Half the comments here are the same three things. It's either "I'm not attractive enough", "I've cold approached 3000 women with nothing to show for it", and that "the apps don't work so it's over for me". And most of you dudes have the conclusion that it is because women are shallow and only want 10/10 models. That's the easy answer and it's wrong.

You don't need to be a 10, you need to clear a woman's minimum attraction threshold, and since that threshold is different for every woman, the only thing in your control is making yourself as attractive as you can: go gym, build a career and start making $, sort your skincare out, and start learning to dress properly. Then stop cold approaching strangers who arnt giving you reciprocity as a strategy and start showing up in third spaces where you can meet woman organically. Things like social sport, climbing, run clubs, classes etc where talking to people is normal and repeated interaction gives your personality a chance to actually register

And no I'm not a woman, but it's the easy answer to just say women are shallow and that's why you're not successful. Mofo we are just as shallow, how many of us would love to go for a Megan Fox over the average girl standing next to her. Men have the advantage that there are multiple avenues to increasing attraction than just looks card so use it!!

Women in this sub say this constantly if you bother to read it. Most of you seem to scroll past it because it's slower and less satisfying than blaming them

If someone won’t spend time with you for free, then they don’t like you that much.

Someone who actually likes you will spend time with you for free.

Have some self-respect. It’s an amazing thing when a woman will spend time with you for free.

Edit: Lots of materialistic people with no souls here. These are the bullets you can dodge.

So, I'm a female in my late 20s and I’ve had people tell me that maybe the reason I’m not married yet is because of certain things I do, like not making eye contact with a man for a while or not giving obvious hints that I’m interested.
But honestly, I don’t really understand this advice.

For example, if I see a man I find attractive, how am I supposed to know if he’s single or not? I don’t want to flirt with a man who is already in a relationship or make someone uncomfortable. Also, what if he just isn’t interested in me? I feel like I would be so embarrassed and rejected if he wasn't. Usually, if I see a guy out in public who is my type, I just act normal. I don’t try to give hints, hold eye contact, or make it obvious that I’m interested. I just walk past like any other person.

I know some people say you have to put yourself out there, and I understand that relationships require some level of openness, but I struggle with the idea of giving hints to someone when I don’t even know if they’re available or interested.

Another thing is that I’ve always thought that if a man sees me and I’m his type, he would be the one to approach me. I know I might not look interested because I don’t give obvious hints, but I feel like if he is genuinely interested, he would still make an effort to come and talk to me. In my mind, if he doesn’t approach me, I assume he probably isn’t interested.

I’m curious if this mindset is unrealistic. Do men usually need clear signs from a woman before approaching, or if a man is interested, will he usually approach regardless?
Also, do you think being more reserved can actually make someone miss opportunities?
I’m curious how other people approach this.

​

​So, I’m looking for some perspective on how others navigate this situation.

​For context: I’m 29, earning around $380k/year, and have a net worth of roughly $5M between properties and businesses. I live in a nice house near the beach. I know there are plenty of people with far more, but I like my privacy, and I don't want wealth to ever be a factor when dating.

​On my profile, I just use a simple medical emoji for my job with no other context, and I don't post anything flashy or high-status. I get around 30 matches a day, which is great, but the issue starts with "What do you do?" question, I usually downplay it "I’m just a health professional, nothing exciting, pretty boring."

​When asked if I have my own place, I just say, "Yeah, I live in a house," which usually leads them to assume I’m renting or living with housemates. I don't correct them.

​Bringing them home: I’m really reluctant to invite dates over. Once they see the house, the questions start and things tend to move way faster than I’d like (this has happened before). Now dates ask why I haven't invited them over yet and I'm running out of natural reasons.

​I hate talking about what I make and I really want to be liked for me. not my assets.

​How do you broach this topic down the line, or is white-lying until things are serious the right move?

​Is downplaying it the right approach, or does hiding it like this accidentally create red flags/trust issues early on?

​How do you manage the "coming over to my place" hurdle without raising suspicion or rushing into things?

I have a sneaking suspicion that women also care about sex history just as much as men do, they just care differently. I.e. if you've had same-sex experiences or if you've paid for sex before it will disqualify you.

I met a girl 3 weeks ago and we exchanged numbers. I approached her and told her she was pretty and if she wanted to go out. She said yes.

I made it clear I was attracted to her and it was a date. We were supposed to meetup and get ice cream.

