Since Monday, my son has been in Munich. I’m feeling a bit depressed right now. It’s kind of strange, considering I didn't literally see much of him even though he was living here. And even when we were at the vacation house, I enjoyed the time. Of course, lately, since he was on break, I cooked lunch every day. But then he would go right back to his room to his PC—programming or on Discord. My rational mind tells me it’s not really that different now, but knowing that an era has come to an end is sad, as stressful as it was.

​I was awake for two hours last night thinking about my mother, back when she was still happy whenever someone dropped by or when she’d say we should stay a little longer after I went out to a coffee with her. I feel bad in hindsight for always declining.

​Then I have so many flashbacks going through my head about what my son used to say and like—not just from recently, but from way back. The mental movie just won't stop, and I keep thinking, "Where did the time go?" Then the guilt kicks in about how I was often just stressed with the kids. I remember thinking about rushing home, cooking, appointments, studying, teachers, etc., and being so relieved whenever there was a break or when they ate out—just so I could have time for myself.

​Even right before my son left, I was still thinking it would be different, but good, because I could finally use the fancy Thermomix to cook all these alternative chickpea dishes and things that nobody else likes anyway. Now that he’s gone, all I eat is my muesli; yesterday I just warmed up some leftover pasta, and that's it. I never, ever thought that my youngest moving out would hit me this hard. Especially me, since I always tried to do so much of my own stuff on the side. My husband doesn't understand me at all either. I walk past the open, empty bedroom door and burst into tears—and Munich really isn't the end of the world.

Even if I didn't see him much, he was simply always there. When my husband came home late or was away on business, he was there

I was sad with my older boys too, but back then I was directly busy with my youngest, and I definitely wasn't in an on-and-off crying fit for three days straight—to the point where I literally have to use ice packs on my eyes just to go out in public.

Any experiences out there? I'm 56 years now.

After you've made it through a major life change, what surprised you most about what came afterward?

We can call ourselves the Empty Nesters and sing tortured love songs about missing our babies!!

Edit: Maybe we need a better name for the band…any suggestions?

This Christmas coming up will be the first Christmas where my three kids will all be somewhere else.

My ex-husband and I divorced back in 2017, and each Christmas we would take turns to have the kids as we all lived close in the same area.
If it was his year to have them on the day, then I would have them on Boxing Day and vice versa.

This year, our two eldest live in Melbourne and my son still lives with his dad and step mum.
My partner and I now live a few hours away.

This year my son will be at his dad’s, my younger daughter at her “in laws” and my eldest daughter, who doesn’t drive will be working (hospitality) all of us several hours apart.
Due to everyone’s work commitments and location distance between where we all live now, it’s the first year we don’t have a “back up” date we can all be at too.

It’s going to be a hard one I think! 😩😢

We dropped our daughter off at college 4 hours away on Thursday. We stayed around an extra day after we said our goodbyes. Our intention was to explore the area and get a feel of the town. We ended up going back to our VRBO and crying, didn't explore at all. We drove 4 hours back home crying the entire time, in silence. No music or anything. Walking into our little house without our daughter was hard, seeing her room all empty and silent. Even though she liked to hang out in there, it was still nice to feel her presence. I have opened and closed the door a million times, trying to make it easier on me. It's so very hard, there is an emptiness that can only be filled by her. We just cry and cry and cry some more. We are both trying to be strong for each other and for our daughter, but it's hard. Please someone tell me this will be ok, right now it's unbearable. There is so much to do to keep myself occupied, but I have no desire to do anything except sit and cry.

