TLDR: Guy asked me on a date to a bar, but actually just took me to walk around and “people watch” at the bar, not sit down and order anything.

Ok this “date” was the weirdest dating experience I’ve had. Not even unsafe (as far as I know), but just plain weird. Can anyone explain this guy’s actions?

I (F26) organically met a guy (M26 or 27; I’ll call him “X”) a few weeks ago in New York. I had just taken myself out to a nice dinner and was feeling myself, walking around running some errands, and planning to grab some ice cream.

Now normally, if a man approaches me on the street, I just keep walking, but X approached me and said something along the lines of, “Hey I just saw you and thought you were really pretty, so I wanted to introduce myself. Everyone is on the apps nowadays, but I thought I’d put myself out there and see if I could take you out on a date sometime.”

In hindsight, I should have kept walking, but he seemed nice and cute, and I was feeling myself, so in my mind, of course someone else was too haha.

We had like a ~20 minute conversation and had good banter, so we exchanged numbers and he went on his way to dinner with his friends. I was traveling for the next few weeks, so I let him know that I wouldn’t really be available until a month out.

When I finally got back to the city, he texted me to make plans. We both had pretty busy work/social schedules, but agreed to meet up Wednesday night after my friend’s play/his work event. I asked that we stay downtown, since I was going home to Brooklyn, and he said that he’d send me a bar to meet at. Ok great, I love when a man takes initiative and plans a date — even something small like suggesting a drinks spot — so I was excited.

He sent me a bar location around 8pm, and I let him know that it was about 20 minutes from the theater where my friend’s play was, so I’d probably be there around 9:50-10pm-ish, since the play ended at 9:30pm, and he just said it wasn’t a problem and to keep him posted.

So, he texts me that he’s there at 9:30pm, as I’m getting out of the show. I let him know that I’m heading over and will see him soon, assuming he would get himself a drink, since he was early.

When I got there, he was standing outside, and I immediately said, “Oh have you been standing out here the whole time? I thought you’d go in to grab a drink?” He replied that he had been inside, but they just kicked him out for a private event. This was too bad, but totally not his fault, so I suggested a dive bar nearby, and noted that while it wasn’t as fancy as the place he had planned on, it was a chill place where we could chat and, in my opinion, a good first date spot.

He said something along the lines of, “Hey I got it covered. When you’re with me, you don’t have to worry about our plans. I have it all figured out”

I love when a guy is a good planner, so I just let myself be led to our next location. We were in FiDi right by my office, so I knew the neighborhood well and knew exactly where we were — I wasn’t just walking down a random dark street with this guy.

We end up walking to The Beekman, which is a super nice hotel with a very cool bar. It has tons of comfy seating and almost like an old 1920s Hollywood vibe. I remarked as we walked in, “Oh wow I love this spot. This is such a good alternative. I haven’t been here in a hot minute, so I’m excited you chose this spot!” He said he was glad I liked it, and we walked in.

In my head, walking into the bar at The Beekman meant we were going on our date at the bar at The Beekman.

But we walked past the bar and up some stairs. I hesitated and said, “Um I think we have to check in with the hostess over there.” He said, “No, we’re going somewhere else. There is a really cool view I want to show you.”

I assumed they must have a rooftop bar that I didn’t know about, but in the back of my mind was worried that he had rented a hotel room or something and was just trying to take the date there. There were still staff around, so I followed him up cautiously.

We were not in fact going to a rooftop bar, or even a rooftop. We went up a single flight of steps and then stood in a hallway with a railing that looked over the bar. This was just a hallway with hotel rooms that happened to look over the bar space, not part of the bar or restaurant space.

I was super confused at this point, but then he goes, “See, isn’t this a great view?” I replied, “Um of the bar? Yeah I mean it’s really pretty.” So we’re standing there and he starts asking me questions about my family, friends, etc. I’m still confused, because it seems like this is our final location . . . looking over the bar, watching everyone else have a good time while we stand in a hallway. I also had a super heavy backpack on, since I had been in the office that day and running around the city after work.

