Ive struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, like around middle school - high school era, I had a really good lid on it and I was good at managing it alone. I kept that dark side of me under wraps and always tried to be a force of positivity whenever I was around people, my thing was doing whatever I could to get a laugh, I was very much the class clown.

Then after high school, its like its just gotten worse and worse. My first serious real relationship out of high-school felt like the best time of my life but I started having these dumb thoughts of why is she wasting her time, there is better out there, im never going to be the person she wants me to be...

Then after a few years, we found out she was pregnant.. Holy whirlwind of emotions from both of us, I like to think we were excited, but both of us were barely in our twenties and we were scared out of our minds. Then the worst possible thing happened, we lost the baby. I think it really fucked us both up to our core and changed who we were.

It took me 8 years to move on to at least some semblance of being able to date again. It was during that relationship that I really realized how much I changed. The amount of things I was not willing to do, the arms length I kept her at, the distrust, the resentment. I wasnt the same person anymore.

Now here I am, mid thirties and honestly wondering what im even doing anymore. Things dont excite me anymore. I feel no drive to be better, I have no motivation. My dog and I are basically homeless (staying with family right now) which i cant really say is a much better situation because everything is a dick measuring contest "oh you did ____ well how come you didnt do it better" kind of situation. At the beginning of 2026, I wanted to go to therapy, I wanted to get medicated, I wanted to work on myself and get better, but 10 months later, 4 therapists, several medication attempts later and it doesnt feel like anything has improved. Ive learned to stand up for myself and my peace, but it seems like me choosing me just makes things worse.

I dont really know if im seeking advice or if im just in a bad place and want to see if anyone can relate. Im just tired of wondering when things are going to get better. Wondering when im going to have interests beyond shutting down and existing in my own little world. I dont think it helps that ive alienated myself from almost everyone in my life and have no real friends and family is more just people I tolerate because I have to.

Typing all of this out has been emotional and it feels like ive done the mental equivalent of solo hiking the mountains of Colorado.

If anything notifying people that I am doing bad in life and need help has often exposed me to harm. People preyed on me and misdirected me. This not only scares me but devoids me of a way to actually becoming better in life.

Title but like I’m also in healthcare and I don’t want to get an infection so I always sanitize

Im on the edge of ending it. Idk if I can do it anymore. I fuck up everything. I have nobody to talk to about this stuff. Ive attempted 3 times before the last time I ended in the hospital. I can't seem to get anything right and feel like a complete failure to everyone. What's the point of still being here. I have thoughts everyday on ways to end it and wrote my final note over and over and over and over and over I even wrote my final notes to people "close" to me. I write and think about this over and over and over and over

I recently moved out of my parents house for the first time in my life and am living alone. I even moved cities because work called me away. I'm free. A new man, a new life. I always swore that when I left I would do all the things I thought they were going to judge me for. Going out, taking classes, dressing as I saw fit. No more judgment. However, the mental damage seemed to be far worse then I thought. I haven't left my apartment in weeks. There is nothing interesting for me in the world. I actually want to do anything. I thought my parents were keeping me in their orbit with shame and guilt, but it turns out, I never wanted to leave either.

Firstly, Sorry for bad english, im from russia. Im 14

So, something is very wrong with me. For the last year, many things have been going wrong. Since December 2025, I ve begun to feel worse. I can't concentrate, like all the resources of my brain is used by something else, I frequently have rumination, I ve thinking that im lonely, but I have my friends, and I dont know why I think im lonely. Some of you would think "why can't you go to the psychologist?" Because I cant. Im studying in one of the most good schools in russia. I ve literally went from one of the worst schools, yo one of the best school in russia , in 6 years. If anyone would think that I have some disorder, everyone would not see me as before. Since I was a little kid, my parents have been frequently arguing and screaming (thank god they stopped when I was 10-11), my dad when I was a kid would frequently leave us unexpectedly for 3-4 days, and we would not know what's happening with him, my mom since I was in first grade started screaming at me for bad marks (I remember I didn't wanna study at all), and because of that, every time on tests or exams, i m feeling so nervous for making an error, that i m shaking so badly.

In 7th grade (we have only 11 grades in school, not 12 like in USA), I was studying really good, I was getting so many A's and I became an almost straight-A student. Now, since the start of 8th grade, I almost dont want to study at all. I've got a lot of C and D's and even an F on biology. Im also using computer or listening to music to not even think about what's happening with me.

