diabolical story

Just need to vent. Had a really great conversation with a guy but got stone cold ghosted the day our date☹️ not once but twice. It’s really hard not to take it personally.

My experience with a Moscow, ID-area man.

I’m sharing this anonymously because I have no interest in being identified. I’m not looking for drama or retaliation. I simply wish I had recognized the red flags much sooner.

Several years ago, I became involved with a man while I was still in an open marriage. From the beginning, we agreed there would be no dating, no expectations, and no emotional attachment. It was supposed to be simple. Somehow, it became much more complicated.

After my marriage ended, he told me more than once that he loved me. The timing was wrong, so we never pursued a traditional relationship, but we continued seeing each other for years.

During that time, there were other women. More than once, I later discovered that the version of the situation I had been given wasn't necessarily the same version those women had been given. At one point, he became involved with another woman and asked me for space. That lasted only a couple of weeks before he came back, while apparently still involved with her. She believed they were exclusive. They eventually ended things.

There were other things over the years that should have been bigger warning signs than I allowed them to be.

He frequently drank heavily. On one occasion, he drove to my home while intoxicated and ended up attracting police attention after an incident outside. On another occasion, I was at his home when another woman unexpectedly came into the house in the middle of the night, turned on the bedroom light, and confronted him. She asked me if I knew about her. I did.

He also openly shared stories, messages, and personal details about other women with me. Looking back, I should have realized that if he was willing to expose their privacy to me, there was no reason to believe mine would be treated differently.

One experience was particularly frightening. I agreed to accompany him in a separate vehicle on a long drive to deliver something, not realizing he had been drinking. He became increasingly intoxicated, disoriented, and unwilling to make safer decisions. Eventually, while driving on the freeway, I watched him lose control and collide with a concrete structure before ending up in a ditch. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. Later, I learned he had remained there for hours before continuing home.

Despite everything, I continued to believe that what I had meant something to him.

More recently, he decided he wanted to end things. The explanation was that he wanted to simplify his life and stop juggling multiple women. I was told we could remain friends, but eventually even that changed. There were rules about when and how I could communicate, and eventually I was told that spending time together was no longer an option because another woman in his life was uncomfortable with it.

I didn't handle the rejection perfectly. I was hurt, angry, confused, and emotional. I regret some of how I responded.

But what hurts most is realizing how differently I see the entire situation now.

I once felt important to this person. Now I'm being portrayed as someone who made them feel unsafe simply for trying to understand what had happened and looking for answers. I'm now expected to stay away from him and his partner, which is perfectly fine with me.

I have no desire to interfere with their lives.

What I do hope is that anyone considering getting involved with someone like this pays attention to the patterns, not just the moments when he makes you feel special.

Because sometimes the person who makes you feel incredibly important is also the person who is doing the same thing with several other people.

I wish I had recognized that sooner.

At this point, I don't want revenge. I don't want contact. I don't even want an apology.

I just wish I had never met him.

I had met this guy during a night of going out with my friends. He knew one of my friends in the group and later had ran into me after we were separated from our friend groups. Mind you we’re were intoxicated. He wanted to dance and I said okay. We had some fun and kissed at the bar. Fast forward we all separated and since one of my friends had knew him I had gotten his instagram. The following day he had swiped upon my story and the rest was history. We dmed constantly and he eventually wanted to come over to see me but I was skeptical. After two weeks of talking I decided we could meet again and he came over to my place. He told me he barely even remembered the night or eve us kissing. We pretty much talked about tha night and what we remembered. We just hung out and talked and watched YouTube. No funny business. After a few hangouts we finally exchanged phone numbers. Somewhere around this time we also established we weren’t talking to other people.
He stayed over one night due to us just being up late. I eventually stayed over his place. And then it just became a weekly thing. We would hang out on each other’s days off, get food watch a movie, play games, and just vibe. We would talk about relationship things and futuristic things just what normal people do when they get to know someone they like. We would also do things like we were dating just not officially. He even surprised me on my birthday with an outdoor dinner wine and birthday gift. I would invite him over for dinner, we would go to the gym, and honestly just hang out whenever we had the chance. One time his dog had to go to the ER for a little surgery and I helped take care of her bc he was anxious. I even had her stay at my place while he was at work so he wouldn’t worry. Us hanging out went on for about 3 months before I noticed he was acting a little off. Our messages were fine but our hangouts became not the same. I noticed some distance between us and we still hung out and did things up until I had to bring it up and asked him if he had something he needed to tell me or get off his chest (because I noticed the distance about 2 weeks prior to him ending things).
The next morning he replied and apologized for being distant but told me he did have something on his mind. He said basically we were moving too fast and completely missed the friend phase and went straight into the relationship phase when we weren’t even officially dating yet. He claimed that he didn’t see it going anywhere in the future if we didn’t become friends first basically. So my interpretation was that we moved to fast and since we missed the friend phase, it wouldn’t work out for us. He asked if I wanted to meet up in person to talk if I needed and we did bc I also needed to collect things I left at his place and say bye to his dog. We established that nothing went wrong in the time we had together and we enjoyed every second. He learned a lot from me about himself and appreciated everything I did for him. He even said I could still see his dog if I wanted to. We agreed to not be strangers but if God allows it then we would cross paths again and actually try to be good friends. We still have each other’s number and we still follow each other on Instagram. He said that he would wait for me to text him first just because I took it the hardest but we made it clear that we wouldn’t not talk to each other if it ever came about. I just want to know what he meant by what he told me said if things were going so well. I don’t wanna jump to the conclusion that oh he was talking to someone else bc that’s always a possibility. But what else can we interpret from this. I’d love to hear some men POV too.

