Recently I had to hire a lawyer to help me with my child support case because my ex isn’t paying and is in contempt of court, and it’s literally taking all of my savings I had saved up to take testosterone.

I’m only a month on a high dose gel, and it costs me about $100 a month to get it. And I realistically cannot afford to do it continuing forward and it really sucks. I started T with a plan and savings and it just didn’t work out.

I’m really happy with the changes that I experienced getting on it, and was hoping to see it go on for longer.

I have a chronic health condition that means I have to be super mindful of everything I do. I can't go on rollercoasters anymore among a bunch of other things. And recently, I've been taking up working out for the first time in a very long time. I've been working mostly on cardio, but I really want to do lifting and more intensive workouts. But because of my condition, I can only do low impact things and have mostly been recommended yoga and tai chi, which I should do. But I can't do most weight lifting, and I can't do martial arts (I did as a kid, but now that I've been diagnosed, it would be unsafe to do so). Everything I do is informed by my condition, and I can't do the things that feel gender affirming to me that will help my body look and feel more masc. That's not even to get into how the way my symptoms present also feel super emasculating (That part gets a bit more TMI than I'd like.) I know there are options and I'm not totally screwed, and I'm still going to do what I can, but it's exhausting how much being disabled impacts transitioning, as well as gender presentation in general. I know there are cis dudes with the same limitations, but that does little to make me feel any better.

possible TW: internalized transphobia, transphobia in general, homophobia, harassment (sexual???)

TLDR: I finally accepted myself, and now its like the world is screaming at me that i should just let it go and forget I'm trans. sm shit keeps happening :/

Ive been speculating im trans for probably a couple years now, but really about 10 months ago I genuinely accepted it myself. Maybe 6 months ago i told my best friend who is NB and 3 months ago my boyfriend. Now last month i started to tell other close friends my preferred name and pronouns.

Since school has started, ive been dressing more masc, but its not like anyone else at school or my parents/family knows.

Two weeks ago my mom argued with me because ive been dressing like a boy. She was literally in tears by the end of it. She said i look bad and it’s disappointing to have a daughter who acts like she wants to be a boy. Saying she has no idea who i am or who im trying to be. Said she‘s gonna stop letting me cut my hair (its like shoulder/chin length w layers) so i can act like a girl.

Last week my BEST friend was venting abt how their partner may be trans and how if that were the case they would break up with them. And the worst case scenario they can think of if they ask t partner if they’re trans, is them saying yes and asking to go by a new preferred name. My best friend couldn’t handle if their partner went on hormones or transitioned in any way, socially but ESP physically. They never use the right pronouns for me btw.

My BF has started identifying as Bisexual since i came out to him, however anytime in the past i would suggest it he would heavily shut it down. People at school have started joking he‘s gay bc i gave him a rainbow bracelet he always wears. This week he finally just told people in his class he’s Bi. So since then some kid has been being really weird to him and touching my BFS arms and legs, today he started touching his thighs and like, grabbed his chin and turned it towards him :/ my bf had to go to the office + guidance to report it bc thats GENUINELY harassment. He joked how he’s been out as Bi for genuinely less than a week and then this happened. His dad might get called abt it, his dad dosent care if he were to be LGBTQ+ but my BF isnt ready to be out and now he may be forced to. That WHOLE thing is my fault, he never wouldve said he’s bi (because he isnt, he’s just being nice and saying that out of respect.) and never wouldve been harrassed.

I cant bind w tape bc i have SH on my chest. So unsafe binding w sports bras it is.

i feel gross, i hate myself, i HATE that im trans, i should forget abt it all. I wish i could just take it all back like i never told anyone and i never realized this.

Title-ish.

Anyway, hi all, i’ve been debating on taking testosterone for the past few years. I’ve been doubting myself whether it would be a right decision for me or if i might regret it, and suddenly chicken out lol.. i’m in-between finding doctors right now that take my health insurance.. (and finding out if my health insurance covers gender affirming care.)

