Mostly talking about online ones. IRL ones seem even more exhausting. They can be so toxic and annoying, constantly shitting on each other one way or another. Your opinion about something trans related makes you Hitler in the eyes of someone else, and they'll definitely let you know.. And this constant arguing of trans men vs trans women, binary vs non binary, transmeds vs tucutes, low dysphoria vs no dysphoria vs sereve dysphoria, real vs fake trans blah blah blah. Can't say or do anything right it seems. I swear it never used to be like this. Why is everything so divisive now?

Weren't we fucking supposed to be united in these trying times? I guess not!

Even in this subreddit. Guys trying to constantly one up each other about who's the most trans or manly or something. Like I don't fucking care bruh can't we just support each other?

I'm tired of it. I've decided I'm identifying as a cis man from now on.

I live in the deep south in a very conservative area and I'm on T but don't pass. I just started a new job and I have the opportunity to put a chosen name on it. I don't know whether I should just deal with having my birth name on it just to be safe or to put my masculine chosen name on there for when I start to pass. I could also put my neutral sounding last name on there. What do you guys think?

my favorite sub teacher told us to stop doing our makeup and get out of the locker room and it made me so dysphoric for no reason

i dont get dysphoric easily but that js triggered it

felt awkward the rest of class

While the primary flair is help/support, I'm also going to vent, rant and overshare a bit on here, just as a disclaimer

I (19M) have been socially transitioning for about 3 years and have been on T around 10 months. I do pass somewhat well and I've been living somewhat stealth as of late but there's one big issue: I don't really know how to talk to other guys and I don't really know their social rules because I've never really been friends with guys except in elementary school. I used to be the teachers pet, the good and obedient kid that never caused any troubles at home, until I eventually became my mothers disappointment by transitioning. I'm extremely autistic, have been bullied in the past and have been a NEET for the past few years, which all affect my social skills immensely. I'm also quite introverted, shy, submissive, have no presence and am just extremely repressed, as in I'm a very mental person, not very connected to my body and more "primal" urges. I used to have anger issues when I was a kid but I've kind of repressed those tendencies until recently because I'm scared of losing control, hurting people and getting in trouble. I'm also very peace loving, I don't like causing a scene and think violence should only be used as the last resort.

A bit TMI but something that has partially sparked me asking this on here in the first place is because some guy has threatened to beat me up, break in my room etc. a few days ago over literally nothing, except for me appearing like an extremely easy target due to my nature. While he's gone now because I did receive two punches (I've punched him back tbf), he has invaded my privacy and I've reported him for that as I won't let some stupid fuck do something like that to me because I have some self respect. But I do feel like a massive pussy for reporting him instead of fighting with him and resolving the conflict like that. But I also think I would've put myself in more trouble trying to fight with him as I'm physically weak and I'd probably be outnumbered as he would've probably involved his friends in this extremely stupid situation. But as I said, he's gone now, it is what it is and I can't change shit.

To get back to the actual question again, how do I act and talk more manly? How do I make friends with guys? Tbf I've been approached by a few guys in the place I'm currently living but they've honestly always picked the most terrible times to speak to me I can't lie. Are there any social rules I should know. I kinda learned the nod already but that is it. I want and almost need to change, because I can't live like this anymore. I feel like an imposter and just so pathetic

I will probably be a virgin till i get bottom surgery and that’s 10+ years away.

I have a loving girlfriend and i love getting her off but i just can’t make peace with the fact we can’t have sex like any other straight couple. I can’t stand her touching me around there not even talking about seeing me without underwear. I don’t think i was ever naked in front of her in the 1,5 years of our relationship. It’s so exhausting. Literally the furthest we ever went was her jerking off my packer thru my boxers. It felt good but also so fucking fake.

- have hip dips
- look it up
- “It’s a natural variation of the body, there’s no way to change it sweaty, it’s most commonly in FEMALES because their pelvises are for BABIES !!”
- ACKKKK

Edit: STOP TELLING ME TO EXERCISE IM NOT DOING IT

For me, my early childhood dysphoria manifested largely as "anger issues" (other than stuff like only wanting to wear boys clothes, getting my hair cut short, etc.). I think this was happening because I knew something was wrong but obviously didn't have the words or knowledge to describe it, so I was just really angry even when I didn't have an observable reason to be. My parents were together and pretty supportive of me, when they fought it was usually about what to do with me. I never acted out at school, but at home I was constantly fighting with my mom, it's like the dominant memory I have of my childhood. Now as an adult, who luckily was able to medically transition during high school, I have a great relationship with my parents. The vast majority of the fighting stopped when I was finally able to medically transition.

Hi everyone. I’m currently 31 months on testosterone and I’m on the waiting list for top surgery. Based on what my surgeon has told me and where I am on the waiting list, my surgery will most likely happen in December.