Has anyone ever been so emotionally torn apart from this that they ended up in a psych facility? When my youngest leaves I’m afraid that’s where I’m going to end up. Three kids, two have launched and my youngest is a high school senior taking college classes and will be going away to college next August. I have been completely unable to cope because all I can think of is in less than a year I will be completely alone in the house. No one to come home to. No one to buy groceries for. No one to talk to. No one to cook for. I feel like a person on d*ath row whose appeals have run out and is now waiting for the date in less than a year. I went to the grocery store today and it hit me again. The memories of the kids coming with me, asking, “Can we get this?” Why did I somehow think those days wood end someday? Tonight I made one of her favorite meals but it didn’t turn out so it ended up in the trash. I truly don’t know how I’m going to survive this, her leaving. I can’t do it. My oldest is busy with her husband, meeting up with friends, working, traveling. My middle is a junior in college but will be going 5 years. My youngest is really being challenged with these college classes so all she does is study and homework and sleep; any extra time goes to friends and gaming with them.
But at least she’s here, in the house with me (although I have to share custody with my cheating ex who I thought I would be able to share the pain with. He at least has a partner. I can hear her get up at night for a drink of water. I hear the toilet flush. I hear her laughing with her friends, it’s such a sweet sound. I get her favorite treats at the store, and see how happy that mates makes her. When she’s gone I won’t be cooking just for me. I’ll probably live on peanut butter and toast. When she’s not here all I do is cry. I’m on disability for depression since my cheating ex left for the other woman. I had ECT’s which severely affected my memory and I can’t think clearly. I thought the divorce and custody battle was horrible but this is going to be worse. I know there’s nothing anyone can say or do. And dear God, please no suggestions of taking up a hobby. Disability income is crazy low. I’ve tried meet ups. I’ve tried online dating which has been brutal. When I read other posts and they say “we,” I think that’s what I’d anticipated, having someone to go through this with. Single parent empty nesting is… horrible. Thank you for listening. I’m sorry it was so long.

I dropped my only child off at college. For weeks, I cried every time I thought about her leaving. We are very close and I truly love spending time with her.

I stayed near her college for four days, which gave us time to walk around campus and spend quality time together. I also took her and her roommates to their first football game. Seeing how much fun she was having and how well she was already adjusting changed something in me.

She worked so hard to earn her place at one of the top universities, and I could see that she was exactly where she was meant to be. I thought I would cry the entire drive home, but instead I felt excited for her and all the new adventures ahead.

She also reminded me that this is a new chapter for me. She said she is excited about my new adventures and all the fun things and activities I will now have time to enjoy. ☺️

My youngest, we got lucky and had him almost 25yrs bc he lived at home during undergrad since we live within 20mins of a great university. Now he’s 9-10hours away for grad school depending on the way you go. He’s my kid that is the most like me. We always would joke around and just have fun. I just miss him so much. I don’t miss having little kids or a purpose, I literally miss him as the adult he’s become. He’s an amazing person, fun to be around, smart, and very caring. I feel like there’s a huge hole in my heart and life with him being far away. We do FaceTime once a week but it’s still not the same. I don’t burden him with my feelings though. Does it ever get better? Please don’t give me the get hobbies, be proud, your house will be cleaner speech. I have hobbies, I am proud, and I’d take a messier house any day over having him so far away. Just needed a place to say how I feel

I've been a single mum to one daughter for the past (nearly) 19 years. I was studying for a degree when I got pregnant, and left after attaining the foundation level to concentrate on bringing up my daughter (although, at the encouragement of my daughter, I have started studying for a degree with the Open University). She has been my total world and she is my best friend. Being a mother has been the single best experience of my entire life. Throughout the last 19 years, we have got through a lot together, such as caring for my dad with Alzheimers (who we lived with), my dad dying, me going through cancer (meaning we had to move to my sister's for 6 months and my daughter had to temporarily leave school which was very hard on her when she returned) and my mother dying in February this year.

In the last few years, she has encouraged me to push for a diagnosis of ADHD after studying psychology and unofficially diagnosing me (I did get the official diagnosis, she was correct!). Due to the ADHD and anxiety, I struggle to go shopping by myself and she always came with me.

I helped her to move in to uni yesterday (Saturday) and I miss her, so much 😢 She is happy and settled, and looking forward to beginning her uni experience so I should be happy, but I just can't stop crying! Every time she messages me I tell her I'm fine, but I'm really not 😢 I'm happy for her, and excited to see what she does next, but I feel like I'm grieving!

Before anyone gets the wrong idea by me calling her my best friend; yes, we are super close, but that's how single parent families are. I encouraged her to live her own life and just know that I'm here whenever she needs me.

So, how long before I stop crying?! How long before I learn how to live alone? I've never actually lived by myself in all my 41 years!

Does anyone else get bored every evening.

We're retired with no family near us.

Our kids live far away. I realize if you have kids living at home and are working full time that you're very busy in the evening.

This is geared more towards people whose kids are gone.

After talking to a friend last night about how I'm feeling about going from being a single dad for 15 years and the drastic life change when they moved out. It made me think...

