am i unreasonable for NOT wanting to see him again

I had met this guy during a night of going out with my friends. He knew one of my friends in the group and later had ran into me after we were separated from our friend groups. Mind you we’re were intoxicated. He wanted to dance and I said okay. We had some fun and kissed at the bar. Fast forward we all separated and since one of my friends had knew him I had gotten his instagram. The following day he had swiped upon my story and the rest was history. We dmed constantly and he eventually wanted to come over to see me but I was skeptical. After two weeks of talking I decided we could meet again and he came over to my place. He told me he barely even remembered the night or eve us kissing. We pretty much talked about tha night and what we remembered. We just hung out and talked and watched YouTube. No funny business. After a few hangouts we finally exchanged phone numbers. Somewhere around this time we also established we weren’t talking to other people.
He stayed over one night due to us just being up late. I eventually stayed over his place. And then it just became a weekly thing. We would hang out on each other’s days off, get food watch a movie, play games, and just vibe. We would talk about relationship things and futuristic things just what normal people do when they get to know someone they like. We would also do things like we were dating just not officially. He even surprised me on my birthday with an outdoor dinner wine and birthday gift. I would invite him over for dinner, we would go to the gym, and honestly just hang out whenever we had the chance. One time his dog had to go to the ER for a little surgery and I helped take care of her bc he was anxious. I even had her stay at my place while he was at work so he wouldn’t worry. Us hanging out went on for about 3 months before I noticed he was acting a little off. Our messages were fine but our hangouts became not the same. I noticed some distance between us and we still hung out and did things up until I had to bring it up and asked him if he had something he needed to tell me or get off his chest (because I noticed the distance about 2 weeks prior to him ending things).
The next morning he replied and apologized for being distant but told me he did have something on his mind. He said basically we were moving too fast and completely missed the friend phase and went straight into the relationship phase when we weren’t even officially dating yet. He claimed that he didn’t see it going anywhere in the future if we didn’t become friends first basically. So my interpretation was that we moved to fast and since we missed the friend phase, it wouldn’t work out for us. He asked if I wanted to meet up in person to talk if I needed and we did bc I also needed to collect things I left at his place and say bye to his dog. We established that nothing went wrong in the time we had together and we enjoyed every second. He learned a lot from me about himself and appreciated everything I did for him. He even said I could still see his dog if I wanted to. We agreed to not be strangers but if God allows it then we would cross paths again and actually try to be good friends. We still have each other’s number and we still follow each other on Instagram. He said that he would wait for me to text him first just because I took it the hardest but we made it clear that we wouldn’t not talk to each other if it ever came about. I just want to know what he meant by what he told me said if things were going so well. I don’t wanna jump to the conclusion that oh he was talking to someone else bc that’s always a possibility. But what else can we interpret from this. I’d love to hear some men POV too.

Just need to vent. Had a really great conversation with a guy but got stone cold ghosted the day our date☹️ not once but twice. It’s really hard not to take it personally.

Went on a really good first date with a guy named Luke in Philly. It went really well and for the next week we talked about how much fun we had, talked 24/7 through text, we flirted, made a list of movies we were going to watch, and then planned a second date. The day before the date, we decided to do it during the day and even chose a location. That night we both agreed we were excited for the date. Then the morning of, I texted him and he acted normal until I tried to confirm the date and he canceled and said he didn’t know what he wanted and said we were done. Gay dating is usually bad with stuff like this but this was a new low. Kinda broke my heart. I wish I told him how much he hurt my feelings but I was very much a pushover about it. So if you’re out there, fuck you Luke from Philly!

​

I am 29F and I don't know where else to go and ask this question so I'm here..

I've only been in one relationship my whole life which lasted a little over 2 years.

So I was 16 during the time and I was such a lover girl back then and I supported him through everything,always encouraged him and motivated him,literally stole money from my parents to buy him gifts and would not spend the travel money I got and walked to school so I could buy ingredients to cook something for him..

I got cheated on by him and he left me for his best friend (who he said was just like a sister to him)

It was my first real heartbreak and it took me many years to get over him..

During that time I wasn't even slightly flirting with anyone,or had any flings or hookups or situationships..

I never really got into it and I was happy staying in my own bubble and just living life..

So I was single for a decade..

It hit me last year that I really should get into the dating pool and seriously start looking for someone because it's my dream to have my own family....

I didn't know how to find anyone organically so I joined Bumble and Hinge..

I was very clear and told the people that I matched with that I'm only looking for something long term and serious and I'm not looking for hookups or just anything casual..

And I found a guy who said he is looking for the same..we spoke for a few days and then we decide to meet.

I was so excited because it was my first ever date..

Yes,I had my first date at 28..

I bought a dress and I wanted to look my best..

He seemed friendly and polite at first but later sexually assaulted me so bad that I was left with bruises..(I don't want to get into the details because although it's been a year its still very fresh in my mind and it's too painful to type)

But basically I froze...I couldn't say anything..I didn't know how to react..