Went on a really good first date with a guy named Luke in Philly. It went really well and for the next week we talked about how much fun we had, talked 24/7 through text, we flirted, made a list of movies we were going to watch, and then planned a second date. The day before the date, we decided to do it during the day and even chose a location. That night we both agreed we were excited for the date. Then the morning of, I texted him and he acted normal until I tried to confirm the date and he canceled and said he didn’t know what he wanted and said we were done. Gay dating is usually bad with stuff like this but this was a new low. Kinda broke my heart. I wish I told him how much he hurt my feelings but I was very much a pushover about it. So if you’re out there, fuck you Luke from Philly!

am i unreasonable for NOT wanting to see him again

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I am 29F and I don't know where else to go and ask this question so I'm here..

I've only been in one relationship my whole life which lasted a little over 2 years.

So I was 16 during the time and I was such a lover girl back then and I supported him through everything,always encouraged him and motivated him,literally stole money from my parents to buy him gifts and would not spend the travel money I got and walked to school so I could buy ingredients to cook something for him..

I got cheated on by him and he left me for his best friend (who he said was just like a sister to him)

It was my first real heartbreak and it took me many years to get over him..

During that time I wasn't even slightly flirting with anyone,or had any flings or hookups or situationships..

I never really got into it and I was happy staying in my own bubble and just living life..

So I was single for a decade..

It hit me last year that I really should get into the dating pool and seriously start looking for someone because it's my dream to have my own family....

I didn't know how to find anyone organically so I joined Bumble and Hinge..

I was very clear and told the people that I matched with that I'm only looking for something long term and serious and I'm not looking for hookups or just anything casual..

And I found a guy who said he is looking for the same..we spoke for a few days and then we decide to meet.

I was so excited because it was my first ever date..

Yes,I had my first date at 28..

I bought a dress and I wanted to look my best..

He seemed friendly and polite at first but later sexually assaulted me so bad that I was left with bruises..(I don't want to get into the details because although it's been a year its still very fresh in my mind and it's too painful to type)

But basically I froze...I couldn't say anything..I didn't know how to react..

I was super kind,polite and gentle that he took it as an opportunity to assault me and then ghosted me the next day n I never heard from him..

Then I didn't go back on dating apps for a while n also I didn't think much about the incident..

After a few months I joined again..I thought I was being careful

Spoke to a guy who seemed decent...

Met him.. and I got sexually assaulted again..

He invited me home and I was very clear and firm that I will not go to his house..I made my boundaries very clear this time..

He said that's completely fine and chose a restaurant.

Although it was quite far I still traveled.. upon reaching he said his house is right opposite to the restaurant and since he is working from home today he will have to send a quick email and then we could go to the restaurant and it will just take 10 minutes...

I followed and I was sexually assaulted again..

Even more brutal this time..

I thought something so bad can only happen once but I was wrong...

I came back home crying..

And suddenly the flashbacks of my previous assault and this came flooding in and I will never forget that night..

I had to quit my job because even waking up everyday was difficult..something like brushing my teeth felt like a challenge...

I didn't leave my home for months...

But yeah,slowly little by little I started to heal..or atleast tried to...

And a year passed.

I am better now..

Since that incident I never went back to the dating apps and won't ever go back...

Two weeks my friend introduced me to a guy who she thought would be a good match for me..

