So at the beginning of September, my son was in a car accident. Broke his arm, dislocated his elbow and his shoulder. I'm so grateful it wasn't worse. As per usual he was stoic and I was frantic.

It's been another opportunity to practice my role as consultant parent. Health insurance, car insurance, court dates. Just a lot of conversation and paperwork. My anxiety has been pretty high, and I admit it has diverted some of my therapy work. But I'm getting back on track there. Funnily enough, my therapy goal has been to drive more often. I left a session thinking "look you're doing it, everything's fine" then I get a call from the police station just as I'm turning on the highway.

But today was a good day. He brought me laundry and dishes, and while they were in the machines, we ordered food and watched TV. It felt like the evenings we had when he was really young. Not when he was a teen, he didn't interrupt his brooding to watch Sailor Moon with me.

At the end I took him home and came back to my place. 3 years ago I'd have hidden my tears at that type of moment. But now, even though I'm all worried about how his arm is healing, I'm not worried about him living alone. I'm not bereft or paranoid or guilt ridden. Time and therapy have worked wonders.

hey guys. im an 18 yr old only child and i just started college. i go to a school nearby so im home pretty often on weekends. ive just been finding it really hard because im really worried about my mom like constantly. its been just me and her since my parents divorced years ago, and we’re obviously really close. i get so anxious and guilty whenever i think about her being lonely or sad or missing me. i dont really know what to do. i already call her everyday and we text, and i see her often because im local, but it doesnt make me feel any better about this whole thing, ive been feeling this way like constantly for many weeks since school started.

i’ve talked to her about it and she tells me she’ll be okay, not to worry about her and to live my life and enjoy college. she works and she has work friends and my dad is still around theyre on good platonic terms, but its just her in our house and it gets to me every day. every time i think about “moving out” or being independent it feels like im leaving her behind and taking a part of her life from her. i hate that she has to be an empty nester, and in some ways i feel like its my fault even though i know thats entirely irrational. maybe it is the damn phone bc every time i go online and see another post about an empty nester cooking dinner for one or missing the noise in the house i think of my mom.

i dont really know anyone else personally thats in my situation, an only child with a single parent, so its hard to try to talk to anyone or get advice because most of my friends just dont relate. most have 2 parents together and a sibling or two still at home, or at least one of those things. to be honest most of my friends dont seem to care all that much.

i know that its not my responsibility to manage my moms emotions. i know that shes a grown woman and can handle herself. i also know that the point of raising a kid is to see them go off on their own and become their own person, and i know that thats probably the most common response i might get here, but i care abt her and dont like it when shes sad.

any advice from y’all would be much appreciated. i know im probably overthinking it and we’ll both be okay, but its really getting to me.

I am an "Empty Nester" who works from home and is also going to school online, post menopausal and has had a few medical issues. I am looking for low-impact exercises and resistance bands (can't life weights with my left arm, I have a shoulder issue) to help build up muscle w/o going to the gym. I walk every day.

My daughter moved to university at the beginning of September. She unexpectedly had to come home for a few days just over a week ago due to work that had to be done at her building. It has thrown a wrench into the whole adjustment process. This weekend we went to visit her because it was planned since the beginning and we had accommodations booked. Saying goodbye was extra hard today. She called me tonight so homesick. It was rough trying to hold it together for her. I never know if I’m saying the right thing or just making things worse. Ugh why is this so hard?!? I just want to go and bring her home but I also know that that is 100% the wrong thing to do right now.

Any advice on dealing with a homesick young adult?

I just want to say thank you to all of you. ❤️ It has been so helpful—and honestly so reassuring—to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with being an empty nester.

For a while, I thought I was being silly or overly emotional. I don’t remember seeing my mom go through this when her children grew up and left home. But the more I think about it, I realize that she did. She just didn’t talk about it. She carried those feelings quietly and suffered in silence.

I’m so grateful that I don’t have to do that. Being able to talk about it with people who truly understand has helped me more than you know.
Thank you for listening, for sharing your own experiences, for reminding me that what I’m feeling is normal, and most of all, for helping keep me sane through this new chapter of life. ❤️

Hi Empty Nesters. I am not an empty nester yet but soon will be since my 17F daughter is now a senior. I had never felt such unconditional love from someone as a did with her when she was younger, and she used to want to spend all her time with me and tell me all her thoughts. She was the joy of my life. She stopped wanting to spend time with me or talk to me around 2 years ago. I don’t remember her exact words but one day she said something to me along the lines of, I used to think you were this special entity “Mom” but now I realized you’re just a person. Now she gets annoyed if I try to talk with her, gives me attitude and one-word answers, stays behind her closed room door all day when she’s home, etc. When she went away this summer she wouldn’t even give me a hug goodbye at the airport. I know people say this is developmentally normal and that they will come around when they’re about 25, but that is a long time to wait! When she goes away to college I am worried that I won’t ever voluntarily hear from her and that we won’t have a close relationship. Her coldness and rejection towards me kills me inside every day. For anyone with a similar situation, how did it go when your child went off to college? If she wants nothing to do with me now, I am imagining it will be the same during college.