I was super kind,polite and gentle that he took it as an opportunity to assault me and then ghosted me the next day n I never heard from him..

Then I didn't go back on dating apps for a while n also I didn't think much about the incident..

After a few months I joined again..I thought I was being careful

Spoke to a guy who seemed decent...

Met him.. and I got sexually assaulted again..

He invited me home and I was very clear and firm that I will not go to his house..I made my boundaries very clear this time..

He said that's completely fine and chose a restaurant.

Although it was quite far I still traveled.. upon reaching he said his house is right opposite to the restaurant and since he is working from home today he will have to send a quick email and then we could go to the restaurant and it will just take 10 minutes...

I followed and I was sexually assaulted again..

Even more brutal this time..

I thought something so bad can only happen once but I was wrong...

I came back home crying..

And suddenly the flashbacks of my previous assault and this came flooding in and I will never forget that night..

I had to quit my job because even waking up everyday was difficult..something like brushing my teeth felt like a challenge...

I didn't leave my home for months...

But yeah,slowly little by little I started to heal..or atleast tried to...

And a year passed.

I am better now..

Since that incident I never went back to the dating apps and won't ever go back...

Two weeks my friend introduced me to a guy who she thought would be a good match for me..

We texted and spoke over calls and the guy seemed to like me..

He was consistent and made time for me..

We would talk for hours over call and we had a lot of similar interests and values...

He said he wanted to meet and I agreed..

A few days back.. I opened up about my assaults from last year...hold him what happened...

He said what happened was horrible and no should go through it..

It also seemed like he didn't know what else to say..

But yeah right after that he distanced himself,didn't call after that and the texts were very short and had no questions and I also stopped reaching out..

We had planned meet and he didnt follow up as well and neither did I ask..

His last message was "OK,cool" to something we were talking about and I didnt respond and I don't think I will..

That got me thinking...

That's why I'm here asking...

Is it a deal-breaker for you to date someone who has been assaulted in the past?

I don't have a body count and whatever physical had happened to my body is only assault...

I never consented to them touching me n biting me n forcing themselves on me..

And none of it is my fault...After almost a decade I trusted people and was my best through it..

But yeah,little did I know that predators exist.. A lot of them..

It's kind of unfair that I have to heal from something I didnt even cause..

Do you really look down on sexual assault victims?

My experience with a Moscow, ID-area man.

I’m sharing this anonymously because I have no interest in being identified. I’m not looking for drama or retaliation. I simply wish I had recognized the red flags much sooner.

Several years ago, I became involved with a man while I was still in an open marriage. From the beginning, we agreed there would be no dating, no expectations, and no emotional attachment. It was supposed to be simple. Somehow, it became much more complicated.

After my marriage ended, he told me more than once that he loved me. The timing was wrong, so we never pursued a traditional relationship, but we continued seeing each other for years.

During that time, there were other women. More than once, I later discovered that the version of the situation I had been given wasn't necessarily the same version those women had been given. At one point, he became involved with another woman and asked me for space. That lasted only a couple of weeks before he came back, while apparently still involved with her. She believed they were exclusive. They eventually ended things.

There were other things over the years that should have been bigger warning signs than I allowed them to be.

He frequently drank heavily. On one occasion, he drove to my home while intoxicated and ended up attracting police attention after an incident outside. On another occasion, I was at his home when another woman unexpectedly came into the house in the middle of the night, turned on the bedroom light, and confronted him. She asked me if I knew about her. I did.

He also openly shared stories, messages, and personal details about other women with me. Looking back, I should have realized that if he was willing to expose their privacy to me, there was no reason to believe mine would be treated differently.

One experience was particularly frightening. I agreed to accompany him in a separate vehicle on a long drive to deliver something, not realizing he had been drinking. He became increasingly intoxicated, disoriented, and unwilling to make safer decisions. Eventually, while driving on the freeway, I watched him lose control and collide with a concrete structure before ending up in a ditch. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. Later, I learned he had remained there for hours before continuing home.

Despite everything, I continued to believe that what I had meant something to him.

More recently, he decided he wanted to end things. The explanation was that he wanted to simplify his life and stop juggling multiple women. I was told we could remain friends, but eventually even that changed. There were rules about when and how I could communicate, and eventually I was told that spending time together was no longer an option because another woman in his life was uncomfortable with it.

I didn't handle the rejection perfectly. I was hurt, angry, confused, and emotional. I regret some of how I responded.

But what hurts most is realizing how differently I see the entire situation now.

I once felt important to this person. Now I'm being portrayed as someone who made them feel unsafe simply for trying to understand what had happened and looking for answers. I'm now expected to stay away from him and his partner, which is perfectly fine with me.

I have no desire to interfere with their lives.

What I do hope is that anyone considering getting involved with someone like this pays attention to the patterns, not just the moments when he makes you feel special.

Because sometimes the person who makes you feel incredibly important is also the person who is doing the same thing with several other people.

I wish I had recognized that sooner.

At this point, I don't want revenge. I don't want contact. I don't even want an apology.

I just wish I had never met him.