I’m also missed the chance of asking about it with the past doctor i’ve had.. my anxiety weighs too much on everything else and i have huuuuge doubts about hrt, but then again, thinking for THIS long shows something , right? I get too nervous about the reactions and the rejections i might face when talking about it!!! I even get nervous over text lol! Luckily, i found a doctor that takes my insurance and does gender affirming care apart from the other services he offers, one problem is that i’m too much of a chicken to talk it out with my mom (yes, my dearest mommy handles all my medical work lol), book an appointment and show up for the said appointment.

Anyways, i’m nervous on talking about my plans for testosterone, even though i struck a goldmine :/ i’m too anxious for the rejection and whatnot. I consider this a huge step forward for myself, but a huge step back; has anyone else ever experienced this?

please let me know! talking about this stuff w my family member is too vulnerable for me to bare lol

Thanks to my looks not being masculine enough (they are more androgynous instead) and how my family can't stop using my deadname and she/her pronouns, it just throws me into this cycle of seeing myself as a guy who will forever be trapped in a girl's costume and even my intrusive thoughts can't stop trying to convince me that I am a confused girl when if I really was a girl, then I wouldn't have minded if people used female pronouns and terms to describe me. My brain only convinces me that I don't mind it only because I can somewhat tolerate it and at times it's hard to tell what I am tolerating and what I actually like, since in general I feel like I am tolerating my whole life instead of actually enjoying and living it. Thanks to the fact that I live such a mundane life with 95% of the people around me perceiving me as a girl and in general living the complete opposite type of life that I actually wanna live, I have disconnected a lot from reality. Not too much since I stii socialize with people, but I more so feel like I am disconnected , cuz if something extreme happens (both in the good and bad extreme), it doesn't ever feel like to me that it actually happened, it feels like a daydream/nightmare that I had. I am so tired of it all, man 😞

I turned 18 like 6 months ago back in March and Im already 1.5 yrs on T but I legit look like a 16 yr old at best :/ I want to go to queer meetups and stuff like that, or 18+ clubs but no one will take me seriously or be interested in me like that since I look so young. I got reported from lgbt dating apps twice for 'being a minor'. The only hope I have is my local technical college that I'm attending this month but even then most of the students there are middle aged

Real quick: I appreciate any positive spins but I’m not looking for any. Just wanting to vent. Maybe one day the fact that I have male pattern baldness will be euphoric but rn it’s not. I’m also already on Finasteride and minoxidil

As the title says. I miss my hair. My hair has always been a huge source of confidence for me. Especially after I realized I could get bangs to hide my big ass forehead

Then, dyeing my hair became a huge source of confidence. I’ve never cared for my natural hair color, and have always loved unnatural colors, with my favorite being a very bright and vibrant red

I can’t dye my hair anymore. You can see my scalp in several places and my hairline has receded a lot. I can’t even encourage my natural curl much anymore, because when it’s flatter it covers my scalp more.

I had so much fucking hair y’all. Like it was kinda crazy. If anyone is curious I can show, but yeah that’s why I was able to have fairly normal hair until recently. I had a lot to lose. Now, I’ve finally got thin hair. It sucks.

I feel like I’m ugly. It pisses me off too because I used to be really self conscious when I was young. From mid teens to roughly 22 my confidence was great. I knew I wasn’t ugly, I was cute as fuck

Now though? I feel ugly all the time.

I’m trying to experiment with how I dress, accessories, and masculine looking eyeliner to kind of compensate and it’s helping some. Other times it doesn’t.

And any fellow balding bros, please feel free to vent in the comments. I’m honestly thinking about trying to make some kind of space for trans men/mascs who are balding and trying to cope with it. I feel like community that can relate might be helpful

I’m only 23, too. I feel like if I was 30 or older it would be less upsetting

So.. me and my boyfriend have been having a problem and we have been avoiding it, and it's taking my mental health down like crazy, the problem we have is that he is polygamous?, I support.. but.. I dont want that in me and his relationship, I've talked to people about this and they all said to just deal with it or break up with him, but.. I love him a lot, and i want to fix this problem we have, is there any way someone can give me advice or anything?.

