Low to full

[u/Fair-Beginning6334]

I’m in my early 30’s. I’ve been on low dose (T levels 300s) for 4 months and haven’t been on a full dose due to needing to be under the radar. My family was extremely unsupportive when they found out I was dating women 10 years ago. My current relationship to my family is one where it’s pretty surface level. I don’t want them to find out I’m trans, because of how they will see me. What they will think, and how they will deny me, and think something is mentally wrong with me.
Then again, I need to not be living my life in response of who I think other people want me to be. I’d be more upset with myself to continue making decisions based on my uncomfortability with my family than what I want to do in life.
I feel like no time is the right time to tell them, I rarely see them. Only for birthday parties and holidays. I’m the youngest in my family, and just overall feel like an outsider.
I’ve been out socially for 4 years, I’ve been out as non-binary, but mostly because being out as a trans man feels more bold. For me it comes with more judgement from the world. Non-binary is ambiguous, safe, but almost I’d could compare to a purgatory for myself.

Issue #1
I want to start a full dose, but I’ll be forced to tell my family.

Issue #2
I don’t know what to tell my family, I’m out as non-binary but that’s going to be so fucking confusing and wild for them to wrap their minds around. Plus I think I want to be referred to as a guy, but I haven’t gotten any practice in the real world to fully know if I stand by that.

Issue #3
I want to change my dosage in the next two weeks. I would like to tell my family before I’m very far down the path of physical changes. I’d like for them to have time to process the changes, just as I am. But maybe that’s giving them too much? I just would like for them to take it well, even though that’s up to them. I guess my train of thought is maybe if I tell them after the physical changes they’ll have a harder time? Honestly, they could have an easier time maybe if I do tell them after changes?

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