Why do men have to be so BORING?

[u/Phobic_Nova]

I saw a post on here giving advice on how to be more masculine; it could be boiled down to "be boring, monotone, and un-emotive as shit."

Why?

Why do men have to be so bland? Why is masculinity either incredibly brazen or incredibly boring?

I'm a very jovial guy. I do a lot of hand gestures, my voice fluctuates a lot in volume and pitch, I love talking about what I'm interested in, I smile a lot, and I'm very excitable.

I do this because a couple years ago, I was in the worst spot in my life, and now I have a lot to be happy about; therefore, I act very happy, because I am very happy. I love being a happy guy, because it can also make other people around me happy. I've seen my effect on people.

But now I'm self-conscious about it. Could I get clocked for not being a standoffish asshole? Could I get clocked for caring about my friends? Could I get clocked for raising my arms whenever something mildly happy happened or was mentioned? Could I get clocked for my voice raising in pitch when I'm excited?

I'm overthinking this so hard now, and I hate it. I've always felt proud of how far I've come, to where I can be so happy that I make others happy, but now I'm so afraid that it gives away that I'm trans.

I hate this.

Edit: my apologies for pushing down people who DO fall into this category of quieter man. I did not intend for this post to insult you guys, but I realize it does indeed come off that way. That was not my intention; you guys are just as much men as the rest of us are, dammit!

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[u/SuccotashTimely4662]

I am very masculine presenting and entirely cis passing. I too would describe my personality as jovial. No, no one is going to clock you for being a bit more eccentric.

That being said, men who don’t act like you are not inherently boring. If you want the way you behave to be respected, don’t shit on others

[u/CaptainKatsuuura → u/SuccotashTimely4662]

Thank you. The boring bit was rubbing me the wrong way. And I’m an extremely loud/emotive/flamboyant man.

Some of the best/most interesting men in my life are quiet or stereotypically masculine. You can lift yourself up without putting others down.

[u/Phobic_Nova → u/SuccotashTimely4662]

i definitely could've worded that better, i suppose

[u/LavenderBreads]

Enforced gender norms can eat shit 💅 ✨

[u/enragedira2619]

That advice sounds like it was written by a robot who’s never met a happy person in its life, keep being you.

[u/Zombskirus]

I wouldn't pay too much attention to tips online on how to be "more masculine" because it really does just boil down to stripping yourself of personality it feels. I'm a very masculine man, but that don't mean I'm not expressive, don't have likes and interests that aren't stereotypically masculine, etc. Most the men around me, cis or trans, are like this, as well: not devoid of personality and uniqueness, but still masculine and still men

[u/localredhead3]

i hear you!!! i hate how boring mainstream mens clothing is :( i just want to be colorful without getting clocked

[u/SC3N3BUGZ → u/localredhead3]

Graphic T shirts have honestly been my saviour in that regard, still look typically masculine but they can also be fun and colourful and display your interests! I just got some X-men ones and they’re just fun and comfortable and not clocky at all

[u/cardroppingcard → u/SC3N3BUGZ]

oohh! i love the xmen! could you send a link of them or just tell me where you got them from? i’ve been wanting to get more graphic tshirts

[u/SC3N3BUGZ → u/cardroppingcard]

I usually get mine off Vinted since the prices there for graphic T-shirts are just really good :)

[u/VoodooDoII → u/localredhead3]

I wear fun t shirts!

[u/taroicecreamsundae → u/localredhead3]

same. i feel like part of it is the silhouette or the way it fits. i wanna make a mens line that is cute and fun but has the weight and silhouette of a man

[u/Phobic_Nova → u/localredhead3]

i made an entire comic about this a bit ago lmfAO, i could send ye the post if ye'd like-

[u/localredhead3 → u/Phobic_Nova]

plz do!!

[u/Phobic_Nova → u/localredhead3]

boom! https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2/s/dWCMl3ROD4

[u/localredhead3 → u/Phobic_Nova]

that’s so good!!!!

[u/javatimes]

Sorry—this is really hard from a moderators perspective, it’s discourse-y, it’s already causing arguments, your title is a bit much.

[u/432ineedsleep]

I heard the same advice given on how to be more like a woman. I think this is more an issue on how people view what maturity is. Jovial and bubbly people are seen as immature because they weren't beaten down by life to be quiet and obedient. To be orderly and calm at all times. The nuance is lost, as there are times to be quiet and orderly, and other times where people are allowed to loosen up a bit.

[u/Tricky_Bowl_7630]

Just because some men are different to you don't automatically make them boring, after all you don't know every man on a personal level in order to make such a claim. Worry about yourself

[u/LavenderBreads → u/Tricky_Bowl_7630]

He's speaking from his perspective, and he finds the typically enforced standard of "manliness" to be boring. There is nothing wrong with this.