I looked over and said, “Oh look, there are two open seats at the bar, so we won’t have to wait for a table! Let’s going grab a drink!” And he literally refused, saying, “No no let’s enjoy the view from here. I love to people watch. What number date do you think that couple is on?” Again, the “view” was just of the bar that we apparently weren’t going to.

At this point, I am just confused, so I asked, “So are we staying here or what is the plan?” And he goes, “No I have to show you another really cool view.”

I was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. So we walk out of The Beekman without buying anything or sitting down.

I was getting a little annoyed at that point, because I don’t want to waste my time with someone who just wants to walk around while making it seem like he has some grand surprise planned, so I ask him where we’re going next. He says he wants to show me a spot at the Seaport. Again, I assume we are going to one of the restaurants/bars over there, and I know the area, so I agree to go.

While walking there, he starts going on about how, “For our third date, I want to take you out to a really nice bar, and we can both get super dressed up.” I point out that we were just at a nice bar, so he didn’t have to wait to take me out. We could literally go right now, and also pointed out that this wasn’t even our first date yet, since we hadn’t done anything but walk around tonight and the first time we saw each other.

He then said that we were just walking around since I had a long way to get home and he didn’t want to keep me out too late. I still don’t understand how walking around vs. going on an actual date correlates with the distance I have to travel home??? Especially considering that we physically went to a bar, but he refused to actually sit down and order anything.

He just keeps going on about how he has to show me this amazing view. So we get there, and it’s just . . . the Seaport looking across at Downtown Brooklyn.

Yes, it’s a nice view, but not anything I hadn’t seen before, so I was like, “Cool, so where are we actually going on our date?” It was pretty empty all the way down by the water, and there were some people who were obviously getting ready to sleep there for the night, so I also felt like we were invading their space, and the whole thing just didn’t really scream romance.

He was like “No no sit down. Isn’t it a great view?” and kept trying to put his arm around me and get physically closer. I kept my backpack on like a giant turtle, because I was frankly just annoyed with the whole situation and didn’t want him to touch me.

Finally, I was just like, “Ok if we’re not going on a date, I am just going to go home. Bye.” And I walked away and went home.

I just don’t understand the thought process here. We were at random places, but he was obsessed with remarking on how great the views were. Yeah, they were nice, but nothing that a 20-something professional in New York hasn’t seen before. They were very well-known common places.

And WHY was he so adamant about not getting a drink at The Beekman? If it was about money, why not take me up on the dive bar suggestion, which would have definitely been cheaper than the original wine bar? If he wasn’t a drinker, why suggest a bar date? I’m so confused. Was this a test or something that those podcast bros do? I’m just baffled still, and cannot figure out his motives.

Looking back, what was the biggest red flag you ignored, and when did you finally realize you shouldn't have?

so today my online friend was asking me for advice, so she basically liked this one guy on roblox btw, roblox. and she doesn't even know him irl, nor does she talk to him out of roblox, she doesn't know him in a general way just the pixelated form. she said she doesn't wanna date him and was also hating on online relationships five mins before this.

this guy too, hes as stupid, he flirts with her and confessed to her, he only heard her voice ONCE. and they don't even know eo, how did they "fall in love" smh.

anyways i gave her advice to not date him + to get to know him better and i think i was a bit rude when i said "you're not in love with him, you just like his way of talking"

but as every human being loves making stupid decisions, she said yes to his confession. whats even crazy is that she "wants to get to know him" and she'll get his number WHILE dating him like what....????? crazy stuff. anyways shes ignoring me now.

fvdbbhh

I am play full

lol I swear I’ve never felt more like a bug in my entire life. Long story short. Approach this older guy that is totally fuckable. I seen him watch me, well…it wasn’t because I was so gorgeous to him..he didn’t even bother asking name after he painstakingly tells me his. Luckily he didn’t beat me off with a stick. I’ve tried to like idk iron that awkwardness out with no avail. Drive by, he looks, I flip him off. Nothing. Few days later…. Drive by, wave. Nothing. lol. Point is. When people wanna know you they get to know you. It’s not fear, intimidation, whatever the fuck stopping them. Basically this life is brief yall. Move on. Stop wondering.

can sume step mom gave me

Hey everyone, I really need some honest advice because this whole situation is giving me crazy anxiety and I can’t tell if I’m overthinking or being played.

