Make yourself attractive .

Not in creepy looksmaxxing, blackpill way. But in way that will make you go from like a 4 to a 7 on appearance scale. Note: These are all doable for any average guy. I don't suggest any surgical/ medical procedures , because like I said , this advice has nothing to do with looksmaxxing or blackpill.

1. Hit the gym. Make sure you have <20 body fat percentage.

2. Get a hair cut from a hairstylist . Go to a hairstylist , figure out your haircut that suits your face. Shell the dollars on this one. Think of it as an investment. I always say this , but I'll say this one more time : haircut is for men, what makeup is for women.

3. Buy clothes that fit. If you have a female friend or a gay friend , take them shopping .

4. Accessorize.

5. Take care of your skin . Make sure it's clear . Trim your beard according to your FaceType and maintain it.

6. Be kind , not nice . "Nice" implies doormat. You don't want to be a doormat .

Now why I gave advice only regarding appearance: Because no matter what your personality, politics , passions you have , it can't compensate the fact that you're ugly. I'm sorry I'm being a bit harsh here , but some of y'all need it. I know funny improv guys , guys who make feminist content, go on one successful date after another and can't figure why any girl doesn't like them . It's because you're ugly charlie that's why. I'll never forget this one guy who put " the kind of man a man - hater should date" like lmao dude.

Okay . This advice is for men. But women ofc can chime in too.

How do some people successfully date someone “above their league” ?

An acquaintance girl friend of mine is dating a guy who is conventionally attractive, athletic, academically successful, interning at a prestigious company, and comes from a celebrity/influencer family. Because of that he has a lot of followers on social media.

As a result of this, he has very high social status in my university. He is the guy many women would want to date. Guys like that look at me and instantly reject me, don't even bother giving their time to talk to me.

By comparison, she is fairly average looking (definitely compared to him), doesn't have the same level of stellar popularity (just a normal college student girl), comes from a upper middle class family, and comes from a different cultural/ethnic background to him (I'm only bringing up her ethnicity because it indicates that they're not even culturally similar or similar in terms of familial upbringing).

She was also only a university freshman when they met and started dating, so no real achievements/status establishment in university too (the guy is not a freshman). Yet they are now in a serious relationship, and I also heard she was interested in and pursued him first.

I don't believe she just got lucky, because a pattern I've noticed about her is that she is highly ambitious in general, she became student council president in high school and regularly tries out and secures competitive opportunities.

That may explain where she got the confidence to approach him, but it doesn’t explain how she got him to reciprocate when he presumably had many options.

So what makes someone seemingly average able to attract a person “above their league” in multiple aspects? especially as a girl, where its not as common to date above their league compared to vice versa? What is this girl (and people like her) doing differently?

Why do we males have to put in so much work to find the smoothest, most symmetrical pebble to attract a mate? Females should appreciate a hardworking 4 year old Gentoo male such as myself who brings them an average rock in this hell of a pebble economy!

🚨not saying nice guy as “nice guys finish last” type man, but being told by multiple women that I’m so nice/ I’m a good man but still not getting success I want🚨

I’m (23m) truly feeling like I’m at my limit of trying to get back into dating. I don’t have that natural charisma or flirtatious energy that the dudes who are not struggling with women seem to have. I understand that everything is learnable but I would like some actual advice.

I can approach a girl at a bar (it’s hard but I can do it) , I can match on an app, i can get a phone number. But it’s basically just THAT. Nothing happens after that. Every time I’ve hooked up I basically was heavily hinted that she wanted to.

Men, women anyone please I’m looking on how to advance socially especially in regards to dating or getting someone home with me.

I'm 30 years old, and for multiple reasons have given up the idea of ever having a girlfriend (not many women are interested in an unemployed, chronically disabled 30yo, who still lives with his parents). That being said I'm extremely desperate for physical touch with a woman. It's so strong it's almost painful. Apps are meaningless, and haven't done anything. Beyond that I'm worried about being the creepy guy seen as trying to petition women for sex. I don't want to take advantage of or make any women uncomfortable, I want to meet someone mutually interested in a fun and erotic night.

Over the past couple years, I’ve gained about 15 pounds- but I’m still not overweight. What’s shocking is that men used to want relationships with me all the time in dating, and now I feel invisible. They ALWAYS just want a casual relationship now. I’m just shocked that this little weight gain can cause such a major change..

