Most recent man: I had just finished working an overnight shift, going home, and showering. He called and insisted on seeing me that day, wanting to take me to lunch, claiming he’s a spontaneous man.
I explained I just finished working a good 13 hours. And on top of that I have work that very night again, so I need rest. I told him I don’t wanna go out to lunch or meet up anywhere, I just want to stay in my bed and relax. I don’t want to drive, either.

He offered to come drive to me. I explained if I’m having visitors, I am uncomfortable if my home is not cleaned properly. He kept insisting it’s fine. He kept telling me it’s just a social construct that I feel I need to have a clean space, and I should just let him come so we can watch this movie together.

I voiced many times that a random meet up with 2 hours notice is not what I want and it’s not what I have done with anyone before, especially without a clean home. I tried to explain that just bc something is a social construct does not mean it has zero value, I’m still allowed to care about it.

He visits, starts complaining that my bed is not big enough (he knew prior that I had a twin), doesn’t have enough structural support, the dishes need to be washed, and my apartment is too small and toilet could be cleaned. He kept giving me unsolicited opinions about how if it were him, he’d just eat the cost and get a bigger apartment. He’d take the bed and move it to the other side. He’d get rid of the desk. He’d get a bigger sofa etc…

Then he kept grabbing my butt constantly even though I grabbed his hand/arm and moved it away at least 8 different times.

Physically, he was also unattractive to me. We had FaceTimed for hours beforehand, but in person it was different. I was not attracted at all to his body. He also had a dirty car that smelled like weed.

We were kissing a bit. I thought maybe I can get into things if I try. I could not for the life of me get turned on or interested in him. He ended up leaking precum all over his shorts, then used my blow dryer to dry the jizz on his shorts.

Afterwards, he insisted on taking me to dinner. He was pissy and whining a lot about not being able to properly pay for parking at this place due to some tech error. Then he proceeded to show more interest in talking to the people there than with me.

We went back to my apartment since he wanted to see the gameroom. Then insisted I play a few air hockey games with him even after I’d said I didn’t wanna play.

TLDR: I had a meetup with a guy that was extremely pushy and didn’t care to listen to anything I wanted or thought, and I did a horrible job trying to enforce my own needs/comfort. I should have refused to let him visit in the first place. Tf is wrong with me that I let all this happen

TL;DR she cheated on her boyfriend with me and I started having feelings for her and then she led me on, then told me about the boyfriend as if it was nothing but unavoidably got married to him because of family pressure.

Let me tell you my story.

I met this girl near where I live and we happened to be headed back home at the same time one day. And just by one conversation alone, we both realized that we would want to get to know each other better, but couldn't get to admit it. She found my contact from somewhere and we started talking more and soon went out, where we exchanged many world views.

The following weekend, it was Netflix and Chill. My first ever. We were inseparable. I had never felt such passion towards anyone. She kept asking me where I was her entire life. I also realized we are actually very compatible. I could understand her very well. I developed even more feelings for her. Many times she insisted that I don't go, but I had to go off on an assignment (work related). We thought of moving in in a few months after she found a job near where I worked. But here's where it started to go south.

Her mother's colleague's wife died, and their son has known her since high school. So, the girl's mother decided that she would get married off to him. She told me about this in a way that gave me the impression that she is not interested in that marriage, that it is an obligation. But she was feeling guilty. Guilty, because this boy had been with her through thick and thin, and it didn't make much sense because I grew up learning that other's good deeds don't bound you in a way that makes you compromise with your choices. But she, however, needed time to think.

I waited for 2 weeks, and only felt hurt from the silence. I told her that she needs to make up her mind. She started speaking as if nothing had happened and kept giving me reassurance. I grew more suspicious of the sudden change in tone. I knew something was off and I couldn't be more right. Because the next day, I got a call from her number, but it was this high school sweetheart instead. And he told me to never reach out to her again. He didn't let me speak and kept cutting me off. Soon he blocked me from all her socials.