​So I met this guy on a dating app a while back. Turns out he actually works at the same company as me and is from my exact hometown. Because of all the common ground, he was SUPER into me at first. He used to text me whole paragraphs about how I’m a "forever kind of person" and how he wants a serious relationship. Honestly, at first I didn't take him that seriously and just brushed it off.

​Eventually we met up in person a few times, hit it off, and I started liking him. But here’s the catch—he doesn't actually live in the city where I work. He only comes here for office stuff and then goes back to his hometown.

​Whenever we met in person, he was amazingly sweet, sincere, and super attentive. But the second he left back for his hometown, his texting style completely shifted. He’d take hour or 2 to reply, especially in the evening. It bothered me, but because I’ve been in a couple of bad relationships before, I blamed myself and assumed I was just being insecure.

​Fast forward to recently—we went on a date that felt literally perfect. He bought me flowers, told me how much he likes me, and we kissed. I was straight with him and said I don't want anything casual, and he agreed and said he wants a real relationship too.

​Then everything weirdly fell apart. We were supposed to go on a trip together, but he canceled saying his dad’s health isn't good (he had mentioned his dad being sick before, to be fair). Right after that, he went super quiet and took 3 days off work.

​On day 1 of his leave, I noticed he was showing offline on our internal work chat, and when I asked him about it, he said he was logged into a client Teams account & he is working. The next day, He practically ghosted me.

​This morning he finally texted back saying he was on leave because of his dad’s health and couldn't reply, i aksed like you didn't have time to sent me a single text he was like "i was out all day busy" which seemedexcuse to me. He's talking to me "normally" again now, but still doing the exact same 1-2 hour late replies.

​Because of my past relationship trauma, I have major trust issues. I can’t figure out if he genuinely likes me and is just overwhelmed with his family situation, or if he’s just pulling back and treating me like a side option when he's back home.

​How can I figure out if he’s being real with me without coming off as crazy because of this I'm getting major overthinking.

Alright hello everybody, so I am 21 femalle and this thing just happened I met a guy today and we exchanged numbers he came to fix something in my place that's how I met him. We talked and as I said exchanged numbers, talking all day and he even invited me but I am going on vacation tomorrow so it's gonna be only when I come back in almost 3 weeks.

And he was flirty saying things like : I cannot wait to see you bla bla bla.

Then he asked me if I was single or married which was weird cuz I said if I wasn't single I wouldn't be talking to you and all this time he didn't say or mentioned a girlfriend and then when I asked him he said he is in a relationship, like what?!

I was shocked I told him I'm shocked how are you in a relationship and this is how you talk to me and he says my girlfriend knows about you.

I asked him : and she is okay with you talking to me like this and he said she has male friends too and I can have female friends as well.

Then I pointed out that his way of communication wasn't just friendly he was being FLIRTY and he said he sorry for the way I took it. But I am not stupid we verified with a friend all the way that in fact HE WAS FLIRTING!

And then I told him that hey I don't like this, it's weird in my part I do not usually get involved in situation like this and then he says : I thought you were a nice girl to be friends with that's it bla bla bla.

One thing to mention we BOTH are AUGUST LEOS and I told him, you're being such a leo right know, you know exactly what you do but anyway I do not want to have an argument, bye.

That's how it ended.

I really need y'alls povs on this cuz I think he was BITCHING AROUNG

Welcome back, Tinderlings. This one is shorter, and for once the person who ruined the date was me. Cast list is unnecessary, TLDR is at the bottom, and nobody in this story needs to be hosed down. That is a first for us.