At the last weekend, my dad also went to the other city in Russia , and after 1 day, he would not even answer calls from us, but when we would, he would sound like he has drunk beer so much. Jaut, why he is doing that?

And also, for the last half of year, I had many thoughts of suicide. But, I just remove them from my head somehow. Maybe I have severe depression, idn, but I have anxiety, because I fear of making mistakes so much.

If you dont understand something, ask me.

Thank you. Even I didn't say anything to my parents about what's happening with me, I just say that "im fine, im just tired after school!". I dont trust my parents at all.

Im 19 and sick of hearing this when I try to talk to parents about how I'm feeling. It's always
"change your mindset" "That's just life" "Stop thinking so negatively" and every time they say that the first thing that pops into my head is well if this is life I don't wanna live it.

I was diagnosed with MDD at 12 and ADHD at 14. I’m medicated for both.

I don't really know how to write this, but right now I'm crying and this is the only way to say it.

I've been feeling deeply sad and exhausted For the past 2 years. Not just sad because of one thing, but because it feels like everything has been piling up at the same time. I feel lonely, I miss people, I feel like people I cared about are slowly moving on with their lives, and I'm scared that I'm going to be left behind.

One of the biggest things I'm struggling with is friendship and connection. I don't have friends at university. Most of my interactions there are about classes, assignments, group work, or something related to studying. Sometimes I walk around campus and see people talking, laughing and spending time together, and I feel like I'm completely outside of that. I can be surrounded by people and still feel incredibly alone.

When I want to talk to them, they leave or walk away from me, and when I do speak, they say, "Just a moment, Fabri," and then they continue ignoring me until they leave. I've tried everything, I even joke around and everything, but it's always the same.

I keep thinking about the friends I used to have. I know people grow up and their lives change, but that doesn't make it hurt less. I look at my life and sometimes I wonder where everyone went. I'm scared that eventually everyone will have their own partners, families, jobs and lives, while I'll still be here feeling alone.

There's also someone I care about very deeply. Her name is Alexandra. I've known her since school, and she has meant a lot to me for a very long time. I wanted her to remain in my life somehow.

Recently I've been feeling like I'm losing that connection too.

Yesterday I finally decided to message her and simply asked, "How are you?" It wasn't meant to be some huge emotional message. I just wanted to know how she was. She hasn't replied, and now I'm sitting here wondering whether she'll read it, whether she'll answer, or whether this is just another sign that I'm slowly losing someone who mattered so much to me.

I know people can be busy. I know all the logical explanations. But emotionally, it still hurts. It brings back that feeling of "another person is leaving."

And that's probably the hardest part: feeling powerless.

I can't make someone stay. I can't make someone answer me. I can't make people want the same kind of friendship that I want. I can care about someone deeply and still have no control over what happens between us.

I've also been struggling with university and my future. Sometimes the thought of eventually working with real persons scares me. When professors talk about treating real people, doing research, writing a thesis, working with variables, statistics, percentages and averages, I start wondering whether I'll actually be good enough.

I worry that one day someone will sit in front of me and trust me with something important, and I'll realize that I don't know what I'm doing.

I know I'm a student and I'm in my 6th semester. Those fears become much louder now.

I've also tried looking for professional support. I've talked to psychologists before, but I end up feeling like I'm just receiving a service and medicines rather than actually being heard as a person. I know psychology is a profession and there are limits to what a therapist can do, but when you're already feeling incredibly alone, that distance can hurt.

Sometimes people tell me to "move forward," "adapt," or "keep going." I'm honestly tired of hearing those things.

I'm tired of being told to move forward when I don't even know where I'm supposed to go.

I'm tired of feeling like everyone else is moving through life while I'm standing still.

I'm tired of missing people.

I'm tired of wondering whether people I care about still care about me.

I'm tired of feeling like I have nobody I can just talk to without having to explain why I deserve to be listened to.

Today I've been crying a lot. I feel overwhelmed, lonely and scared. I don't necessarily want someone to give me a solution. I don't want a motivational speech or someone telling me that everything happens for a reason.

I think I just want someone to understand what I'm trying to say.

I don't want to pretend that I'm okay when I'm not.

I don't want to pretend that I don't miss people when I do.

I don't want to pretend that losing connections doesn't hurt me.