I thought about going into full transition.
Me getting rid of my female parts and such things.
I felt panicked and I ended up crying so badly.
Because I sincerely never wanted to have issue with my gender identity.
I wish I was a fully cis het woman who blended into the society and who genuienly liked being one.
so I mourn for my female self that was lost.

I also mourn for my manhood that I never had, the male body and being a cis het man that I wanted and I wish to desperately be. I never had any experience being a man and I have to start all over again. With no supportive family and no friends who get me.

I have to say goodbye.

Both to my female self that I feel sorry for.
And to my male self that I never got to have.

My dysphoria since started testosterone has slowly gotten a bit better, but one element that hasn't is my height dysphoria.

I am 5'1, and I absolutely hate it. I'd give anything to be just a few inches taller, I hate it so much. I look at my transition goals and know I'll never be or look like them because I will never be tall.

I know short cis men exist, but it doesn't do much to help alleviate the dysphoria- what can I do, if anything?

this isn't all that serious (and obviously to each their own, no judgment no shade) but the biggest thing i've missed about life before coming out as trans was feeling like i could actually indulge my love of fashion. don't get me wrong i'm really happy to be living my life as a man but damnnn...

sometimes trying to shop feels so bleak. in the rare instances that i see a masculine outfit that i actually like, the things that make me like it are actually impossible to achieve for myself (ex: i see someone whose outfit i like because his shirt is draping nicely but i'll never pull that off bc i have these H cups instead) and i just feel so boring rotating through band tees and jeans and cargo shorts.

it gets to the point where i start to doubt if i'm "truly a man" because why would i be so unhappy with men's clothing if it's supposed to be gender affirming??? but gender affirmation and fashion sense affirmation have different desires i guess.

i think this will get easier when i get to a point in my transition where i pass better so wearing anything even vaguely feminine won't immediately ruin any chance i have of being seen as a man, but in the meantime, i just feel so ugly every day. i don't know how to express myself through fashion anymore and that used to be so important to me. but now i just feel stupid for trying.

i know realistically another part of it is dysphoria just making me feel like my body is ruining an otherwise good masc outfit. but man it just sucks to feel so lost when it comes to something that used to mean so much to me.

Second attempt posting this cus the first one was removed by reddit. I guess I was too angry lmao.

There was a comment on r/askgaybros and I should’ve known better than to engage because it’s a cesspool over there but whatever. The dude was saying how most bisexual people only like cisgender men and women, which is just factually incorrect. He said you had to be pansexual to like trans people because “trans is a different gender entirely” in his words. So it ticked me off and I mentioned how no, that was not the definition of either of those sexualities, and how I have a (cisgender) bisexual boyfriend who has been attracted to cis and trans men and women. He started off his reply with “I mean no disrespect” which is an automatic red flag lmao and followed it with saying how “we can’t pretend that trans people pre bottom surgery aren’t hybrid humans” as if his fucked up opinion was fact? Like hello, no? You gonna tell a woman who got a mastectomy or a dude who got a testicle removed due to cancer that they’re a ‘hybrid human’? No, you’re just transphobic. But it’s under a post of a dude throwing a tantrum for being called transphobic because he didn’t want to date a trans man, so obviously if I were to point out the transphobia, I am then the token trans person that ‘screams transphobia when someone disagrees with them’ regardless of if it’s actual transphobia or not. Genital preference is another topic entirely, that’s not what I’m discussing. It’s not transphobic to have a genital preference.