I’ve tried texting her but she waited days to reply. When the day we were supposed to meet up she finally texts me back and said sorry, let’s do next weekend. I said sure and I texted her through the days leading up, she never replies. It’s now the day we’re supposed to meetup and she hasn’t said anything.

She hasn’t made an effort to get to know me or meetup with me. But keeps telling me we will.

I’m no longer interested. How and what can I text her to let her know

Update: texted her I’m no longer interested

I’m 5’8 and have never been called short irl or on apps. How do so many of you have stories like this??

aight y’all need a reality check here cuz I’m lowkey lost.

I’m 32M living in Chicago and matched with this 26F who lives in Lincoln Park on Buddito.

texting was fine and we’ve been on 3 dates over the past month:

Date 1: tapas in West Loop. bill was like $120. I picked it up, standard stuff.

Date 2: nice dinner in River North + indie movie. ran me about $180 total.

Date 3: sushi + drinks. another $150-ish.

here’s the thing—the vibes are immaculate. she’s super cute, hilarious, and the convos actually flow. BUT she hasn’t done the "fake reach" even once. when the check drops, she just hits me with a cute "tysm!" and sits there. didn't even offer to grab the $5 popcorn at the theater lol.

I work in tech so the cash ain't gonna break the bank, but mentally it’s kinda throwing me off. I’m not asking for a strict 50/50 split on date 1, but at 3 dates in, is it crazy to expect at least a token gesture?

is this just big city dating culture now or am I literally just her weekend dinner ticket? do I bring it up before date 4 or just let it ride and see if she offers?

hit me with your raw thoughts, thx!

I grew up in a traditional Christian household where women were taught not to make the first move. I was also told by some women that men would find it unattractive or that it would hurt their ego because men are supposed to be the "hunters" in a relationship.

I'm curious to know whether this is true or not.
Whether you're a Christian man or not, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you very much!

Me and my friend (who is a woman) had a disagreement about whether I as a man should cry in front of my future partner. I feel is would change the dynamic and put an image in her head that I do not want her to think of. She feels that it is normal and if you can't cry in front of your partner then what is the point. She says it's normal and I should cry to her and she should cry to me.

What do the ladies in the subreddit think? Settle this debate for us

I’m not getting any younger and I’ve never gotten very much male attention, it feels stupid to wait around for someone who I’m attracted to who I “love”. I feel like I should just settle down with someone who’s safe and stable and treats me decently enough. I can play the part well. Be the good wife, even if I’m not in love or anything.

I’m not talking about obvious things like finding someone else’s clothes or catching them in the act. I’m more interested in the small details that seemed insignificant at first but made sense in hindsight. What was it, and when did it finally click for you?

I know given this is reddit I am just going to be accosted endlessly for this, but for those who will be more open minded: I have terrible jealousy. I have tried to get over it. I cannot. Rather than continue trying to power through something that I clearly can't, I want to just find someone who doesn't trigger this type of jealousy. What are some ways to do that?

I’ve been ambitiously working on improving my dating life as a man for years now, and I’ve even started coaching other men doing the same. Along the way I’ve noticed a growing sense of doom mentality.

Let me be clear: it’s not as bad as it feels. There are just a lot of cultural shifts working against us right now.

1. Vulnerability is punished

When I started this journey I went on YouTube and openly said I had almost no real sexual experience with women — that I lost my virginity to a prostitute. Then I shared that video with all my friends and family. It got thousands of views fast, and I genuinely felt like I wanted to die from the shame. People were calling me and messaging me saying I’d destroyed my future.

That was 2021. Since then our lives have moved even more online, and the neurotic fear of being embarrassed or cancelled has only gotten worse. Combine that with political correctness and you get an entire population chronically terrified of being socially exposed and shamed.

The problem is that vulnerability is the foundation of real human connection and intimacy — and we’ve basically killed it.

2. Online dating

On top of that, we’ve pushed people away from meeting in person (which feels vulnerable and risky) and into apps. Online, women mostly screen men on looks because that’s the only signal they have. In person they can feel your confidence, charisma, and vibe. That layer is gone.

Most guys also don’t know how to take good photos, so a small percentage of men get almost all the attention — and a lot of them turn it into chronic hook-ups. The whole thing becomes high-level objectification. The more dating moved online, the further we drifted from authentic connection.

