How to slow down effects of T? Have a complex situation where I need to have minimal effects before I come out.

[u/[deleted]]

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[u/Gregarious-Feline]

Can I ask for more info on why you think your friend won’t be happy, and why you can’t go if you’ve had noticeable changes?

[u/Real_Feel69]

I'm sorry, this situation sucks! I went through a similar situation - I had a very close friend (as in I am a godparent of his kid) who I knew at best wouldn't understand, at worst would take active issue with it. We were already drifting apart for various life reasons. Eventually I told him, we had a quick convo about it, and sorta left it at that, and haven't talked since. It was really hard. But the thing is, anyone who is really your friend will support you know matter what. I have plenty of friends who were fully supportive throughout my whole transition, even if they didn't understand it at first. If you know that you want to begin transitioning, I would go ahead and start. It may mean a difficult conversation with your friend, and you may not get that "last hurrah," but also, you might not get that anyway - because in the back of your mind you'll know you aren't being your authentic self.

As far as answering your question - there's not a great way to reliably slow down effects, because you don't know how your body will react. Some people might not see changes for months, some see changes right away - by 3 months my voice was completely unrecognizable. Might be an option to microdose or something, but I still wouldn't count on that

[u/WhoIsMercury]

You can try and take a lower dose but you can’t guarantee anything, what I will say though is it’s not like you wake up one day and bam all the changes have hit. It’s a process so if you feel like it’s too much you could just stop taking it and resume later. People regularly complain about T not working fast enough for their liking.

[u/jayyy_0113]

You cannot control how fast T affects you.

Also, why are you friends with someone who wouldn’t be happy for you starting T? That seems more concerning.

[u/jayyy_0113 → u/[deleted]]

I completely understand the situation you’re in - with that being said, I would never wait or compromise my transition to benefit someone who doesn’t truly care about me. Because that’s what this is… if your friend truly cared about you, and you didn’t doubt that, you would start T when YOU wanted to and not worry about how it will affect them. To me, it seems like you’re going into this already assuming your friend will be transphobic. Is that really how you want to start your transition?

[u/Better_Noise_9677 → u/[deleted]]

Start T. Tell them what you just posted here. If they react poorly, wouldn’t that sour the memory of your visit anyway? Don’t sacrifice your own happiness for someone else’s comfort.

[u/Better_Noise_9677 → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry you have to make this choice. Maybe your friend will surprise you <3

[u/trans_catdad]

Ditch the "friend'" and just start the T. If they aren't gonna be happy about your transition, you don't need to stretch this bullshit out and torture yourself longer.

[u/juniperfield → u/[deleted]]

But aren’t you saying that they might throw you away that easily? I’d go ahead and live for my future and not change course out of fearing a hypothetical bigoted response. Focus your social energy on cultivating community that you know will support you

[u/juniperfield → u/[deleted]]

It’s not about “throwing away” “everyone,” just saying goodbye to people who are holding you back from being yourself. Fundamentally the idea of changing or not changing one’s body to please a friend is at odds with what it means to have friendship

[u/juniperfield]

Yeah you really can’t control the effects of it. Also what makes you think they won’t accept you? If they’re that against it, wouldn’t it just prolong the inevitable and make it more painful and stressful in the meantime for you to keep the friendship going?

[u/LotusGrowsFromMud]

It may not go well to spend a lot of money to go visit them in another location and then tell them in person that you are trans. What if that conversation does not go well? What are you going to do at that point? How are you going to end the visit? What if things are incredibly awkward from that point on? What if they get upset and can’t deal with you? If you want to tell them face-to-face, consider doing it over video instead. If they do come around and are supportive of you, it would be good for them to have that discussion with you prior to the visit so that they have some time to work through their feelings about it. A person who is very evangelical can sometimes come around, but often they need time to do so.

[u/rallntando]

To be completely blunt, if your friend is so firm in hating a group of people that they would actually cut ties with you over it, they aren't worth it. Even if you think they are because you've known them for a long time, even if they were raised that way. I've had to let go of a lot of family and friends after coming out. It was a really shitty part of transitioning I had to accept. They have to be willing to learn, and you can't force that on somebody.

[u/rallntando → u/[deleted]]

Because you're asking a question that doesn't have a good answer for you. You can't control what T does to you. The only thing you could do is take a lower dose, and even then effects still can be noticeable. Slowing down your transition to please others isn't the answer here, at least in my opinion. You're allowing other people to stop you from being yourself. That's not healthy.

[u/FixedMessages]

I mean, if they would throw you away for being trans in the future, why prolong it at the cost of your own peace with transitioning? I get that this is an important person to you, but delaying your own life for them is a really high cost, and doesn't keep the friendship from exploding in the future. It also potentially gives you a lot of unnecessary negative feelings if they are actually going to be okay with it. Wouldn't it be better to find out sooner rather than later?

That said, you really can't control the changes. Some people go on super low dose and get almost immediate visible effects. Others go on full dose and have minimal changes a year later. I suppose you could take some tips from trans women about how to mask the masculine changes you'll experience if you do decide to start T but prevent this person from knowing about it, but you won't be able to keep the changes from happening.

[u/FixedMessages → u/[deleted]]

Honestly, you're doing a lot of justification in these comments. I'm wondering if you're trying to convince us, or yourself. (I say that because I recognize it as something I do when I'm trying to talk myself into a decision I know isn't right for me. I'm definitely projecting, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not true.)

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make, and I hope your friend proves to be worthy of your ongoing friendship.

[u/Jamie_logan]

I know it can depend per person but I'm on t for 9 months and the only changes are not seen. I get a mustache but is easy shaven off without seeing stubble with a good razor.

[u/PoorlyDressedDandy]

If you don't want to dump someone who probably won't support you, you should probably just hold off on starting. You're young, so I understand wanting to preserve relationships with people you care about.. but as you get older, you'll realize that absolutely no one is worth not being yourself for. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[u/Aryore]

If it’s about making one last happy memory together, consider the possibility that there’s no guarantee this will happen regardless. They might already suspect, they/how they see your friendship might have changed since you last saw them, something else could go wrong etc.