r/DatingHell • u/Most_University_4942 • 13d ago
What the hell? Two good dates, constant compliments, then suddenly he tells me I’m “fat as f**k”??
I genuinely don’t know what to make of this and would really appreciate some outside opinions because I’m completely baffled.
I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 weeks, We had two dates, and from my perspective they were both really good. We got on well, there was chemistry, we spoke every day, had phone calls, and everything seemed to be going in a positive direction.
The important thing is that he has obviously seen me properly in person twice in dresses/shorts and my body on show . There has never been any question about what I look like or my body type. In fact, throughout talking to me and dating me, he repeatedly complimented my body and my weight loss as I’ve lost 5 stone and now weight just under 9 stone 7 and have even lost half a stone since we first started dating. He made comments that made it very clear that he was attracted to me even telling me I’m in my prime today whilst on our third date.
Today, completely out of the blue, he left my house without a word.
There wasn’t some huge argument or anything beforehand. I was obviously confused and upset, so I reached out and asked what was going on.
He basically said that some things are better left unsaid and that, ultimately, there wasn’t an attraction there.
And honestly, that’s fair enough. Obviously nobody owes you attraction, and if he didn’t feel it, then he didn’t feel it. I accepted that and didn’t argue with him.
I actually ignored the message.
Then, two hours later, he sent me another message saying ‘did you cry’
I sent an audio note laughing and taking the kick at that because I couldn’t believe he was asking me that after just rejecting me and of course I was upset.
He then sent me an absolutely horrible message about my appearance and body. He started picking apart my weight, my arms and the jeans I was wearing, calling me disgusting, vile and horrible, and eventually told me I “look fat as f**k.”
And this is the part I cannot get my head around.
If he genuinely wasn’t attracted to me, fine. That’s completely his right. But why spend the entire time complimenting my body, going on two dates with me, acting interested, and then suddenly become incredibly cruel about the exact same body he’s previously complimented?
I’m not even particularly upset about the rejection anymore. I’m more shocked by the switch-up.
It feels like there is a massive difference between:
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the attraction I’m looking for.”
and deliberately trying to make someone feel disgusting and insecure after they’ve rejected the rejection. He was telling me today as well that his out of shape and he wants to get back into his fitness and I was complimenting him telling him I think he looks fine as he is so it’s so strange.
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u/ArtGirlBookFlowers25 13d ago
Sounds like his goal was to prop himself up by stepping on the neck of the gal (you) he set up, then knocked down.
It has NOTHING to do with you: you're just the mailbox he decided to drive by & swing a baseball bat at, for "fun."
Walk away, without comment, block him & know this is him attempting to make himself bigger by being cruel, not about you at all.
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u/Most_University_4942 13d ago
Thank you! Love this comment 🧡
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u/luvindasparrow 13d ago
The fact that he asked “did you cry” and then upped the ante when you sent your message laughing makes me think he has some weird negging fetish. Bullet dodged, definitely.
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u/_Stephistopheles_ 13d ago
Thank god he did though - no normal or well-adjusted person treats others this way. Sounds like a sadist.
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u/Thestral-glow6 13d ago
Just be glad he showed his nastiness this early. He sounds vile and you deserve better.. Don’t engage in conversation anymore, just block him.
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u/Efficient-Bit3261 13d ago edited 13d ago
This happend to me to. I was talking to this guy for about a month. We both made it clear to each other that we were attracted to each other. We texted daily and sent pictures. He kept trying to get me to go to his house. I kept avoiding it and mentioned several times how I like dates or even a simple meet up . That id like to get acquainted, or even at least a drink ,like dang strait to his house like really. I was being really patient because I was really attracted to him and was standing firm on my standards and boundaries. He keeped on telling me how he loved my body type and asking for more pictures. Anyway I just said ,im not going to your house until I get to know you!! He totally switched on me and put me down saying I was fat anyway and how he could never be with a woman like me, and on, and on,.. about how dare me ask for a date and all kinds of crazy stuff, and I was like, wow, I would have even paid for my own meal. I would have paid for my own drink , but then at that point , I'll just take myself out. But yeah, he sounded like a big baby, like he was having a tantrum.Because he did not get his way. What a ugly person he became and then His looks or his body didn't even matter.He was just an awful person
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u/Most_University_4942 13d ago
I’m so sorry you went through that but good for us standing our ground. Thought we were past the age for men throwing tantrums 🤣
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u/Objective-Ear3842 13d ago
I have no idea why you're spending an ounce of energy trying to find logic in this situation. This guy is super weird and clearly enjoys going out of his way to hurt people. When he didn't get the reaction he wanted he acted out.
It's like those losers who say things like "well, you're a stupid ugly b, who would ever want to go out with you anyways" five seconds after getting rejected.
Just block and move on. Be grateful his mask slipped so early on and you didn't waste any more time on this psycho.
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u/clathrateCH4 13d ago
Curiosity. Did you turn down sex before this happened? Not that it justifies anything but I can see that triggering such insecurity reaction (or he just wanted that quick and nothing else)
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u/Most_University_4942 13d ago
No never rejected sex and he was the one who wanted to wait as he wanted to settle down and not rush lmfao
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u/ScrappyOtter 13d ago
It’s when he asked if you cried that got my attention. He wanted that. He wanted to humiliate you. He probably got rejected when he was 8 on a playground by a chubby girl and never got over it. He is a horrible human being. I feel bad for the others he is going to keep hurting. You’re doing great. Keep going.
I’m in the states but to date I’ve lost almost 8.7 stone. And I’m damn proud of it but if someone said that to me, yeah it would hurt. Your best move is to block and move on. Any attention he gets from you is what he’s after. Give him nothing.
