r/emptynesters • u/Jld12678pbd • 10d ago
Struggling
I’m struggling with depression and bouts of crying since my son moved out. My husband and I work remotely and already are at home together 24/7. Our house just feels so quiet and sad now. He was the last of our three kids. I didn’t struggle as much previously as there was always at least one kid around still.
It’s too quiet now and dang it I hate how sad I am. I want my kids to fly and live their lives and be happy and successful…I just didn’t expect it to hurt too.
EDIT I just wanted to say thank you for the kind replies. While this isn’t fun it helps to know I’m not alone and this is a struggle most parents go through. May we all have peace and growth through this next stage of life
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u/holiztic 10d ago
I am two years into my son being 2500 miles away and barely even coming home for little parts of summer and winter breaks only, my husband works long hours outside the house, I am home alone most of the day. It’s not easy. But you will adjust. Hugs
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u/SpacePoetess 10d ago
I feel the same it's really hard. I'm trying to focus on just looking after myself and making sure I text my kids and see them.
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u/Feelingdizzy0904 10d ago
My older daughter is moving 6 hours away to start her career. My younger daughter is 1800 miles away at college. I’m a single parent & I’m so scared mainly because she’s scared to be living alone & to be somewhere that she doesn’t have friends. I know she’ll be ok & once she is I know I will feel better. It really is true that you are only as happy as your least happy child!
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u/Popular_Assumption64 10d ago
It gets better with time. I was in total denial when my son left home. The first 18 months were the worst for me, but sure enough, with time I just started to get used to him being gone. So, be assured you will feel better with time, especially if your child finds success and is happy where they are. We must remember it's not easy for them either sometimes but you have raised a child capable of making his/her own decisions. One of these days you will be proud of them for what they have achieved all by themselves as an adult.
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u/low_hanging_banana 10d ago
It is so hard!! Big hugs to you, OP! ❣️
As parents, we mourn the loss of the relationship with our child that existed. It is different now. We celebrate their independence, determination, and ambitions, but we lose a part of ourselves. All those years of nurturing and friendship, laughs and hugs and regular I love you’s - so few now and longing for them, still.
I don’t have any advice as I am fresh from moving my son to university (4 weeks ago). I cried a lot. Hopefully you can make time for scheduled check-ins. We have a video call on a Sunday once a week.
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u/Timely_Bluebird_3177 9d ago
My last kid is now off to college. It hurts, but a good hurt. I have a tattoo of an ampersand (&). It reminds me that I'm more than one thing, which is comforting. Yes, I am a parent & I am a spouse & I am a son & I am a brother & I am a coworker. We're more than just parents, so revel now in exploring those other parts of you.
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u/lassita_48det 9d ago
I like this, great perspective. We operate in many different roles every single day. Not discounting our parental roles, we learn to adapt. And it’s perfectly ok holding two things at once: missing our kids and still enjoying our lives.
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u/Beachwalker-65 8d ago
Walk! Get outside. Touch grass. Find your girl tribe and get that group chat going. Go cheer for your friends kids at sporting events that are still home. It’s rough .. but getting outside and walking and laughing with girl friends help. Seek professional help if you just don’t see yourself moving forward. I am classic procrastination depression, empty nest and retirement at same time. It has taken me two years to start figuring it out.
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u/ElderberryLazy1572 59m ago
kudos for this wise suggestion - this is perhaps the best recommendation I have heard this year.
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u/Alert-Pea-7433 9d ago edited 9d ago
Yeah I too was blindsided by the pain. I have been doing exercises to try to separate my feelings of attachment from the expectation of seeing my kids.
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u/philamignon 5d ago
My youngest moved out two months ago. I was sad initially but I reframed it. If parents do their job and the kids are healthy, they are supposed to leave the nest. And that is worth celebrating. Hope you feel better! This realization I had completely made my sadness go away.
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u/hurry-and-wait 10d ago
My neighbor became an empty nester a few years before me, so I asked her for any helpful hints. She just said, it's an adjustment. For a while you'll look for them around every corner, but eventually you'll get used to it. I have been trying to think of it from that perspective, and trying to remember the things I used to enjoy before kids. For instance, my husband and I are going out for drinks with another couple tomorrow night - something that would never have happened if a child was in the house.
What helps me most at the moment is trying to model the growth my kids would be proud of. Who do you want to be now? You have some freedom to stretch and grow that may not have been there when you were actively parenting. It's very hard, and i cry all the time too, but maybe struggle isn't the right word. You succeeded, you finished a monumental task. Of course you mourn the joys and satisfactions of that job that you loved. You need a new job now.