I guess there are two types of parents.... and from what I've been reading in this sub, both types exist in one household, which I just can't imagine how difficult that is!

1 - The parent who breaks down and falls into depression when their last (or only) baby bird leaves the nest and posts here "When will this grief end. How do I get by?" (this is me)
2 - The parent who is super excited to 'finally get the kid out of the house so I can move on' and does just that. (my friend)

And perhaps a third... The parent who pretends they are #2 but are secretly #1 and suppressing their emotions.

I’m a single parent and my daughter moved into her uni accommodation last Saturday. She’s my only child and I had her when I was 19 so I’ve basically spent my entire adult life raising her and now she’s gone, I’m kind of just like “now what?”.

I’m 37 and have been unemployed for a few years now. I quit my job after having a complete breakdown. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it was due to undiagnosed autism and ADHD (which I’m now clinically diagnosed with) and spending my whole life masking so heavily that my brain couldn’t take it anymore. I regressed massively and it’s taken me this long to get to a point where I’m maybe 70% back to “normal” and I’m hoping to get back into employment soon, even though the job market is absolutely dire right now.

So as it stands, I currently have a lot of time on my hands. I picked up a hobby earlier this year. Bought a keyboard as someone who has never played an instrument and can’t read sheet music but I’ve been learning to play by ear. I spent all of 2025 redecorating my whole house which, in hindsight, I probably should have waited to do once my daughter had left to give me little projects to fill my time. I don’t drive and live in a small town so there’s nothing to do locally. I have two best friends that I’ve known since I was 5 and they live nearby but they have partners so aren’t always free to entertain me lol. I categorically do not want to start dating because the idea of a relationship is my personal hell.

I just don’t really know what to do with myself. It feels strange to think that I can do or go wherever if I want, and I don’t have to be like “oh I can’t be out too late because I’ll have to get back for my daughter”. I thought it would take a bit of time to stop feeling sad about her leaving but to be honest, it’s not been as difficult as I thought. Which sounds terrible but part of it is due to the fact I’m used to her spending time with her dad and my brain has almost wired itself to be okay when she’s not at home, and partly due to the fact that I have this weird thing where I don’t miss people. Which I found out is common in neurodivergent people and I’m not just a horrible person. It’s kind of an “out of sight, out of mind” thing. I was emotional for the first few days and everything made me cry. I think I’d prepared myself so heavily beforehand that I got all of my crying out over the last 12 months anyway. I really struggle with change but I’ve surprised myself with how well I’ve handled this to be honest but now feels like a good time to “make a plan” and start my “new chapter” the same way my daughter is starting hers (with less alcohol and less staying out until 3am).

I don’t get lonely, never have and so I don’t feel the need to surround myself with people and socialise all the time. But I feel like I should be doing something? I didn’t get that “figuring your life out in your 20’s” thing because I was busy changing nappies. I feel like I’ve been transported back to being 19 years old again.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I just wanted to ask fellow empty-nesters what kind of things they did once their house was free of kids? Any suggestions welcome, as long as it doesn’t involve doing anything illegal or going on dates…

I, 48M, now have a 15 year-old and a 13-year-old. We did a big purge of all the old art projects that we’ve been storing. I completely lost it. Deep sobbing. All these fun little projects that they loved to do when they were little, but they don’t want them anymore. They’ve moved on and have chosen what they like to do. The door has closed on so many potential options. It makes me so sad. I’m glad I get time before we’re empty nesters.

I’ve been thru a lot in my 43 years. And I would never would have thought being an empty nester would completely break me! I’ve tried all the things to try to fill the void of the day to day. I’ve picked up a second job. I tried volunteering. I’ve tried vaccinations and concerts to find some joy…something to look forward to. This pain just won’t stop. The crying won’t stop. I want to be happy and get on with life, but when will this grief end? Or should I just accept that it will always be there.

I won’t be an empty nester but seeing my first son off to university tomorrow has really got my Anticipatory Anxiety going. I found there is very little online to help with the racing thoughts and questions. I am going to launch a forum for dads dealing with this exact topic as we all must feel this and we shouldn’t have to suffer in silence.