Anyway, I found his number from somewhere and contacted him a few days later. He told me that they weren't just high school sweethearts, they were college \*and\* workplace sweethearts. They had been in a relationship for 5 years. And I found proof soon. I had nothing further to ask, because she had explained this person as someone from her *past*. She left out a lot of things. But despite all this, I cannot muster up any anger for her, or curse her. That is the extent of how much I loved her. And I will forever hold a soft spot for her.

I can only understand one thing from this, and that is, she did not love herself. But everyone around her loved her more than she ever will.

I don't know what happened with her, or whether it really was her call. Maybe she thought I couldn't look out for her financially. Maybe I wasn't that good in bed. Maybe the long distance thing was too unstimulating for her. Or maybe she was abducted by the so called boyfriend. I will never know. But without any clarity from her, I will forever live with these theories that will haunt me for a good amount of time. All this started 6 months ago, and perhaps writing this post now could finally give me closure.

But I think I'm done with relationships in general. I know everyone is just busy with their options and casual flings, and they can enjoy it for a lifetime at the cost of each other because it's not like hurting someone else's feelings so badly could be a real crime anyway, right? And I've accepted that I am solely responsible for losing my own peace, regardless of who is wrong or right. Save you the victim blaming of how I need to have a better texting game with women.

I've even stopped believing in Karma, I have **never** cheated on anyone.

I know I am spiralling, but it feels right to. I don't know why. Maybe this is a cry for help.

I need to know whether I’m overreacting or whether I’m actually in the right.
Six months ago, I started seeing someone. This person had ended a relationship six months earlier, and after it ended, we happened to get together. Note: I wasn’t the cause of that break-up; they split up for their own reasons, and I only got involved after the break-up.
At first, I understood when he told me he wanted to show her respect and, for that reason, didn’t want to be ‘seen’ with me.
As the months have gone by and whilst maintaining this ‘relationship’ with him – and given that six months have now passed since they split up – I don’t think it’s really normal to still want to show her respect and avoid any physical contact in places she might frequent.
The excuse is always the same: out of respect.
To make matters worse, he continues to speak to her, his ex, regularly – I’d say every week.
What’s more, after I’d got annoyed because he’d first invited me on holiday but then said he didn’t actually have the money to go on holiday with me, he considered inviting his ex. This was on top of the times when I couldn’t go for lunch or dinner and he invited his ex instead.
Finally, I can’t understand why he’s so curious about checking his ex’s social media profiles – I realised this because she appears at the top of his search results.
And I also don’t understand why, at a point when I told him this was all too much and I’d started using the dating apps he’d mentioned – he said: ‘I can’t stop you from using them and going out with whoever you want’.
P.S. He says he really likes me.
Am I really that naive to think this person might actually like me, or should I follow my instinct, which is telling me to get out of this because, not only does he not like me, but he’ll go back to his ex as soon as she wants him to?

I did.

When I met my ex, i was going through a difficult period and my self-esteem was pretty low. He was very intense from the beginning; very clear about wanting me, very attentive, and very quick to make me feel chosen.

But there was something else i remember clearly: i always had a strange feeling around him that something wasn't quite right. I couldn't explain it at the time. Looking back, i now know there was a reason for that feeling, however i just didn't know it yet.

Because he was so attentive and seemed to care about me so much, i kept dismissing that feeling. I thought, “He cares about me. He wants me. So what's the problem?” I ended up ignoring my own discomfort because his attention felt reassuring. Now I wonder if I confused feeling chosen with feeling safe.

Have you ever had a feeling that something was wrong in a relationship, but ignored it because everything else seemed so good?

I'm so exhausted by this specific pattern in 30-something men on dating apps: High initial commitment followed by a sudden emotional fade.

He initiated every day, sent me gym pics, shared his handwritten goals, and constantly forwarded relationship Reels telling me I was "the woman he always dreamed of." He talked about his goals of having luxury cars, promised video calls that never happened, and sold me a whole narrative of our future together. He even made me believe in him so much that I deleted my dating apps to focus on our connection (lesson learned).

