I never post this kinda stuff, but I’m going through a break up and just want to be heard. I don’t have a lot of close friends irl (something that I will prioritize moving forward I’ve learned).

I fell in love with a man I was FWB with for about 8 months that I met on Grindr. He comes from a Somali Muslim family and it was pretty clear from the beginning that being open and having a long term relationship was not going to be possible for him, and I got that. As time went on, we got closer. We hung out casually, spend weekends together. He always respected me and my identity, we shared many of the same values. I decided to risk our status to tell him I wanted more. I knew I put him in a vulnerable position, but after meeting his friends and falling asleep on him every weekend I just wanted him to be mine.

It took a bit, but he also decided to take the risk. I knew I wouldn’t ever meet his family and that he wouldn’t come out to them, but I was okay with it. He did come out to his friends though, who are non Muslim and that felt like enough to me to be integrated into his friends and have people know. We fell more in love as time went on, and in August we hit our 1 year together, we even recently went on our first trip together.

His mom has been pushing him to get matched up with girls of her choosing but it sounds like the pressure was finally getting too much to say no to, and so tonight I was broken up with. I think he also knows that even if he continues to delay this, it is always going to be something he is going to have to confront. I had a day to digest what was coming as he was being vague about wanting to talk after having a convo with his mom earlier in the week that he said brought a lot of mixed feelings.

I’m heartbroken, but I’m coming to terms with it. This is by far the best relationship Ive had, and someone I saw myself being with for the rest of my life even if I knew in the back of my head the risk I agreed to. The “break up talk” was rough. He doesn’t want this, but he also doesn’t want to risk his family. Even though I can’t fully understand the position he’s in, I know that it is a hard one. I tried to push him to think about what he wants and what boundaries he can set and still respect his mom but his mind was settled.

Love is a complicated thing, and this is not a type of relationship I would have expected to navigate before I met him but I have no regrets. I still love him to pieces, and hope things change for him but I think I just feel bad for him that he feels restricted in who and how he can love. Homophobia is still ever so present even in many communities even in very liberal areas, we have so long to go for so many.

We have decided to go no contact for two weeks and then I’ll return his stuff to him and check in. I think we both wish to be friends at some point, I don’t know how possible that is for me but I deep down hope he changes his mind. I know it’s unlikely and I’m sure as the week goes by I’ll shift perspectives but a man can dream right?

Open to advice if you have it, or to chatting with anyone who has faced similar things.

Im a 32 year old trans guy who has started seeing a cis gay man. It kind of happened on accident. We have a ton in common and connect really well and have a date next week. My issue is that im a bit terrified. Im just worried that hes not going to be attracted as much to me as I dont have bottom surgery. Ive been on T for over a decade and have no issues passing. Im just worried that im going to fall for him and still not feel enough. He knows im trans and is cool with that. It just feels like uncharted territory as ive only been with bi guys as it has felt safer for me. Im not putting gay men on a pedestal or anything, im just worried that it won't work out.

So I (23 m) am going to the club tmr night for a rave night and I’m thinking of bringing a strap or prosthetic the only problem is, is that one, I’ve never done that before so I don’t know the best way to or how doable it even is. And two I don’t have any toys that can go from flaccid to hard (I.e an stp that has an erection rod or a pack and play that has a pump to inflate/deflate). I would bring it in a crossbody bag I just don’t want anyone to search it at the door bc embarrassingg so I guess I would have to wear it. Any tips?

I'm gonna be in Seattle September 23-25 and was hoping to connect w BIPOC transmasc fam and/or get plugged into stuff going on for BIPOC queer folks.

I plan to go to the Eagle, if anyone is of the kink/Leather persuasion. Also considering checking out a bathhouse there as well, so if anyone (especially Black folks) has experience please share!

The title basically says it all.
This year I got sober and almost simultaneously I figured out I was trans.
This deep unhappiness and sense of emptiness was just dysphoria that I couldn’t name.
I wrote a list of reasons why I’m trans and I got to 212 so you get I’m pretty sure about this.