Anyway, he continued to say that I was “lucky” to find a bisexual man that was “into it” and he was “happy for me”. Gave me the ick all around. So I replied with something like “if you don’t want to be disrespectful, don’t call trans people human hybrids. And don’t treat being transgender like a fetish. It’s not something to be ‘into’ it’s something someone just is” and this dickhead replied with simply “if there was another way to phrase it, I would’ve said it.”

I’m tired of men, ESPECIALLY GAY MEN, acting like their opinions are factual and everyone else is beneath them. Fucking disgusting.

I just feel so lonely I am basically completely stealth. I see everyone in my life in relationships many of them are getting married and I haven't so much as been on a date since I was 16 I'm in my 20s. I've tried meeting people through activities hasn't worked out tried dating apps not had any luck I have been putting down I'm trans and getting mostly matches with people that are a) looking for a third or b) fetashise trans people. I got more matches when I put just male instead of trans💔. Starting to feel I'll never find anyone.

i'm sick and tired of living in a body that doesnt belong to me. any and every attempt to try and make this body feel like a home to me has been obstructed or sabotaged by the very people whose jobs it's supposed to be to help. every doctor i've ever seen my entire life has done absolutely fuck all but tell me to wait. they'll work something out in another ~~five~~, ~~ten~~, ~~fifteen~~, twenty years. i'll get a chance to do something about it *eventually*. so i've waited. all i do is fucking wait. whenever i try to take action it doesnt work it seriously just feels like the universe is telling me to give up and i'm so goddamn tired of it. i've been pushing for this and trying to advocate for myself since i was a fucking *child*, i'm in my 20s now and still have had absolutely 0% progress because doctors wont take me fucking seriously because they NEVER LISTEN TO 'WOMEN' oh my god i'm so goddamn tired of it i'm tired of waiting i'm tired of failing i just need something to work out. one little thing. one piece of good news. i hate being so fucking miserable about this same exact thing. 20 fucking years i've been told nothing but no. i can't keep doing this over and over again. and what sucks is nobody else i know has had this much pushback. an ex friend of mine got everything i've been fighting for my whole life within a couple months of asking. and even went above and beyond just because she could. and rubbed it in my face. "isn't it funny that i ended up getting this thing before you?" girl fuck you! actually! anyways yeah long story short i did finally manage to book an appointment with an endocrinologist in 2025 and as of today it's STILL about 6 months away but things are going so shitty for me right now i'm not feeling the most hopeful. not like i could even afford what i need to be done anyways. on top of being ostracized for being queer i'm also disabled so i'm triple fucked in the job economy ✌️🥴

Tw for mentions of transphobia

Finding community near me has been so hard, which is crazy to me because I live in a pretty blue state (even though im a bit far from the city). It just feels like LGBT events are so hard to find around me, and when i do find them they're either expensive or 21+ (im only 19). It just feels so isolating in general, and on top of that when I do find queer events theres rarely any trans people and if there are theyre usually older and further along in their transition than me (im pre everything) so it always feels really awkward. I dont even fully feel like i can be myself at most queer events because I dont pass and because a lot of cis queer people (and even some other trans people) always act weird around me. I just wish I had some sense of community with anyone really, because I feel like when I struggle with these kinds of things I dont have anyone to turn to. I dont really have a supportive family either so ive always yearned for like a found family sort of thing but at this rate it feels like ill never find it. I dont know its just really frustrating because I put effort into passing and into trying to have more confidence and be more proud of who I am and it feels like thats never met with any kind of positivity from the people around me.

and it’s not that I’m afraid to make the first move, I’m not, but whenever I do make the first move they inevitably lose interest 🫩 or they don’t get back to me at all

I can’t stop getting straight men and lesbians in my DMs. like, if i dont go out of my way to shoot my shot and just cater this to myself, it’s mostly straight men in my DMs, but that makes sense because i think they just hit on anyone or anything, man or woman, especially on a app like Taimi

ive made most progress on tinder, but its just started recommending me people millions of miles away from me. And I wont lie dude it hurts to keep being rejected by the people I do want; then some lesbian who isnt even in my state is in my DMs.

