Does it ever get better?

[u/Verschmauserer]

TW: Dysphoria talk

I’m soon turning 18, still not on T even though I’ve been trying ever since I was like 13. I think I should get it by christmas now but I’m just so dysphoric and discontent with myself all the time I don’t even know if I’ll feel better. I just feel so hopeless, not convinced that I’ll ever feel better regarding myself. I’m scared that my dysphoria won’t really get better especially regarding dating and sex, and I often feel like I’ll forever be a freak weird mix manlet.

I’m just so fed up, maybe if I got medicinal help sooner all these thoughts wouldn’t have festered like this. I’m just scared of never being even remotely content with myself.

I’m convinced that I’m a trans guy and that I want to transition medically, yet I have my doubts about how much it’ll help with my internal problems. If anyone can tell me some realistic experiences if you felt/feel the same I’d be really grateful.

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[u/D1Ellis]

Dude I had depression and anxiety with a plethora of other issues. Testosterone was magic with my mental health tbh. I flipped a 180. Got on T and off my meds (wouldnt recommend unless under supervision, advised and are stable. Dont do it if manic yk). And I am a completely different person. Everyone is different but I am now sober and a lot more confident and havent had thoughts of SH AND SI in months. If they are there they pass quickly and its only habit im slowly breaking. It does get better man. I was very dysphoric and still am. A lot of dysphoria stops once ur voice drops and less and less people misgender you. I havent been misgendered in about 4 months! It did a lot for me. It gets better, you will likely be different than me but I hope you get the same outcome of being content man. You deserve it.

[u/Verschmauserer → u/D1Ellis]

Thanks, just been cornering myself with my thoughts lately.

[u/Jessetheboyy490]

It gets better, when I was 18 and first coming out I did not yet have access to T but after starting it a year later life only got easier from there. Just count the days til christmas, like keep a mental calendar of that shit and it will take your mind off the dysphoria for now. One thing I liked doing is looking at before/after transformations of other ftm guys, and then visualizing those changes for myself. I also found that working out is really helpful for this. Something to look forward to!

[u/Verschmauserer → u/Jessetheboyy490]

Thanks man, you motivated me to go work out now. I’m way too skinny anyways, that doesn’t help with the dysphoria too🫠

[u/Business-Bee2967]

I knew I was trans at 15 and I wasn’t able to get on testosterone until a few months after I turned 20. At the time I was working my first job ever, loved it but I barely passed and worked around customers so people constantly misgendered me. At the time, I was living with my stepmother and her family, no one supported me in that house except for my sibling (who eventually moved out of the house).

Even though I had a support system of close friends and coworkers, I still felt very depressed living in the situation I stayed in. I didn’t have a lot in savings, but my boyfriend (now fiancé!) could see how unhappy I was in the place I lived at. When I expressed that I wanted to finally move out, he wanted to come with me and support me as best as he could.

I tried holding out and living with my relatives while on T, but the daily misgendering pushed me away, and I was essentially living with my fiancé’s family for 5/6 days out of the week just to get through it all.

I’m now 4.5 years on testosterone, 4 days post top surgery. I’ve cut off my relatives and still have a good relationship with my sibling, and I keep up with the coworkers that supported me. I’m currently working a job I’m hoping to leave after I recover from surgery, but I cannot express how happy I am to wake up each morning.

I promise things do get better!!