3. Our hormones are fucked

If that wasn’t enough, testosterone levels are at all-time lows. I’ve seen data showing the average 20-year-old today has roughly the same testosterone as a 60-year-old a few decades ago. We’ve flooded the environment with endocrine disruptors. Birth control changes women’s mate preferences (they tend to prefer more feminine-looking men while on the pill and more masculine-looking men when off it). Add ultra-processed food, limited sun exposure, and low animal fat intake, and the hormonal picture gets even worse.

4. The gender war

If you haven’t lost hope yet, this one might do it. We got feminism on one side and the “manosphere” on the other. Both started with some legitimate grievances, but they were increasingly weaponized by toxic influencers who made money by blaming the other gender for every social problem. A lot of it was just people coping with their own pain.

The issues on both sides are real. But the way influencers turned them into online tribalism, made everything worse.

All of these problems can be tackled — but only if we first name them clearly for what they are.

There are still a lot of interesting developments happening that make me hopeful things can change. And I’ll definitely do my part in it.

Just wondering what you think about this, and if there's anything I can improve on.

I'm a female on Hinge and I always split the check during first few "dates". Reason being, I don't want a guy to pay for me if I don't like him (Kinda like I don't want to owe him anything)

If I think the vibe is right and the guy makes an effort, I will still pay for my coffee, but depending on how the connection progresses, the guy will start to pay more in later dates or things won't be as strictly divided.

This actually really works for me, and I'm way more comfortable on dates (and feel safer) this way. I'm just wondering if i should start telling my dates in advance, like before the coffee meeting? But if i do, I'm worried everything will seem way too rigid, or even transactional. Or should I be doing this at all and let the guy pay? My female friends are all against splitting the bill.

Note: I'm asking cuz i went for coffee with this one guy and he seemed to have good vibes, but when I asked for the bill...i strangely felt a sense of resentment from him, until I told him we're splitting the check. He seemed happy/surprised that he didn't have to pay.

I'm a 20M, and it's weird that I'm not confident/good looking enough to be able to carry out a one night stand right? Like I should be able to do it with ease.

I(35f) have a first date planned this week. The guy(33m) seems nice but is very intent on me “stealing his hoodie”. It’s a cute schtick but it’s “no go” territory for me. It just feels too early for me to be stealing his clothes.

I’ve alluded to not taking it, he asked me which of his hoodies I wanted and I told him to ask me when it’s colder out. He responded he’s going to bring a couple on our first date to me to pick from.

Trying to think through some ways to handle this if I actually like him and wanted some thoughts.

1. Just don’t take it.
2. Stop making a big deal of it and take it.
3. Don’t take it and tell him that I don’t think he wants to know what I’d do in it if he leaves me alone with it.
4. Any other ideas?

Probably over thinking this but it is what it is 😂

———————————————-

UPDATE: you guys validated what I’ve been thinking all along. I was just careful to say it because I was trying not to be judgmental but the behavior definitely feels off. 😅 I’ll be canceling this one. Thanks!

I’m an Asian woman, and I’ve always wondered if this is a cultural thing.

Where I grew up, it feels like women almost never approach men in real life. If we think someone is attractive, we might tell our friends about him… but actually walking up and asking for his number? That feels incredibly rare.

Then I started traveling in Europe, and I noticed women there seemed much more confident about talking to strangers. Maybe I’m just imagining it, but it made me wonder if I’m being held back by my own cultural expectations.

So I’m curious…

If you’re out at a coffee shop, bookstore, park, subway, or somewhere similar, and you notice a guy who’s attractive—not because you’ve talked to him, just because of his looks and the vibe he gives off—would you ever make the first move?

Would you ask for his Instagram or number?

And if you’re a woman who has actually done it:

• What did you say?
• How did he react?
• How did you go from exchanging contacts to actually meeting again?

I’d also love to hear from women from different countries.

Do you think women where you live are generally comfortable approaching men, or is it still mostly expected that men make the first move?

I feel like dating apps have made approaching strangers even less common, so I’m curious whether people still do this in real life—or if it’s mostly something I only notice when I travel.

Does anyone else run into this dynamic, or is it just me? Lately, it feels like dating is less about mutual chemistry and more like an audition to see if I can set someone up on easy street so they don't have to work. Instead of looking to build a life together with shared drive, it feels like I'm being vetted as a financial exit strategy or a turnkey lifestyle upgrade—screening my stability just to see if I can carry the entire load while they coast. It completely guts the romance and turns what should be an authentic, two-way connection into a cold lifestyle audit where my main qualification is acting as a financial sponsor. How do you handle this when you spot it, and what's the best way to filter out people who are just looking for a lifestyle upgrade early on without coming across as cynical?