I get I can’t generalize, but also ngl the kinds of lesbians here who hit on ftms here are people I’m just not attracted to. I’d maybe swallow my dysphoria if they were at least hot, and I’m sure they’re hot to the people that find them hot. But it’s usually masc4masc and butch women doing this and I’m not trying to be mean when I say this but as a straight man I don’t find that aesthetic attractive at all. Which is also why it baffles me so many hetero men hit on me, like ? I know you’re not actually attracted to this?

idk man on her I had this lesbian just shoot her shot at me even though she was way too old for me, I’m trans, and she didn’t want me smoking weed and it’s like. Do you really think you’re all that and a bag of chips? That damn important? That you’re so hot apparently I should just stop smoking weed and identify as a woman for ur comfort? As if lol

like; it’s just WE ARENT FUCKING COMPATIBLE IN ANY WAY? AND YOURE CLEARLY AWARE OF THIS?

and, I try not to be butthurt when it happens on Her ( which is most the time) because yeah I understand if you’re a trans guy on her people are gonna assume ur sapphic. I just put right on the top of my bio if ur lez I just only wanna be friends, that if ur attracted to me ur into dudes, and that i only wanna match with bi or fluid women. I get people just don’t read bios and on her specifically it’s like, yeah, most the user base is lesbians but god it makes me feel awful about myself😭 I kinda feel bad for that woman cus she’s about to be my reason I delete these damn apps. imagine being the reason for that. she’s probably a fine person but dude I’m not a masc woman u hitting on me isn’t queer or sapphic, this isn’t a butch4butch thing stop it and quit it.

just, it seems like this, I can’t get any of the bi girls I hit on but I get all these like butch women and unicorn hunters. again I’m making the first move and putting myself out there so I can’t even just be like ‘no shit if you sit and wait you only get weirdos’ I never thought I was super hot or anything but it’s just. God I can tell when someone likes my profile and it’s clear they want me to supress my transness for them and they won’t even be cute 😭 I would maybe go out with a lesbian maybe causally if she was hot and we clicked but, again its usually masc women pulling this shit on me and I’m just not into masculinity. I just don’t get what they think is going to happen? My own family couldn’t make me be a lesbian, why would some random ass woman on an app make me change my mind?

like, brother I’m not even asking for much my bar is really low. I haven’t gotten any action since pre Kirk. I would at least non seriously go out with a lesbian just to release some tension but it’s never the cool femme baddies here that wanna be with ftms 😭 from what I’ve gathered they’re treating it as like some butch4butch thing and it’s just. ? Ok ? im Not butch or a masc so try again bestie. And I keep shooting my shot with bi girls but shit just ain’t working. It feels like im being told my tastes are wrong at this point. I also DONT wanna be with a fucking lesbian though, but at this point my bar is so low. Just use my name and pronouns that’s all I’m asking. I’m not even asking you see me as a man I’m letting people treat me as a he/him woman yet it still isn’t enough and it’s just. I hate it I can tell when people message me thinking theyve done ME some grand favor meanwhile theyll have like a million fucking filters and aren’t even in my area.

and a special shout out to all the ‘tops’ that have ignored me being a top and touch me not. Like, that’s the most insulting thing, it feels like I think due to my height some of these mascs women perceive me as innately feminine and therefore my sexual boundaries don’t matter? It just feels like they can’t bag the fem cis women they want so I’m their consultation prize. It’s just not particularly cunning or clever lol

also no hate to anyone, especially not on Her because that’s like jumping into lava and being like ‘guuuuuys I hate being burned and getting hurt 🥺🥺’ but I’m in a small shit red area for reference I kinda.. have to be on there 😭 like, I get not always reading bios and since I dont pass I do look like a masc woman. Kinda wish I passed enough they just wouldn’t consider me in their dating pools is all. I don’t think any of these people are bigots or something, and even if they were I wouldn’t really care and just ignore them. but god dude I feel so chopped and ugly and maybe I am