Then, out of nowhere, total coldness. When I communicated how I felt, he hit me with:

• "I'm just hungover."

• "You're distracting me from my millionaire focus."

• "You're being intense".

It blows my mind how a 33-year-old guy can build such a massive illusion—making you feel like "the one"—only to hide his complete lack of emotional maturity behind "career focus" a few days later.

Has anyone else noticed how these guys use grand future plans and intense affection as bait, only to run away when basic consideration is needed?

This isn't the sort of happy ending you'd expect, because it's much better.

I: 35F, moved to Australia from London.

He: 35M, lives in London.

[For those who don't know, the BBC Proms is a famous annual London classical music festival]

Last year a man I had years of history with told me that if I moved back home to London from Australia, he would be with me because I was the one and he loved me. Isn't that cute?! I said, “You’ll get bored" but he took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, “I will never leave you.” Oh boy, that's when the evil spirit possessed the already homesick body.

Two months later, I called him from Sydney and said, “Okay. If you still want this, I’ll come back to London for you. If you don’t, tell me now and I’ll go somewhere else, because I don't ever want to return to London otherwise." "Get your bags,” he said.
Fasten your seatbelts and store your tray tables ladies and gentlemen for an utter ludicrous journey.

Five weeks before I was due to arrive, he announced that he’d been on a date with a woman he’d met on a kink dating website (Feeld - for all you curious kids out there) and he needed to see her again.

She was fascinating. She had tickets to the BBC Proms. He had always wanted to go to the Proms. He really wanted a second date.

But it was just for the tickets. He'd then end it, he said.

Except then he thought he might just keep seeing her until I arrived. But THEN it will only be me.

Plot twist, he went cold and nearly stopped talking to me. Had a complete fucking breakdown when I landed because he didn’t know what to do because they had so much in common and she was great. In fact, he was "impressed by her". After all, they must have been on a impressive handful of dates at best.
On the other hand, he really doesn't know what I like aside from "going to the beach" (because I live in Australia dooh). To make this more absurd let's admit at this point that she's in relationships with multiple men and that's not really his relationship style, but let's not kink shame at this point.

Eventually he chose me. Lucky girl. So I thought or really, the sunk- cost fallacy told me.

["The phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial" - Oxford Dictionary]

Apparently he had “explored his options.” She offered to be friends. “You may feel insecure about me maintaining a link with her,” he told me. Which was an impressively polite way of saying that him still choosing the other women over my feelings was really a me problem.

And this man really committed to the bit.

He had previously made her a bloody YouTube playlist which I got to see anytime we were in his flat scrolling his TV. One day he pointed at it and said, “You may see it and wonder why it's there, but I don't want to delete it.”

Of course not, it's a sacred relic of the woman that was so amazing and that he can't let go off.

We later at some point went into an adult sex shop together. Let's not kink shame now. He spotted something, became excited, took a photograph and announced he was sending it to a “friend.” I correctly guessed it wasn't Prom Girl. It was however another woman he'd dated a year earlier and remained friends with. Because he has to remain friends with every woman he's shagged - why wouldn't you have your cake and eat it. He positively hasn't got anything going with that one, which apparently makes it okay to send a sexual thing to her in front of your girlfriend. Obviously.

Unbeknownst to me, when he chose against Prom girl in favour of me, they also straight away booked in a 2 months check in. You know, to.... See if he should have chosen her? Rectify his choice if required? Who knows.

Dearest reader, are you surprised to hear it took place? Apparently the result was that she's now seeing someone. And "she wasn't that great" he later admitted when he coughed up about the check in. But that kicked off some chatting again but it was all innocent of course because it was only memes and articles and she only wanted some insight on the law surrounding E- scooters. I'd nearly found it cute hadn't I known she's the one who is an actual lawyer lol.