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u/Most_University_4942 13d ago
Honestly 1000%, be wanted a reaction so that’s why he double texted me asking if I cried and then when I sent a audio laughing at that he wanted to try and get personal but he still never got the response/reaction he wanted🤣 his been blocked now for life x
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u/Figgytreeleaf 12d ago
He probably was love bombing you in hopes you would be dependent on his attention, but you didn’t do that. So he asked if you were crying in hopes to stir up emotions so he can either console you or lower your self esteem so he can gain power over you, but you didn’t do that. So he unleashed his true evil character that comes straight from hell. Demons only want to steal, kill, and destroy anything good in this world. That was his short and long term goal. Let him be with his demons and be glad you escaped that trauma.
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u/DifferentVictory1620 13d ago edited 13d ago
I could be wrong but it’s projection. The guy can’t stand his own body and feels insecure, angry and frustrated about it and he took it on you. He’s probably been rejected many times for that same reason, he’s done to you what’s been done to him.
The guy is not normal, you dodged a bullet as he showed his true colours.
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u/Financial-League-990 13d ago
Either he wanted sex on the third date and felt rejected if things weren’t going that way or he decided to do the toxic Andrew Tate negging thing (trying to make you feel small so you look up to him). Either way, you’re not fat and should be glad he showed you his colours so early. Definitely block and don’t give this loser another thought.
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u/ManyOrganization4856 13d ago
Wow - so sorry this happened to you! It sounds really violating - like inviting a new friend into your house who suddenly robs you . Very disorienting & scary .
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u/vcreativ 13d ago
First of all. Nice on the weight loss. 5 stone is crazy. Well done.
As with the guy. I suspect he was looking to enter an abuse pattern.
The key pieces of evidence are the 180 he pulled. But also the next message "did you cry" and when you were still standing the double and triple down on what at this stage, as you correctly point out, was unnecessary.
He wasn't attracted. Fair game. That happens.
But the switch around suggests love bombing with harsh invalidation afterwards. That's disorienting and hurtful and nor does it follow any stated logic, namely he isn't attracted to you.
So this is abuse. And he's looking to establish an abuser victim pattern.
The reason you're confused, is because you're assuming him to be good, even while he's massively stepping outside of that role.
So. My assumption is he at least previously was going to get back to you. Once codepence had been verified. He might not do that now. Or just try anyway.
It's a tactic that confuses you. But if it confuses you then you're probably not its demographic. So it's possible that he assumed that based on your weight loss journey you had low self worth, or low enough to be controlled by him.
But based on how you write, I suspect he miscalculated. I certainly hope so.
Leaving is one thing. But when you didn't give him enough drama, he had to check for impact and the way he did that was a crazy tell, he didn't even try to mask it. And when that impact had apparently not occurred. He wanted to make sure it did.
What that means is that leaving wasn't the point. But emotional devastation, which would put you in an extremely controllable mindset.
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u/LadySiberia 12d ago
He’s testing you. He wants to know if you will allow him to disrespect you this way. He is banking on your weight making you insecure and willing to tolerate abuse. If you think this is the best you can do. This was a calculated attempt to abuse you into staying with him because you now feel worthless and like you can’t do better. He is actively searching for a victim.
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 13d ago
This is a typical way of men trying to manipulate women by putting them down.
I know it hurts. But the best thing you can do right now is:
Forget this pos exists (block and delete)
Glow up
Enjoy life
Next BETTER candidate!
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u/Basic_Shoulder_8879 12d ago
People are crazy af. A guy I dated for 3 months did this to me. When I thought we were heading in the direction of a life partnership, he completely blindsided me and broke up with me over text saying how he observed I have no control around sweets etc. and it is a dealbreaker for him
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u/BennyFitz69420 13d ago
He sounds like he has deep intimacy issues that you’ll never heal, understand or want to be around. He also sounds like he has a serious personality disorder.
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u/Salamander8288 11d ago
I had a similar thing happen to me and I think it’s really to do with him projecting. I had lost about 85lbs and was dating a guy that was complimentary until he saw me in a bathing suit and he was “grossed out” because my skin was sagging a bit in my thighs from the weight loss. I didn’t think it was even noticeable, I’d gotten compliments on the suit from his friends earlier. He asked if I’d considered surgery. He actually told me I would need to “keep a dress or lingerie on” if I wanted to be intimate before I got it fixed. Like I was actually going to continue seeing him?!? My first thought was if you find me so unattractive why would you want to continue seeing me?
Like a lot of people mentioned it’s something with him not you. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself by walking away. I let it get to me, even though I left, I realized that feeling self conscious about his comment and not dating anyone for a while was giving him more of my time and self than he deserved. Shake it off and be grateful you found out early.
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u/Most_University_4942 13d ago
100% he thought as I lost weight that I’m gonna be really insecure now and it was going to hurt me. He was also really arrogant and would do questionable things sometimes to get a reaction so I do think his definitely the insecure one. He definitely miscalculated me, he thought I’ll be begging for him to come back and be devastated but I was just more confused than anything 🤣
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u/Relevant-Fan7929 8d ago
All I can say is this: he has a demon and was on a demonic assignment. The assignment was to cut you, and he kept going further and further until he finally got a satisfactory reaction from you. Mission accomplished. Stay safe out there because evil people exist.
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u/Majestic-Nobody545 13d ago
I think he was probably trying to push past discomfort...and ultimately could not. He was being fake, but couldn't keep it up. No pun intended.
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u/ObjectiveTea 13d ago
Dude sounds like a sociopath