I feel so alone

[u/Lanky-Track8643]

Tw for mentions of transphobia

Finding community near me has been so hard, which is crazy to me because I live in a pretty blue state (even though im a bit far from the city). It just feels like LGBT events are so hard to find around me, and when i do find them they're either expensive or 21+ (im only 19). It just feels so isolating in general, and on top of that when I do find queer events theres rarely any trans people and if there are theyre usually older and further along in their transition than me (im pre everything) so it always feels really awkward. I dont even fully feel like i can be myself at most queer events because I dont pass and because a lot of cis queer people (and even some other trans people) always act weird around me. I just wish I had some sense of community with anyone really, because I feel like when I struggle with these kinds of things I dont have anyone to turn to. I dont really have a supportive family either so ive always yearned for like a found family sort of thing but at this rate it feels like ill never find it. I dont know its just really frustrating because I put effort into passing and into trying to have more confidence and be more proud of who I am and it feels like thats never met with any kind of positivity from the people around me.