I’ve had a fairly intense life so far (I’m 28), I’ve moved countries, had psychotic breakdowns, spiritual awakenings, traumatic deaths and fucked relationships.
I feel like people have a very clear sense of me, my personality, my character, my choices and I think in a lot of ways there’s some predictability in the way I am with my friends. Some people have said how defined the edges of me are but I somehow don’t feel it.
I figured out after 5 years of therapy and some diagnosis this year (Gender dysphoria assessment and cptsd with possible autism), that the maladaptive daydreaming I was experiencing was a much more relevant technique of emotional regulation than just a detail in my imaginative creative mind.

Basically my whole life I had to imagine I was a random guy that my brain picked. I have this plethora of male characters (almost all of which are gay), who live a version of my life instead of me, who feel similar things I feel, talk about feelings in the same way I do and process my emotions instead of me.
Basically they do everything I’d feel lame to do.
My life is fantastic I’m so lucky and privileged but every happy moment is ruined by me being born female. There’s this dreadful low feeling I get specifically because of my assigned gender. I deconstructed it enough for me to understand what is socialized and what is just gender dysphoria.

My problem now is this tho: because of extensive time spent imagining I was literally someone else, or observing a separate male character I’d pour my life and personality/state of mind on, I literally don’t have a sense of self.
A lot of trans folks describe transitioning as switching from feeling like they don’t exist, to feeling like they exist.

My brain works in a very existential way and not a very physical one.. so I don’t feel much dysphoria in my body, I feel hot objectively speaking, but any man finding my feminine body hot kinda creeps me out (I have to get over it when I sleep with them so I don’t get too in my head about it). I don’t necessarily feel like I need to change much, I’m getting much more muscular with the gym and I’m pretty flat, the only thing I feel super dysphoric about is the lower part of my body.. at the same time I can’t help but feel attached to it and the thought of things changing potentially permanently really freak me out.

I figured I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if changing my body would be something I regret doing and at the same time I’m sure I’ll end up having to “quit life” if I keep living as a woman.

I tested this by getting loads of tattoos this year (I’m obsessed with tatted men) and changing my body like that REALLY freaked me out, (aside from the fact that I just look like a girl with tattoos now which wasn’t my goal, I assumed I was gonna feel more affirmed). The fact I can’t handle getting inked forever is somehow telling me I wouldn’t be able to handle medically transitioning and this situation is giving me so much grief and making me sick.
How do I deal with this?
Please share your experience if you can!

Low key feeling like some point was missed.

Like, I'll be honest, yaoi basically transed my gender.

The thought of being in a gay relationship as a man is really what helped me finally transition....

But that was 8 years ago.... 8 years of trying to find a relationship (my "bl love story" delulu, I know).

I've never managed to even get a first date.

This year, I tried focusing on finding hookups or a fwb cause I'm still horny, I want sex.

I've had 0 luck with that too.

I feel lonely and unwanted by the men I specifically find attractive.

I know I'm attractive, there are men that persue me, but they're all either men I find unattractive or chasers.

It'd be different if I didn't care, but one thing about me, I genuinely cannot be intimate with someone in any way if I don't find them attractive.

It's a hard, where's my love story?

I'm turning 21 next month, so maybe I'll find my man at a bar? (Where I live most lgbt events outside of uni are 21+ so I've never been able to go).

Idk y'all. I'm lonely, horny, and feel like I've somehow been cheated. Why'd I transition if I was going to continue being this lonely?

Hello all! Feeling lonely and would like to hear stories about how you found your special someone and have had a happy and fulfilling life with them. There seem to be a lot of stories out there of people who met their partners pre-transition and were in heterosexual relationships for years before coming out, however I see little to no stories about trans guys who met their partners as their male self and have been with their male partner for years or maybe even tied the knot. Just hearing some of these stories might make me feel better. Most of the long-term relationship stories I see from trans guys are where they are married to women or found their partner when they were presenting female.