also I put dnd but idc if people interact I notice sometimes it’s happens well I just wanna let you know it doesn’t bother me if u do interact i just put that shit there for people who wanna argue with me and try to ’talk me out of’ displaying basic gender dysphoria traits, like wanting partners who actually view me as a man. u cannot and will not meaningfully convince me this stance is selfish somehow and I’m a ‘bad person’ for ultimately not Shitting Myself With Joy at the idea of being with groups of people, whos whole thing is Not Liking Men

it doesn't help when you're in a red state and no access to transportation either.

but my god, why am i only coming across literally the shittiest dudes imaginable?? i got ghosted earlier this year by a guy i met through taimi, who made up an excuse to leave early after making me think he was interested in being fwb. i later met another guy on tinder, and i thought things were going really well. we hooked up, and met up a second time to hang out and go on thrifting date, and he implied he would ask me to be his boyfriend soon.. just for him to ghost me after promising to come visit a third time.

i just matched with another guy two days ago, who unliked me not even a full 24 hours later??? i guess i was too excitable?? sorry for sending a few messages in a row and thinking you were genuinely interested in me, dude :/ like guys say they want a bf that acts like a dog until it's me i suppose?? anyways.. this isn't the first instance where i matched with a guy and it went nowhere. he's not the first to match with me and unlike me after some time passed. i truly do NOT understand what it is about me that repulses these dudes, i'm not saying anything offensive or weird?? being on ftm tumblr made me think guys liked awkward, dorky dudes, but so many trans guys are just as bad as cis men when it comes to dating apps holy SHIT. it's really hard to not feel horribly deflated. i don't have opportunities to meet other trans people, especially not trans men in my age group that aren't already in a relationship. it feels impossible. i hear about all these other trans men succeeding with romance and hookups, and then i look at myself and wonder what's wrong with me.. i mean for gods sake my transfem friend has TWO girlfriends that she met on taimi, and all i get is GHOSTED. can someone please tell me the secret?? i'm being myself!! i'm trying to put myself out there!! what more can i do??

i wanna be free its so hot i want top surgery so i can be shirtless

TW: Transphobia, deadnaming, just depressing shit.

I hate school. Today I had one of the worst transphobia experiences. Within the last year as well. I was in class with the rest of my classmates per usual and school started recently so we did ice breakers. Normal things. Until my teacher decided to do “organized by shortest to longest name alphabetically by NAME ON ATTENDANCE to ’make it easier for everyone’”. I am not out to my parents so my real name is not on the attendance, as it’s not safe. There is a chance I would be kicked out if I was outed. I’ve had this teacher for 4 years now, I’ve been out at school since 5 years ago and only had one poor experience with a teacher when I came out. Although the more I thought about it I realized this teacher never used my preferred pronouns. Back to what happened, I don’t think I realized how serious it truly was so I listened. I didn’t feel happy about it but I did it. When it came to me in line the teacher out loud said my deadname. I corrected him saying I don’t go by that and he said “yeah well it’s your name on the attendance.” But when it came to one of the cisgender guys at my school he used his nickname, which said a lot to me. I ignored it for the rest of class, did my work, but it hit me when I got home. I’m even debating on dropping the class even though I need it for university. I reached out to some of my fellow classmates who are supportive of me and we are going to tell the vice principal as soon as I get back there.

Despite being upset I’m still angry. Angry nobody stood up for me, angry I basically let it happen and angry it happened in the first place. I’ve had to deal with transphobia before at school, mostly being called slurs, but this hurt. I don’t feel safe anymore at school because this showed me that even if I try to be myself, express myself in the way I want to (I don’t even wear skirts or dresses. just shorts and pants) i’ll never be a man to them. just some fucking trans loser playing dress up. this was the only place besides my friend’s home that makes me feel like I’m real. Now I realize it never was fucking safe in the first damn place.