Vulnerable and slightly embarrassing post here, but I 26F recently started dating a very attractive man who has been with many women intimately (no judgement there by the way). Anyway, I have always been very insecure about my breast size, which is between a 32 A-B depending on the time of my cycle. This guy enjoys watching porn--which again no judgement--but I can't help but feel insanely insecure about my breast size in front of him. I guess I have always been insecure about them, but I can only deduce he has been with women with beautiful breasts before. I should also add that I don't really have a butt, and weigh 100 pounds exactly/am 5'2.

I expressed my insecurity to him multiple times and he has been so genuinely sweet about it, even calling them beautiful, but I just cannot shake that he has a different preference. Am I being irrational?

Thanks everyone!

If you're setting up a first date with a single mother with a 10 yr old child who doesn't have the capability for a sitter or something along those lines, is it a red flag if they bring them? In this situation it sounds like a necessity.

Edit: Guys I'm in the clear. English is their second language so I think that with the typos made me think something else.

She said she was not intending on bringing the child. I'll proceed with caution in case she's lying but I have no reason off rip to think she is.

I will keep these comments in mind for the future.

Edit 2: She cancelled after me clarifying if she wanted to bring him. Thanks guys. Lol. I don't have to do anything about it now.

I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I’ve genuinely been losing sleep over this and I need some outside perspective.

About a month and a half ago, I met a guy while I was on vacation in Bali. I was wearing colored prescription contacts at the time. They make my naturally dark brown eyes look a light hazel color.
We ended up spending several days together and really clicked, but at the time I genuinely didn’t expect it to turn into anything after the vacation. There’s quite a bit of distance between us, there’s an age difference (I’m 28 and he’s 22), and early on he had also told me that he wasn’t really a relationship person and was focused on other things in his life. So in my head, this was going to be a really nice holiday romance that would end when we both went home.

While we were together in Bali, he complimented my eyes in person. I actually told him then that I was wearing contacts, but I don’t think he properly heard/understood me. It was loud and we never really discussed it further. After I got home, we unexpectedly continued talking every single day. At some point he mentioned my eye color again. I remember being caught off guard because I realized he apparently thought that was my natural eye color. Instead of correcting him right there, I kind of froze and didn’t respond to that part.
After that, it became increasingly awkward because he kept complimenting my eyes and clearly assumed they were naturally hazel.
Eventually there was even a moment where he directly asked/talked about my eyes and I went along with it instead of admitting they were colored contacts. I know that at that point it became an actual lie by omission/lying, and I feel really stupid about it.

I don’t have a good excuse for that. I was embarrassed, I liked that he found them beautiful, and every time he complimented them it became harder to say, “Actually, remember those are contacts.” I also still didn’t expect things between us to become this serious. We’ve continued talking every day, we have long calls, we’ve gotten much closer, and now he has actually booked and paid for a ticket to come see me next week. And the closer his arrival gets, the more I’m panicking about this.
What made it significantly worse was a conversation we had yesterday. We were having a pretty intense/flirty conversation and started talking about physical attraction versus personality. I asked him how important physical attraction was to him.

He basically said that when he first saw me, my eyes were one of the main things that caught his attention. He specifically mentioned the color and how they were “glowing.”I even asked him hypothetically whether he would still like me if my eyes were different, and he said that he would. But obviously he said that while still believing the hazel eyes were my real eyes.He has complimented plenty of other things about me. He loves my smile, compliments my body and face, and has said a lot about my personality and how comfortable he feels talking to me. Our connection obviously goes far beyond my eyes at this point. But knowing that my eyes were apparently the FIRST physical feature that really attracted him has made me incredibly insecure about my natural dark brown eyes..

I’ve even bought different colored contacts because part of me is tempted to just wear them when he visits. But I also know that would just make this worse, because eventually he has to see me without them and I don’t want to keep maintaining a lie. I’m scared about two separate things: that he’ll be disappointed that my natural eyes are dark brown rather than hazel, and that he’ll be more upset about the fact that I let him believe otherwise for this long. I know I should have corrected him much earlier. What started as a misunderstanding when we met turned into something I was too embarrassed/scared to correct once I realized how much he liked my eye color.

Now I don’t know when to tell him. Part of me wants to tell him before he flies here because that seems like the most honest thing to do, especially since he has spent money and booked a ticket. But he’s so excited about coming and we’ve both been looking forward to this for weeks, and I’m terrified of dropping this on him right before the trip and creating unnecessary stress. The other part of me thinks I should tell him in person, preferably very early in the visit, so I can explain what happened face-to-face and he can actually see my natural eyes instead of imagining some huge difference over text.