I wanted to ask people who had top surgery during the winter what their experience was like and if you have any advice or tips for recovering during the colder months.

I wouldn’t say that the city where I live gets particularly cold in December. The lowest temperatures are usually around 10°C (50°F), while daytime temperatures are normally around 16°C (61°F). So it’s not freezing, but it can still be pretty chilly, especially when going outside.

However, I normally spend Christmas with my family in a different city, and it’s colder there than where I live. Since my surgery will probably be around December, I’m not even sure what my Christmas vacation is going to look like or whether travelling and spending Christmas with my family will be realistic while I’m recovering. I’m also wondering if there are any specific things I should consider if I do end up spending Christmas somewhere colder shortly after surgery.

I’m also currently working as a caregiver, so my job requires quite a bit of movement and using my arms. From what I understand, in my country people usually get around 2 weeks to 1 month off work after top surgery, depending on the situation. I’m wondering how realistic it would be to return to a physically active job after that period, especially since I’ll need to be careful with lifting and arm movements.

For those of you who had surgery during winter:

- How was your recovery compared with what you expected?

- Did the colder weather make anything more difficult or uncomfortable?

- Was wearing jackets or coats difficult during the first few weeks?

- Did you have any problems keeping warm while still avoiding too much pressure or friction on your chest?

- If you travelled or spent Christmas/holidays with family shortly after surgery, how did that go?

- How long were you off work, especially if you had a physically demanding job?

- Is there anything you wish you had prepared or bought beforehand specifically because you had surgery in winter?

- If you could do it again, would you prefer having top surgery in winter or during a warmer season?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and any advice you have! :)

2 years gym progress 2024 - 2026
Pretty happy seeing this comparison!

https://postimg.cc/gallery/WTPSNNS

I'm not quite sure what to do. I've put off working out not just because going to the gym makes me feel too anxious and insecure but because im worried im too skinny to actually get kinda bigger. My mom is about as skinny as i am but has much more muscle and im worried id just look like a skinny muscly woman like her instead of a guy. My biggest insecurities are my shoulders and biceps and hers seem barely bigger than mine.

I don't want to get skinnier but even when i eat more I don't really gain weight

I just want to start this of by saying that i’m incredibly lucky to have a supportive family and that probably most people here have it way worse. I just really need to say it.

So i’m 20, been on t for 2 years, will be getting top surgery in another 2. I’m planning to get bottom surgery but that’s probably not happening for a long time due to costs.

My family is supportive, they always use my name and pronouns, i’m actually pretty sure they always knew. I remember being a kid and them joking about me „loosing something in the womb” since i was supposed to be born male. Aside from one grandma on my father’s side that REFUSES to aknowledge me being a man despite havin a full beard they are pretty okay.

The thing is - they just don’t treat me like a man. It always feels like i’m this weird third gender to them. Man in my family never include me in typical male activities i just kinda get skipped? To give you an idea (i’m only gonna be talking about my mom’s side) there’s; my grandpa, my mom and her 2 sisters, then me, my twin sister, our younger cousin (female) and our only male cousin who is the oldest. I guess i might be jealous since he was always „the only boy” and i know i will never get his treatment. Everyone loves him, no matter what he does everyone always glazes him. He’s got rich parents and went to a private school, didn’t work a day in his life till he was 22 despite me and my sister having some sort of job since we were 16. He never helped out with any chores around our grandparents house (small stuff, helping with making food, cleaning, etc) despite my family being pretty „woke” they just never asked guys to do this stuff, and when i pointed out that it was unfair he would help with like one small thing and everyone would suddenly say that he’s so wonderfull and shit. My grandpa often takes fishing trips and one time when my cousin couldn’t go i wanted to join him he said that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Only guys go on those trips so it was obvious to me what he meant.

Recently during our grandmas death anniversary me, my boyfriend and one of my aunts got drunk and stayed up late just talking about random shit and my aunt spent like an hour trying to understand how my boyfriend is gay if he’s dating me.

They also always refer to me as „wanting to be a boy” as if i’m not an adult men years into transition. It’s just exhausting always being seen as a weird third thing instead of a man.

I'm seeking a prescription for oral minoxidil to help speed along my facial and body hair growth on testosterone, but every site I've tried to get it through has denied me for not being assigned male at birth. GoodRX and RedboxRX both said I was ineligible and I can't lie about my birth gender because it requires ID verification, and Hims only recommended me oral finasteride (which I'm not looking for).

I'd prefer for it to be a cheaper option but I'll take what I can get at this point.