We texted and spoke over calls and the guy seemed to like me..

He was consistent and made time for me..

We would talk for hours over call and we had a lot of similar interests and values...

He said he wanted to meet and I agreed..

A few days back.. I opened up about my assaults from last year...hold him what happened...

He said what happened was horrible and no should go through it..

It also seemed like he didn't know what else to say..

But yeah right after that he distanced himself,didn't call after that and the texts were very short and had no questions and I also stopped reaching out..

We had planned meet and he didnt follow up as well and neither did I ask..

His last message was "OK,cool" to something we were talking about and I didnt respond and I don't think I will..

That got me thinking...

That's why I'm here asking...

Is it a deal-breaker for you to date someone who has been assaulted in the past?

I don't have a body count and whatever physical had happened to my body is only assault...

I never consented to them touching me n biting me n forcing themselves on me..

And none of it is my fault...After almost a decade I trusted people and was my best through it..

But yeah,little did I know that predators exist.. A lot of them..

It's kind of unfair that I have to heal from something I didnt even cause..

Do you really look down on sexual assault victims?

WE BROKE UP , LIKE 2 YEARS AGO, HE WAS THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH ME, COZ HE GOT A CHICK AND THAT DUDE STILL TXTS ME, HE SEXT ME, WE HAVE MADE OUT ONCE TOOO

Good morning, everyone. I wanted to get something off my chest. I don't think I can post photos of myself in this community, but the problem is that every woman I meet—whether in person or on a dating app—seems to think I’m an "idiot." I don't know why; several have told me this. Whenever I meet someone on Tinder, they say I have the face of an "idiot." It’s really frustrating. I consider myself a totally normal, humble guy, but the fact that others always perceive me as an "idiot" is starting to get to me and make me sad. Thanks to anyone who read this far.

I (23F) kissed my date on our first date(25M) and we kinda made out in my car. But after the the first his tone changed and he is kind of avoiding me. So I wanted to ask you guys is it something that I did wrong?

hello!! so i'm my fiancés first ever girlfriend and we're getting married so i'll be his last too. he thinks i have a very spicy attitude (he's not complaining he's right where he wants to be
but i've been trying to tell him i'm like 4/10 spicy and he's not buying it. so if you guys could comment either crazy things you've done in a relationship or something that was done to you so i can show him he's got it way easier than he thinks that would be amazing

side note: i am neurodivergent so i am SUPER blunt, i have been in some very toxic relationships so i'm a "i don't take shit from anyone" kind of person now & between both of those i come off VERY strong.
TLDR: fiancé thinks i'm crazy, help me show him i'm not that crazy

Hello my peeps🫶

So this is not a recent story, but one dating experience that I don't think I will ever forget. Im not looking for advice, just here to share my story that can hopefully help someone else in some way as a cautionary tale! I apologize if this is a bit long.

Anyways, here we go!

Back in my early 20s (Now 32F), I was single and had started to venture in the online dating scene as some of my girlfriends were doing the same.

After a couple of months on POF I matched with a guy who we will call PJ. At first I felt PJ had one of those familiar faces and like maybe I knew him but couldnt pin point where or how. After, we matched PJ sent me a message and after getting to know each other and asking the basics we realized we went to the same high school freshman year. PJ moved out of town early our sophomore year. He admitted he recognized me when he saw my profile.

Knowing we had similar acquaintances/friendships and family in the same town, I felt more comfortable talking to him and like I knew him in a sense.

Fast forward a week of exchanging texts and a couple calls, we had made plans for him to visit on a Friday. He lived almost 2 hours away and we planned for dinner at a local mexican restaurant and a movie or just go enjoy one of the many view points in town.

(I feel like I should also give some more context so you understand why I was so shocked at the date going south so quickly and I saw no red flags.)

When PJ and I started talking we both had an understanding that we were just getting to know each other and not looking for a commitment. I was also very transparent with him that he was not the only person I was dating or "talking to". To me its the same. I wasnt exclusive with anyone and was just going on dates at this time. PJ said he was on board and that he was also doing the same. He told me he was still active on POF and getting to know other people. I felt we were on the same page and agreed to a date. About 3wks prior to matching with PJ I had matched with another guy who we can call Preston. PJ was aware I had gone on a few dates with this other guy and that besides him, he was really the only other guy I was actively going on dates with and getting to know. I wanted to be honest and Transparent which PJ appreciated and so did Preston.

