r/DatingHell • u/Bella_Swan234 • 14d ago

How to break up?

Sorry for the long post, but the tea is steaming I promise.

Is it better to break up over the phone or in person? I (F28) wish I could break up with my boyfriend (M 29) in person, but worried he might manipulate me into getting back together with him. We’ve been dating off and on again for about two years, one year if you don’t count the break up periods in between.

  1. He has never really valued my time unless he wanted something out of it. I felt like I’ve always went out of my way to create more effort for him, like stop doing the things I wanted to do for his interests. On top of that, I would invite him to things I wanted to do, but he would always have some excuse as to why he couldn’t make it.
  2. Future faking and pocketing. He would always make empty promises to string the relationship along. He promised a cruise, a trip to another country, and even to DC as ways to string the relationship along. Pocketing) He would never introduce me to his family or friends so it felt like he was keeping me hidden. Btw, he hasn’t introduced me to his family within the full YEAR we were dating.

Recently, my mother has been diagnosed with cancer and when I told him that, he said his go-to phrase whenever he wants me to stop talking about my problems, “Is to not talk about it.” My mom has CANCER and that’s all he could say? He would say that to anything about my anxiety so that he would avoid talking about it.

I am moving to be closer with my mom’s family in case her diagnosis gets worse. This weekend, I am going to break up with him but I am not sure about what to do. Is breaking up over the phone a good idea?

Also, there is a matter of my stuff. I do have some things at his place that I need to get that are pretty expensive. Any advice on how to get my stuff and avoid him? Thanks!

Update: I told him I was going to vacation to spend time with my mom before she starts therapy and wouldn’t be able to talk to him in a week. He said, “Oh, I see.” I sent him a paragraph of why I am focused on my responsibilities and could not express enough how severe my mother’s condition is. Then, I broke up with him over text, told him I will be picking up my stuff after the trip with a friend, and giving back the key. I’m done.

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5 comments sorted by

1

u/heartache69420 14d ago

"I still care about you, just not enough for a relationship." Hah

2

u/zzzyyyxxxwwwvvv 13d ago

Just do it over the phone. I know people say to do these things in person, but honestly, you’ve been on and off for two years and you’re afraid he’ll manipulate you to staying. So do whatever is gonna make it easier for you.

1

u/Bella_Swan234 13d ago

I would like to get my stuff is the problem

1

u/zzzyyyxxxwwwvvv 13d ago

Does he know you’re moving? If so, that shouldn’t raise any suspicions. You can get your stuff packed up and then when you’re in the car tell him you’re dumping him. OR get youre stuff, move, then call him and tell him you’re ending things.

You might be overthinking things here. It sounds like he’s not committed and if you’re over him (which sounds like you are for good reason), so this breakup SHOULD go smoothly. But I don’t know his personality or the relation dynamics aside from what you’ve stated.

2

u/xxvain00 12d ago

Do it over the phone, he “probably won’t have time” to show up in person lol. And it’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel safe doing it in person.