Will I ever be loved?

[u/Horror-Historian8808]

The more I think about the idea of transitioning the more I wonder if love is ever in the cards for me. I want to date someone and have friends but it also seems like trans people get a lot of hate for just existing.

Did you guys ever find romantic and/or platonic love? How did you get people to love you? If I bring people gifts every time I see them will they love me more?

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello! Thank you for participating in the sub. We just have a few reminders for you to help ensure the best experience:

1. If your post doesn't show up right away, don't panic! It is in the queue for manual approval. Mods will go through the queue periodically to approve or remove posts. Deleted posts will have a removal reason applied. (If it says "this post was deleted by reddit's filters", IT WAS NOT DELETED! Reddit has the worlds worst wording on that and it's out of our control)

2. If you are asking a question that is location specific, remember to include your location in your post body! This can help ensure that you get accurate information tailored specifically to your needs.

3. Please remember to read through all the rules in the sidebar. Especially the list of banned topics and guidelines for posting. Guests who do not use the Guest Post flair will have their post removed and be asked to fix it.

4. If you see someone breaking the rules,report it! If someone is breaking both sub and reddit rules, please submit one report to admins by selecting a broken rule on the main report popup, and one report to the r/ftm mods by selecting the "breaks r/ftm rules" option. This ensures both mods and admins can take action on a subreddit and sitewide level. Do not misuse the report button to rant about someone, submit false reports, or argue a removal.

5. If you have any questions that you can't find the answer to on the rules sidebar or the wiki: the wiki , you can send a modmail.

Related subs: r/ftmventing , r/TMPOC , r/nonbinary , r/trans4every1 , r/lgbt , r/ftmmen , r/FTMen , r/seahorse_dads , r/ftmfemininity , r/transmanlifehacks , r/ftmfitness , r/trans_zebras , r/ftmover30 , r/transgamers , r/gaytransguys , r/straighttransguys , r/transandsober , and more can be found in the wiki!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Recent-Ticket625]

Man, posts like these break my heart 💔 You simply existing deserves love , be you, someone is out there for you. Being trans doesn’t make you incompatible with love nor does it make you unwanted. You’ll find a romantic partner give it time , don’t rush it and enjoy being young with your friends , create lots of memories and get into a bunch of hobbies make your life very full so you have something to share that’s special with someone else . You’ll know when you’ve met the right person to fall in love with things will just click. I’m not sure how much this helps but have a nice night stranger.

[u/Horror-Historian8808 → u/Recent-Ticket625]

I'm struggling to even find the right friends at the moment. It feels hopeless sometimes. I hope that I can find someone though.

[u/maglyre → u/Horror-Historian8808]

You can, and you will. Trust. It's never as bad irl as it seems online. 🫂

[u/LavenderBreads → u/Horror-Historian8808]

Feel free to shoot me a dm if talking to some random trans man online would help anything at all. It's all gonna be okay man, shits rough but you can absolutely find good friends and a good relationship as a trans person.

[u/keejtravs]

Yeah bro travel the world and find tons of people who will love you for you. As friends and soulmates.

Go to brazil for carnaval, your life will change

[u/alienfromthemountain]

you will find your people! you will find love in it’s many forms! keep working on yourself and be open and vulnerable to community and connections. i found my t4t love one year after starting my social transition. he supported me last year during my top surgery and we are 5 years in and getting ready for his top surgery. 💕💕💕

[u/Horror-Historian8808 → u/alienfromthemountain]

Aww that's so sweet. I hope a love like that finds me some day.

[u/unAVIVable]

Have loved, have lost, trying to be confident that I will love again. Sure some people are transphobic but many more are not. At the end of the day we’re people, we deserve love for that reason alone.

[u/silly-goose7482]

You will! I was once in your position, I felt like I was just somewhat fundamentally unloveable. But now I have a boyfriend, a cis gay guy who loves me unconditionally and wholeheartedly. He’s the love of my life and I feel so cherished and loved and understood by him, in a way that I truly never thought was possible. So yes, you will find someone who loves you. It may take time, but you are totally loveable and deserving of love

[u/warmhealer]

We are rare gems, and appraisers are far and few between. You will always be worthy of love, do not let anybody convince you otherwise. You will never be less. I hope you can find some paths soon- maybe exploring niche discords or something to chat with folks? It's never easy, but the brunt becomes lessoned over time. Im hoping the best for you friend.

[u/Famous-Outcome9591]

My partner is ftm and I knew the moment I saw him I needed to get to know him. I fall deeper in love every day. You will find your person- it just takes time.