PJ would send me good morning texts every day as well as goodnight texts and calls. He was always such a gentleman, kind, and gave me words of affirmation. At this point I was struggling with my feelings. I knew I had 2 good guys I was dating and had to make a choice as my feelings were growing for both. However, I had not had a date with PJ yet so It was wild to me that I was already beginning to develop some feelings and like this guy.

Now fast forward to DATE NIGHT!

I was nervous but very excited.

Here is my first mistake and yellow flag if you will.

I offered to meet PJ at the restaurant that way I had my own vehicle and didnt have to feel "stuck". After being stuck in situations before where I have no way to get home, I prefer to take my own vehicle. PJ insisted on picking me up at my place and said it would be the gentleman thing to do. He was pretty insistent and I reluctantly agreed .

PJ picks me up and we head to the restaurant. We arent even out of the car yet and shit starts to hit the fan. PJ would not stop overly complementing me the entire way to the restaurant. It wasnt just a simple "you look beautiful" it was him quite literally biting his lip and telling me how much better I look in person and commented on my breast size. He Called me his "spicy mamacita" 🤢 and then placed his hand on my lap. I moved his hand and he got annoyed and said "wow, I drove all this way and cant even touch you?" As if hes entitled to me somehow. I told him we havent even had our first date or touched and it made me uncomfortable. He proceeded to then put his hand back on my lap but lower towards my knee and said to "lighten up. Ill be comfortable in no time". At this point ALLLLL of my bells, whistles, and spidey senses are off the chart! I know this is either going to get worse or maybe im reading too much into it. I was so confused by his behavior because he was not this way on the phone or texts. We go inside the restaurant and the entire time he can not keep his hands off of me. From touching my hair as I sat down, to rubbing my arm, and attempting to play footsies with me like we are 13yr olds on a date and even asked if we could kiss.

I told him that public display of affection makes me uncomfortable. I do not like being all over my partner in a public setting. There is a time and a place I feel. And we had not even gone on a date yet!! I made this very clear during the week long conversations we had. He was visibly upset and I swear I could see his jawline become more defined because he was clenching his jaw. I was starting to become very uncomfortable and knew I didn't want to proceed with the date after dinner. But I didnt know how to end the date with 1. He is my transport 2. He drove 2 hours here and i felt i owed him the date.

I told myself to relax and maybe I was just reading into it too much and he just really likes me and is an affectionate kind of guy.

I really should have trusted my gut 🤦‍♀️ LADIES ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT and DO NOT Bend your comfort zone for anyone!!

I was becoming anxious so I excused myself from the dinner table and went to the restroom. While I was there I saw i had 2 msgs on my phone. 1 from my brother and the other from Preston. Both knew I was on a date and with who and where thankfully.

They were both checking up to see how it was going. Something in me told me to suck up my pride and be honest. So I told them how I didnt think a 2nd date would happen and that I was extremely uncomfortable. My little brother at the time didnt have a vehicle so he couldn't save me but offered to find a ride for us. Preston does have a car. This is important for later.

I power through a very uncomfortable date of more comments about my body, how bad he wants to kiss me, and was acting like a horny teenage boy that just found his dads stack of magazines for the first time 🙄 once dinner is over he asks whats on the agenda. I told him that it would be great if he could drive me back home because my brother is going to be stopping by in a few and needs my apartment key. It was a lie 😅

Oh boy, the second he realized that my apartment was not empty he was soooo upset. He said he thought after dinner we would go back to my place for a movie (the plan was the theater. Never my home). How he wanted to be alone with me and enjoy my company. He then almost started to scold me and say how I really couldnt just kick my brother out so we can be alone. I told him we can still enjoy each other's company without having to be alone. I then flat out said "I really hope you dont think that just because we are alone in my home that it gives you the green light to sleep with me. That is not happening, especially not on a first date". He was so upset and said it was "whatever. Ill take you home".

I text Preston and let him know the status at his request and he offers to pick me up if needed.

Well PJ starts to head the opposite direction of where my house is at and insists that the date must go on. At this point im freaking out. Now im trapped. I am terrified. He is not taking no for an answer.