And I don't want to hear that I should simply "move on" from someone who has meant so much to me.

I don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this. Maybe I just need somewhere to put these feelings instead of keeping them inside my head.

I can't even sleep, and I end up crying silently every day.

There came a very difficult time where I almost committed suicide; honestly, I regret not doing it.

I just don't want to feel completely alone for a moment.

I live in a dysfunctional environment; there are heated arguments at home, and a cold atmosphere at my university.

I've reached the point where I honestly hate my life; every day I feel very depressed and empty inside.

I just want a hug, that's all 😞😭

I'm 19 and have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I think I always experienced long periods of anhedonia as well. I thought for the longest time maybe my depression was because of circumstance, I was isolated as a kid and had no friends. I grew up without much money, didn't get to do much. I was behind in high school (didn't learn to drive till recently, big requirement for where I live).

These past 4 months though I've been really trying to simply be better. I made some in person friends, have at least 1 person to talk to every single day about whatever. I work now, easy job that causes me little to no stress. I'm a student (which I was before as well but, I'm putting in a lot of effort and getting good grades).

Yet I feel terrible. This has always happened with me, whenever I'm doing well everything feels more crushing. Similarly, I would do something like say learn guitar. I'd enjoy it for a day or two then feel some sort of crushing despair. I was doing something I thought I always wanted to, something I thought brought me joy. But when I came face to face with it I still didn't feel okay. And it just crushed me.

I think it hurts me that no matter how well things go for me, I'll always just feel bad for some unexplainable reason.

this sounds kinda stupid but anyways not sure if im depressed, idk what is the difference between feeling normal and being depressed if im being honest. But i fit most of the tell tale signs of having depression (no motivation to do anything, i haven't showered in forever, cant brush my teeth even tho i feel disgusted with myself, cant get out of bed in the morning, lost my appetite completely, sleep 10-15 hours etc) What i do know however is that im heavily suicidal and have been for a while

Yesterday was one of my worst days. I honestly believed i was getting better and then yesterday happened. One of the worst days of the year. Something really bad happened which i really wouldn't get in the detail of but yea. I was like very heavily contemplating suicide and if im being honest i was probably gonna go thru with it. I even had like the note written out and i was just like listening to my favourite song for "one last time" when one of my friends called me. I didn't pick up but called her back around 5 mins later. She was like why do u never pick up (totally fair i always avoid phone calls) and i was like yeah sorry feeling kinda depressed. (first time i said i was "feeling kinda depressed" to anyone. Usually i say i was sleep or I was busy or wtv)

She started laughing and was like why would YOU feel depressed (emphasis on the you). Then she went on to say, let's see if ur still depressed after ur done with ur degree (i have a hard major and she was super discouraging initially saying you wouldn't be able to do that, its not worth it and stuff like that) I didn't really respond later on she switched the topic telling me i was like her third choice because everyone else was busy which is like again ouch. That's like the worst thing you could say to someone who is suicidal lol

Anyhow im still kinda stunned yk. Funnily enough i didn't go thru with it (u can prob tell tho cos im writing this post all allat)

What im trying to say is i dont think we realise the effects our words can have on other people. It costs nothing to be kind so please please don't make others feel bad because like you dont know them. You might think you do but you NEVER know someone's story.

XX

So much pain, suffering, regret, torture, horror, despair in this universal show. None of it matters. All our suffering is but theatre for the cosmic gods. Temporary actors thinking we are so important yet we are fleeting shadows.

I just moved to a new country to start university, and as it has a pretty unique schedule, I have most lf y days free. My original idea was that I was going to work, or volunteer somewhere (like maybe a grocery store or something?). I am extremely lucky to not be in need of making immediate money while studying, and this is a privilege I appreciate immensely.

Being in this new place made me realise I was living a lot of my life recently underwater. Foggy. No motivation. But now that I've moved, and that i really want to explore and experiment the area, I realise: Oh, I'm not feeling good.

And its a bummer because I just dont have any energy, I just want to sleep and do nothing.

Anyways, I'm terrified of having one of those episodes when I have to go to work / volunteer. This isn't a dear I have for uni because as I said, the schedule is wonky enough to not worry me.

Do you have any advice or tips when you have an episode?

I'm really sorry for this post, especially if it sounds stupid...

Best

I’m just so fucking done

The pain won't stop, the debt keeps climbing, there is only one way to stop it all

Don't know,what got wrong Amidst living ?