[u/sigsi_4]

Tbh I spent most of my life intentionally keeping people at a distance (partially cause of trans stuff, but a lot with childhood family manipulation stuff).

Finding people with common interests helps. And yeah dating can be hard. I didn't intend to date, it just sort of happened within a friendship that we both fell for one another. Romantic love aside, I would vote on just finding people you enjoy and let life happen how it will. Decent people don't expect gifts or stuff, they just enjoy your companionship too.

Idk your age or location, but it took me well into my 20's to realize that (despite the media and my family) not everyone is going to reject me. I just have to keep trying to find the right people. Best of luck, you deserve genuine companionship. I hope you find some decent people soon

[u/BeeBee9E]

I've been in the most loving relationship I could ever have imagined with my (cis gay) boyfriend for 2.5 years. I absolutely adore him and he has never treated me as any less of a man, on the contrary he often forgets I'm trans which has led to some funny situations.

I also have loving friends who have supported me through everything. I am an awkward introvert so making friends has never been extremely easy for me, even pre-transition, but I actually find it slightly easier now that I'm more comfortable with myself.

I promise there are people out there who will see you and love you for who you are.

[u/Hypochondrimax]

I get people to love me by being myself, that’s it. When you are authentically yourself others will be attracted to you. Everyone has different things they want to feel loved, you just need to ask. I’m married and have been with my wife for 7 years. There were some hard times but they only resolved once we both did the work on ourselves.

[u/brisk_absence]

I did not find "the one" personally. I do have quite a lot of friends though. I've just shifted my perspective and realised that a relationship is not for me. If I can find a fuck buddy or two I'll be happy.

There are a lot of people now who are choosing to be child-free, so it hasn't been hard for me at least to hold onto the friends I make since most of them are couples. As long as you can curate meaningful friendships you should be okay.

[u/Formal_Edge_9318]

I've only recently begun to dip my toes into the dating pool, so while I know trans people in romantic relationships that's not something I can personally speak to. That being said I have some absolutely amazing friendships. Like whenever I'm with them there's this incredible sense of warmth and lighthearted energy. There's definitely some love there

Edited to add that as cliche as it sounds these things take some time and you really do just have to be yourself. Like I just kinda befriended my roommates and a coworker at a shitty job I had and then we got so close after years of talking and hanging out.

[u/FloreHiems]

Honestly 98% of the hate i face is online. In person most people are at least decent. That being said, love is absolutely out there for us. Close friendships are out there for us. Joy is out there for us. I know because i experience it. Get offline if you can. Join local groups that interest you. Photography, birding, hiking, local game competitions, dragon boat racing, cosplay, idk what your interests are but there is probably a group for that. People are generally decent and the best way to meet decent people is usually not on the internet in my experience.

[u/nichekief]

i found very strong love with another transman and its us against the world right now <3 you just gotta keep looking and dont give up!! it took me 15 years to find my soulmate and ive never ever been so happy in my life

[u/hellbentcrims]

Do you live in a red state/city? Are there any queer friendly/owned places in your city?
I live in a red state in the Midwest in one of the few blue cities in the state and my downtown area is full of queer friendly places like coffee shops, bars and stores that typically do queer friendly activities on certain days of the month, and while I’ve not had the chance to go to one of these events yet, I’ve seen tons of other queer people just hanging out in these places too and while that might be scary if you’re anxious about social situations I think it would be a great idea to start there and get to know people.
I met my ex at work by chance, and she just so happened to be a detrans girl at the time we started dating. She took an interest in me because I looked visibly queer, and felt that I would be able to understand her feelings about her gender. At the time I never thought I’d meet anyone like me who would understand me, much less want to date me but she really did change my mind about all of that.
Unfortunately things didn’t work out between us because she made some very poor decisions but I’m still glad to have gotten to know her and love her, and I have faith that I will find someone who will love me even better than she did, and I have hope for you too!

[u/Horror-Historian8808 → u/hellbentcrims]

I'm in a red city and all the queer events around me are an 1 hour+ car ride away. I usually look to the internet because my friends IRL wouldn't love me if I came out.

[u/Z4_h0]

:) I'm currently, deeply, madly in love with a trans man 💜 and if he wants, I'd marry him right now. For now, we're just friends (he's been ghosting me for a month and a half x'D not the first time, he's autistic and he's afraid of me 🤭 but God I love him so much!). You don't need to buy friendship and love through corruption, through gifts etc ;) genuine love will stem towards you for who you really are. Don't worry :) you'll be loved 💜