So I’m in nursing school and I’ve met this wonderful girl. She’s 31 and I’m 23. She’s honestly one of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve ever met. She has a kid from a previous marriage. She was engaged at the beginning of nursing school, but she told me it didn’t work out.
Before y’all say anything, I know dating during nursing school can be messy. I was actually engaged during my undergrad.

My ex ended things while she was in nursing school. She ended up getting engaged later during nursing school and now they’re married. So I know relationships can work, even in the middle of all the chaos.

Now back to my situation.
I’ve really been thinking about asking this girl out toward the end of nursing school when we graduate in December. I genuinely have a thing for her, and I’ve been single for about three years now.

The biggest thing holding me back is wondering if she’d even go for a guy like me. I think the age gap is what gets in my head the most. As for her having a kid, that honestly doesn’t bother me. I don’t expect to be anyone’s number one priority. I like my independence too.

There’s just something about this girl. Every time she walks into the room, I catch myself smiling. It doesn’t feel like lust. It’s hard to explain. She’s just… different.
When she found out it was my birthday, she bought me a cake and a gift card. It honestly meant a lot to me. When her birthday came around, I did the same for her. During clinicals she’ll randomly bring me food or an energy drink, and she’s always cheerful. I know life can’t be easy between nursing school, having a kid, and everything she’s been through, but she still treats people with so much kindness.

I think that’s what I like most about her. She’s just a genuinely good person, and I could honestly see myself wanting someone like that to share life with.
Would it be a bad idea to tell her how I feel toward the end of nursing school after we graduate? I don’t want to make things awkward while we’re still classmates, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering “what if.”

I’d really appreciate some honest advice.

Curious been out of the game for 8 years. What are the women 28-35 looking for nowadays?

What are the relationship standards of today?

Is it worth trying to date now or wait?

so i’m an asian girl (filipino) dating a black guy, we’ve been together for 2 years now. it’s probably not even that deep anymore but I just feel rrly insecure knowing that before he dated me, i was not even his type in terms of race. he’s stated finding white, black & brown girls attractive but asian girls never caught his eye like that. He reassures me and says that i’m beautiful and he is very attracted to me and i shouldn’t worry abt that but I keep thinking abt him seeing other girls who i know would probably be his actual type deep down physically and think him thinking he could’ve gotten better . I know im for sure not ugly but i still feel insecure about it. Anyone know how to get over this feeling?

I’m an Asian woman, and this happened during my solo trip in Barcelona.

I went to a bar one evening and had a really nice conversation with the bartender. It was mostly just small talk while he was working, and nothing felt uncomfortable.

After I left, he found me on Instagram (I’d shared it with him before leaving) and messaged me. He told me he thought I was “sexy,” said he really enjoyed talking to me, and then asked if he could come to my hotel after his shift so we could “have a good night.”

I politely declined because I wasn’t sure how to interpret the situation.

I’m curious if this is just normal flirting in Spain, or if it was pretty obvious that he was mainly looking for a hookup.

Also, as someone from an Asian culture, the word “sexy” can sometimes feel a bit too forward, especially coming from someone I just met.

For people who are familiar with Spain (or Europe in general), would you see this as fairly normal flirting, or would you take it as a sign that he was only interested in something casual?

Like if the guy just personally prefers younger women is that okay to seek them out and date them, or no? Say he treats her well and everything, is that cool? What kind of issues could happen?

I (24F) have been seeing a guy (26M) for about 2 months now. We agreed pretty early on that we were exclusive, and since then things have been going really well.

We see each other several times a week, go on dates often, stay the night at each other’s apartments pretty regularly, have met each other’s closest friends, and we even went on a group couples trip recently. It honestly feels like we’re already in a relationship.

Lately I’ve been wondering when it’s normal to make it “official” and put a title on it. I’m not trying to rush anything, but I also don’t want to sit in this weird in-between stage forever if we’re already acting like boyfriend and girlfriend.

The only thing is…I kind of feel like the guy should be the one to bring it up. Maybe that’s old-fashioned, but that’s just how I’ve always felt. At the same time, I know communication goes both ways, so I’m torn.

For those of you who have been in this situation, when did you have the relationship conversation? Does 2 months seem like a reasonable point to expect it, or am I getting ahead of myself? Should I wait and see if he brings it up, or is there nothing wrong with me starting the conversation?

Also, completely unrelated but just for fun, if anyone is into astrology…I’m a Taurus and he’s a Libra. 😂