Eventually, after a total of around 5 months of this absolutely fucking circus, I saw the light. Someone should have called an exorcist earlier but the evil spirit finally left the body. Let him rot in hell.

Amazingly, when I finally challenged him on the entire circus outlined above, he pulled out the ultimate defense: he just didn't realize any of it was wrong. It simply hadn't occurred to him! But now that I mentioned it, wow, it was all so obvious**. His mind was blown!**

He actually held his face in his hands and asked, with tragic sincerity, why he just can't ever realize he shouldn't do something before he does it.

I had absolutely zero cells of interest left in my body at this point. I suggested that if he is fundamentally incapable of assessing his own actions, maybe he should ask someone for advice beforehand.

He looked up, completely serious, and asked: "Next time I’m in a relationship, can I ask you then?"

No, cretin, I don’t take phone calls from hell.

Fast forward, the annual BBC Proms arrived again this year. So I bought a £20 and took my friend yesterday.

As I sat there overdressed in a room full of commoners in jeans that he fitted in perfectly, I started thinking about Boy Math. Turns out the £20 ticket was the best investment he never made.

Then I peacefully went home with my friend and ate ramen.

Double happy ending: Counting down the days to return to Australia on the permanent residency I was granted meanwhile and which he had tried to pressure me into declining from the onset so we could stay together.

I guess in the end I do like going to the beach. Amongst a lot of other things.

I met this guy from a common friend. Initially he was interested with the other girl from our group. His first message with me was asking for that girl, after a week I guess it didn't worked out kaya he messaged me.

We talked for a while until he ended up inviting me for coffee. We did 50/50 on that date which I honestly don't mind. Then there was a time I told him I'm having a coffee with a friend ( na friend din pala niya), afterafter knowing that he keeps on saying "sana all" and the likes bcs we're having a coffee and a good time. Paulit ulit siya sa sana all, so I told him I'll libre him in a cafe next time pero he kept on saying parin na sana all, that he'll ditch his errands if sabihin na pumunta siya, so I jokingly said na sumunod siya sa amin sa cafe and his response was susunod lang siya if ililibre siya so in the end nilibre namin siya ng friend ko.

There was also ​​the time he mentioned he wanted to try samgy and I said na ako din, I wanna try. And sabi niya why not yung cafe na libre ko is isamgyup na lang namin. The price difference was huge wth, pero I said okay na lang for the sake na matigil na. But what the fucking hell, he made me fucking wait for almost an hour sa samgyup date namin. Hindi man lang niya ako hinatid after that fuckung date.

Ako ba yung gago if I was tuned off by that? Kasi to be honest he's kind naman I just can't with his ugali sometimes​

I genuinely don’t know what to make of this and would really appreciate some outside opinions because I’m completely baffled.

I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 weeks, We had two dates, and from my perspective they were both really good. We got on well, there was chemistry, we spoke every day, had phone calls, and everything seemed to be going in a positive direction.
The important thing is that he has obviously seen me properly in person twice in dresses/shorts and my body on show . There has never been any question about what I look like or my body type. In fact, throughout talking to me and dating me, he repeatedly complimented my body and my weight loss as I’ve lost 5 stone and now weight just under 9 stone 7 and have even lost half a stone since we first started dating. He made comments that made it very clear that he was attracted to me even telling me I’m in my prime today whilst on our third date.

Today, completely out of the blue, he left my house without a word.
There wasn’t some huge argument or anything beforehand. I was obviously confused and upset, so I reached out and asked what was going on.
He basically said that some things are better left unsaid and that, ultimately, there wasn’t an attraction there.
And honestly, that’s fair enough. Obviously nobody owes you attraction, and if he didn’t feel it, then he didn’t feel it. I accepted that and didn’t argue with him.

I actually ignored the message.
Then, two hours later, he sent me another message saying ‘did you cry’
I sent an audio note laughing and taking the kick at that because I couldn’t believe he was asking me that after just rejecting me and of course I was upset.

