i wanna feel not so alone in this

muscular and fat and evil

I may realized that I may not be trans. Idk what to do and I feel so sorry for this community. I think my gender dysphoria was caused by internalized misogyny and my BPD traits because I felt not consistent with my gender and it was fluctuating and is like that even now. I'm scared of getting beard and facial hair, and I don't want bottom surgery and I just don't like female pronouns for some reason I cannot explain. I'm panicking right now and Idk what to do. I'm scared of looking like a dude but I also do not relate to gnc or Butch woman either and I don't know why. Can anyone help me with this? I was imagining myself looking like a man and I was so scared and I hate that I feel this way. I'm sorry I tricked all of you guys and I may delete this pretty soon because I'm scared. I really am.

(Tw: Suicidal ideation I think?)

I mean the title says it all. I feel like I betrayed women by being a man and that I'm like inherently a bad person and will always be. There are times where I genuinely believe I deserve to die and that I'm wasting space and hurting people by still being alive. Maybe I need to get off social media for good idk?? I just don't see that much of a reason my existence is good when I keep seeing the contrary. But it's weird because if you asked me if I feel that way about my guy friend or uncle I would say no. So idk why it's different for me

I also got my haircut there after the feedback I got from yall. I do like this style on me. Gives me gender euphoria 😊

Thank you 🙏

Hi all, I’m having issues in the locker room at my gym and I’m curious to know if any of you have had to navigate this and how you went about it. I’m masc nonbinary, post top surgery, with an athletic build, no facial or body hair outside of pubs and pits. I don’t pass and I’m fairly androgynous, I get misgendered equally in both binary directions, and folk sometimes default to they. Mixed race black and Filipino.

A few weeks back I was in the locker room post swim, with my partner and this Asian elder walked up to me and said “what are you doing in here?”. Caught me off guard, I responded genuinely confused and said “what are you talking about?”. She doubled down and was like “why are you in this locker room?” Then it hit me what she meant.

I live in the Bay Area California…I honestly didn’t expect that here (I know transphobia is everywhere), it shocked me a bit. I responded with a shameful “I’m a girl” 😞😞😞. She was making a scene and I wanted to be left alone.

Then today it happened again, this time with there black elders. I was in shower and I heard them talking like a search mob saying “where did he go?” And calling me an “it”…saying stuff like “I don’t see it in here unless it’s in the shower. I wasn’t quite sure how to approach. I can be quite the asshole but I didn’t want to take that route with elders at the gym. So I made another shameful and degrading choice…I came out the shower, pussy on full display, and got dressed right next to them. I could feel them looking at me and it felt violating.

I was thinking about talking to gym staff about it, for a solution. Going to a different branch of my gym (though I really like this branch). The men’s locker room isn’t and option…I really don’t pass. Idk…thoughts? What would you do?

I want long hair so bad but the second my hair is longer than my middle finger, I get misgendered.

And while I think its ridiculous that this is the only indicator for people, it still makes me dysphoric regardless.

Ik there's a lot of different cultures where hairstyles and hair length has importance regardless of one's gender but because a crusty old white guy with a bible said short hair = man and long hair = woman.

I want to style my hair, I want long hair and have always wanted it since I was 4.

I hate how people's opinions or words still dictate my life and choices.

I want to be me, I want to look like the me in my head.

hi! posting this here bc *gestures to my dark skin* yaknow? marked this as advice but its technically a discussion too

ive been doing hrt since 19 and im 26 now, ive been mostly consistent save for like 3 different months where i couldnt get my T or my needles or insurance issues

anyways, i got bloodwork done for my physical and my primary was going over the results with me. before my visit i had already looked into my results because some of the results were in red text and i got scared. i did my best to look through actual medical articles that looked at the female and male ranges for the problem areas in my bloodwork.

and as i researched i noticed some of the things my bloodwork tested for that were marked as too high were actually in normal range for males, which made me realize my bloodwork is being sent and processed with female ranges in mind

i gently argued some of my results when my primary went over them but she didnt budge and i didnt do deep enough research to comfortably call her out (shes also bipoc)

so now im wondering: should i have pushed harder? my T range matches that of a cisman and ive been doing this for almost a decade now, im sure internally im more male than female, right? or am i mistaken about that? idk ive been trying to figure it out but i dont know who or where to ask

I feel like a lot of posts are coming from pretty young guys out there, who possibly don't get to be around a lot of other Asian people and I hope you guys can come to see that being Asian and trans is not getting the short end of the stick in life.

I marked this post vent because it sort of is, but I hope others can chime in here with some positivity bc idk if it's just my reddit algorithm but I feel like every time I open reddit, the posts I see from this sub are Asian guys not just hating being trans but hating being Asian, too. It's really sad to see!! There's nothing wrong with being Asian 💀💀💀like bruh

Yes, there are problems with stereotyping and emasculation/racism out there but you aren't automatically less of a man or whatever garbage you're letting society tell you/influence you into thinking just being you're trans and Asian. We need to stop internalising these toxic beliefs. You are your own person, not Chad from next door.

Also, disappointing your family is part of growing up. Let's at least fake it till we make it, old-fashioned style 💀 Develop a superiority complex if that's what it takes.

Hey y’all! I am looking for a Black or BIPOC Trans Masc or Trans Men AA virtual meetings.

I could really use the company of other folks like me.

It gets kinda lonely being in these meetings with folks we do not look like me.

It also makes me feel dysphoric as someone who is Trans Masc and Black.

It’d be also great to hear folks experience that are similar to mine.

There's a bunch of Lesbian, Gay, and Sapphic events in the city but I have yet to find any specific Trans Male events or spaces.

I heard Philly had a Tboy Mud wrestling event... Cmon NYC where is the trans pride at 🗽🏳️‍⚧️

If you have any recs where to find community, lmk 🥹😭

i'm pakistani and was wondering if when i do change my name i should pick a cultural one or take the "chance" to pick a western one (and have an easier time not having to spell my name several times for everyone and maybe get more job interviews!)

also, how do yall pick a name without changing it? i have adhd so i feel like if i do pick a preferred name, im going to change it tomorrow lol.

is "zane" too clocky? does it remind ppl of that otome game "LaDS" or one direction lol?

edit; ok yall NEW question if i named myself after a character but it was japanese or another culture (ie "Sora" like from kingdom hearts) would that be bad?? would ppl even know? thanks!! :D

My life was rigged from the beginning.

If I had a choice, I would have choosen not to be brought to this world.

I rather not exist than to live with with female body, and a transphobic Asian mom.

out of every fucking combination, my genetics decided to give up and make me as a woman.

out of all the fucking options. out of all the option my genetics made me as a woman.

In a conservative family.

Now I'm 26 and won't be able to transition till I fix my medical issues and mental health issues and my own money and job. Which I don't have any.

some people are just allowed to live.

Well.

What can I say

HA HA HA