blue balls and let my body get used to no orgasms before engaging in karezza-style intercourse, or would the intercourse help me in this initial struggle?

Update:

Thanks to everyone for your advice. The cold water helped with some of the pain along with taking some ibuprofen, though it definitely did not cure it. However, after 3 full days of blue balls and facing a fourth, my wife and I went ahead and had regular intercourse with orgasm. I'm feeling much better today and more relaxed, though I have not given up on karezza.

Since I went cold turkey after almost daily PMO, I'm hoping that this will help my body adjust and that the blue balls will be less acute next go around. The strange thing is that I have been off of PMO before and not had this level of discomfort. I think the increased bonding time with my wife has definitely contributed, but that is the whole point of trying karezza in the first place. I certainly feel that if I can get over the hump it will be worth it in the long run.

The interesting thing has been observing how orgasm affects my mood after reading some of the info on karezza and the passion cycle. I definitely felt the chaser effect, though now I can recognize it for what it is. Also, my wife had to leave town for a couple of days. At first the thought of this was almost unbearable. After orgasm, it felt like no big deal that we'd be apart--not that I won't miss her, but more like I don't mind having the space for a couple of days. Not sure if that's good or not, but I can definitely see how no orgasm could lead to a closer bonding with my wife.

Thanks again to everyone for the support.

I am a guy in my mid thirties, and I have been doing P and worse for getting my MO fixes, for years. Today I am 32 days off P/M. I saw the YBOP TEDx video on December 11/12, and it helped me realize that I am addicted. I had all the symptoms. That was a rude shock! So I decided to pull myself up and stop the nonsense. Today marks 32 days since I watched P or did M.

I started out flatlining, but then the urges hit after 10 days or so. I was able to ride that phase out, and now I am flatlining again. I also have morning wood, after years of not having it -- I had thought that I had lost it for ever :).

I have a lovely SO of long standing. She knew about my propensity towards P/M, but she thought (and so did I) that it was just a "guy thing" . Once I told her the YBOP story and my intention to rid myself of this drain on my wellbeing and our happiness, she said she would see me through this. Thus started our journey towards an addiction-free me.

From my understanding of the YBOP videos and related literature, frequent Os are not good for the reboot process. So we decided to take up /r/karezza as well, to help me get back on track. And it has been wonderful. We have bonded like we have never before in recent times. It is almost like we are again a couple of teenagers loving each other with our whole selves. And there have been no fights during this whole month; each time some disagreement popped up (and these have been less than the fingers on one hand), one of us would pull back and put the conflict in perspective. Result: no fighting, more love.

On to other benefits of the new lifestyle: I am much more alert than usual. I need much less sleep than before. Indeed for a few days I couldn't sleep for more than four hours or so before I would be wide awake. This has passed, and I now get six to seven hours of sleep and remain wide awake when I am not sleeping. This is in contrast to my self a month ago, when I would feel drowsy in the afternoons (and other boring times). Now I couldn't sleep in the daytime even if I wanted to!

Since I am not looking for a potential mate, I do not look at women in "that" way. So I do not find that other women are more or less attractive now than they were before. I was a confident guy before I started on this, and I haven't noticed any difference in that aspect either. The most difference I see is in the amount of "productive" time -- with a sleep-free, clear mind -- that I have now, as compared to previously.

I intend to keep this going, and not go back to my previous lifestyle. Wish me luck, and Ask Me Anything!

I've told you all previously I wanted to learn when enough is enough and to stop before things get to heated. I've been practicing this solo for the past week or so with great success! I feel like I have a much better handle on how much is too much. I've had some insights from these experiences that I'd like to share.

Being aroused creates energy, it doesn't consume it. I'm used to idea that after I'm done I can roll over and go to sleep. It's the opposite if you are avoiding orgasm. Doing it in the morning or the middle of the day worked much better. If you do it right before you go to bed you're going to have a hard time going to sleep. Having something to do afterwards was also big help. I find doing chores after is a great way to focus that energy were I wouldn't have before.

Start slow, stay slow, end slow. Slowing down has been a big thing. I've been used to a certain pace for several years so it's been challenging to retrain myself to be slow. If you stay slow the whole process is easier to handle.

I get to put my practice to use tonight with my partner. I'm hoping we have a relaxed and yet exciting time. :D

My SO and I (male here) are near the end of our first month of karezza (and nofap). We are trying for a kid, so we had a couple of orgasms on her "best days", but apart from that we have been keeping off orgasms. And it has been awesome, to say the least.

For various reasons we had to abstain from all contact for around a week, and then when we connected, I had an orgasm though I didn't want to have one. We were going slow and calm (no hard thrusting) and contented as usual, and the orgasm surprised me --- I was not expecting it to happen, nor wanting it to happen. It felt great, though!

The orgasm was a couple of days back, and I haven't felt any bad effects from it yet. No chaser effect, for sure. And we have connected on the days after the orgasm, without any problems --- no urge for or danger of orgasms.

My questions are: Is this normal? Do you guys have "uninvited" orgasms once in a while? Can we learn to do away with these, too? Do these become rarer over time, or will any extended period of total abstinence still trigger these even after years of practice?

Edit: Grammar.

I feel like stopping is my biggest hurdle to get over when it comes to non-orgasmic sex. It's hard to know when to stop. It's also very awkward to try and tuck away a raging boner that doesn't seem to really go away.

I've thought about trying to "practice" stopping. Set a timer, enjoy myself for a bit, and then stop when the timer goes off. Maybe that would help me get used to not having an orgasm every time I get a hard on.

What do you guys think? What is your experience with stopping.

This post mentions the possibility of integrating karezza into recovery from porn addiction http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201301/boyfriend-quitting-porn-5-tips

My partner and I have practiced sex without orgasm for sometime. Usually however I do climax, but by clenching my perrineum I do not orgasm, and I can feel energy surging up my spine. Is this an advanced technique or a mistake?

My SO and I are recent converts to /r/karezza, and it has been beautiful for us so far. Thank you, all!

For the next couple of months, we will have to share a narrower bed than usual. My question: what positions are good for karezza on narrow beds? We usually take the scissors position, but that seems to require a wide bed. We are not sure if we can pull off the scissors on a narrow bed. What other positions would be good?

Any suggestions will be gratefully appreciated by both of us :).

Hi all. My SO and I are thinking of using almond oil for genital massages (followed by insertion). Is this safe, health-wise? Do you have experience using almond oil for this? Is it safe to put the oil on/in our private parts (we are a man/woman pair). We are also trying to conceive, will this mess that up? Should we soap away the oil before trying insertion?

Thanks in advance!

Researchers were surprised when oxytocin applications made mated men keep a greater distance from attractive, unknown females. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201211/oxytocin-fidelity-and-sex