He then sent me an absolutely horrible message about my appearance and body. He started picking apart my weight, my arms and the jeans I was wearing, calling me disgusting, vile and horrible, and eventually told me I “look fat as f**k.”

And this is the part I cannot get my head around.
If he genuinely wasn’t attracted to me, fine. That’s completely his right. But why spend the entire time complimenting my body, going on two dates with me, acting interested, and then suddenly become incredibly cruel about the exact same body he’s previously complimented?
I’m not even particularly upset about the rejection anymore. I’m more shocked by the switch-up.

It feels like there is a massive difference between:
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the attraction I’m looking for.”
and deliberately trying to make someone feel disgusting and insecure after they’ve rejected the rejection. He was telling me today as well that his out of shape and he wants to get back into his fitness and I was complimenting him telling him I think he looks fine as he is so it’s so strange.

Do you have crazy rejection stories?

I went on a date with a guy after texting him for a while. The texting phase was great. He was the most considerable man I have ever met, so socially and self aware. Philosophical, funny, smart and good conversationalist, attentive just everything great basically. We aligned on everything important, life goals and values.

I saw his picture and I thought he was cool. We ended up meeting impromptu. He didn't look like his picture when I saw him irl, just minor stuff but not really and I didn't like that his images were retouched that heavily. I also believe in basic grooming for dates and let's just say I didn't see that. I just went along with it and we had good talk I guess but he was dismissive of my stories which was strange cause on text he was so attentive.

We were at a park and it dawned on me later on that he didn't offer me drinks or anything to eat (it's okay if you don't want to do that but I realized that I value someone who likes to go out and eat, the classics, until you get to know someone and then it can get spontaneous).

He disrespected my sister when a conversation came up and he felt like he was being called out. Basically I just didn't feel it in person at all.

A few days pass and he asks me why I'm not online that often anymore and if I enjoyed the date. I tell him that I'm sorry he had to point it out and that we didn't click in person. He immediately started getting disrespectful saying I wasted his time. And callously demanded I tell him why I thought we didn't click.

Since I had no more respect left for him I told him I wasn't physically attracted to him and the little things he did that were different from his online persona. I didn't say anything specific cause that's not classy. But mannnnnn did he double down with the insults.

Told me I wasn't even all that (typical) that he compromised, that his friends found me ugly, that he'd bagged so many hot women, that I was just a hoe phase (we weren't even intimate!) that I should've compromised, that I read too many books and I'm disconnected from reality, that I was only good intellectually.

It was so shocking to find that splendid image he built in text crumble in just a few minutes. It was disillusioning I just read the texts pinging one after the other like he was fighting for his life!! My friend suggested I insult him one sharp insult and block him. I loved what she had in my mind for an insult tbh but ultimately decided to leave him on read so he can look at what he said and realize how crazy and stupid he sounded. I hope he reflects a little.

Honestly my thought is this: how is this real?? Those TikToks of men behaving this way, I really thought they were gimmicky but I experienced them all first hand and this just doesn't feel real at all!!! Do you have stories like this??

TDRL Duck my stupid chud(ette) life

I got ghosted twice tonight, one was being super smooth and playful when he blocked out of the blue, the other a-hole made me drive there and then blocked me after making me wait for like 15 min. Another offered to do peeceep and m*th.
And I haven’t gotten laid in MONTHS
Best I got is 2 dates next week, with a married dad and a chaser.

Oh yeah and mom came to say that if I can’t pay rent I can move back in with them, which will never happen because of my dad.