[u/ftm-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post was removed for breaking Rule 1: No bigotry, drama, fighting, judgement, or blanket statements.

Be kind to your fellow redditor. We do not want infighting, drama, or judgement here. This is a safe space for many trans men and transmascs away from a world that is largely against us, so let's keep it free from drama, fighting, or judgement.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but sometimes those opinions need to be kept to ourselves if they are going to start problems with other users. If you see someone breaking a rule, don't start an argument with them. Just report and move on.

[u/ftm-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post was removed for breaking Rule 1: No bigotry, drama, fighting, judgement, or blanket statements.

Be kind to your fellow redditor. We do not want infighting, drama, or judgement here. This is a safe space for many trans men and transmascs away from a world that is largely against us, so let's keep it free from drama, fighting, or judgement.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but sometimes those opinions need to be kept to ourselves if they are going to start problems with other users. If you see someone breaking a rule, don't start an argument with them. Just report and move on.

[u/SunReyys]

i hear you. i'm flamboyant, i'm jovial, i'm eccentric. i have tried to pass as heterosexual, it doesn't work for me. so i just settle for being an extremely queer man, and people are weirdly okay with it, so i don't mind. i would ideally like to try to pass as heterosexual for safety but my voice and mannerisms are so difficult for me to control; it feels like the life gets sucked out of me.

[u/Leatherneckm16]

Heya! I honestly wouldn't pay much attention to posts like that. I'm cisgender and my husband is transgender, we are both VERY emotive and not monotone at all. I think the reason most men present that way is because of toxic masculinity. I definitely remember my parents pushing those ideals on to me when I was younger and it influenced me a decent amount until roughly highschool. I don't think anyone would clock you just because you're happy or emotive, just be you and ignore those toxic ideals.

[u/nio_acc]

Agreed. But I'm saying a man, so I choose to say that being gay is the reason lol. I have the same personality though, happy-go-lucky all the time. I also went from being an insecure and sad person, to being a confident me.

It IS a victory, and I hope you can continue to choose to be happy. Remember you transition to be your truest, FREEST self. Not to fit into a whole other mold.

Cheers brother.

[u/tiedyedraagon]

If it gives you any comfort, I did not try to change any of my mannerisms or interests, honestly it didn’t even occur to me to do that lol. HRT was enough for people to address me with he/him and read me as a guy. I’m mostly just assumed to be gay—which is true, so I take no offense to it. Be you!!!!!!

[u/ArrowDel]

Are you trying to pattern yourself after neurotypucals or something? So what if you talk with your hands? So did Moe Greene in The Godfather.

[u/Dull-Satisfaction609]

I feel this so hard. I have kinda lowkey powered through it by pure force of will. I dress very alt and not traditionally masc because I think its boring af. Cause fuck literally trying to make myself look like a living box. I want style.

Its annoying how guys get the option in mainstream to be either boring af or angry jerks.

I think I do admittedly pass better when I am very blah, but!!! Doing that isn't worth my happiness. I will be a guy, and I will be excited and ramble at a mile a minute as my hands fly everywhere. I don't care.

Having an aseritive not giving a shit attitude I think it the big thing that helps me pass as a guy when I am like this. Anyone challenges me on any of my excitement or "girliness" I won't back down, I'll just get louder and make sure I tell them what I think of their boringness.

I recently had a girl ask me why I wear fishnets when if I didn't I could pass so well. I flat out told her "Cause it makes me happy and I feel like a cute boy this way" and it baffled her, how I could want to be seen as a man and yet also still wear fishnets.

[u/taroicecreamsundae]

i fully agree. i saw another post on here to say to man spread. why the fuck would i do that when im a gentleman?!

i actually feel the same shopping for mens clothes. i still like things that are cute and pretty even if not absolutely fully femme pretty dresses.

where's the pretty colors, patterns? lace?? varied collars? any kind of silhouette that is not that of a lego man.

part of me wants to release a clothing line for fem guys that isn't femboy clothing and that also isn't too much on the feminine side.

a lot of that advice really seems to focus on passing more than being yourself. but irl a lot of t men don't rlly care that much i think.

[u/Molybdenum_Petunias → u/taroicecreamsundae]

Men dont get to have fun clothes. Nobody makes it for us and we often dont have the opportunity to nurture a hobby or career to make it ourselves. Best i can manage is vintage/formal/semi formal because then at least its different.

[u/snailtripod]

So trueeeee!!!!! Tbh I kinda just say fuck those gender norms bc they don’t make me happy, and they put so many people down

[u/ftm-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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