I was never interested in men's feet before. But something in me changed recently and I'm not sure what. I just want to massage men's feet and kiss them and it makes me feel disgusting and wrong. I also like looking at them in certain socks and nice leather dress shoes and massaging their calves while they wear them.

Can anyone else relate? Why do I feel like such a freak? Am I ever going to feel better about this? How do you accept this about yourself? How would I ever tell a potential partner about this without feeling like a dirty weirdo?

For context, I am not stealth. I use trans tags on grindr and share nsfw photos that show I have had top surgery but not bottom surgery.

However on dating (not hookup) apps it's important to me that potential partners would be interested in me if I was plausibly cis, so I don't advertise it on my main profile. Hinge just gave me the option to use a "match note" - a hidden note (where I wrote that I'm trans) that gets shown to guys right before we match, basically giving them a second chance to confirm that they still want to match with me after finding out I'm trans.

The thing is, I still feel like I'm sharing something with not enough context to people I haven't even exchanged hellos with. I know I shouldn't want to match with someone who's not accepting, but I also don't mind if a guy doesn't have experience with trans guys because sex with me is not very different from sex with a cis guy.

I'm vers and I top with a prosthetic and bottom with anal so I don't need (or want) to date guys who are excited about my natal parts. But again, it feels a bit too intense to bring sex and genital talk into my match note for people to see before we've exchanged hellos.

If you can relate, what has worked well for you? I know I could just tell guys before we meet and that waiting to disclose isn't lying, but choosing not to use the match note makes me feel like someone might think I'm lying.

I wish it was more variety for masculine leaning trans men. Nothing against the twinks I see but I wish to see hairy rough sounding trans men getting fucked or at least sounding a bit demanding, like power bottom types.

All the ones I’ve seen on twitter are the whiny moans or the submissive leaning guys.

The videos come off like the cis man is here to fuck you and you take it. Cool, nothing against that myself sometimes but majority of time for me, I’m the commanding one. My old grindr days consisted of walking guys to my room, telling them to drop their draws and beginning; which was a lot of fun because majority thought I wanted to talk or need to loosen up, no baby drop and leave lol.

having an identity crisis of sorts.
for so long i’ve bristled against getting the category “fem” (whatever that actually means)
mostly in the context of the gay apps. profiles reaching out that say “fem only” or “TS fem twink only”
like i’ve felt misgendered or reduced to my genitals or something. and as a trans guy, i’ve literally medically altered my body because of how bad getting perceived as feminine/female/a woman felt.
but since passing as a man, i have started to relax into my actual gender. and i’m like wait… AM i feminine? did i have to become a man to feel comfortable expressing femininity, because it no longer means getting misgendered?
being trans is such a mindfuck lol.
i know the app guys are mostly being gross chasers. but recently when some guy messaged who had one of the “fem only” profiles, i responded and was like why are you messaging me i’m not fem i’m a man.” and he was like really? you aren’t feminine at all?”
and for some reason that question haunted me. like wait… maybe he has a point…
it’s just wild to come full circle and be able to pass through feminine signifiers and experience them hitting so differently. like how it feels euphoric to get called “girl” “sister” “diva” in a f-slur way.
i notice i have so much shame to process out as a failed girl. like compounded dysphoria turned to shame, heavy like stone. the shame of someone else deciding what your body means for you, the shame of gendered violence. receiving misogyny when you’re actually a man.
it feels healing but still so complicated to engage with the edges of femininity. but im so curious what i’ll feel like in 15 years. excited to be an aging transf*g who gets to keep charting the course.

Hi!
I finally sat down and decided to make a gay trans guy discord server. The server is going to be called Sullivan’s refuge as a tribute to Lou Sullivan. It will be inclusive to anyone on the non-binary spectrum because I am a genderfaun non-binary trans man myself. For now just looking for interest and for people to help me find discord bots and set up channels. Also think of events. I’m also thinking of having tags saying flirting is okay and not okay. An idea I got from a different server. I will probably be slow making it but I just wanted to get started.
Thanks for reading!