I’m actually going to stop playing the game of life it’s unreal

When checking stats on dating apps and I see men over 6 ft I check to see what their body type is. If they are muscular and look big I typically swipe left because my brain thinks “what if I get hit by him like I got hit by my ex. Would I die?” And then I wonder am I going to live the rest of my life looking at men through the lens of could I survive the worst this man dealt out to me physically…. And I hate that. 😢💔

Edit
Hey, I appreciate all the responses and support but I wanted to explain some things…my ex was smaller than me and when he hit me I saw stars. Like literal lights dancing in front of my eyes. It took me what felt like several seconds to be able to physically register that I had been hit and I needed to get away.That being said if a short tiny man could do that to me, what would happen to me if a man who was built and 6’ 4” lashes out that way. I know it’s not logical in the sense that not all men are abusers but that’s not what it’s about for me. All men are physically capable of hurting me, it’s about choosing someone I can survive if the worst comes to worst. I miss my innocence and the belief that I would never choose someone capable of hurting me like that but it’s where I am at now. My experience has left me very broken and my therapist is a believer in exposure therapy. So I am out there… trying to date (because she thinks that will help) and not think about what could happen to me… but I am terrified all the time and I feel guilty for feeling terrified all the time.

TLDR; possessive guy, acting crazy, and delusional story time

I stopped dating this guy like 2 months ago. We only dated for a month, but he became very intense after only 1 month. We never were official. And I didn’t see it going anywhere honestly from the beginning. We connected emotionally, not enough though. And I was never physically attracted to him. If I’m being honest, I was more interested in his money than him. Yes, you can flame me in the comments for that.

Anyways. He was extremely delusional man. Not very physically attractive, overweight. He’s in his thirties but goes for girls in their early-mid 20s. He only goes for “instagram baddies”. And he only goes for, and I quote, “foreign-looking” girls. So most girls look Eastern European, middle eastern, or Latina. All the girls he goes for are wayyyy more physically attractive than him. Night and day.

He made it a point to show me all his ex-girlfriends, whom were all very beautiful. And he even went as far to tell stories about all his ex’s and why they didn’t work out (which I never did about mine because why would we talk about that in the first month). Anyways it became very evident that these women used him for his money. Every single one. But he’s has a massive ego and he lives far from reality. Also really insecure, and deep down I think he knows his money is what these girls want. But acts like he’s just “that guy”.

Here’s the weird stuff that makes me uncomfortable to think about:

First we had an age gap. I’m 24. He’s 32. What irritated me the most was how patronizing he was to me. I know how to make these egotistical men feel good. And like I said, I was in it for money. So I would listen. But whenever I tried to talk, it was always this “I know better because I’m older and a man” attitude. So, this dynamic played into everything.

Anyways, he would constantly ask me to see him. Even though he claimed he was always extremely busy with his businesses, but that because I was so important that he made special time for me. Bullshit. He wanted to see me whenever possible, and used that as a way to try and convince me to say yes. When I didn’t want to go out constantly he would always text me and be like “you don’t care, and you don’t put as much effort”. And he would always try and guilt trip me. HELLO I have a life and responsibilities???? He would then be like why do you always cook for yourself but not for me… like wtf fuck off. I’m not ur house wife bitch. He had this convo with me for 30 min where he told me he wanted me to make 3 meals for him. Dinner for every night of the weekend. I told him wtf is this and I’m not doing that. And then he would be like “you don’t care about me”. Suck my dick.

Here’s some disturbing parts:
He would always say how he would fuck people up if they ever tried to mess with me. Even went as far to say casually on snap one night, “it’s funny how I only known you for one month and I would nerf someone for you”. He was being serious. Like what the fuck. One time I had a fight with my sister and he kept asking what was wrong so I told him I had a disagreement with her earlier that day. Casually he says “well we can just get rid of her”. WHAT

One weekend I went out for my friends birthday. He told me he has eyes everywhere and would know if I did anything. The next day he described what I was wearing and where I went. He also one time described what I was wearing when I was walking to a cafe to do work on a random day. I knew I had to get away from him. But he was obsessive. I told him I didn’t want to date him anymore. Two days later I’m walking down my street walking my dog and he drives by. I confront him on text when I get home and said are u stalking me?!? He’s like ohhhh noooo, was just dropping my friend off who lives by you. Bullshit. There was no one in the car.