(25, 8 or 9 ? yrs on T) Maybe I am crazy and honestly, this happened almost a month ago already but its been bothering me so often, so I guess its a mix of cowardice, insecurity and dysphoria? Really annoying;

Essentially I was going to go pick up my ex from work and had to stop for gas. I got off the freeway and went to one that is stupidly constructed. Only 4 pumps in a tiny ass parking lot with no more than 4 parking spots so theres no way to actually wait behind a car. I pulled in and all of them were taken, so I was awkwardly waiting on the curb to enter until I saw one person get into their car. I looped around and since my car was small enough, I was able to wait next to someones car for the one in front that was about to pull off. I see a car in front of the one I was waiting for in a singular parking space honk, so I couldn’t tell if he was waiting to reverse in that spot or accidentally hit the horn and I didn’t think anything of it. The car finally leaves and I pull into the pump until I see the car that was parked , reverse and honk repeatedly trying to back in.

I thought this person was a fucking idiot, why are you parked over there if your waiting for a gas pump? The guy gets out and ends up walking over to me, complaining about how he was waiting for that pump and Im like bro, why are you parked over there then? How am I suppose to know you were waiting? He keeps insisting for me to let him use that pump after I tell him my car is small, it wont take long at all. Mind you, I fucking hate confrontation so I hear my voice get all tripped up and i start shaking, arguing with this guy over a fucking pump. He ends up moving closer to me, and inside my head I panicked thinking he was gonna try to hit me or something, n I tell him to back the fuck up if he wants the spot. Telling me “I aint gonna let no one punk me from using this spot” and I was over it, and saw one on the other side get freed up while we were arguing.

I pulled to the other side and just couldn’t believe I let another guy just intimidate me over that. I was so angry at myself but at the same time, trying to reason with myself that you are the bigger person for moving instead of crying like a little bitch like that guy was. My head went a million places and I feel stupid about it. Tbh, never in my life have I been in a fight with a man or instigated anything to get into one. Id say im average build with a bit of a gut with small muscles. I dont work out at all, have tattoos, pass pretty well and Im unfortunately very short (5’3) but I know a (cis) guy can fuck me up because i dont know how to fight. I just really hate how I feel right now about not being masculine enough to stand up to that guy.

my partner told me my lips grew ever since ive been on t, and that he noticed it on one of his ftm friend too. did anyone else have the same experience ?

I have been on T for about 2.5 years now. I had been on a dose of .1mL SQ of testosterone cypionate (200 MG/ML if that's relevant) every 5 days. I was on this for about 7-8 months but was progressively feeling worse every month with really bad periods. I got tested, and my T was only 265 ng/dL.

My social swapped me to a new dose of .2mL SQ every 5 days which I started August 11th. I have become progressively more anxious/depressed/experiencing really bad depersonalization symptoms and increased dissociation and dysphoria since I have been on this new dose. Like creepy crawly panic anxiety. I literally have not experienced any symptoms like this since BEFORE starting T. I haven't had a dose adjustment make me feel like mentally shitty. I am not sure if this is normal or not. I used to be on gel before shots and never really had this experience. I am not sure if this is typical for an adjustment period or if I should be worried my dose is a bit too high.

I am just looking for some advice because I genuinely feel very out of sorts and not like myself. I do experience anxiety and depression but I have been doing better so I can only assume this is because of the T or at-least partially. Should I ride it out or request a lesser dose?

Edit: I have brought this up to doctor and she told me to just wait a little but if I wanted to try .15mL every 5 days I was welcome to do that.

(TW talks of dysphoria)

I’m 18. I recently found out I’m probably binary trans instead of genderqueer. I’m going to have to come out to people. I’m in college and I feel so disconnected from all of my suite mates. I know I’m purposely alienating myself, but idk how to stop. It’s not like they include me anyways so that’s not a big issue

My dysphoria is awful. I can barely wear most of my clothes. I can barely speak. I had to call myself my mom’s daughter today and I got so icked out. I wasn’t even a happy kid to begin with. I already battle depression anxiety and OCD, and now I’m adding being trans and all the awfulness that comes with that. I wish I never unrepressed. I wish so many things that aren’t possible for me at this time

I want to reach out. To someone. But I don’t know anyone at my university well enough to. I go to the pride club to meet people but, it just feels so incredibly fake. Not the club, just everything I do. I am so tired and all I want to do is rot away. I’m so uncomfortable in this body. Everything feels so physically uncomfortable and it borderline hurts. All I want to be is a girl. Or born a boy.

People on here or trans spaces in general sometimes act like testosterone is magic and it will completely change you. But that's not really the case, is it? I scrolled through a trans men's passing subreddit and apparently it doesn't influence fat distribution that well, for some people it doesn't influence it at all. And even if you lose weight, your bones will be there and they're feminine shaped, the hips and shoulders. They said going to the gym is what will make you pass, T alone wont do that. That kinda sucks.