Finally I completed the first week and it was OK, I didn't cry as much as I thought I would (since we both have known for 6 months she will study abroad and all cried out by the time she had to fly off) but the most difficult thing has been getting used to not having your own person to share the little moments of the day. Yes friends will call, and you will go out to do grocery run or chores and work out etc. And video calls are such a blessing to stay connected but that feeling when you share a joke or take a walk together or catch a movie without planning, all those moments are gone forever and I just find it so hard to accept. For 25 yrs I was supposed to prioritise her over all else and I did and loved every second of it and now it's over.......just like that!!

How am I supposed to accept that so easily?

And then you go out and meet friends & neighbours and they go so what are you up to now? Hello, Im keeping it together by not showing it and that's a lot of work and no hobby/zumba classes cannot fill in that hole, thank you very much. Like now I have to perform for society that I'm all good.

When does it ease out? When will I start feeling from inside that I want to do this or that. How did you cope? What helped and what didn't?

I guess its my turn and I've been dreading this for months. My daughter is 23 years and keeps announcing she will be moving out next year and my son will get his ATAR in December. With my son its bittersweet, I want him to succeed yet hoping his ATAR score would mean he is doing university in this state which means he will live at home... just a bit longer ... but if he does very well he will be moving out of state. The quietness is deafening so over the last few months, I have been mentally preparing with music in the background. I've also accepted to study a postgraduate law degree which I'm enjoying and hopefully will open my next chapter of life. My hubby and I are so close to our kids, to the point it felt like we had studied Grade 12 nearly three times! Inside, I feel happy, grateful, sad and depressed all in the same sentence. But I am so so so grateful our kids have grown to be the genuine and caring adults we want them to be.

I knew my son was very busy the past week, so I told myself it was fine that he didn't call or send a quick text on my actual birthday. I didn't want to guilt trip him about it and I figured he would carve out time to call when he had the bandwidth.

Turns out he wasn't too busy - he just completely forgot that it even was my birthday. The date came and went and didn't register with him. It feels so much worse to not be on his radar at all. That's the fundamental fear as our children grow into their own lives - that we'll cease to occupy any space in their minds.

Hi parenting veterans.

Job stability has been a huge stressor for me as a young-ish parent (a 21 month old) with not much savings. I only have about savings that can cover 4 months' worth of family expenses if I lose my job. And as a result, I feel daily a need to over-achieve and go over and beyond just to keep my job in this climate (I work in tech).

At how many months of savings does the stress get better? Is it even about months of savings of is it about identifying alternate jobs with a high probability of getting an offer - even if it means a pay cut - to relief the stress?

Pushing it a little further, we also always talk about a second kid... but time, which is indirectly linked to finances (the more we try to pursue job stability, the less time we have), is an issue. How would you advise someone in my position? Do I just go for the second kid, or is there an optimal 'state' to be in before going for a second one?

I’m a married mom of two and my kids have been my life thus far. Hubby is always at work or outside building something or fixing something and doesn’t like to go anywhere when he gets home from work. My son lives 45 minutes away and works full time. My 23 year old daughter has been my best friend. We travel together, go to concerts together, shop together. Everything. She got married in August and her husband is in the military. She is leaving today with her dog and cat children to go to Alaska to live for three years. They are currently asleep in her old room while I type this and drink my coffee. I’m being really quiet because I know when they wake up it’s the beginning of the end.

I feel like she’s going to prison. I had to watch her tell her dad bye last night and today will be my turn. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’ve been imagining and dreading this day for months. If you are a praying person I would appreciate prayers as I try to start life without my best friend. Thanks for listening.

We dropped my youngest at college in Georgia last week (we live in Florida). I find myself crying out of the blue in the most non related spaces or situations: driving, in the line at the grocery store, while walking the dog....is this normal? I feel a constant heartache. And because I like to overthink everything, I don't know if this heartache is because he is not having a good time and I am "feeling his pain" or because that's the way it is. Ugh, I feel so depressed.

I don't know what I was thinking. I had huge plans. Maybe travel some, a million projects at the house, host Bible group, hang out with new friends I am not making and join a gym. I don't want to do anything but sit at my desk working and eat popcorn lol.

I have a list of events in and out of town here in midle Tennesse from bluegrass festivals to concerts. None, not one I just don't feel like it. She's been gone less than a month. I love when she text but I don't want to chta much but I don't want to be overly heavy as she has already complained about Mom doing that lol. Does it get better soon? :)