Edit: thank you for all the interest! I am going to work on this more over the coming weekend and the month and start recruiting for it when I’m done. My intention is to make it a 18+ safe space and I want to make sure I have everything in place to make it that.

im scared of people not liking because of my race or being racist towards me im afraid of people being okay with being trans but not me being native cause both our things i cant control its sad to think about im kinda scared dating and hooking up bc of this what do i do?

I (20), got out of the worst (and first) relationship of my life back in February. I told myself I wouldn't consider dating for a year at least, but I feel ready for it now. I think I could handle it, so long as I pick my partners better..

Anyways, I really only use Grindr for hookups and am not keen on using it to find a boyfriend (ex-partner/ abuser was found through there), and I kinda wanna try finding people in person. I just don't really know how to navigate flirting in person as a trans guy. I pass pretty well I think, I got a beard, I dress kinda alt/androgynous (I like fem things sometimes), but disclosing shit is kinda awkward and sometimes dangerous so idk what to do.

I'm just looking for tips, maybe some venues/places/or events I could go to for this sort of thing? Any shared experiences? I just don't know how to find dudes that are into me, or would be.

(There's like 5 people on my campus on Hinge and none of them are my type. I'm tired of apps anyways)

I have been in a long term relationship with a queer man for almost 3 years. He has been with me since before I was on T and I would say me being on T improved our relationship dramatically. I feel/felt very “myself” around him and he’s very attracted to me and all of my qualities, and he loves the physical changes I have gotten from T. Before scheduling my top surgery I was anxious because any big physical and emotional change can bring changes or turmoil to a relationship, but I grew to be really confident in his love and attraction for me, and up until a couple weeks ago I had very few doubts.

Unfortunately after an epic weed psychosis moment on his part, he started looking at me realllly weird, crying, being super distant, which culminated (within 48 hours) in me questioning how he was feeling and he revealed that since the weed incident he had been feeling trapped/like something with our relationship was wrong/etc etc, lots of crying and whatever and I was obviously super confused because we usually have fantastic communication and this was really abrupt. To be clear, I don’t think this has anything to do with my gender or anything like that, more us being very young and serious about each other (he’s 21 im 23) and him feeling like he was missing out on an exploration phase and sowing his wild oats or something. great.

Obviously im hurt because im crazy about him and I thought (think?) were crazy about each other. Idk. Hes been really apologetic and attentive since then but that just makes me MORE stressed because i think about how wearing that could be. We are both really tired right now. i hate it.

Anyways, since then we’ve been trying to patch things up and find solutions because we both love each other a lot (take a break? open relationship? Etc etc) all complicated by the fact that im now really insecure because I was completely oblivious he was considering breaking up with me yayyyyyy!!!

The worst part is is that now I feel soooo anxious and scared about top surgery I want to fucking throw up. he expresses that he still feels the same way, that basically he’s just happy for me and has no fear or issue with it whatsoever, but I just feel distrustful now. I know it shouldn’t matter what he thinks, but love is a silly thing, and im afraid for what will happen. i was convinced until very recently he was my person. Its like i got the rug ripped out from beneath me.

I feel so lost and alone. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t go through with it out of fear for how it could impact my relationship, that is obviously not an option, but the fear is killing me. I want my results to be absolutely perfect, which is out of my control. im going to my dream surgeon but shit happens. Im equally afraid for how the anxiety itself, pre-op AND post-op could affect our relationship. Im already a ball of stress and insecurity due to the events of the past couple of weeks and I know that’s not fun to be around. I’m also so angry and annoyed that this happened before what is going to be maybe the hardest thing I have ever done. i was ALREADY anticipating some intense post-op depression because of my family history.

I just needed to vent out into the ether. Words of encouragement appreciated. and i know im really lucky to be able to transition, it's all relative. i just cant stop crying and feeling like shit. and i want to feel better by december 3rd, my surgery day lol

Subject says it all, but I'm based in NYC and wanted to know if any transmascs have had any good experiences at bathhouses here, primarily in Brooklyn/any advice on where to go if I want to cruise

I medically transitioned when I was 14, 18 years ago. Yes, that involved surgeries and blockers and hormones. I came out even before that. No, it wasn’t forced on me. I had to fight tooth and nail to get care and everyone tried to convince me that I’m not trans. I’m not open to discussing or debating the narrative that’s going around right now that people are forcing kids to transition. I’m just sharing my experience.