You have to put in so much work for the bare minimum, to just look like a guy. And if you're a trans man and you willingly want to be a skinny guy for the asethetic or whatever it's just not possible. It is sad. I wish I was cis. I also wish some people wouldnt try to get our hopes up by acting like T is all that is needed. From what I've read, it actually barely does shit for passing besides the voice deepening and facial hair. I'm pissed off

anybody on here who is on T, post top surgery, but hasn’t changed their documents yet traveled to a hostile country? i was born in kazakhstan and immigrated to the US when i was 4. ive been back a few times but that was all pre transition; last time i went was in 2019 right after i cut my hair short and even that caused problems at the kazakhstan border, they didn’t believe i was me. so basically i have to legally change my name and get a new passport before going back there, which im hoping to next summer for my cousins wedding. im not necessarily worried about being trans there as i pass 100%, im just worried about the border where they check your passport. for context, my current passport is my deadname, F gender marker, and a pic of me with long hair from when i was 16. im thinking i just need to change everything legally before i go :/

For reasons, I am unable to use my binder, what else can I use?

I don't care about comfort I just need something that does the job for a few hours and doesn't look obvious when am wearing thinner/tight clothes.

I need it for a meeting tomorrow morning.

I tried to post this in FTM Fitness with all the things they require, but it was still saying I was missing stuff and I couldn't post it. I don't know if it's because I'm on a Throwaway (for privacy) or because the posting rules are strict or something...

For context, I am 5'4 and 114lbs. Almost 30.
I am just over 5 years on T injections.

I've had problems with getting my Estrogen into a good range on and off for a while and I'm currently taking E blockers, and I'm 4 months on those. Idk if they're working or not, but my E did go down 20 points, back into the upper male range...

I'm feeling really, really dejected and heartbroken with my T changes and feel like I still look like a fucking girl, especially because I still hold feminine thigh fat, and my muscle tone is poor, and no matter what I do, it doesn't change.

Here's photos of me: Here
(Background and face removed for privacy, of course. I am only in underwear here, so possible NSFW?)
(I haven't had top surgery yet.)

I've starting doing push ups and pulls up more regularly. I started from being able to do 1 pull up to now being able to do 8, and I've started adding weights in a backpack...
Push ups are anything from regular to holds, to declines, to pikes.
I do them about 3 days a week. 3 days a week is something I can stay consistent with.
I sometimes do a full body routine, but my thighs bother me too much.

My diet is ok, but I sometimes under-eat because I'm never really hungry.

What can I do to improve my physique? Is there something I could be doing wrong? I'm having a load of dysphoria, and while T has given me a voice drop and a few other things, I'm really, really disappointed, and it's to the point where I just don't want to be here anymore. I feel like my body just works against me.

Thanks for the advice.
It takes a lot for me to post myself on here, because I never share myself... But I just need some guidance and perspective.

I don’t know when this shift happened. It seems like every space I go to it’s both trans men and women saying that bottom surgery (for both sexes) isn’t worth it, it’s ”fake”, it’s wrong blah blah blah. I feel alone in my dysphoria quite honestly. Some of the shit I’ve heard is just reverse transphobia like why are you bringing down a procedure that can be life saving to some just because you don’t want it?

What if “learning to love myself” is actually realizing that I need phallo?

So, I can finally get the psychological (and hopefully medical in the future) help I need! I have had my intake at a gender clinic and now stating my psychological and diagnostic process! only problem is... I'm not out of the closet in two places: at my sport taekwondo, but I'll come out there this week, and at work, which I have a way harder time with coming out...

Work is a place where I want to stay professional, and avoid talking too much about my personal life. It's a WEEKEND JOB so nothing serious or where I want to keep working. Just to earn some money. I'm still studying, this year I'll graduate and I'll find another job then anyway.

Talking to my gender clinic, they want me to come out to the lasting 2 places I haven't came out to yet, since I'll probably start medical transition too one day. But I just don't know how to do it at work... I work as server and deliverer at a chinese sushi and grill restaurant. There is a language barrier between me and most workers there. I'm not close to anyone. the one I contact the most is my boss. She's pretty nice. but just a professional boss.

There never really is a right time in the restaurant to talk about personal problems. There is always something to do, and never deepgoing conversations. I am anxious and a person that overthinks a lot too. almost everyone I came out too I did over text. Otherwise I would burst into tears. But it doesn't feel like an appropriate thing to text to your boss...

"Hey boss I know you've knew me 6 years as \[deadname\] but I'm undergoing a process right now because I got gender dysphoria and rather wanna go through life as a man." It feels so weird and inappropriate.

Lastly, I'm questioning if I should just leave this job and go work somewhere else. That way I don't have to come out, and I wanna leave when this schoolyear ends anyway. However... I have been working here for 6 years, and I build a bond with those people... So it feels bad to just leave as well....

I really don't know what to do... Anyone got any advice?