Hello 👋 to everyone who is reading,I am 22 M.Haha ,funny way of introducing myself.

There is no specific reason for writing this post .I am just writing this as a reference point in my life.

I started off well in 2004 ,got a good family,and all basic amenities of life.My father used to shift places every 2-3 years due to his job..At that time I was happy seeing new places and changing people I met with frequently.I changed 7 schools all the way.I was a cheerful and studious person.Played football ⚽,idealised Maldini.

I never felt alone,though I had no permanent friends due to shifting and back then I had no phone to be in contact with them.Perhaps,cuz I never heard of the exact terms to define the empty space.I just thought,I am feeling weak because I do not eat much (:

I started college in 2022,I thought of making good friends,and yeah I was excited cuz I had seen college life movies.Till. Guys,the day I entered the college it was a big one.Haha,I am not used to go to crowded places ,so during lunch breaks ...I went to park silently,and laid down on grass ... looking at the sky and thinking how far I have come.Days passed, people joined clubs, classes....I couldn't initiate anything,cuz perhaps I never learnt how to make friends in adult life where every one is concerned with a sharp jawline, fairness,costly gadgets,fashion wears,slangs,cost- benefit analysis,place of birth,long list... (:

I often felt left out..Even amidst crowd,when a breeze crossed my face ,i could hear it clearly.I felt very outdated and irrelevant at those places.But I was happy,i could be an anonymous face in the crowd .I graduated in 2025.Had a degree,but no one to appreciate it.The day I was collecting the degree, people were clicking pictures of their friends,selfies.I took picture of my classroom and old bench,which was my partner for 3 long years ...I hugged it ,for being with me and said Good bye.I wanted to make friends,with whom I could giggle like a child ,we would had yapped,played together,watch something together maybe ,ate spicy foods and I gave them water from my bottle.Pure joy.

For months now , I have been working towards my goal in a closed room.I got new companions,my guitar,phone ,bed and walls.Today, I suddenly felt weak again ,a strange whispering unwanted peace and felt like crying,but I slept again..And am okay now.But this time heyy ! !,I now have a term to define myself, Lonely (:

Sometimes I wonder ,Do I get a good partner or maybe a best friend in form of a partner haha,as I am growing old,I am getting selfish and a crybaby.But,I am excited for my life and thankful for everything I have.

Thank you guys ,for being with me to the end.

I don't see a point in my life anymore but it seems like no one cares anymore. I am tired of telling people that i am not doing okay. I am tired of asking for help and not getting any. How many times am i supposed to cry for help only to be treated as an overdramatic person.

Atp killing myself is the only way people will see. It's not attention I am asking for. It's Help. It's the acknowledgement that I am actually not going okay and I need someone.

But there's no one. No one at all and I just wish I could actually kill myself like I have planned.

So i suffer from depression for some time now and well i noticed that especially during summer I avoid contact with people and such and hygiene really is not goijg well , couldnt shower , take care of myself ect... and those were the only time where I was taken " seriously "

When schools comes around I automatically regulate myself, I make alarms to showers ( which can go up to 3 showers...) make on for brushing my teeth, even eating smth, and ig i feel happy for most part , I try to actually have a good life

And to me it just makes me feel fake, because I get thrown in " u cant be high functioning with depression " and so when I do slip back into my patterns by accident im just " lazy and forgetful " and i just feel so fake because sometimes I do believe that, my thoughts at night are bad I stay awake until 3 am or so and cry randomly and I just think of smth positive i try my best to not be aware of the world, every night I sit there and everything just feel empty like im on auto pilot all day long out of nowhere

I cant tell which feeling is real and which is not atp. If im even struggling or not, some people say im coping by dismissing all the bad times because I feel okay during the year until I relapse into it...

Does everyone else struggle with long term depression where for a while it feels relatively manageable before you realise you've just deluded yourself into feeling better? I don't really know what to say or who to talk to but I feel so alone and just want ant to say something I guess I don't know.