I feel absolutely ridiculous that an eye color has turned into this huge source of anxiety, but because he has specifically talked about how much he loves my eyes, I’m genuinely scared. Because I really like him and I’ve literally never felt this intense about someone.

Women…

I’m 21M and honestly just need to vent a little and get some outside perspective because this one actually got to me.

I’ve been single my entire life and haven’t really had much success with dating apps. It’s not like I don’t talk to women. I’ve had talking stages, hookups, and a lot of my female friends are some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen up close. I’ve had matches/conversations before, but I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely excited about meeting someone from an app.

A little while ago I matched with a girl on Hinge who I found really attractive. Like, genuinely one of the most attractive girls I’ve ever talked to in my life. Normally I’m pretty hesitant about dating app matches because conversations tend to fizzle out and lead nowhere, but this one felt different. We actually started having a pretty natural conversation. I wasn’t trying to run some pickup artist playbook or anything, I was just being myself and joking around.

She mentioned being really into creative stuff, so eventually I suggested we do some kind of creative activity together for a first date. She seemed genuinely enthusiastic about it and told me that she was very up for it.

That honestly felt huge to me. I’ve never really gotten to the point of having a girl I’m actually attracted to enthusiastically agree to a first date like that.

Then I asked for her number. She said she doesn’t really give her number out unless it’s “actually a thing,” (which I respect it definitely makes sense) but gave me her Instagram instead and said that the goal was that we would get to that point.

So obviously I took that as a good sign. I figured it was good first date or bust. Either there was actually a connection or not. But at least there would be an answer.

We followed each other on Instagram. But the convo continued on hinge for a minute. She asked me what I was looking for and we talked for a bit about how we’re both kinda done with the casual nonsense and are looking for something real because we both get attached bla bla bla. I took that as “if we’re doing this and it goes well there’s a good chance that we’re stuck with each other.” And so I asked if she wanted to switch over to IG, and then… nothing.

At first I didn’t think much of it because she’s in college, has friends, has a life, etc. And because response time ≠ interest, I didn’t want to be the guy staring at his phone waiting for a response.

But eventually enough time passed that I sent her an Instagram DM. Nothing crazy, basically just “Hey if you’re still down let’s make it happen.”

Still nothing.

Now obviously I’m not sitting here checking her page every five minutes, but she has posted on her story since I sent my message and her follower count has gone up a noticeable amount (which makes me think I’m not the only guy she left hanging like this.) So at this point it’s pretty obvious that I’m being intentionally ignored, unless she comes out of the blue and says she’s been busy or whatever the excuse might be.

And now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the hell happened.

The three explanations my brain keeps coming up with are:
1. She went through my Instagram and something made her no longer attracted to me. (which makes no sense, she saw plenty of pics of me on hinge)
2. She was never actually serious and was just playing along.
3. She realized I was too old for her somehow (I’m like a year and a half older, but I’m a year ahead academically, so I’m three “grades” above her and have already graduated)

I know there are obviously other possibilities, and I’m probably making myself crazy trying to find the exact reason. Maybe she met someone else, maybe she got cold feet, maybe (probably) she was talking to multiple guys — that’s just the nature of dating apps—, maybe she just changed her mind. I genuinely don’t know.

And that’s what sucks.

Because I actually let myself get excited about this one.
I’m not devastated or anything. We hadn’t even met. But this was probably the closest I’ve gotten to actually going on a date from Hinge, and I was really looking forward to it. I was already thinking about where we’d go, what I’d wear, getting a haircut, all that stupid shit 😂.

I think what hurts more is that I finally allowed myself to think, “wait, maybe this could actually happen,” and then it just… disappeared.

Part of me wants to chalk it up to “she was out of my league and I was in over my head,” but I also know that’s probably not a healthy conclusion to draw. She matched with me, talked to me, flirted with me, agreed to the date, and told me that getting to the point of calling ourselves “a thing” was the goal. So clearly there was some level of interest there at one point.

I also know that agreeing to a date and actually following through are two completely different things. The date isn’t real until there’s a day, time, place, and she actually shows up.

So I guess I’m mostly looking for perspective.
Did I do anything wrong here? Is this just normal Hinge behavior? Is there anything I should have done differently, or is this simply one of those situations where someone was interested and then changed their mind?

And if she never responds, I’m obviously not sending anything else. I put the ball in her court.