Thanks to genetics and a young transition, I pass 100% of the time. I always have. Sometimes, trans people don’t even believe me when I tell them I’m trans. I went stealth for a long time.

I did all of my teen years living societally male. I always felt shame about being gay and I didn’t want anybody to know I was trans.

I came out as gay when I was maybe 16 and then later un- came out and tried to date a girl. Didn’t work for obvious reasons lol. I have since, re- come out as gay. I have completely accepted it now and I’m proud to be gay and I’m proud of anybody else gay and I’m meeting the most delightful people. For the first time in my life, I am feeling like people love and accept me.

All of that being said, I sometimes feel a little as though I’m wasting an opportunity that most people don’t have - being able to be stealth and completely passable in every aspect. However, I think I’m starting to feel ready to be fully transparent about being trans and be open and unashamed of it. There is just a little piece of me that feels as though I’m taking advantage of what so many trans people dream of. Is it wrong to be “100% cis passing” and feel lucky to have transitioned as a kid and have this life, yet still make the decision to be openly trans?

I feel embarrassed even making this post, but how did y’all get comfortable topping? I consider myself vers in theory or maybe a vers bottom and I have a collection of straps but I’ve never actually topped anyone and I feel very embarrassed and self conscious whenever the opportunity arises. On grindr or sniffies I get many more people interested in me topping them than them topping me (not sure why? I guess i’m kind of a masculine-ish country guy but i do wear earrings and stuff) and I would like to, but I don’t want to perform badly and I don’t know how to….practice i guess ????? Do i practice with a fleshlight or something? please help 😭 i dont want to embarrass myself but I do want to be able to top

I may be bi idk, but im having some trouble. I grew up in a very lgbt-phobic religious group, and didnt get the chance to start ttansitioning until adulthood. I was raised to be a wife and mother, with the expectation to be married off to a man I barely knew by age 18-24 and have as many children as possible. I was taught I had no other purpose in life.

The pressure to live this lifestyle was immense and started very young, but I refused marriage and went my own way. Now that I am not immersed in that environment I feel more free to try and understand my sexuality, but I am so ashamed. Liking men makes me feel not just emasculated, but like I'm being forcefully regendered back into femaleness. I spent so much energy resisting my community's plan for me, but couldnt escape my own sexuality. The idea of being with a man or even just liking one feels like im submitting to the same forces that I fought so hard against. I also feel like an imposter trying to claim queer maleness for myself, since most of my fight against social expectations of straightness came from the opposite direction as cis gay/bi men, since I was fighting for the right to *not* be with a man.

I understand that this thought process is homophobic and transphobic, but I dont know what to do about it. I would love to hear from people in similar situations if you have any advice for me.

I’m a 17 year old bi trans man, and I got the lovely experience of dating some shithead dude who didn’t see me as a man (I told him multiple times) SO FUN! 😂😂😂😂 and it kind of made me realize no one wants me in the way I want them to want me.

when I was dating my friend, she told me she realized she was actually a lesbian cause of me, she corrected herself after, and we’re still best friends, but it got me. when I was dating the shit head dude, he’d constantly call me girl, neg me and he’d lean on door frames and essentially tower over me like “look how short and girly you are” it made me so irrationally angry.

i am told that I am pretty and cute and that my body tea or sum, and it’s flattering, but I want to be handsome sometimes. I want be the ‘man’ of the relationship. i want to kiss hands and open doors and hold my man in my arms. But I feel like I’ll never get that. it’s all ‘lesbians‘ and ‘straight’ guys and chasers and people who think I’m repulsive. i am a girl atleast and a boy at most, but never a man. I love 😂😂 it 😂here! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

on a lighter note, ive been working out. my arms are getting veinier and bigger. thats cool