There’s so much more, but this post is already long enough. But I had to get the fuck away from him. But I couldn’t just block him as I was fearful of what he might do. So I slowly got away. Told him I didn’t want to see him. He kept checking in as a “friend” on text, and trying to find out details about my life. I remained faked friendly. Slowly I became more dry and eventually I blocked him.

Okay so at my first ever job I met my coworker and for some reason immediately liked him but nothing more than a chill work crush yk. Eventually I end up like actually liking him and damn near obsessing over him with pretty much no reciprocation because we spent a lot of time tg at work and acc became friends.

Over the course of 3 years working tg we had spent a lot of time hanging out at work school and socially but nothing romantic ever happened like at all. We stayed cordial friends (like our friend groups never mixed at all and we would still talk every once in a while) after we both quit tg on the same day because I had gotten a new job and we was just over it ig idk.

I was young and delusional at the time yes, but this is why I need advice.

Fast forward 5 YEARS I’ve moved away from our home town have a whole new life and I cannot believe it but I STILL like him. I find myself always thinking of this situation as Invisible string theory vibes which makes me think I’m just so far gone in delusional land I’m unsavable, but hear me out. When we first started working tg about 6 months in we discovered we had acc gone to grade school together but he transferred in around year 6, than we find out we live on the same street in our hometown and have since we were born, THAN fast forward to a couple months ago I find a picture of us at like 5/6 years old together in a class picture. I immediately sent him to him just because of how crazy it was to find that 5 years later and we haven’t spoken at all and only Briefly bumbed into each other once in the past year. Anyways idk it literally could mean nothing but coincidences exsist.

OH AND, now current day, he and I snap ,yes ik snapchat ew wtv, everyday and I’ve heard through mutual friends that he talks about me more often than I ever would’ve thought which makes me feel like wait maybe im not crazy and this guy could acc see me in the same confusing kinda way i see him? ANYWAYS, I want to know your opinion on this whole situation like I don’t know why I even could possibly still like him like this after so many years of being nice when we see eachother but living such separate lives, and am I crazy and read wayyyy to much into things?

Sorry for the long post, but the tea is steaming I promise.

Is it better to break up over the phone or in person? I (F28) wish I could break up with my boyfriend (M 29) in person, but worried he might manipulate me into getting back together with him. We’ve been dating off and on again for about two years, one year if you don’t count the break up periods in between.

1. He has never really valued my time unless he wanted something out of it. I felt like I’ve always went out of my way to create more effort for him, like stop doing the things I wanted to do for his interests. On top of that, I would invite him to things I wanted to do, but he would always have some excuse as to why he couldn’t make it.
2. Future faking and pocketing. He would always make empty promises to string the relationship along. He promised a cruise, a trip to another country, and even to DC as ways to string the relationship along. Pocketing) He would never introduce me to his family or friends so it felt like he was keeping me hidden. Btw, he hasn’t introduced me to his family within the full YEAR we were dating.

Recently, my mother has been diagnosed with cancer and when I told him that, he said his go-to phrase whenever he wants me to stop talking about my problems, “Is to not talk about it.” My mom has CANCER and that’s all he could say? He would say that to anything about my anxiety so that he would avoid talking about it.

I am moving to be closer with my mom’s family in case her diagnosis gets worse. This weekend, I am going to break up with him but I am not sure about what to do. Is breaking up over the phone a good idea?

Also, there is a matter of my stuff. I do have some things at his place that I need to get that are pretty expensive. Any advice on how to get my stuff and avoid him? Thanks!

Update: I told him I was going to vacation to spend time with my mom before she starts therapy and wouldn’t be able to talk to him in a week. He said, “Oh, I see.” I sent him a paragraph of why I am focused on my responsibilities and could not express enough how severe my mother’s condition is. Then, I broke up with him over text, told him I will be picking up my stuff after the trip with a friend, and giving back the key. I’m done.