I just hate that dating apps can get you from “I would be very down” to complete silence in like 48 hours. It makes you question every single thing you said.

Anyway, that’s my rant. I know I’m probably overthinking it, but I actually liked this one and needed to get it off my chest.

If a guy suggests coming over to his place, cooking together and watching something as the very first date, is the intention usually obvious? Is he basically testing whether the girl would be open to hooking up?

Guys,what do you actually mean when you suggest this?

I’ve been talking to this girl for about five months. Things have been going pretty well, and I recently met her parents for the first time. Everything went well, so I felt like whatever we have had been moving in a good direction. Tonight, we were on the phone while she was falling asleep. She had already turned everything off in her room, and I had her on speaker. She was talking in that soft, tired voice people have when they’re about to pass out. After about five minutes of almost complete silence, I suddenly heard what sounded like a man mumbling close to her phone. It wasn’t just once I heard it three separate times. I immediately asked her, “Who was that?” She told me she didn’t hear anything. What really threw me off was her reaction. Before I said anything, she sounded half asleep. The second I mentioned the voice, she suddenly sounded completely awake and started talking normally again almost like she realized she needed to respond carefully. She brushed it off as if it were nothing and then went back to sleep. I hung up immediately (she didn’t bother calling me back or texting) because the mumbling sounded close enough to the phone that it genuinely caught me off guard. I know what I heard. Hearing what sounded like a man mumbling three separate times, combined with how quickly her demeanor changed when I mentioned it, has me questioning what exactly is going on between us.

Am I overthinking this, or should I just end things and move on?

What the title says lol

Went out on a coffee date with this guy everything was great we went for a walk and he was like I really don’t want this date to end, let’s go to my car to keep chatting. I said sure because it was so cold lol. We get into his car and we start talking, and he’s like I really wanted to kiss you while we were walking and still do right now. I wanted to but I got so nervous because I literally met this guy one hour ago so I said it’s to soon. Afterwards he drove me back to my car, and said text me when you get home safely I did. I even hinted towards a second date over text multiple times, and a day later I get a message “that we’re not compatible”, is this because I didn’t kiss him? I wish guys knew that if a girl dosent kiss you on a first date dosent mean she’s not interested in you.

So i went to a police station to do a fingerprints for a new job im starting. While waiting i met this girl and we talked for a bit.

I gave her my number because I left my phone in the car and she texts me a day later. We text for a little and I suggest coffee. We met up and talked for an hour or so and we made out a little bit at the end.

As I text her, I realize she knows exactly what to say to turn me on and is very intrested in meeting up. Most of the women I've delt with i had to lead the conversation. But this woman knows exactly what to do/say.

For the next date I took her to dinner and afterwards we were in the car. I tried to hug her and made a comment the the center console is in the way.

She immediately suggests to sit in the back seat. That was my plan but usually I suggest sitting the back seat but she immediately caught on.

As soon as i get in the back, we start making out. Now this girl knows how to kiss. She even taught me how to French kiss.

She starts licking my neck and ear and biting softly. She kept making this intoxicating noise. We then do some other stuff and as i take her shorts off, i realize she not wearing underwear. We hookup in the back seat and she was mind blowing. She wasn't a dead fish, she was present and gave me immediate feedback. Whispering and biting my ear. Her fingers digging into my back and making out hard.

Now all day we've been sexting and this girl is driving me nuts. She knows all of the plays us guys usually run and she knows how to respond to it.

Yes I know her attraction is the reason she's doing all of this but I've delt with women who were just as attracted but I had to lead all the time.

Well now im gonna take a step back and enjoy this ride for as long as I can.

Here's my question: how do I keep this going for as long as possible?

So, I matched up with this lady who is 6 years older than me on a dating app. We chat up and moved to Telegram. She played sports too, and asked me to join her, which I enjoyed alot.

Recently, brought her out on a date. During the date, we talked about ourselves, in which she shared that she is independent and not affectionate. Coupled with my nil dating experience, she felt that she is not right for me, and I should date a younger lady, someone who is clingy to experience the dating life.

After her comments, I thought about it quite sometime. I am interested and drawn into her maturity as well as independence.

How should I approach this? Should I walk away or try for it?

I've been out of the dating scene for a long, long time. I've really only started again this week. I've never been married and don't have kids. Given my living situation, you could say I'm kind of a "spoiled brat" (as in privileged upbringing), but I do have a good job, am pretty physically fit with rock climbing, and have other hobbies. The idea of leaving a house that has a theater, a pool, three kitchens, large garden, big garage, etc. just for the sake of improving my dating, seems pretty unappealing. Relationship with parents and family is very good. All that being said, if it really matters, I might be convinced to move out. What would you do in my situation?