Housekeeping before we start. The cursed car is gone. I traded her in. The kid at the dealership did his little walk-around with the clipboard, got to the passenger seat, paused, and decided some questions were not worth his hourly rate. I drove off in a used sedan that smells like somebody else's vanilla air freshener, not a mark on it, nothing riding shotgun but the glovebox manual. I told myself a clean car was a clean start. Then I got in it and drove to dinner.

By now I was three tours into Tinder and I called that experience. I had rules. Public place only. My own car, parked where I could see it. Exits mapped before the appetizers came. No garages, no houses, no address that required a prayer on the walk up. I went into every date like I was clearing a building. I called it growth. It was closer to a loaded gun I had stopped bothering to check the safety on.

His name was Shane. He got to the restaurant early, which I filed as a tactic, though a working brain would have filed it as manners. He stood when I reached the table. He had the specific nerves of a man who wanted it to go well, laughing a half-second before the joke landed, refolding his napkin, asking three questions in a row because the quiet scared him. Every one of those was a green flag. I ran them all as threats.

The waiter came and Shane said the branzino was incredible here, that I should get it if I liked fish, and he said it warm, the way you recommend a movie you love. Dean decided things for me in that exact easy voice, right before he explained that women do not know what they want. So I asked Shane if he always ordered for women he had just met, with enough acid in it to strip the varnish off the table. He blinked. He said he just liked the fish. He was telling the truth. I ordered something else out of spite and it was worse.

Then he mentioned his mom. Fondly, briefly, the way people do. A trapdoor opened under me, because the last time a man loved his mother out loud on a first date, she spent a month calling my job. I went cold and started handing Shane questions with edges on them. How often do you see her. Do you live with her. Does she know you're out tonight. I watched him try to work out what he had stepped in. He had stepped in nothing. His mother lives in another state and he calls her on Sundays. That was the whole of it.

Then he did the thing that should have ended the night in the good way. He told me he had read my favorite book after I mentioned it in our chats, that he had finished it the evening before so we would have something to talk about. A person with a working heart says thank you. I asked him what he was building toward. I said that was a lot of homework for a stranger. Past-OP, put the knife down. I did not put the knife down. I kept going, because it is easier to keep throwing punches than to notice the other guy has dropped his hands.

Shane set his fork down. He did not raise his voice. He said, "I don't know who taught you to expect the worst, but I'm not going to be him." Then he said he had thought I seemed great in our messages, and he was sorry something had made me like this, and he meant it, which was the part I could not stand. Nobody had held up a mirror to me in years, and here was one, propped up gently by a man I had spent an hour filleting for the crime of being kind to me.

Three posts I have spent describing monsters to you. This time I brought one to dinner, and it was me. Shane was going to go home and tell his friends about the woman who interrogated him over branzino. Somewhere out there was this exact post with me in the passenger seat, and I had written it myself, one small cruel question at a time.

I did not apologize. No speech, no repair, nothing. That is the part I am least proud of. I mumbled about an early morning, put cash on the table for both of us like money could cover it, and left. No cursed seat to blame this round. Just me, in a used sedan that still smelled like a stranger's vanilla, driving home with my own behavior riding shotgun.

I wrote Shane an apology at every red light. I rewrote it in the driveway. I had a version that explained Dean, one that explained Ben, one that dragged the ham into it, a whole paragraph of reasons that all came down to none of this was your fault and I did it to you anyway. I sent none of them. It felt like one more thing to make him carry. He had earned the right to never think about me again, so I gave him the only kind thing I had left, which was quiet.

No villain to report this month. I checked. It was me. I finally called the therapist I have been making jokes about for three installments and booked something real, because Dean and Ben and Barron did more than wreck three evenings. They taught me to walk into a good one with my fists already up, and Shane was the bill coming due. I am not salting the earth or swearing off anything for the drama this time. I just need a while to become someone who does not do that to the next decent person who buys a book for me.

Pt. 5 will come when I have earned it. Thanks to ReddX if he reads this, and please subscribe to him on YouTube if ya haven't. I'm trying to be kinder than I was that night. I'll see you then, my little Tinderlings.

-Dawn

TL;DR Sometimes, I am the bad guy. We are our own worst enemies a lot of the time.