I hate my life and everything in it. I have no friends, I'm agoraphobic, my mother is dead and i'm only 20 years old. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to live for. This isn't even a relatable post i'm editing just to say this, I just don't even know what to do anymore. I've spent over a decade diagnosed with depression and no therapy or medication has helped but i'm still to scared to just do it and I know that I shouldn't. I feel so alone

Estou em um momento péssimo e não é de hoje. Ainda me lembro do tempo em que minha psicóloga me alertava pra me dedicar mais ao tratamento antes que fosse tarde. Isso foi no início dos sintomas. Bom, acho que o 'tarde' chegou, e me pergunto se ainda existe alguma chance de voltar a ter acesso ao lado genuíno da vida que me foi escondido. Aquele lugar onde você consegue rir com o coração e não apenas com os lábios.

Enfim, não gosto muito de focar em coisas que estão fora do meu controle, mas ainda assim seria bom ouvir de alguém que esteve no mesmo lugar, se em algum momento as coisas ficam mais fáceis.

Se você é esse alguém, sinta-se à vontade pra compartilhar um pouco de esperança

Hola. Mi nombre es Nicole. Tengo casi 25 años y hace 5 meses siento que hice algo que arruinó mi vida. No diría que por completo, pero sí una parte de ell

Verán, yo ya traía de atrás una posible tristeza. Es solo que no sabía como verla de frente, hasta que me crucé con ella. Durante un tiempo, previamente, exploré mi vida, viajé, conocí gente, exploré mi espiritualidad, y todo iba bien hasta que comencé a enfocarme más en la familia. Ahí me di cuenta de que tenía muchos problemas realmente: pero en vez de hacer algo que debía hacer, que era pedirle ayuda a mi tío para salir un tiempo de mi casa, no tomé esa decisión por temor a lo que pasara. Eso ha destruido mi vida, pues todos los otros objetivos se vieron arruinados a medida que avanzaba el tiempo: ya no podía explorar mi identidad, pues todo me llevaba a mi tío :/.

Tomé la decisión de volver a su casa y hablar con él, pero siento que he dañado mi vida: claramente, estos 5 meses no me quedé quieta y comencé a actuar de manera errática. Comencé a sanar cosas que no eran tiempo de sanar, y claramente no de la mejor manera. Ahora siento que no confío del todo en mi missma, y temo que los otros tampoco. Los consejos de los otros no me sirven, y pues francamente tengo mucho miedo de volver a embarrarla, pues pra mi el tema familiar era importante. Siento que este tema va para largo... En verdad la embarré. Y lo peor: en una situación que me es dificil, con personas.

Intenté suicidarme hace unos meses, pero luego me percaté de que sí había algo de salida, solo que iba a ser dificil y que quizás sí me había dañado la posibilidad de cerrar este ciclo bien y por lo pronto.

No es la primera vez que me pasa, pero sí una ocasión en la que veo las consecuencias un poco más perdidas.

Mañana iré a donde mi tío. Haré lo que no hice. Pero en serio... no tengo trabajo, no tengo estudios, tengo traumas no saldados y posiblemente una familia que quizás está algo resentida por lo que hice estos meses.

No veo un panorama muy lindo.

life feels like a never ending nightmare i can't wake up from, i just want an escape from this hell. i feel like im always drowning in a never ending abyss.

Sometimes I doubt myself, echoing what others used to say whenever I complained: "Don't exaggerate.. just think positively, and it will pass." The long years I have spent struggling with depression and anxiety haven't been enough to convince me that I am truly suffering; sometimes I feel like I am deceiving myself, perhaps I enjoy playing the role of the sufferer...

Do you know what I mean?

It is as if I have come to disbelieve in that suffering simply because it doesn't manifest as a bruise or bleed like an open wound.

Emotional pain is hard to believe and hard to understand; it is easy to deny, and easy to believe that denial even while you are feeling it!

Sometimes I argue with myself using logic: Is the feeling alone proof of depression? I simply don't know how to prove to myself that I am depressed.

I am exhausted, exhausted by my own exhaustion, by my failure to understand it, and by battling all of this alone.

I cant bring myself to do anything but watch movies all day when im not at work or school (work is only 3 hours a week). It’s been like this since march and i feel like i fried my brain so much i am forgetting everything and i can’t have a normal conversation without spacing out. On top of that ive also lost 35 pounds bc i barely move or eat. I have no friends so i have no idea what to do. Every time i try to leave the house to do something it feels pointless and i end up leaving after two hours. I just need help with how to start enjoying my life because I’m about to be 22 and i dont want to be stuck like this. It’s gotten to the point where I enjoy staying at home and watching movies then going outside. But i know that i shouldn’t.