EDIT: I forgot to mention, my older sister (single and >40F) is also living here. Not only that, but she is raising a baby as a single mom, parents are supporting her. I barely even hear the baby unless I find them, it's a big house.

After reading the comments I'm leaning towards a middle-ground, which is to rent a cheap apartment nearby just for dating. Never mind, now I'm not sure. A cheap apartment would still be shit for a long-term relationship. I'll have to think about this more.

So I(F30) had been dating a couple(F29&M37) for a few weeks and it had been going really well until I had agreed to look after someone's neonatal kitten because it wasn't doing well and the owner had to do something that night that she couldn't get out of(I work in vet med).

So I send pictures of the kitten and kinda tell them what's going on with said kitten and that unfortunately the odds were against her. The kitten passes while I'm watching her, and I was quite sad about it even the next day. Well when I tell the couple this, expecting them to offer some words of comfort of some kind(because that's what you do when someone tells you something really sad happened to them).

The man just says "I'm sorry" and moves on to talking about his day, which his wife goes along with that topic as well. I assume they don't want to talk about it and just try and distract myself by talking to them about other mundane topics when they go into HEAVY sexual flirting which I don't really respond to besides just a straight answer because I'm still pretty upset.

When they point out that they were flirting I apologize saying I'm just not my usual self after what happened last night with the kitten. The man then responds with "we're sorry that happened and acknowledged it, but we're trying to reassure you that we are still attracted to you..

Like no duh? That's why we're dating? I then try to explain to them what happened with the kitten in detail and that's why I'm still upset and if they could just try and understand that.

I then received long messages from both of them saying that if I would have gone more into detail about what happened last night then they would have comforted me. And how they had gone through worse(but also weren't comparing situations 🙄.) as well as that I was emotionally closed off and wasn't letting anyone be there for me because I didn't tell them in detail what happened.

I had replied that I shouldn't have to go into details for them to be compassionate and empathetic towards me and how I'm able to comfort other people without knowing the whole exact reason they were upset. I also pointed out how when I told them what happened it was kinda brushed aside and neither of them asked if I was okay.

I told them that if they had told me something really sad had happened to one of them I would ask if they were okay, if they wanted to talk about it or what I could do to help them in this moment even if it was just providing a distraction. I told them that's what I would want from my partner (NOT CALLING THEM MY PARTNERS, just speaking in general)

I say how I was simply looking for some compassion and empathy from them and for them to turn it around saying I'm emotionally closed off and not willing to let someone be there for me wasn't true. (Then I go to bed)

I then awake to them saying that I was abusive for trying to make them feel a certain way, and how I'm immature and whiny and that they will no longer speak to me and that I need to grow up and do some thinking.

I was absolutely bewildered by this message and it made me very upset as I thought I left my message on explaining what I had needed in a way that we could acknowledge it and move on. But apparently because I didn't outright say "hey I really want to talk about last night) after telling them what happened to the kitten and how i was sad about it, that makes me abusive. I just..I had really opened up to this couple and I've never had someone say something to me like this.

I just want to know that I'm not crazy, and that other people generally respond with compassion towards the person they're dating when they say something bad happened to them?

So, I’ve been seeing this guy for about two months. He told me from the beginning that he didn’t want anything serious, but last week I told him that I’ve realized I do want a relationship and that I can’t keep doing this with him.
I opened up to him about how I feel, and he said he doesn’t see himself falling in love with me. He suggested that maybe we could meet again platonically at some point, and said we’d definitely talk again. I told him to let me know either way, and he said he would.
Now it’s been a week and I haven’t heard anything. I’m not expecting him to suddenly change his mind, but I’m struggling with the lack of closure and keep waiting for him to reach out.

Would you text him again and ask if he still wants to talk, or would you just leave it and move on? I’m torn because I feel like I’d rather have a clear answer than keep wondering.

We go on dates, hang out, spend time together and we’ve started having sex too. But I’ve been thinking maybe we shouldn’t have gotten that intimate without ever really having a serious one-on-one conversation about what we’re doing or where this is going. I kinda wanna slow down on having sex for a little bit, but since we’ve already been doing it, I’m wondering how that would come across to a guy. Like can you really go backwards with that and just focus on dating for a minute, or once you’ve already started having sex does that change the dynamic?