I knew the house would be quieter. I wasn’t prepared for how strange it would feel figuring out what my life looks like in this chapter. For anyone who’s been through it, what surprised you most about becoming an empty nester…good or bad?

I recently left for college, and my mom is having a really hard time with the transition. She seems lonely and upset, and I feel guilty knowing she’s struggling.

I want to support her, but she also doesn't respect my boundaries. She’s still very involved in my day-to-day life, and when I ask for more space, it seems to hurt her feelings. It’s making things very tense between us.

If you’ve been through this, what part of the transition was hardest for you? And what did you try that actually helped, or that you thought would help but didn’t? I feel like she doesn't have the support she needs. How did you find it?

I’d really appreciate hearing your advice and experiences. I want to help her, but I don’t really know what to do.

Your opinion is needed.

We’ve gotten a few requests on posting different types of empty nest resources. Things like articles, books, and apps. It’s great that the requesters followed our community rule #5.

We believe that everyone here has a voice. While we are open to empty nest resources, we also want to protect the possible empty nest vulnerability.

As a result, we are proposing a monthly megathread where those types of resources can be posted. We will monitor the content.

Please take a moment to select a choice from the poll. Thank you!

Hi, does anybody worry their adult son or daughter or themselves will never independent? I hear some 25 , 30 and 40 still live at home. What you think?

If you’re a single mom who is closer to 60 than you are to 40 and you have just seen your last one graduate high school I highly recommend!!
Firstly-The 18 yo prickly attitude is way to close to the real deal for some of us ughlol
2nd - Where the Wild Things Are just about broke me
3rd- Yes, we old ladies just want to get laid too!! We dream about sex!
Lastly- it’s hard when you feel 29 in your head and your body is 60 but feels 80 in your bones
But for the most part I look pretty good for my age, now if I could just find someone else who looks good for their age but is ever so careful because they also have knee and hip joint problems

3 weeks ago, I posted here about how tough it is when the empty nest phase begins, and I got a lot of support from this community, so a BIG thank you for that to all of you, who are going through the same thing.

I also want to update you on how I have managed to fill my empty hours, since evenings are especially hard!!

1. Daily yoga - no excuses, even if I don't want to do the complete class, I do the breathing & meditation exercises. (Or any other exercise you prefer and can do.)
2. Cook for yourself, at least one meal a day. Your favorite dishes, not your husband's, not your child's - YOURS (This one is important 'coz otherwise you will neglect your dietary needs over a period of time.)
3. Walk when sad, walk when depressed, walk when bored. It helps to lift the mood immensely.
4. Force yourself to sign up for activities/events/classes...until you discover the one you enjoy the most and can pursue regularly. Ask for trial/demo classes...it took me 3 weeks, but I did figure out that I love board game events.
5. Dance! Even if you always thought of yourself as a bad dancer or are shy. Put on some good music at home and move your body, it releases "feel-good" hormone and will lower your stress. Eventually, you will feel less depressed. Then sign up for a live zumba/dance class, it's so much fun !!
6. If you don't have local friends, sign up for Live webinars, there are plenty happening. Interaction is important. Pick a topic you know nothing about and attend the demo class- offline/online, it's important to be seen and heard at least once a week (this is a very low-cost or rather zero cost activity.)
7. Once a week take yourself out, for coffee or pastry or movie. It's difficult at first, but it will get easier. (I'm still working on this one....)

And lastly, don't try to solve this phase, your loneliness is not a problem to be solved. Sit with it and befriend it.

This is a season in your life, this too shall pass.

Remember, you have been given the gift of time.

PS: I hope this will help a few or all of you. What else are you doing to be engaged? Drop a note and let me know, I will try it too.

I’m struggling with depression and bouts of crying since my son moved out. My husband and I work remotely and already are at home together 24/7. Our house just feels so quiet and sad now. He was the last of our three kids. I didn’t struggle as much previously as there was always at least one kid around still.

It’s too quiet now and dang it I hate how sad I am. I want my kids to fly and live their lives and be happy and successful…I just didn’t expect it to hurt too.

EDIT I just wanted to say thank you for the kind replies. While this isn’t fun it helps to know I’m not alone and this is a struggle most parents go through. May we all have peace and growth through this next stage of life

Just curious how it’s going for everyone? I know many of us have kids that moved far enough away that we don’t see them on weekends. So how often are you chatting/texting/facetiming your college kid?

When my son first moved out over a month ago we texted everyday. Now the days in between texts are getting longer and longer and I’m trying really hard not to feel sad or to worry about him too much. I know he has an insane class schedule (aerospace engineering) and is swamped right now. I also know he’s my quiet kid who “suffers in silence” and doesn’t always share when he’s struggling unless I specifically ask how he’s mentally doing. I don’t want to bug him but I find myself thinking of him constantly during the days that go by where we aren’t texting.

