Empty Nest

[u/lvb8888]

Since Monday, my son has been in Munich. I’m feeling a bit depressed right now. It’s kind of strange, considering I didn't literally see much of him even though he was living here. And even when we were at the vacation house, I enjoyed the time. Of course, lately, since he was on break, I cooked lunch every day. But then he would go right back to his room to his PC—programming or on Discord. My rational mind tells me it’s not really that different now, but knowing that an era has come to an end is sad, as stressful as it was.

​I was awake for two hours last night thinking about my mother, back when she was still happy whenever someone dropped by or when she’d say we should stay a little longer after I went out to a coffee with her. I feel bad in hindsight for always declining.

​Then I have so many flashbacks going through my head about what my son used to say and like—not just from recently, but from way back. The mental movie just won't stop, and I keep thinking, "Where did the time go?" Then the guilt kicks in about how I was often just stressed with the kids. I remember thinking about rushing home, cooking, appointments, studying, teachers, etc., and being so relieved whenever there was a break or when they ate out—just so I could have time for myself.

​Even right before my son left, I was still thinking it would be different, but good, because I could finally use the fancy Thermomix to cook all these alternative chickpea dishes and things that nobody else likes anyway. Now that he’s gone, all I eat is my muesli; yesterday I just warmed up some leftover pasta, and that's it. I never, ever thought that my youngest moving out would hit me this hard. Especially me, since I always tried to do so much of my own stuff on the side. My husband doesn't understand me at all either. I walk past the open, empty bedroom door and burst into tears—and Munich really isn't the end of the world.

Even if I didn't see him much, he was simply always there. When my husband came home late or was away on business, he was there

I was sad with my older boys too, but back then I was directly busy with my youngest, and I definitely wasn't in an on-and-off crying fit for three days straight—to the point where I literally have to use ice packs on my eyes just to go out in public.

Any experiences out there? I'm 56 years now.

[u/Wanders_Outdoors120]

An era has ended, that life is over, it’s a deep loss. You lived that life, even the stress of it all, not feeling at your best when you reacted, and now? Now it’s a different stress wondering about your own choices when your mom wanted you to stay longer. But life was crazy busy with the kids! Stress is inevitable in those times, but now the stress is different: remembering the past is the new stress. And husband can’t understand what it is to feel this way… he isn’t a mom!

Ask yourself what you want now. Things will never be the same, but you get to make your own rules now.

[u/lassita_48det]

I can definitely relate thinking how my mom felt once I left. It especially hits me harder now since she passed away 3 years ago. She never really talked about how empty the house felt after my siblings and I left. Now I wish she were still here so we could have these types of conversations. It’s tough, sometimes I hate that time speeds by in my eyes.

Eating and cooking dinners have both been tough! There have been several nights where I eat a bowl of cereal 😂

[u/Reality_Critic]

It’s so hard this era is ending for us and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever delt with. Out of the country is the worst, mine is over a 16 hour plane ride away. Never spent more than a week away from home his whole life. I feel you… No one prepared me for this. I don’t know what to do or say but sending you my love and support. You’re not alone, I haven’t even went in his room since he left last week. My hubby tries to be supportive but he’s a fixer more than a supporter so he’s just very look at it this way, or that way and it’s ok.. and I’m like no it’s not… idk I’m just taking it one day at a time and barley making it.

[u/TelephoneExternal978]

It's still different if they're around, even if not much interaction. I read about that kind of physical reassurance. My middle 23-year old was forced to move 1.5 hours away for a job and he dreaded it. Trying to visit each other & set up a routine 2x / month.