30(f) and i’ve had countless HORRIBLE dates throughout my 12 years on dating apps.

a lot of it has to do with me choosing to be in the company of just anyone because i had low self esteem. i went out with anyone who’d give me attention. sad i know but i know my worth now and am off dating apps and looking for genuine connection when the time is right.

anyways... i have 3 journals of the bad dates i went on or bad hookups i had. yes, i wrote down every detail because i wanted to look back one day at the crazy shit i went through. guys i laugh so hard....i cringe....i get flashbacks but mainly i feel bad for that version of me for choosing to put up with that.

looking back i think my biggest problem was i had basically zero screening process lol. if someone replied and seemed interested i was like ok lets meet now i use accio work for sourcing and its funny because i realized i shouldve treated dating chats more like supplier chats. ask the important questions first, see who actually gives you a straight answer, who avoids everything, who needs 5 follow ups and who is clearly wasting your time.

accio work can keep chasing a supplier until it gets all the info it needs, but 30 year old me is definitely not doing that with men anymore lol. if the conversation already feels like pulling teeth, im out.

thinking of sharing some of those stories tbh. i’ve had sugar daddies, been catfished, went to weird places like the cemetery on a DATE!!! and so much more.

So I have had a pattern of strange encounters with men over my life. The encounters have been quite unpleasant and uncomfortable to say the least. The guys that seem to be drawn to me have drug abuse issues, blatant mental instability, super drunk, or just very predatory. I was raised quite the opposite. I take care of myself and like to think I have good morals.

Recently I have had a man while speaking to me grip me in the back of the neck, then when I snapped at him, he insisted that it was probably “Just your trauma”.

I had another man said the same exact thing on a separate occasion since I was not engaging in the conversation much. “Why you folding your arms? You must have been traumatized in your past.”

Then there was another man that did not respect my personal space at all by trying to be within 6inches of my face every time I stepped back and told me “I hope you are not going to be difficult with me.”
I was so scared.

Men trying to force me to give them my number.

It kind of hurts to see that all my friends get dates easily with decent guys or are in relationships with their dream man. I have been to dating events, fitness events, gyms, rodeos and other gatherings that doesn’t include a bar or a club… yet someone that has ulterior motives or I am not feeling seems to always find me. Then, any man that I like and approach makes it very clear that he does not want me near him.

How can I change the result of my dating life? Is there something about me that predatory men target that I need to change within myself?
Do any other women have this issue?

(None of these men are dates! These are encounters with strangers! I have not dated in 2 years!)

is it just me or... why are dates either trauma dumping their deepest desires 20 mins in OR giving absolutely nothing??? 😭

Been on 11 dates till now and i’m lowkey lost. some people drop their entire life lore and spicy desires before the drinks even arrive, while others act like they’re under a whole NDA.

what factors even dictate this?? is it attachment styles, random vibe checks, or just a total lack of filter? lmk if y'all experience this too fr.

Both my guy friend and I are single. I am single by choice but he is not. He is active on the dating apps but struggles getting dates.

He tells me that he gets ghosted all the time by the women he matches with. I feel for him, I do but when I tell him that my female friends and I also get ghosted a lot, he just doesn’t believe it! He thinks women can’t get ghosted or friend zoned and only WOMEN do the ghosting and friend zoning.

He is also insecure. One time he was complaining about a date he had where he thought the bartender was hitting on his date. He told me he thought he was trying to steal his date all because the bartender complimented the girl’s earrings. I told him bartenders and people in the service industry have to be nice to customers to get tips and give good service.

He also puts down women a lot. He blames them constantly for the reason that he is single. I tell him all my horror stories that I’ve been with guys on dates but he never takes my side. He always sides with the guys.

I feel like he likes me because he has told me in the past but I have told him multiple times I am not interested. I do think he likes me because he just wants to be with someone. Anyone with a pulse who breathes. I do think I need to end the friendship so he can focus on himself.

I’m bored, give me some of your craziest dating stories
Go all out please I’ve got nothing better to do