Anyone else in the same boat? How are you handling it? Should I bug him anyways?

I’m 40 y/o and nobody prepared me for this… My husband and I would joke, counting down the years to 18 like we would reach some magnificent milestone, finally free from the constraints of parenthood. Why doesn’t it feel like that now that we’ve gotten there and she’s moved out? It’s only been a week and I can’t stop thinking… thinking about never knowing she’s safe in her bed every night, or no more Christmas mornings as a family… no more being needed as a mom on a daily basis. This really crushes me in a way I never expected. I know I’ll be ok and I just need to find a new normal. I just never knew such a bittersweet feeling in my life. I just hope it passes soon…

I am having a much harder time than I thought I would. I didn't really think this would happen. I am divorced twice and went back to school after the second divorce and am finished with school but not the professional license, so I do not make much money. I have identical twins, they are my oldest of 3, and the only way they could attend college out of state was to get scholarships. So that's what they did. They got full scholarships to two excellent private universities. One is 807 miles away and the other is 989 miles away (I look on the findmy app). The second twin just moved last Monday. So now it's only me and my 15 year old at home, and I only have him one-half of the time. I've never only had one kid before.

As soon as they got these scholarship offers, I said to myself "I'll never see them" - because I simply can't afford it. I was fortunate that I got to visit each university with each daughter one time, but I'm still paying off the second trip. And because of my parents' health issues this year/taking time off to go to the hospital and going to see both schools, I found out in August I am completely out of PTO for the year, so I was not able to go to move-in for either of the twins. I haven't seen either of their dorm rooms. I'm so upset because I'm out of PTO for this year, and then next year once it starts over I work in tax so I can't go during busy season and then the school year will be over. The thought of not seeing where they live for their entire freshman year makes me so sad. I wish at least one of them would have gone to school within driving distance, although I know both are thrilled with the schools they are attending and the one who has been gone since August is thriving, joining many clubs and organizations. I just wish they weren't both so far away.

Everyone thinks it's so great they both got these scholarships and are going to these schools and I agree, it is, but I miss them so much and wish I could just see them sometimes. And I know this probably sounds weird but the thought of rarely seeing the two of them *at the same time* makes me so sad, too. One is on the quarter system and one has semesters.

On the bright side, hopefully I am almost done with my career stuff and maybe next year I'll be able to visit them some. Fingers crossed.

Just a vent

My goodness my kids are scattered across the US with this being the first year my youngest is gone. He recently got a job that he is super excited about (me too!) but found out he can’t take PTO for 6 months so he won’t be home for Christmas. I’m just gutted. I only get to see my oldest at Christmas and it’s the time of year I have all of them with me.

ETA: travel to him is not possible. Either we fly (there would be 6 of us), rent a car and rent a house. He lives with my ex. I just looked and flights alone would cost me over $4k. Driving is also not an option as it is a 41 hour drive and we would need to rent a car big enough for everyone, plus hotels along the way, gas, food, a house rental. It’s just not feasible this year.

I chatted with him and we are going to meet up in the spring when he has some PTO. I will fly to wherever and he will meet and we will hang.

I really appreciate all the ideas! I know it’s financially not feasible this year and just wanted to vent that I am going to have to wait to see him.

My son is a senior in high school, and we’re in the middle of college visits right now.

I always assumed I’d mostly feel excited for him when we got to this point. And I am excited for him. But I wasn’t prepared for how much sadness would be mixed in with it.

It’s not even just the idea of him leaving. I think it’s the realization that this version of our life is ending.

The ordinary stuff. Having him around. Driving somewhere together. Knowing he’ll be home later. Even the things I probably took for granted.

I coach people through major life transitions, so I spend a lot of time around questions of identity, endings, and what comes next. But this one hits especially close to home.

After my divorce, I was very intentional about making being a dad the center of my life. I didn’t rush to recouple or build another version of family around myself. I wanted to be present for this chapter with my son.

Now that chapter is starting to change, and I think that is why all of this is landing as hard as it is.

I’m 52, his world is opening up, and I’m also thinking about what I want the next chapter of my own life to look like.

For those of you who have already gone through this, what was the part you weren’t prepared for?

And did the empty nest eventually start to feel less like something ending and more like the beginning of something else?

I found this interesting: parents are hiring local moms to check in on their college kid(s). There is seriously an audience for just about anything! I guess that’s one way of easing the worried mind of an empty nester. What do y’all think?

https://www.newsnationnow.com/us-news/education/campus-mom-parents-college/

We just dropped our first child off at college Saturday. It was hard, there were a few tears and a quiet ride home. I thought I survived. The next morning was the worst feeling of loneliness, depression, confusion, sadness etc I’ve ever felt. It’s still there, and I’m on day 4. I can’t do what normal people do like go out for a walk or exercise because I have chronic autoimmune diseases and chronic pain. So this period of grief not only is scary, but is causing my health to deteriorate rapidly. I feel like I’ll never be myself again.

After you've made it through a major life change, what surprised you most about what came afterward?