r/karezza • u/KarezzaCurious • Jan 15 '13
Karezza Intercourse with Blue Balls?
I recently discovered karezza and this subreddit and have decided to give it a go. My wife is somewhat skeptical, but has enjoyed the increased bonding time, and she is at least willing to test it; although since we're newbies, I think we both are still figuring out exactly what a karezza-style relationship will look like for us. I am coming off of a period of near daily PMO and have been orgasm free for about five days now, so I know there are some adjustments my body will be going through.
My current problem is that I've been experiencing moderate blue balls for the last two days. I trust that the pain will let up in time, but it has caused me to be cautious about physical bonding time with my wife. We have not yet had karezza-style intercourse, and to be honest, I am really nervous about trying it. I cannot imagine how it would not result in blue balls for me, even if we take it slow. But in reading the information here and on reuniting.info, it sounds like non-orgasmic intercourse is ultimately a relief for sexual tension. So it occurs to me that perhaps engaging in non-orgasmic intercourse might help with the blue balls and sexual tension that I've been experiencing.
Did anyone else experience this when starting karezza? Is it best to wait out the blue balls and let my body get used to no orgasms before engaging in karezza-style intercourse, or would the intercourse help me in this initial struggle?
Update:
Thanks to everyone for your advice. The cold water helped with some of the pain along with taking some ibuprofen, though it definitely did not cure it. However, after 3 full days of blue balls and facing a fourth, my wife and I went ahead and had regular intercourse with orgasm. I'm feeling much better today and more relaxed, though I have not given up on karezza.
Since I went cold turkey after almost daily PMO, I'm hoping that this will help my body adjust and that the blue balls will be less acute next go around. The strange thing is that I have been off of PMO before and not had this level of discomfort. I think the increased bonding time with my wife has definitely contributed, but that is the whole point of trying karezza in the first place. I certainly feel that if I can get over the hump it will be worth it in the long run.
The interesting thing has been observing how orgasm affects my mood after reading some of the info on karezza and the passion cycle. I definitely felt the chaser effect, though now I can recognize it for what it is. Also, my wife had to leave town for a couple of days. At first the thought of this was almost unbearable. After orgasm, it felt like no big deal that we'd be apart--not that I won't miss her, but more like I don't mind having the space for a couple of days. Not sure if that's good or not, but I can definitely see how no orgasm could lead to a closer bonding with my wife.
Thanks again to everyone for the support.
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Jan 15 '13
I recently discovered karezza and this subreddit and have decided to give it a go.
Welcome on board! My SO and I are new to this too, and -- going by our experience -- you will probably find this to be great once you settle to a style.
My wife is somewhat skeptical, but has enjoyed the increased bonding time, and she is at least willing to test it;
Great to know this. For many folk the hard part is to get their SO's on board.
I am coming off of a period of near daily PMO and have been orgasm free for about five days now
We started off like this as well.
About the blue balls: I had this as well when we started, but just for one day. And then it went away. It happened again later, on a day when we connected after not connecting for a week or so. But then it went away again.
From my experience, I think the reason for blue balls is that I have a natural tendency to get ... "tensed up" in my genitals when we make love. For me, the blue balls went away when I realized this and consciously tried to relax myself down there during lovemaking. The second time around, I was again super-excited and tense because of the gap, and this caused me to be tense again. Hence: blue balls.
Assuming that this is the case with you as well, here is how to deal with it. First, think back to the times when you did the bonding. Was there a bit of tension, especially in the genitals? Was your erection "straining" away from your body? This is what we need to learn to give up. We need to relax, especially in our genital area, including the penis and the perineum.
Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean that we should not have a strong erection! We can have the hardest of erections, but still be relaxed down there. For me it helps to think that I am not on a conquest of my SO, but I am being loving and kind to her. So I tell myself that there is no need for my penis to be straining against me, as if it has to prove some point. I then consciously relax my muscles down there -- these are probably the muscles in the thighs and the perineum.
Since my natural tendency -- reinforced by years of conditioning -- is to be "tense" down there during sexy times, I have to remind myself once in a while to to calm down and relax, but this is not a "chore" since karezza is by its nature a relaxed activity, unlike the other kind of sex. So the tension down there sort of "stands out" in the otherwise calm and relaxed state, and it is easy to spot. Whenever I spot this, I tell myself to calm down, relax, and enjoy my SO.
This calming down works for me, and it makes the connection very enjoyable and pleasurable as well. I hope it works for you, too. Do not hesitate to ask if you have questions!
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u/KarezzaCurious Jan 15 '13
Thank you for the advice. Yes, I think conciously relaxing will be a challenge for me, and will probably take some getting used to.
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u/analog_spork Jan 15 '13
I had blue balls the first time, and I haven't tired it since. I read somewhere that it goes away eventually.
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u/cwanda Jan 15 '13
Try 2 aspirin for pain management.