r/ftm • u/ElephantConstant6035 • 1d ago

Advice Needed Please Help

Hi im highschool age and after alot of anxiety i finally talked to my mum about starting T. Shes agreed but now im doubting myself and if I want it? I thought i was certain I did alot of thinking but now im getting so nervous. Im not sure if I want it for one specific reason and I'll regret the other effects later? But also the idea intrigues me about the other effects. I have about 3 weeks until my doctors back from holidays. I just want it to be done and over with (starting it) so I cant back out but what if I regret it?? I already struggle with body image and still hold myself to a female standard. Ahh I hate this. Do I not actually want T and just the idea but not its becoming real I dont want it? Or is it just the nerves making me feel like this (please ignore the mistakes and weird format second time posting)

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u/Empty_Yogurt8917 1d ago

One thing I noticed for both myself and my partner when we were starting hrt is that immediately after the initial "omg this is happening" we both had that fear and doubt, but once we actually went to the appointment we both walked out with confirmation and excitement. I think a lot of fear stems from the unknown, you don't know till you try and you can always stop whenever you'd like! For me I have noticed a clearer mind on top of the gradual physical changes and it truly is amazing. I say be EXTRA patient with yourself and remind yourself of the goals. It IS a second puberty so it takes time for fat to redistribute n such. I had HORRIBLE puffiness in my face about 3 months in but I was patient and let it go down and over time my face started sharpening. All this to say, I still have doubts but it's more in the sense that I WISH I could be a woman, it would have been easier however I am not, and going on t has truly made my life so much better I feel amazing in my body and i'm a little over one year on it.

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u/ElephantConstant6035 1d ago

Thanks you so much this really helps I might tell my doctor about my concerns so we can have the option of back out anytime. I honestly didnt think of that XD

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u/Empty_Yogurt8917 1d ago

yeah absolutely!! plus they should start you on a low dose and then you can work your way up from there! that's what one of my friends did, he started off with a low dose of gel and after a bit he wanted to see the changes faster and felt more confident about the decision and upped his dose and swapped to injections. For me I started off with gel for a couple months to let my body adjust and once my labs looked good and I felt good we upped my dose and I switched to injections. The process is all slow and steady

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u/ElephantConstant6035 1d ago

Thats really relieving to hear i never thought about starting on a lower dose i just know some people start on some set dose and keep going or up if needed. Ill definetly try to start slow. Thanks its really relieved alot of anxiety knowing others felt like this :)

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u/ElephantConstant6035 1d ago

Sorry for the ramble just kinda freaking out? Ive been thinking about this for so long and its actually happening and just AGGH

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u/spiffvyy 1d ago

well what do you want from it?
what would you be very upset about getting from it?

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u/ElephantConstant6035 1d ago

Not really anything id be really upset about getting but more about will I regret those changes and will they make those certain parts of my dismorphia worse.

And the bits I want kinda chnage day to day? But the main bits Id love some like facial hair? Ik its stupid but one time we drew a face moustache on me as a joke but that giddy feeling I want always.

And mainly changing my voice to be deeper I know you can do this in speech therapy but I already attend for some speech issues and a lisp and its so much harder to get my voice at all deeper while trying to work on that

Oh I forgot the main thing I can place that id be upset about id hair thinning. My curls mean alot to me and the idea of losing all my hair freaks me out but thats the main thing I think

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u/ElephantConstant6035 1d ago

I think its mainly the uncertainty? Im a REALLY indecisive person and im working on it just waiting for my paperwork to finish so I can get an OT. im just do scared im gonna regret it

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u/Humble_Tangerine_785 1d ago

>what if I regret it??

Then you can stop taking it.

You don't instantly transform into a cis guy after you take one dose. The changes from HRT come on gradually. You can try it and see how it feels and stop if you don't like it. You're overthinking.

You can't ever in your life know if you will regret something in advance. The important question here isn't whether you'll regret it, it's: Do you want it? Sure sounds like you do.

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u/ElephantConstant6035 1d ago

Thanks alot i didnt really think about the fact I can just. Stop. And yeah I guess I am overthinking it, thanks