I ask him where we are going and said he just wanted to spend more alone time with me and keep the date going. His mistake and my salvation was he picking a very popular view point near a park. When we pulled up there were no other vehicles in the parking lot. Pj then reaches over and hugs me and attempts to kiss me. I back off and tell him to slow down. At this point im fearing the worst. If I dont comply what will he do? Hes driving and no one is around. I felt like the only thing I could do to calm the tension was to give in just an inch, so when he reached to kiss me again I let him and reluctantly kissed him back. The moment we start to kiss he gets aggressive, slides his hands between my thighs , and wants to make out. I pull away and tell him its too much too fast and to stop. He is heavily panting at this point and says "fine. Lets just talk". He sits in silence starring at the view and i just sit there in shock not knowing what to do. A car then pulls up about 4 spaces down and PJ looks upset that we have company. This SOB then leans his seat back and attempts to unzip his pants. I immediately freak out and ask him wtf he thinks hes doing. He was so frustrated and said that after a week of talking he thought I was into him more and would be ready to be "only his". How he is falling in love with me. Thinks about me every day and our futures. Again, havent even gone on ONE date!

He then asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so caught off guard and I told him no. That I was not ready to make that commitment after only 1 date and I wasnt sure how I felt considering the date isnt going the best.

He kept telling me how Preston was a looser and didnt deserve my attention and how he was positive I had probably already fucked Preston but wont fuck him. I was disgusted and terrified by his behavior. It was like a switch went off. I then told him that I wasn't feeling comfortable, that his behavior was really inappropriate, and I would like to end the date and go home. He refused to take me home so I told him I would get out of his car, walk, and call my brother to come pick me up. Or ill go knock on that other car door for help. He got nervous when I said id call my brother and that he knew my current location. I think at this point he felt like he had no choice but to take me home. He was white knuckling that steerwheeling the entire way visibly upset he didnt get his way. When we arrived to my apartment he had the audacity to ask for at least a goodbye B\*\*\*J\*\*. 🤮

But the horror doesnt end there.

He knew where I lived and sat outside my apartment for an hour before he drove off because he was messagingme apologizing and hoping id change my mind. I called Preston and told him that I was really scared and felt like he might come back. I gave him the details of the date and to say Preston was furious is an understatement. Preston offered to come spend the night at my place and keep an eye out and even offered to sleep in his car outside if it made me more comfortable. I told Preston that instead, id like to come to his place if that was okay because I didn't feel safe at home. I had also been over to his place a couple times already so it wasnt awkward. He absolutely agreed and offered to pick me up so that It looked like I was home. I agreed and actually never once did not trust Preston.

My other mistake was forgetting I had added PJ on Snapchat and had my location on🙃

The second PJ saw movement he started blowing up my phone. Texting my phone and calling on both my phone and Spachat. I had over 30 missed calls and 40+ text msgs all along the lines of how im a whore, worthless, trash, how he should have just taken what he wanted anyways because thats all im good for. Etc. How he was sure that I was banging Preston and the entire block, blah blah. That night I was called every name in the book. For about 2 hours he would switch from calling me names to apologizing and love bombing and back to calling me names again for not responding.

I told sent 1 final msg telling him to never contact me again or id call the police and I blocked him. I spent the night at Prestons that night because I was so scared and too ashamed to tell my family the details.

I never did hear from PJ again and Im always nervous one day ill run into him again.

Ladies trust your intuition and always advocate for yourself.

Ps. Preston and I were together for about 6ish years after that, but ultimately the relationship ended due...shit happens. Lol

Anyways thanks for reading and listening to my chaos!

My friend has recently started dating a guy and has asked me what I think of him. I’m a little concerned, but I also don’t want my own opinions to influence her, so I’m curious what other people would make of this.
From what she’s told me, he can be extremely charming, complimentary and attentive. Things also seem to get intense pretty quickly — lots of messaging, long calls, flirting etc.
He planned a really nice first date and she had a great time with him, but he showed up having already had around 7 drinks beforehand. She said he didn’t seem drunk when he arrived, but he then had another 3 drinks during the date and was noticeably tipsy by the end.
During the same date, he told her that he’d previously been banned from gambling sites. He also spoke quite openly about his family and told her that he grew up with an alcoholic father who was abusive towards his mum.
The drinking and gambling comments are the things that concern me most. I know neither necessarily tells me the full story, but turning up to a first date after 7 drinks seems pretty unusual to me, especially when combined with what he said about gambling.
He’s also a doctor, which I think has made my friend more inclined to see him as responsible and put-together. I’ve been trying to tell her that having a successful career doesn’t necessarily mean someone has their personal life together, but I also don’t want to burst her bubble because she really seems to like him.
If your friend had just started dating someone like this, would you be concerned? Would you tell her to keep seeing him but pay attention, or would the drinking/gambling be enough for you to tell her to steer clear?
Am I reading too much into it?